Rants and Rambles

Not My Blog, More Most-Perfectest-Purse Awesomeness, and I GET A SNOWDAY!

2012-01-23T11:37:00.005-06:00

I haven't been this excited since 1987.

I have never worked somewhere that closed when the weather was bad. Even during my highschool and college years working at Hardees and Country Kitchen, they stayed open through it all and I don't remember ever having a snow day from work...until today. My place of employment is closed today and when I discovered this as the kids still slept soundly in their beds this am, I did a silent little happy dance from my couch. Not that I don't want to go to work, I love my job, but who doesn't love a snowday?! A crazy person, that's who.

The only thing that would make today even better is if my kids had the day off too, but our schools are only doing the two-hour delay, so I guess I will get most of the day all to myself.

Wait a minute...

Visions of a quiet house void of incessantly bouncing balls, numerous "KNOCK IT OFF!"s and "Mom... mom... mom... mom... mom...mom...mom...mom...mom..." (contrary to popular belief, this does not end when children leave toddlerhood, or even elementary school). Doesn't sound too bad after all. I'm sure I can find all kinds of lovely ways to fill my day including (but not limited to) CMT, HGTV, and a new edition of "The Most Perfectest Purse Ever".

Just in case you missed the excitement of editions one and two, and you happen to have absolutely nothing else of the slightest value whatsoever to do with your time, you can read all about my previous successes at finding the most perfect purse here and here. Just know that you will not be able to get those eight minutes of your life back.

I have been searching for months for a new purse that meets my criteria for awesomeness. It's not easy to find. The other ones were most certainly awesome and served their purposes for a season, until either I found an unpredictable flaw, or they became too small for my ever increasing need to ~~carry more crap around~~ have essential items available at all times.

So after months of searching and subsequent rejecting, I finally found my new baby:

Can you hear me singing Stevie Wonder "Isn't She Lovely"? Well, I am. And no one is rolling their eyes at me because they are at school and I GET A SNOWDAY!!!

So now, can we talk about how awesome this purse is? Seriously. Let's just count the ways that it fits and/or exceeds my stringent standards for awesomeness.

1) It has to be real leather. Or a fake material that I happen to think is real leather. Check. And dare I say that I think this one actually may be real leather. If not, they added some fake leather smell to it which is totally fine with me.

2) It has to have a short handle. Check. Do I realize that it makes me look like my grandmother to carry my purse around by the handle and nearly dragging it on the ground? Yes, yes I do. And my grandmother was a very smart and practical woman.

3) It has to have separate pockets for my cell phone and lip stuff on the outside of the purse. This one has both, right in front, AND they have magnetic snaps. More awesomeness. The absence of this feature was my main complaint about edition two. I had to put my cell phone and lip stuff in the same pocket, so when I went for one or the other while driving, it was less than efficient and that just cannot be.

4) It absolutely cannot have any sequins or tassles or unnecessary gaudy embelishments. Please. Check.

5) It has to be able to zip shut. Amen. Those snaps in the middle? Yea, they never keep stuff in when your purse falls over. Or your kids throw it on the floor of your car. Not that I would know anything about that.

6) It has to have at least two big separate sections - one for my wallet & notes, the other for all my ~~crap~~ important stuff that I don't leave home without (my mini hairspray, lotion, advil, altoids, nail file, camera, and the ocassional happy meal toy). This all still applies, except the "happy meal toy" stage has been replaced by iPods, cell phones, DS's, and various other things that I take away from our kids when they cop an attitude with me or eachother, which I have found works far better than sending them to their rooms because that is where they want to go anyway.

7) And last but not least, it has to be big enough to hold all of said ~~crap~~ important stuff, but not look like a suitcase. This criteria is getting harder and harder to meet as I get older, however this purse still squeaks by. Even though it weighs 49 pounds.

There you have it. Now that I have given a virtual tour of my purse, if someone steals it and also happens to read my blog they will know exactly where to find everything. And if they are in desperate need of a nickel and about fourteen pennies, they'll be set.

So.

Since I have so much time on my hands because you may not have heard but I GET A SNOW DAY!!! I thought I'd throw in a quick edition of "Not My Blog". I just discovered this bloggy gem this morning, and as a mom of boys it brought me great joy and happiness. I'm sure if I had been drinking my coffee at the time it would have been coming out my nose. Stuff Boys Do.

It's too bad I have nothing important to say

2011-12-29T18:56:00.007-06:00

Nothing at all.

One would think that I would, seeings how I am on day 6 of a 10 day hiatus from work and have had plenty-o-time to think up something important and enlightening to write about.

But one would be wrong.

I have in actuality done very little thinking this week. I have been MUCH too busy wrapping and unwrapping presents, napping, and drinking iced mochas from Starbucks to put together a meaningful thought, much less a string of them to put into something worth writing down. But, really...when has the absence of a coherent thought ever stopped me from running off at the mouth, or as it is - on the keyboard?

Exactly.

I read a really great book this week.

I got it from my son Nick for Christmas, and once I started reading it on Christmas day I only put it down long enough to brush my teeth and go to bed for 8-ish hours on Sunday night. Then I was right back into it on Monday morning until I finished it. It was amazing. The best book I've read in a long while. It did make me think, actually. Alot. About the reality of the spiritual realm that exists all around us but we rarely think about. And about the power of prayer. Incredible. I highly recommend it.

Hey, I guess I AM capable of putting together a thought or two after all! But apparantly only in short, fragmented sentences. At this point. Oh well. At least it's something.

I got out of the house for a little while today. After dropping my son off at basketball practice...and by the way has his basketball coach not heard that it is CHRISTMAS VACATION??  I was less than thrilled that my sleeping in plans were interrupted at early o'clock to take my son to practice by 8:30 in the am. Anyways, after I dropped him off I had two hours to putz around town, so I went to my favorite store to check out the "after Christmas deals". I got exactly no "after Christmas deals", but did pick up a vegie scrubber and some little measuring cups that I don't need, but am certain will revolutionize my vegetable cleaning and measuring tasks in profound and unexpected ways...

Then I bought a newspaper and some coffee and sat in my car until my sweaty teenage son emerged from the school. It was boring and uneventful and I loved every second of it!

I had such high expectations for this week. I was going to clean my house room by room. And catch up on all of our laundry. And get all the Christmas stuff put away. And then, with all the rest of the week that would for surely be remaining because of my proficiency at getting those aforementioned things done, I was going to catch up on my scrapbooking (of which I am about 5 years behind).

How am I doing so far? Well, I cleaned my bathroom!

Actually, no. I prepared to clean my bathroom and took the rugs down to the laundry room. I may or may not have actually started the washer, then I promptly sat down on the couch because I am on vacation.

I got our Christmas letter written and sent out!

Well, actually no. I emailed it.  That still counts, doesn't it? This was our first year doing a "digital" christmas letter, and I LOVED IT! It was fun to create, and not only were we able to send them to many more people than we would have if we would have printed them out and paid for postage, but we have been hearing back from lots of the people we sent our letters to, and you normally don't hear back when you snail-mail them, so YAY! GO DIGITAL CHRISTMAS LETTERS! We may be doing that every year from now on.

And as far as putting the Christmas deco away, I have seven Christmasy things sitting on my dining room table that I removed from my kitchen counters today.

There you go.

In between all of my intense laboring, I have done a significant amount of piano playing, hangin' with the kids, napping, reading, and relaxing. And I don't regret a minute of it!

Now, we have just finished dinner and I announced that "we" would now commense with the putting away of Christmas.   My poor husband was under the ~~delusion~~ assumption that I would be doing this during the day while he was at work. Silly man.

Silence

2011-11-14T22:33:00.001-06:00

So here I am, sitting on my couch in silence. Silence. That is not something that I get to experience very often. In a house full of kids and dogs and husbands (well, just one of those), silence is hard to come by. And I forget how relaxing it is.

I am not a big fan of tv. If I had my way, we probably wouldn't even have one at all.  It's not that I have a moral opposition to it, I just think that for the most part it is a huge waist of time. And it distracts us from eachother (which I recognize that sometimes can be a good thing!)

I love declaring a "tv free night" like I did tonight (well, except that Nick & Vinny already had plans to watch the Vikings/Packers game with some buddies, so I allowed that...downstairs. But it didn't last long because last I heard the Vikes were gettin annihilated so they apparantly lost interest and came upstairs). Usually as soon as the tv goes off, the kids start talking.  I LOVE it! They break out the games, and get creative. They tell us about what happened at school (more than the "not much" that I got earlier) and they demonstrate the sweet dance moves that they are learning in phy-ed, as Napoleon - er, I mean Nick is doing now. (Shhh, don't tell him I told you that.)

Sure tv can be entertaining, and there is a place for that.  It can even be a great time of family bonding.  But the large majority of the time the tv is just on to be on. That's when the extraneous noise starts to get on my nerves and if my husband doesn't veto me, then I declare a "tv free night!" The kids might whine and complain at first, but it always ends up being a good time.

Or they start fighting and get sent to their rooms. Either way, there's silence and I win.

The Woman Behind the Stone

2011-11-13T13:44:00.018-06:00

The snow, soft and moist like the kind a child would make snowballs with, frames the cold cement.
We can see it's reflection as we approach.
Hear the crunch beneath our footsteps.
Feel the sun shining, and the cool breeze lightly kissing the cheeks of the children

who shouldn't have to be here.

Her hands, bigger than they had been last time she approached, yet still so small, clutch the stem of the sign that she would soon push into the earth next to the stone. The sign, and it's twin...the identical sign that she would bring home with her to keep...represent the things that were most important to each of them.

His hands, the strong hands of a boy who is emerging as a young man now, gently and securely wrapped around a bouquet of flowers...one for each of them who should not have to come here...that he would soon push into the earth next to the stone. He remembers more, but speaks less. Holds on tightly to the flowers, and to her in his heart, pretending to understand.

I have already been crying for miles. Anticipating the scene that I am witnessing now. Thinking of all that the woman behind the stone is missing out on. A little girl, half of her life has passed since the last time their eyes met, the last time she felt her embrace. Is mine any comfort? Some, but not enough to dry the tears that I see streaming down her cheeks now.

A young man, standing here where he shouldn't have to stand, holding back his own tears. Holding back, yet the look on his face speaks volumes. It speaks of the yearning, the longing, the acceptance, the determination that she would be proud of.

Time stands still for a moment. They feel closer to her, as they run their hands over the roses, the cross, and the words of love engraved in the stone. Yet strangely it makes the distance seem farther. The emptiness deeper. The wound in their souls that hides during the living of life that continues on, comes fresh to the surface now.

We never met,
the woman behind the stone and I,
yet we are connected.

Through those I stand with now, whose reflections I see

in the stone framed with snow.

Through the love of a mother's heart.

Through the life I see

in their eyes,
and in their laughter
as they share their stories and their memories
of their mother.

On purpose

2011-08-15T22:56:00.003-05:00

I could not sleep last night for anything. I woke up, for no apparent reason, at 2:22am, and laid there and laid there and laid there. I very rarely have that problem. I can usually fall asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow (or as my husband and children can attest, withing minutes of starting a movie at home regardless of what time it is or how interested I am in the movie). So, I got up and read and messed around on the 'puter for a couple hours until I started getting tired again. I did get back to sleep, but it was a restless sleep for the next couple hours until my alarm went off far too early.

As a result, I was quite tired today. Normally this would cause me to be in less than a chipper mood for the day, and I would be struggling and feeling a little overwhelmed with everything all day long...

But not today.

Because of my new best friend, Joyce Meyer, I chose to have a good attitude! I have been listening to some Joyce Meyer cd's loaned to me by a friend, and I have to tell you they are changing my life...more accurately God is changing my life through the messages she shares in them.

The cd's are about attitudes...how to have a trusting and patient attitude, a hopeful attitude and a peaceful attitude, no matter what your situation. They are about choosing to have these Godly attitudes, not only when things are going well, but when we go through trials. Especially then. We can choose to have a good attitude on purpose, and not let the enemy of our souls tell us what kind of mood to be in all the time. We so easily give up our peace when things don't go our way, or when we are struggling with things...big and small. Joyce said "If you are already in a tough situation, it doesn't do any good to make it worse by having a bad attitude about it."

So I chose to have a good attitude today, despite the fact that I had only about 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep, and it was Monday, and my job requires alot of mental and physical energy. Was I tired? Yes. But did I complain about it or let it determine how my day would go or what kind of mood I would be in? Nope. I believed that God would get me through the day in His strength, and He did.

And I was happier, too.

So I have a feeling that this little lesson that I learned today is just a small building block for God to use to continue to build my character. To make me more like His Son. Yay, go me! Yay, go Joyce! Or rather...yay, Go God!!!

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing" Philippians 2:14

Today

2011-08-14T22:28:00.000-05:00

I'm going to resist the urge to try and summarize all the happenings in our lives since the last time I blogged. It's hard for me, to resist such a tempting temptation, but I quite often have trouble summarizing things and tend to ramble on and on, so it's probably best if I just talk about today.

Today was....

See, I'm doing it already. I have typed and backspaced about 14 sentences and just can't decide how to describe my day. What is my problem? There may be a name for this, I'm not sure, but whatever it is I need to just press on and keep typing until something resembling a coherent thought finds it's way out.

Church was amazing today! It usually is, but it was especially amazing today. Besides great worship and a great message, there were tables set up in front of the sanctuary where people could come up together or individually to take communion. I love that. We went up as a family (I temporarily left my post at the piano to join my clan) and it was very special...to hold hands with my husband and children, remember the sacrifice that bought our freedom and salvation, and pray together with these wonderful people that I am blessed to share my life with...well it doesn't get any better than that at church.

I also had the opportunity to talk with three parents who are grieving the losses of their children this week. I am quite sure that they ministered to me more than I did to them. The strength and peace that emminated from them at the most painful time in their lives is truly nothing short of a miracle.

This afternoon I had the opportunity to partake in my favorite Sunday afternoon pleasure....a nap! Then it was on to Kyle's baseball banquet at the city park. Fun! I love baseball season, and also love when it comes to an end and our lives can resemble something a little more close to normal. And there is alot less sand in our couches.

Tonight I had a photo shoot, and learned some very valuable lessons in my photography quest:

1. Make sure to allow plenty of time for the shoot so you are not playing beat the clock with the sun.
2. Don't be afraid to reschedule, it's better than trying to rush and getting frustrated when there just isn't enough light left in the day, and you have to reschedule anyway. Hmmph.
3. It is SO WONDERFUL to have understanding and gracious friends who not only understand the need to reschedule, but totally don't act inconvenienced at all, and are even grateful for the "dress rehearsal" and the time we got to spend together!
4. It's also wonderful to have very generous friends who are awesome at gardening and bring you fresh vegies from their garden....yum!
5. And last but not least, always be sure to scope out a location ahead of time to avoid wasting precious daylight by trying to find the just right spots and realizing that the waterfall you were told about wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

And now, it's time to retire for the evening...I did it! I summarized today without rambling on and on (at least not too much. I think.) I surprise myself sometimes.

What I've been doing when I'm not spilling water on expensive electronics and lighting things on fire

2011-07-20T23:06:00.003-05:00

Besides working...and taking and editing lots of pictures...and watching my boys play baseball nearly every night and weekend...and tending to things and people around our house...and working on music for church...and planning and preparing for Trevor's graduation party...and overusing ellipses...and trying to resist the urge to curl up into a ball and go to my happy place, I really haven't been doing very much this summer.

Things have been so boring and uneventful, that just for fun one evening I decided to spill an entire glass of water on my computer. The one that Vince built for me last year for my birthday for me to use for my photography business which stored ALL OF THE PICTURES I HAVE EVER TAKEN SINCE 2006, which was when I got my first digital camera.

Sigh.

I literally thought I was going to have a stroke. But Vince took it apart and assessed the damage, and discovered that my harddrives were indeed saved but the motherboard was toast - you know, the most expensive part of a computer. Again, sigh. Well, I can be thankful that all of my pictures and documents were ok. A motherboard can be replaced, but pictures cannot! Vince has it up and running again, so I am thankful.

And because that was so much fun, the very next evening I decided to light some candles and watch helplessly as the match I just lit broke in half - sending the flaming half floating to the floor where it singed a beautiful little hole in the carpet. One more sigh.

Those who know me well, know that this is not the first time I've had episodes of brain flatulence that resulted in mass destruction, and it most likely will not be the last. (Again with the sighing). But a little reprieve would be nice, so that is what I am praying for!

Actually, I have learned something through this recent round of mishaps...I need to have more grace with our kids. I am often harping on them to be careful and I can sometimes lose it when things get scratched or broken, but I really need to have more grace because looky what I can do! Wow.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." Matthew 5:7

Things that are frequently said in our house that are funny or annoying and sometimes both

2011-06-07T16:02:00.004-05:00

It's fun at our house. In the midst of all the chaos and drama, we have fun. That's a good thing, because if we didn't I fear that the chaos and drama of our everyday lives might just swallow us up.

If you happen to ~~draw the short straw~~ be blessed enough to spend time at our house on a daily basis, there are certain phrases that you might hear spoken a time or ten. So I thought I'd share them because they are funny and, well, sometimes annoying too.

"No offense, but..."
This phrase is most popular with our younger two children. Nothing good ever follows it. It's when you have something to say that prolly doesn't need to be said, but alas you say it anyway because you are, you know, 9 or 10 (and sometimes older) and haven't learned how to properly censor yourself yet.

"No offense, but today you look like you did in that picture of you with your sister."

"You mean the one I have framed in my room that is very special to me because I thought we both looked good?"

"Yea, that's the one."

"Mmm, k."

Just as nothing good ever follows "no offense, but...", nothing good preceeds this next phrase which is also very popular in our home, moreso with our teenagers.

"I'm just sayin'..."
It's also used when you have something to say that shouldn't necessarily be said, but it is intended to justify whatever preceeded it, which may or may not imply a direct slam.

"Joe's mom is SO COOL! She makes the best mac & cheese in the world and lets us do whatever we want. She's like the coolest mom EVER. Not that you aren't cool too, Mom. I'm just sayin."

"Thanks. I feel awesome now."

Sometimes if you are really crafty, you can take "No offense, but" and "I'm just sayin" and sandwich an insult between them.

"No offense, but you're feet smell like cheese. I don't mean that in a bad way, I'm just sayin".

"Your face..."
This is a phrase that Nick started and it's caught on like obnoxious wildfire at our house. It is very versatile and can be used as a response to virtually any statement that one makes. It really has no meaning at all, so don't bother trying to make any sense out of it. We sure don't.

"You look tired."

"Your face looks tired".

"Time to shut off the tv."

"Your face can shut off the tv."

"Will you make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"Your face can make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

It's very Napoleon and Kip, which is why it is so prevalent in our house and why I find it so amusing (most of the time).

And, lastly but certainly not leastly, is the ever popular...

"Not Me..."
"Not Me" is not so much a phrase, as it is a living and active member of our family. Not Me is responsible for most of the things that go wrong around here, and if it weren't for him our kids would be in a lot more trouble. Despite my recent announcement that Not Me has moved out and no longer resides here, he still gets blamed for everything.

"Who made this mess?"

"Not Me."

"Who left the freezer door open in the garage so that hundreds of dollars worth of meat and tater tots can spoil and need to be thrown away?"

"Not Me."

"Who ate all the Nutella? I just bought a new jar like a week ago! Oh wait, that was me."

That's all.

And you thought I was going to end this post with some witty application of one of these phrases, didn't you? Well not me, my friend. Sometimes I am predictable like that (your face is predictable like that), but obviously the mysteries that surround me are far too vast and varied to be predictable all the time. No offense, but you obviously don't know me like you think you do. I'm just sayin.

Unbelievably ridiculous and unnecessary

2011-06-06T19:54:00.011-05:00

And I thought this was bad.

What's even more annoying than birds chirping outside our bedroom window at 5am? I'll tell you what. A cat caterwauling (aka making a really loud obnoxious sound) in our yard at 4AM!!

I just have one word for that. Actually I have lots of words for that, but only one that I will share...

Seriously.

Needless to say, we were not happy to be awakened by this noise at 4 O'CLOCK IN THE EVER LOVIN' AM. Then once I fell back asleep I got to dream about someone trying to kill me. Nice. And Vince was all cool about it (in my dream, hopefully I'd get a better reaction out of him in real life). It was some teenage kid living in our house (who incidently bore NO resemblance whatsoever to any of the teenage kids who actually live in our house, just to clarify).

Whoever he was, and for whatever reason he was living in my house and wanted to kill me, this kid was relentless. And I have to say, despite Mr. W's apparent apathy toward it all, I was a genius at thwarting each of his plans. He tried setting up a machine gun, but I took all the bullets. He tried making me sniff three different chemicals, but I plugged my nose. I even went and told his parents, who were at a party and just laughed at me.

I'm not sure why I dreamt all of this. Maybe it was a direct result of the cat incident and Vince's comment as he shut our window at 4 O'CLOCK IN THE EVER LOVIN' AM...

"That cat needs to be shot".

You may not know this about me, but I am really good at interpretting dreams, so here goes. The way I see it, this particular dream could mean one of three things...

1) Someone is indeed planning to kill me and I am subconsciously warning myself in my dream.
2) The teenagers who actually do live in our home sometimes sound like screaming cats in heat.
3) I am the cat.

There is also a 4th possible interpretation of my dream, and that is that I need therapy.

Four years ago this very day...

2011-06-02T06:40:00.003-05:00

I woke up very excited because in a few short hours I would be dining at Red Lobster and cruising down the Mississippi on my first date with this guy...

...who blew me away with his warmth, gentleness, charming wit and the best kiss I had ever had IN MY LIFE! He treated me like a "queen" and has ever since. Of course, I intimidated him with my sweet mini-golf skills, so he knew he'd better treat me right. And right, he does. My life was forever changed four years ago today, and I am forever blessed!

A New Day Has Come - Celine Dion

"I was waiting for so long

For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you...

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched
By an angel with love
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come.

Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy."

Flowers, Friends, and What we do when our kids are away

2011-05-30T23:00:00.002-05:00

My husband is watching a show on tv that is explaining step by step how air conditioners are made. Step. by. exciting. step. Would you like to know how interested I am in this?

(Crickets chirping)

Yea, 'bout that much. And now he's fallen asleep on the couch next to me. I'm pretty sure that implies permission to take over the remote and change the channel, which I would not hesitate to do except he's holding the remote on his chest...nice. If I try and take it out of his hand, I'll risk waking him up. If I don't, I will have to endure this torture or get off the couch myself and do something that requires energy.....oh the dilema. Guess it's the perfect time to babble on my blog!

We have been having a fantastic weekend!! I planted all my flowers on our decks today ~ something I look forward to every year, and I am especially happy with how they turned out this year...

This afternoon was spent at a memorial day party at our friend's home. My friend Kam is a fabulous decorator who shares my love of country decor...

...and her husband Dave is an amazing chef. We feasted on grilled burgers & brats, homemade black bean & corn salsa, blueberry iced tea served in mason jars with lemon & lime wedges...

...and homemade strawberry & peach shortcake. I'm talkin' homemade melt-in-your-mouth biscuits and real whipped cream......can you say YUMMO?!! 'Cause we did...alot. I woulda/shoulda taken more pictures of the food but I was too busy eating with my eyes closed and moaning. Good food, lots of laughs, wild kids armed with nerf guns, and a hysterical game of "Leisure Suit Relay"...

And tonight, we shared a treat with the kids.....Vince and I found these Jelly Belly Sodas at the fruit market on Saturday morning, so we bought one of each kind and shared them with the kids tonight. We each sipped a little of each one, decided which ones were our favorites, and then each of the kids finished off the bottle of their favorite flavor...

And, another hi-light of our weekend was some "just us" time. The kids were all gone for the afternoon and overnight on Sunday (Kyle & Nick to a Twins game with their dad, and Vinny & Hope had sleep-overs with their friends), so it was just Mr. Wonderful and I at home to enjoy the day and evening. And we did. Dinner on the deck, Little River Band really loud, and a movie later (that I may or may not have slept through), followed by staying up 'til 2am...uninterrupted time, just us!

Embracing 40

2011-05-28T08:52:00.007-05:00

Nothing like hanging out with 20 & 30 somethings everyday to make you want to hi-light your hair, lose a hundred or so pounds, and say "I know, right?" alot. Such is life at my new job ~ which incidently I absolutely LOVE! The kids are amazing, and everyone I work with is fantastic....everyone. I am the new kid on the block, and also am one of the "older" ones. Ewww...did I just say that? I'm used to being one of the younger ones, or at least working with people who are mostly my age and know who Little River Band is.

I'm learning alot. Besides all the professional stuff, I'm having some other very profound and life altering revelations, the biggest I'd have to say is this...

No one wears big poofy hair scrunchies anymore. You know the ones that you have that match all your outfits (oh wait, that's just me). Yea, no one wears them anymore. Why was I not informed of this? It's all little elastic hair bands now, like I wore when I was 10, before the big hair and oh so fashionable scrunchies of the 80's. I realize that I am probably a decade or two late in making this revelation, but seriously no one told me.

So, I guess it's time to say goodbye (sigh) to my favorite powder blue scrunchie that goes PERFECTLY with my faded denim vest - which I refuse to give up. (Sorry, I will hang on to that with a death grip until the seams rip out, so everyone will just have to chillax about it).

But it will not be goodbye forever. Oh, no. I'm stashing them safely away in my closet because someday... someday they'll be back. Oh yes they will. And when that glorious day comes, I'll be ready...armed with a rainbow of earth toned scrunchies that will look amazing in my big spiral permed hair...which I also miss terribly and needs to make a comeback. I know, right?

In case you were wondering....

2011-05-23T22:00:00.002-05:00

...why I fell in love with the man I am blessed to call my husband, this is why (click here to read his latest blog post, which makes me cry!)

I just have one question...

2011-05-17T21:55:00.000-05:00

...actually seven. I have seven questions.

1) How much awesomeness did James Durbin have on Idol tonight?

2) How mad am I still that Casey was voted off? Best not get me started on that.

3) I am intrigued by the show "Extreme Couponing". Even though every episode that I've seen so far is basically the same with nearly the exact same ending, I still feel compelled to watch yet another episode. However, someone please 'splain to me why some of these people have purchased so many items that there is NO HUMANLY POSSIBLE WAY to use them in any normal life cycle before they expire. Seriously, could anyone possibly use 60 bottles of hot sauce in their lifetime?

4) Ok, I take back my previous question. I just watched a woman purchase $1800 worth of groceries for $22. I'm not even kidding, which leads me to my next question...

5) Can I start couponing and sale-surfing and save us such a large amount of money that we can take our family of 8 on vacation to Aruba for $3.98...all without losing my mind?

6) Why are Nathan's hot dogs on the grill so RIPPIN' AMAZING??!

7) Why does my husband have twice as many blog followers than I do, when he only blogs about once every four months now? Sumpin's not right, I say. Wait, did I type that out loud? What I meant to say was how proud I am that so many people are aware and intrigued by how fascinating my Mr. W is :)

I just have to share this quote by my son Kyle today, as he and Hope were getting ready to leave for school on their scooters...

"Hope, we have to stay together because if you fall I'll help you up. And if I fall, I'll man it up, cause I'm just Kyle that way."

...and that's why I love being a mom!

Who needs an alarm clock when you have loud and ridiculously obnoxious birds living right outside your bedroom window, which you forget to close when you go to bed?

2011-05-10T21:53:00.000-05:00

Yeah.

Such was my experience in the wee hours of this morning, which is why I'm too tired to blog tonight. Sigh. Time to go to bed early!

I have decided to stop freaking out

2011-05-09T23:28:00.003-05:00

We have lived in our house for almost three years now, and although I love the house and so many things about it, I have not been able to truly enjoy it. Not really. And it's all my own fault, and here's why...I have this terrible habit of continually focusing on how clean it's not.

Am I a clean freak? No. But my kids will tell you that I am a handwashing nazi and I swear that is why we get very few colds around here. (Yes, I know that four of us had strep in January....ssssh!) I am not a clean freak, per se, ( I didn't know that I knew how to spell "per se", but according to Wikipedia, I do. I surprise myself sometimes), but I have this thing that I can't seem to relax and enjoy our home unless it is clutter free, dust free, and organized. And since it is rarely all of those things at the same time, well, I don't often allow myself to relax and enjoy it. I tend to look around and see the mess and the flaws and focus on them and sometimes allow it to make me cranky. And when I am cranky about the house being messy, I typically react in one of three ways (sometimes a combination of the three if I'm feeling especially feisty):

1) I yell at everyone and threaten to throw away their stuff if they don't put it away (yes I do...just keeping it real. Would I ever actually throw away someone's stuff? No, but don't tell my kids that. I like to keep them in a healthy state of fear and panic).

2)  I sigh alot and grumble under my breath, which may or may not contain colorful language. Or,

3)  I declare that I GIVE UP! and flop myself on my bed and implode for a while. This is a personal favorite of mine, because it's the one where I don't end up having to apologize to anyone afterwards :/

Am I proud of any of these reactions? Not at all, and the part of me that wants to perpetuate the illusion that I don't ever behave in these ways wants me to delete this entire post right now. But, I am allowing transparency and vulnerability to prevail in the hopes that someone will fess up that I am not alone in my dysfunction.

So, yesterday I made the revelation, and the subsequent declaration to Mr. Wonderful, that I am now and forevermore NOT going to freak out about the condition of our home. Does this mean that I am giving up on keeping a clean and orderly house? Au contraire (almost spelled that one right too...bada-bing!). We will continue to hold the kids (and ourselves, eh-hem) accountable for picking up our things and cleaning up after ourselves. We will still keep our "daily job chart" going, and make sure that things get done and stay caught up....especially the three stinky things (laundry, garbage, and dishes). But, I am going to give myself a break...permission to enjoy our home and those who inhabit it, without obsessing about it being perfect.

And (this is a biggy) we are going to start INVITING PEOPLE OVER!  We have not been doing this as much as we really want to because I always feel like the house has to look perfect before we can let people in.

And perhaps an even bigger revelation that I have had in realizing all of this, is that I am all too often like that with God too. I can't let Him in...it's too messy!  (As if the omniscient Creator of the universe doesn't know about my stuff). I can't let others know what I really struggle with either, or they might not think that I am as strong in my faith as I should be, or maybe that they think I am.

Oh dear. This could go on for a while. I should know better than to start blogging at 10:30pm...I need to get to bed! I'll write more tomorrow...

Embracing change. Really.

2011-03-18T21:02:00.004-05:00

"The key to change....is to let go of fear." - Rosanne Cash

I think I need to tape that quote to my refrigerator or something, because it's so good. And so relevant for me. I am on the cusp of a new chapter in my life...maybe even a whole new book! Today was my last day of work for the agency where I have been employed for the last 18 years.

Sigh.

Did I really just type that? I think I did. It is something I never thought I would do, leave my job that is. I started working there when I was only 23...my very first social work job! I loved it from day one, and the friendships I have made (both with co-workers and with the people I have supported) have changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. For the past three years, I have been working in the children's therapy program as a therapist for children with autism spectrum disorders. It was quite a change from the 15 years of working with adults, but a change that I welcomed and it wasn't long until I fell in love with these kids. Every one of them. They are amazing. But with the new program came new expectations....namely, working later in the afternoons and sometimes into the evenings. I wasn't getting home until 5:30 or 6:00, or sometimes later, which made it very difficult to get supper going and get the kids to all of their many activities on time. I was frazzled, always in a rush, and always feeling like I was missing out, and that I wasn't there when my kids or my husband needed me. I wasn't there anymore to help with homework, and I missed more of my son's basketball games this year than I care to mention. It made my heart hurt. The toll that this schedule was taking on our family became very evident recently, and I felt God pushing me towards a change.

Change, that I of course resisted. At first. I'm not one who likes change very much, and God knows this about me all too well. He knows that if I am all curled up in my comfy little spot, there's very little short of a massive explosion (or the promise of chocolate) that will get me to move. But God, being God and all, knows just how to prepare me, motivate me, and remove the fear that so often resides in and paralyzes me in order to get me where He wants me to go. And perhaps most amazingly, He has the timing of things down perfectly! About three weeks ago, I decided to update my resume and send it to two autism centers in Rochester, which is about a 45 minute drive from our home. In my cover letter, I told them that I was looking for daytime hours, about 30-35 hours a week. I know it's not always smart to put restrictions on your availability before you even get in the door for an interview, but I figured that is what I was willing to leave the job that I loved for, and nothing less. So I took a chance and with a prayer, I clicked send. Within two hours I was offered an interview from one of them....and to make a long rambling story a tad bit shorter, I'll just sum things up to say that I start my new job on Monday!

These past two weeks have been filled with many walks down memory lane, words of appreciation, laughter, tears, and most of all....grace. God's grace has been abundant and His hand has guided every step of this journey, as He prepares me for the new co-workers, new experiences, new families, and most importantly...the new children whose lives I will have the incredible blessing and opportunity to touch and make a difference.

And even more profound than that, are the benefits and blessings that I am already anticipating will happen within our family. I will be home to see them off to school (almost) every morning. I will BE there when they get home from school....EVERY day! I will be the one (ME!) to say "how was your day?", to help with homework, to drive them to their activities, and to sit in the stands cheering them on. My heart is filled with so much joy and gratitude and praise that I think I will burst!!

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart...Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:4-7

Do you see it?

2011-03-09T20:37:00.001-06:00

This morning, as I was driving Kyle to his grandparents' on my way to work, the bluffs were amazingly beautiful! All the trees were covered in a beautiful layer of bright white, freshly fallen snow, and I told Kyle to look (he was distracted by something else because, you know, he's 9). He looked out the window and said "Wow! That's so cool....Mom, it looks like God."

"Look...that part of the hill right there looks like His face. And His hair. Do you see it?"

I do now, son. Thanks to you. I was tempted to take the opportunity to tell him about how all of creation worships God, that nothing exists without Him, how everything was created with love and beauty, and go on from there.....but I refrained. I decided to let the awe and wonder of the moment be just that. And let God be God to my son and I, in that moment.

And He was.

Sunday fantastique

2011-02-13T18:57:00.002-06:00

It's still Christmas on my blog. I am aware of this.

And I know that I really need to change it, but I don't know how. Vince, being the wonderful geeky tech master husband that he is, built me a new computer that stores and backs up my pictures in a much better way than the old one. But the trouble is that Picasa - the photo editing program that I use to make my blog header on - can't find my pictures on the new computer and therefore won't upload them. GAH! And it won't listen to me when I say "THERE! They are over THERE! Go over THERE!". It is very stubborn, that Picasa. So, until I figure it out (translation...when Mr. W gets sick of my whining and decides to figure it out for me) it will continue to look like the North Pole on my blog for a while. That's ok, the elves are cute.

We have had an awesome Sunday today! It's such a nice reprive after having strep throat visit our house and terrorize our lives for the past few weeks. Hope was the first to get it, then me....then me AGAIN (seriously??) and now Kyle. It has more than overstayed it's welcome, but hopefully my Lysol wipes and idle threats have scared it off for good. Church was awesome today, followed by lunch at Subway and dates with our kids...Vince took Hope to the new Justin Bieber movie (oh yes he did) and I took the boys shopping and to Starbucks...yum! We hesitated at letting her go to the movie so as not to encourage the boy craziness that is already hitting young girls her age, but were pleasantly surprised to hear that JB is a christian, prays with his band & staff before every concert (how cool is that?), and highly values family. Hopefully he stays grounded in the midst of all of his fame, fortune, and temptations that young celebrities face.

So, that was our day so far. Now everyone is home involved in various activities and we are about to gather to watch the Grammys and have some "family time"...Sunday fantastique!

How did we ever survive this long without doing this?

2011-02-01T21:54:00.024-06:00

Vince and I haven't been very consistent with doing devotions as a family. We've tried different scenarios and different devotional books, but for one reason or another we haven't stuck with it...until now. A few weeks ago Vince felt God speak to him during church (you can read about that here on his blog - which by the way has more followers than mine - NOT FAIR!  Eh-hem, sorry.) That evening he had an emotional talk with Nick and Vinny, explaining what God had put on his heart and his desire to follow through. The boys received this talk so beautifully - with hugs and "I love you's" later that evening - and every night since then the three of them have sat down and done devotions together. Every night. And what's amazing is that they look forward to it. No more dragging the boys away from the tv or whatever activity they are into and "making" them do devotions. They want to.  They pay attention and listen as Vince reads the lesson from the book they are going through, called "Why: 40 Days Pursuing Answers to Life's Biggest Questions" They talk, ask questions, and think. It's awesome!

And things are different around here.

Tempers are tamed - which really weren't all that harsh to begin with - but it's the little things. The boys seem a little more patient, a little more obedient, a little less inclined to argue their point with us, and a little more thoughtful. And since they already were thoughtful, it is just that much better!

And (for the most part) I'm staying out of it. That is hard for me, I'll admit. But I have resisted the urge to tell Vince what book I thought they should go through (I would have picked something else...and been totally off base) or interfere too much in their conversations.  I am letting them have this guy time and letting Vince mentor and teach his sons how to walk with the Lord at this very critical time in their young teenage lives when the world is screaming at them from every direction. I am humbled and grateful beyond words to have this man of God in my life...not only for myself, but for my sons.

In the mean time, I have begun having "bible time" with Kyle and Hope every evening. We are going through a book called "101 Questions Children Ask About God". I got the book years ago for my boys, I think from a garage sale, and over the years I have gone through most of it with them (see, the on again/off again devotional times is not a new thing for me or us. Sigh.) It is the best book! I highly recommend it for anyone with elementary age children. It covers everything from "How did God create the world?" to "Why doesn't God just zap the bad people?" to "Why did I have a bad dream if I prayed before I went to sleep?"

Some pretty big questions for a child, huh?  The kids love the book and last night (our first night of this...I'm a little slower on the uptake than Mr. Wonderful) they came to the table with their bibles and notebooks and eager hearts. Tonight we decided to climb up on my bed and do our devotions there. It was so cozy I think that is where we will have it from now on.

We have tried all sitting down together and having "family" devotions, and honestly that would be our preference. But when we tried it, either the younger ones were lost or the older ones were bored, not to mention that the chaos-o-meter is usually off the charts when EVERYONE is in the same room at the same time around here. So this is what's working for us. God is blessing it, and I am grateful beyond words.

And now I am asking myself, how in the world have we made it this far as a family without doing this? I don't know...not very well at times, I'm afraid. Like I said, we've tried before, but for one reason or another we didn't stick with it. We let ourselves get too busy, too tired, too distracted, or too lazy. But now we are into it and are already seeing the benefits and reaping the rewards! It's kind of like an exercise program. Except without all the sweating and moving.  And pain. And misery. Ok, it's really nothing like an exercise program. I have no idea why I thought of using that as an analogy at all...that's what you get for reading my ramblings :)

A pretty good start

2011-01-24T21:46:00.003-06:00

Yep...it's strep. I had a throat culture this morning - which is all kinds of fun if you happen to enjoy having someone gag you with not one but two really long q-tips. And it's an extra fun and pleasant experience when the nurse asks you if you have ever had this done before, and upon telling her "yes but it's been a long time", she decides to put you at ease by reminding you "yea, it's not pleasant." Thanks for that.

So I've been home all day. Just me and the dogs. And my Celestial Seasonings Sleepy Time Tea. I love it, even the smell makes me happy. Add a big squeeze of honey and it's a little bit o' heaven on a massively sore and scratchy throat. It's my new best friend...but not the new best friend that I was referring to in yesterday's post. That would be Jasmine Star.

She is an amazing wedding photographer from Orange County California. Amazing as in Ah-May-Zing, and I've been ~~obsessed with~~ dilegently studying her blog for the past several days now. Her photography is incredible, but what is even more incredible is her story. She had no formal training in photography whatsoever...just a camera from her husband that she fell in love with, and a dream that she followed. She not only posts very specific information about photography that I am completely soaking up, but she shares her fears and her failures and her insecurities. She still has them, even as she charges (rumer has it) close to $30k to shoot a wedding. She is a Christian, married to her highschool sweetheart, and very encouraging and inspiring to an aspiring photographer like myself. And I am learning a TON...about lighting and settings, and making your clients feel comfortable, about making them laugh and relax in order to get those candid shots that tell their story, and perhaps most importantly I'm learning that I really can do this! Even if I don't have the nicest camera, the most expensive lenses, a business background, or a lack of fear.

What I do have is this...a husband who supports me and believes in me, and a God who can make things happen if I put Him first. And a dream. I'd say that's a pretty good start!

Tea with honey at 5am

2011-01-24T05:35:00.004-06:00

...because I'm pretty sure that I have strep. And I'm pretty sure that it sucks. It hurts to even think about swallowing...so much that I have to talk myself into it. "Do I really need to swallow right now?? I mean I just swallowed like 30 seconds ago. Do I always swallow this often? I don't think so. Maybe if I just stop thinking about it...nope that doesn't work. Just makes me feel like I have to swallow even more".

Such is the reality of what goes on in my brain. Fun, huh? Yea. You should be me. Or my husband. There's a trip. He puts up with alot.

Yesterday was Sunday, but it was not your typical Sunday at our house. I went to bed feeling kinda crappy on Saturday night, so we didn't set our alarm for church. I had my suspicions already that I may have strep because my throat was already getting sore enough for me to start taking some drugs, and sure enough I woke up feeling even crappier. Is "crappier" a word? I'm not even sure that "crap" is a real word. Oh well, it is today. At least on my blog. I wouldn't be so hasty at jumping to the conclusion that I have strep, were it not for the fact that Hope was diagnosed with it 5 days ago and my symptoms were pretty much the same. So much for my theory that washing my hands - and being militant about the kids washing theirs - will keep us from spreading germs around. Hmmph. At least no one else has it...yet.

Anyway, back to yesterday. It wasn't our typical Sunday - not only because we didn't go to church, but because Vince and I didn't even get out of bed until 1:30PM! That is not a typo! I woke up around 9:30, and after popping some advil I was back in bed and started reading the blog of my new best friend (I'll get to that later). Vince woke up and picked up his book and also began reading...which we continued to do for the next four hours. No breakfast...no lunch...just Sunday morning relaxy awesomeness! Hope knocked on the door every so often to see if we were STILL in bed and wondering if we were EVER going to get up??? I was tempted to pull a John & Yoko and stay in bed all day, but we did eventually get up and move our reading from the bed to the couch, where I remained firmly planted for most of the day. And I didn't get bored. Not even once. Aside from cooking us scrambled eggs & toast for breakfast at 1:30pm, and then stir fried vegies (broccoli, carrots, and peppers) along with kielbasa & potatoes for supper at 7pm, I didn't do a whole lot of moving. By the end of the day I was ready to run laps around the house or do a bunch of jumping jacks or something because my legs were so restless, but since the "feeling crappy" meter had continued to escalate throughout the course of the day, I didn't. I settled for stretching alot and going back to bed.

I've been talking too much. Time to go warm up my tea.

A Saturday and a dream

2011-01-23T02:05:00.013-06:00

It's quarter after midnight on Saturday night and Mr. W and I are sitting on the couch eating carrots and cheese and watching Hoarders. It's not as pathetic as it sounds, really. Ok, maybe it is, but we DID watch a movie and share a glass of wine earlier in the evening, so there is hope for us, right?!

The day started out the way many of our Saturdays do...at least the ones where we don't have to set our alarm and get up and hurry off somewhere. We slept in 'til 9:30 (yes!) and soon after we were up and on our way to the fruit market. We love going there on Saturday mornings, sometimes combining it with a stop at Starbucks, however not today. Today we decided to grab lunch at one of our favorite lunchy spots...Blooming Grounds Coffee House. We talked about our day and how much we loved our turkey cheddar paninis and homemade potato soup. Our laughter echoed off the mossy green and brick- painted walls, as I read to him from the front page and talked about how awesome the ambience is in here and how I can make my newest dream come true.

A photographer? Really? Can I really do this? How do people pursue their dreams, and transform them into reality? There are as many answers to that question as there are stars in the sky, and believe me when I say I have thought of them all...including the ones that don't have happy endings. But one thing I do know for sure. God has a purpose for my life. And if it includes pursuing this photography thing, then He will make a way. I just need to have an open heart and ears that hear His voice. Some wisdom would be good too.

I asked Vince if he thought that God values photography, and without hesitation he said "absolutely"! Then he went on about how it appreciates the beauty of His creation, and how God is creative and artistic and aren't we made in His image?

I love that man. He just gave me permission to be excited about this.

So now what? I've been overwhelmed the past couple of months...surfing the web for information about cameras & lenses, apertures and white balance and lighting and iso's, In my quest to take things to the next level I have found many sites of photographers far more talented than I, and have had to fight off the temptation to be discouraged and wonder if this is just ridiculous. I know in my heart that it is not...that there is a passion there that I think I can do something with. That God can do something with, that will not only bless me but our whole family too, not to mention those who may find themselves on the other side of my lens.

Now...it's 2am. I could still babble on and on, but for now my bed is calling and tomorrow I will blog more about my thoughts, oh and my new best friend!

Just in case you have been contemplating breaking into our home and stealing our toaster, I would think twice about that, my friend.

2011-01-19T22:57:00.002-06:00

Mom: Kyle, don't forget to lock the door, ok?

Kyle: Why?

Mom: Just for safety, honey. We've talked about this before, remember?

Kyle: Mom. (Dramatic pause for inflection). I have a mini-sword. I'll be FINE. Remember the one dad got me in Mexico? It's really sharp. I'm like a ninja with it. Seriously.

Mom: OK, then.

You have been warned, would be breaker-inner. My son has a mini-sword and he WILL use it.

I'm in love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!

2011-01-18T20:09:00.015-06:00

I'm playing with my new toy...my new baby...otherwise known as my new lens :) Check this out. The following pictures were all taken of the same (very awesome) basket with berries that currently sits on our kitchen table (along with alot of other stuff that was pushed out of the way to create the illusion that our home is always neat and tidy). But just ignore all that and look at this.

Ok, the first picture was taken with the first digital camera that I've ever owned - a Canon PowerShot. It's pretty awesome for a point and shoot (I think) and takes great snap shots. I took this on Manual setting, shutter speed 1/30, iso 200, and f2.8 (the lowest it will go).

Are you impressed with my "camera speak"? Yea, I thought so. Tehe :) Anyway, the next picture was taken with my Canon Rebel - my first DSLR (which is fancy terms for a camera that you switch lenses on). The lens I used was a 50mm 1.8 II, which up until today was my favorite lens. It made me fall in love with my camera and with the art of photography, and it's taken some pretty sweet pictures for me, I must say. This was taken with the same iso and shutter speed, but at f1.8.

Not bad, not bad. Pretty big improvement I'd say. But now, drum roll please....here is the same shot, taken with my Rebel and my *new* lens, a 50mm 1.4, again with the same shutter speed and iso.

HELLOOOOOOOOOOO! I am in love! I have wanted this lens for months, but I made a promise to myself (and to my husband too) that I would only upgrade my equipment with money that I earn from my photography. So here it is, the first harvest of my new passion. I can't WAIT to start taking portraits with this...and thankfully I won't have to wait long because I have 4 family sessions and a maternity session coming up soon - yay! And if you come over to my house (or pretty much anywhere near me anytime soon) I WILL be putting a camera in your face, so consider yourself warned and please try not to blink!

Nice & Naughty Lists ~ Chocolate Edition

2010-12-19T19:05:00.004-06:00

Have I mentioned before that I LOVE making gift baskets? I love coordinating gifts in a theme and putting them all in a basket...in fact years ago I had this dream of opening my own shop. I was going to call it "The Basket Loft" and I would sell all of my favorite things...candles, chocolates, baskets, baking and dip mixes, coffees and mugs, and all kinds of coordinating things that could be given as theme gifts. I had a vision of it being a rustic little store with a real loft filled with baskets and benches, wooden shelves and signs with cute sayings on them. I would custom design gift baskets for people with coordinating cloth and ribbons. Who knows, maybe someday...

For my "nice" list today my theme is "all things chocolate". If you know me at all you know that I can be quite fanatical about chocolate, so I thought I'd share some of my favorite chocoholic fixes...along with a gift basket theme idea, you know since it's Christmas and all and maybe you have some last minute shopping to do yet (not that I'd know anything about that).

~ The Nice List ~

Ghirardelli Chocolate Chips - these are simply the best chocolate chips, bar none. Once you have had these, you'll never go back to wax chips - er, I mean other brands of chocolate chips (which all taste like wax compared to these. Sorry, Nestle, but they do). Gift idea: Put a bag of these chips in a Christmasy mixing bowl lined with a coordinating dish towel and wooden spoon set.

Ghirardelli Sweet Ground Cocoa Mix - Yummy and awesome as hot chocolate, but this mix also makes the best brownies ever. The recipe is on the can. Gift idea: you could do the same thing as the chocolate chip idea above, or instead of the mixing bowl you could get one of those lazy people brownie pans (have you seen those with the metal grid that you bake inside the pan so you don't have to go to all the laborous effort of cutting your own brownies). If the person is really special, you could even include a bag of chocolate chips in with the gift. But make sure the person IS really special because they will be in all kinds of love with you after making these brownies and if you don't want them to be it could be a little awkward.

Tiramisu Wind & Willow Cheeseball Mix - it's the bomb! Except with all their dip mixes, I think they taste better mixed with 12 oz. cream cheese instead of just 8 oz. that the box calls for. Serve it with animal crackers, or graham cracker sticks. And if you are looking for a great gift idea, get one of these mixes and a cute spreader for under $10...or if you can spend a little more you can get a coordinating dip bowl too!

Nutella. It's simply amazing...on bagels, vanilla wafers, graham crackers, and even bananas. Add a layer of peanut butter and you'll think your mouth died and went to taste bud heaven. And once the jar is opened, you'll have to hide it from your kids or it will be gone. Not that I would know anything about that. As far as a gift idea...I'm not sure you could get away with giving it as a gift. But if you really wanted to you could put it in a basket with a jar of my nutty butter. Yummo.

One more for now...

This is awesome. Just microwave it (after first sampling some of the chips to make sure they are good, of course). Tastes awesome with mini-marshmallows, bananas, strawberries, chunks of angelfood cake, and whatever else you like to dip in chocolate which for me is pretty much anything. Good alternative if you don't have time to set up the big chocolate fountain. Oh...you don't have a chocolate fountain? Well, you should. I picked up a brand new one at a garage sale for $20 (someone's unused wedding gift, no doubt) and it's become a holiday tradition at our house.

~ The Naughty List ~

Carob. It's supposed to taste like chocolate, but contains no cocoa powder.

Please.

It does not taste like chocolate anymore than margarine tastes like real butter. The only reason I know this is because my parents thought I was allergic to chocolate growing up, but alas I was not. I won't revisit that story...suffice to say that my parents would buy me carob bars as a substitute for the real thing (which I really did appreciate because they did it out of love and sympathy and this was the only option available except for tootsie rolls which don't contain any chocolate either, but you can only eat so many tootsie rolls). Yes, it's true, I was deprived of chocolate as a child, but don't feel too sorry for me as I am more than making up for it as an adult!

The Nice List

2010-12-18T00:52:00.001-06:00

You know how Oprah has her "O" list of things she thinks are "just great"? Well, even though I am no longer an Oprah fan because I think it is very possible that she is the anti-christ, when I used to get her magazine her "O" list was the first thing I'd flip to. Nevermind the fact that most of the things on her list are insanely expensive (I will never in my life spend $128 on a bracelet, or $168 on a pitcher with a rooster on it), I did find it intriguing. And since I am a "listy" kind of gal, I thought I'd create my own list of things I think are "just great". Just because I can't keep these awesome secrets all to myself (and I need something to babble about) here we go...

~ The Nice List ~

Ok, What really made me want to do this list was my recent discovery of these....quite possibly the most tastey little cracker I've ever had. I'm in love with them now, and the fact that they are really healthy makes them all the more irresistable to me (or at least it removes the guilt that I am indulging in a high carb snack).

Hello. That's all I am going to say about this, my favorite yummy lotion smell from Bath & Body.

Ok, I rarely ever drink pop anymore, but I bought a case of Cherry Dr. Pepper tonight for the kids (Nick caught me at a weak "I wanna be the cool mom" moment and I caved). So I tried some over ice, and may I just say oh. my. word. My new favorite bad-for-you beverage.

I am currently out of this candle....the yummiest most awesomest candle smell on the planet (hinting really loud to Santa). I buy it at Pieces of the Past, one of my favorite stores in Winona, but you can also get it online (in case Santa asks).

And what's a "Nice List" without it's antithesis...

"The Naughty List"

Topping the naughty list recently would have to be the city snow plow guy, who barrelled down our street and literally burried my husband and his snowblower while clearing the driveway - not once but twice.

It was like something you would see in a movie.

I feel like kind of a traitor putting this on my naughty list, but they disappointed me. They are called "WallFlowers" and are plug in oil fragrances from Bath and Body. I of course bought Warm Vanilla Sugar and also Vanilla Caramel - I got three of them actually, for our bedroom, kitchen and living rooms. Both scents smell awesome in the bottle, and for the first week or two that I had them, but they quickly lost their power and I really can't smell them much at all anymore. I don't think they heat up enough anymore to emit the fragrance. I used to get a nice burst of aroma when I walked into the house each day, but now I pretty much have to put my nose right up next to it to actually smell anything - which is neither convenient nor attractive. So, once I have used up the last of my oil refills, I don't think I will be keeping them. Nice try, Bath and Body, but you make me sad.

We wanted a white Christmas, but this is a bit ridiculous!

2010-12-12T22:28:00.001-06:00

We are burried in snow here in Minnesota. Literally...reports are that we got 24-26 inches this weekend! The drifts were much higher. It was blizzard conditions yesterday, and we were snowed in. It would have been alot more fun if all our boys were home, but Nick and Kyle were at their dad's, and Vinny and Trevor were at their friends' both Friday and Saturday nights, so it was pretty quiet around here.

We made the most of our little "snow-cation" though...Vince was busy making almond bark dipped cookies and homemade caramels (of which I took exactly no pictures....gah!) We got lots of laundry done, I got in a few naps, watched Elf a couple times, and this evening we got the rest of the Christmas decorations put out. I even mopped my kitchen floor - with a real mop and bucket this time, not just a damp paper towel to clean up the dirty spots, which is my normal m.o.

Mr. Wonderful snowblowed the driveway twice...but first he had to get the snowblower out of the garage!

When the boys came home this afternoon, they were pretty impressed with the 4 foot drifts of snow on our deck...and when I *jokingly* told Kyle his job for the day was shoveling off the deck, he lit up like a Christmas tree and said "Really? Awesome!" and headed out the door to get a shovel. Hope quickly followed behind and they had a blast. Here he is, standing on top of and scooping snow off of our patio table...

Who needs toys for Christmas?? I think we'll just get them their own shovels instead.

Things that were said in our house on Thanksgiving that I wrote down and decided to blog about because they were funny

2010-12-05T00:11:00.003-06:00

"I wish I was a cow and had seven stomachs." - Nick

"I don't want a hairy butt!" - Donna

"I suppose I should be smart and stop, but I'm going to be foolish and stupid." - Dave

"I'm gonna kiss you 'till you're mad." - Trevor

"I like this communal living, I could do this if I had to." - Mua

"I feel all Christmasy!" - Hope

"Ewwwww...rotten eggs taste worse than centepedes!" - and several similar phrases said by people playing "Beanboozled" which is a game where you have to eat gross flavored Jelly Belly jelly beans and figure out what they taste like. I wouldn't know because I ~~refused to play~~ politely declined. Call me a wimp, but I just have this thing about not eating things that 1. taste gross, and 2. I don't know what it is. Not only did they come up with some of the grossest flavors imaginable (including vomit and skunk), but I can't get over wondering how they made those flavors taste like that. I really do not, EVER IN MY LIFE, want to play this game, or meet the person whose brain child this game was.

In which I talk about all the fun we've been having

2010-12-04T23:41:00.005-06:00

We have snow!! It started late yesterday afternoon - the beautiful kind of snow where it was slowly falling straight down and looked so pretty on our deck in the moonlight. We probably got about 8 inches or so, I know this not because I listen to the news (if you know me at all you are well aware that I don't watch the news and subsequently have no idea what is going on most of the time), but because we have this pretty, perfectly white cube of snow atop our square patio table out on our deck. I'll post a pic of it as soon as I take one....oh the suspense.

Our house has been hustling and bustling the past two days...last night Nick, Vinny and Hope each had a friend stay over, so there was lots of running, laughing, and generally loud silliness going on. At 10:30pm the four older boys all emerged from downstairs wanting to bake a cake. Vince was ready to put the kibosh on that, but after I accused him of being a scrooge and a fun-sucker, he conceded to letting them ~~mess up the kitchen~~ bake their very first cake from scratch. I must say it was hilarious to watch. I loved every minute of it. I knew this would be one of those moments that they would remember as being so fun and crazy and special...and so would I. They were still talking about it today. I will remember it forever.

After all that craziness, and eating the cake (which actually turned out pretty good!) the kids were off to bed, where Vince and I should have gone but instead we stayed up until 2am playing "jukebox" on my iTunes playlist. This is where I play a song, and he has to guess the artist and title of the song...and we then procede to sing it together at the top of our lungs with all the kids in the house asleep. We play it alot in the car too, especially when we go on road trips. But the kids aren't usually asleep then. They are usually rolling their eyes and having seizures whilst being subjected to lots of 70's and 80's music. Oh the horrors. How ever will they survive being our children??

Today the kids went sledding with their friends, who ended up spending the entire day here...which incidently I love. Vince took Vinny shopping to get new boots and some groceries, and came home to surprise me with a new Jim Brickman cd and Starbucks ornament :) That's one of the many reasons I call him Mr. Wonderful (that and the fact that he is rubbing lotion on my feet at this very moment). Mr. W made some awesome chili for supper, then all the kids grabbed their pillows, blankets, and santa hats and we snuggled up and watched the "Rollie Pollie Ollie Christmas" video, which is my boys' favorite Christmas movie. It was an awesome Saturday...I got a nap, played my piano, got exactly no laundry, housecleaning or decorating done today, and I wouldn't change a bit of it.

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

2010-11-28T23:58:00.003-06:00

I woke up this morning all ready to decorate for Christmas! Christmas shopping yesterday with Donna got me all in the mood...the smells of cinnamon and baked apple pie candles, listening to Christmas music (which reminds me, I might want the new Lori Line christmas cd. I haven't actually listened to it, but she's a brilliant pianist and she looks amazing on the cover, so it has to be good and they sell it at Hearts Desire - in case Mr. Wonderful is watching).

After Donna, Dave and Rose left this afternoon, we started with the Christmas decorating prep. This involves my annual dusting & oiling of the woodwork, and cleaning of the windows, ledges and screens. I realize most people do this in the spring, but we march to the beat of our own drums and loud clangy symbals around here, so when it's time to move the furniture around to set up the tree, that's when I do my deep cleaning for the year. At least in the living room.

Once all the boxes were brought up from storage downstairs, and I finished my cleaning binge, I promptly took a nap until my boys got home from their dad's, and it was time to make supper. Tonight it was chili and tacos...yum. Then, the fun commenced. The kids dug out their santa hats and began assembling the tree, with Vince's guidance and help - which I must say went very well this year! No one broke out in fights or tears and Vince is learning not to be so militant about the tree being perfect. We listened to my favorite Christmas album - Rosie O'Donnell Christmas (which incidently Vince hates, but he humors me - especially after I listened to Josh Groban and Andre Buccelli all afternoon with him). It's just fun and it's a tradition for the boys and I to listen to while decorating the tree. We didn't get that far tho...we got it all assembled and lights on, then it was time for bedtime routines. We'll finish all the decorating tomorrow.

The house is in disarray, half Christmas and half mess, but we'll get there. And we had a good time tonight.

Vince thinks they're ugly but I don't care....doo-dah, doo-dah

2010-11-27T12:06:00.009-06:00

Vince thinks they're ugly but I don't care....oh-a-doo-dah-day.

They are my new shoes, and they make me happy.

They especially make my feet happy. I have had plantar fasciitis on and off for prolly 14 years (which may or may not coincide with the number of years that I have been overweight). If you are not familiar, plantar fascitis is when you injure the tissues in your heel and it takes forever to heal. Runners get it alot, and coincidently so do people who buy a cheap pair of clogs that do not have enough cushion or arch support, but you wear them everyday anyway and ignore the developing heel pain because you love them so much until one day you wake up and can't walk.

I have tried many types of shoes and inserts over the years, with varying degrees of success and price, and I can honestly say that these shoes are the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned. Seriously. They are like "Shape-ups" by Sketchers, but are supposedly just as good for about 1/3 of the price. (My dad in me just did a little happy dance over that - he loves a good deal, and so do I.) They have curved heels, which takes the pressure off your heel, and also apparantly give your legs a work out as you walk in them. Bonus. Sounds like a gimick, I know, but the reviews all say that they work. I don't care about that so much as the comfort. They are like walking on big cushy clouds. The only downside is that because the heel is so curvy there is a slight rocking motion and if I lose my balance I may just tip right over backwards like a weeble.

I was on a shopping excursion with my sister in law, Donna, today and might I say we had a marvelous time! We spent a significant amout of time at one of my favorite stores in downtown Winona...Hearts Desire, where we sampled various dip mixes and drooled over the cute snowmen (ok, maybe that was just me). Then we got beverages and sat and talked at Blooming Grounds, the best little coffee shop evah. I got an orange-mango-guava green tea smoothie, which if you are looking for something cold and icey and fruity, is THE bomb.

Then we spent way too long at Shopko, where I did my usual...picking out things I want and/or need, then after walking around the store for another hour or so I begin to have buyers guilt and put things back before I buy them. Hey, at least buyer's guilt is better than buyer's remorse, right? I should have gotten that jacket, tho.

Speaking of jackets, I have lost mine. Both my winter one and my spring/fall one. It's the weirdest thing. So if I have been to your house in the last 6 months, and you have either a white, black & burgandy Columbia jacket, or a long navy jacket with a hood and a hole in the right pocket hanging in your closet and you have no idea where in the world it came from, please let me know as they are mine and I am cold.

I love to journal, and I've decided I'm going to be turning a corner with my blog. I plan on getting a little more personal. A little more descriptive. A little more rambly and possibly a little more boring...but hopefully not. I am not focusing on entertaining anyone (althought that quite likely will happen as I write more about our crazy life), but rather, I want to documenting memories. In writing or in pictures, I want to be able to look back and read this and remember the day to day stuff that makes life what it is...a journey. OH! Have you ever noticed that journal and journey are nearly the same word?

A whole lot of nuttin.

2010-11-21T00:42:00.000-06:00

Why do I do this to myself?

I am tired, and since 8pm I have been vascilating between falling asleep on the couch and waking up to change the channel from HGTV to the Food Network. But I refuse to go to bed. It's Saturday night and I don't wanna. I am an adult and I can stay up if I want. Nah. But I will regret it tomorrow, when I will really need a nap but will feel guilty for missing time with my family to indulge in that Sunday afternoon luxury.

Vince is not home, that's part of the problem. He's at a movie with Trevor tonight, and I hate going to bed alone. I won't be able to sleep knowing that he will be coming in later, so I will just wait up for him and think of something to babble about. That shouldn't be too hard.

What do you call it when you babble on a blog? Blobble? Blaggle?

Pause...

It is now 49 minutes since I wrote the above sentence. I dozed off on the couch again, with my computer on my lap, until Mr. Wonderful got home all cheerful.

Gooooooooooooooood night!

Time

2010-11-17T23:34:00.002-06:00

Why does life have to be so difficult sometimes? I mean really. When is it going to be my turn to have the stress free, uncomplicated, and unimaginably blissful existence that I have always thought life was supposed to be. If I do things right. Aren't I supposed to eventually end up "there". Where things are easy and calm?

Hmmph. Just a tad unrealistic, perhaps.

I can't go into it, but basically I am feeling torn between the demands of my job and the needs of my family. I'm almost paralized by fear of making the wrong decision and regretting. I am very passionate about what I do.

But...

My family needs more from me, more than I have been giving them.
Our kids need me to be there for them...to drive them to their activities and pick them up.
To be sitting in the bleachers cheering them on.
To be there after school to help with homework,
to talk about their day and help them work through issues with their friends or their teachers.
To give them love, guidance, encouragement, laughter....

Time.

I need to be home in time to make a meal and sit down together as a family, rather than getting home late, throwing some frozen pizza at them and then rushing back out the door. It's not like that every night, but all too often it is.

I am asking my blog-reading friends to please pray for me. I need some wisdom! And some open doors - at least one with an obnoxiously bright flashing light saying "ENTER HERE!"

Yoda talk and bobble head syndrome. Oh dear.

2010-11-05T11:33:00.003-05:00

Here I am, sitting at home and my world is spinning.....literally. I have vertigo, which is all kinds of fun if you enjoy living on a tilt-a-whirl, which I happen to not. It makes it quite difficult to walk straight and function...which is difficult for me anyway, so yea. Not so much fun am I having. And talking like Yoda again as well, I am.

So, now that I'm not able to go to work today, or do laundry or dishes or anything else productive that requires me to move my head, what a wonderful opportunity for me to catch up on my blog, which has been severely neglected of late because of my new photography adventure. (And, you know, working full time and living life with a husband and 5 kids at home takes up a wee bit of my time as well). I'm surprised I can be on the computer at all with this "bobble head syndrome" going on. But as long as I am sitting upright, and my head is facing directly forward, I'm relatively ok...any change in position left or right, or up or down, and I am sent spinning and falling in the alternate, wacky universe inside my head. Soooo much fun. Do you realize how often you have to move your head? You move your head ALOT when brushing your teeth. And incidently, you need to look down to spit out the toothpaste, and if you don't you end up drooling it down your chin, which I may or may not know from first hand experience.

So I'm sitting straight up on the couch with my laptop on my lap, the phone by my side, and the tv firmly planted on HGTV, so I'm all set. As I mentioned, I've been pretty busy with my new photography adventure...and I couldn't be more excited about it!! Well, actually I could...as I dream of cameras and lenses I'd love to have, I'm reminding myself to be grateful and appreciative of what I DO have and not to covet. Ooooh, that's a hard one, especially as I see other people's blogs and pictures much more amazing than mine. That's ok, my day will come, God willing. In the mean time, I will thank Him for bringing photography into my life and all that He has blessed me with already. It is truly a gift - one that I intend to continue to use to bless others.

I have a passion for helping those that God brings into my life, and using the talents that He gives me to invest in the lives of others. I've been praying alot about this lately, not only myself but with our children. How can God use us? What can He move through our lives into the lives of others? Is it money? Cooking a meal? Visiting a lonely friend? Giving someone a ride? As I have prayed about this, I have seen God bring more and more opportunities for me to live this out - or maybe the opportunities have always been there, He just opened my eyes to them when I asked Him too? I'm thinking the latter is true. Either way, I am thankful. I am learning how to reach out more, how to live beyond myself, and so are our children. I believe that God has brought photography into my life, not only for me to enjoy (which I DO!) and to create memories of our family, but to bless others and help them create lasting memories for their families as well. My perspective on the world around me has changed too. I see beauty in nature, in our children, and even in a candle on a table with the light streaming down...where I may not have seen it before in quite the same way.

Oh, dang it.

Now all this talk has me wanting to go take some photos...but alas I can't with the bobble head thing going on. Oh well.

Why I've been MIA for so long

2010-10-21T14:54:00.001-05:00

I have been busy....vewy vewy busy. Doing this:

http://www.lisahowardphotography.net/

Maybe this is why the daycare thing didn't work out??? Hmmm...God is just so good at giving us what we need, and TRULY want, in spite of our kicking and screaming sometimes.

Just wait

2010-09-30T08:25:00.013-05:00

I have always struggled with praying for unbelievers - not about them coming to salvation. I pray for that all the time for those I know and love who are lost. But I struggle with praying specific prayers for them, like asking God to reveal His will for them, show them what decision to make, and to bless them. I have kind of thought...what's the point? God can't work in their lives anyway, if they have not let Him in. And if good things happen in their lives without God, they won't know it's God doing it, and they won't see a need for Him either. After all, things are going great without Him! Shouldn't we be praying for their lives to be miserable without God??

But now I see it totally differently. Vince and I are taking a class at church on Wednesday nights, and we are going through a book that our pastor has written about finding your true identity in Christ. We broke up into small groups and shared our stories about how each of us came to Christ. After hearing people's stories, I had a "light bulb moment". God sees our lives as a whole...past, present and future. He may know that down the road, that person will believe, and our prayers for them now may be setting the stage for their future...one that does include God. They will someday be able to look back on their lives and see all the ways that God loved them, protected them, blessed them....even when they were yet sinners. His love and care for us does not need to be preceded by an acceptance of Him. God doesn't need the glory right away...He's not like us. He is patient, and loving, and faithful...all the time. Even when we don't recognize Him and appreciate His faithfulness at the time.

We may not see the roots growing deep under the soil...but God does. He sees the seeds that are sown, through our prayers and in the way we bless others with the blessings that He showers on us. We may not see the fruit for many years to come, but God sees that single seed burried deep in the ground. He tends to it, nurtures it, and already sees the tall, strong tree that will mature and the fruit that it will bear.

Have you ever looked back on your life, maybe even back before you were following Christ, and been able to see ways that God intervened - even before you knew Him? He was there. He saw your future. He knew your past. And He knew that it would be a while before you "got it". But He was patient. And those who may have been praying for you - the prayers that brought about the very blessings that you were oblivious to, probably were wondering if their prayers were doing any good at all.

But all the while, God was watching...and working...and saying, "Just wait. Wait 'til you see what I've done. It really will be quite amazing."

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14

I now remember why I have the urge to kill someone...

2010-09-28T08:19:00.002-05:00

You'd think after 25ish years or so, I would remember that "PMS week" (aka "stay out of my path" week) typically makes me homicidal for a few days until the hormones level out. "It 'splains the events of yesterday a little better, no? Because I don't go around slamming and breaking things on a normal day. Really, I don't. I like to believe that I have alot more patience and self control than that.

Today is somewhat better. I'm not angry at any particular person or situation, but I am feeling a bit lethargic and unmotivated today, even with a full 8 hours of sleep. I'd hate to see how I'd be feeling if I had not gone to bed early last night. So glad I did THAT!

I am very needy...
I need adequate sleep.
I need some Midol (does that really work?)
I need a date with Mr. Wonderful this weekend.
I need more of Jesus.

What happens when mama loses it...

2010-09-27T21:55:00.007-05:00

...when she hasn't had enought sleep for many nights in a row, when she doesn't get home until almost 8pm and then has to face dishes and laundry and homework not done, and when the kids' fighting gets on her last frazzled nerve and she yells like a velociraptor and everyone scatters. Except for her husband who comes to her rescue with his calm, patient demeanor. But not in time to stop her from ~~slamming~~ carelessly dropping her beloved Pampered Chef Batter Bowl in the dishwasher whilst emotionally compromised and thus shattering it.

Hmmph.

I'm just being real.

I could pretend that I'm "mom of the year" and never lose it, but what good would that do, really? Just to keep things in perspective, I don't go around berating my husband or my children, or swear at them, or hit them with objects. When I say "lose it", I mean I raise my voice a little too much, close doors a little too harshly and say things like "if I have to say it ONE MORE TIME I'm going to FREAK OUT!" Oh, and apparantly I put the dishes into the dishwasher a little too hard as well.

Sigh.

Am I alone here?

Someone make me laugh please. I really need it.

Here, this will do the trick...and give you a little insight into why I sometimes turn into crazy mom. I'm going to watch this about three more times and then I'm going to bed. Both will be good therapy for me.

Once upon a weekend...

2010-09-26T23:50:00.000-05:00

Saturday afternoon, we were watching (and freezing) from the sidelines as Kyle and his team played a great game! No injuries (praise the Lord). I'm not as nervous as I was when Nick started tackle football, which is a good thing. It's about time that I chill a little.

Our grandson Jaden (who is almost one year of sweetness) spent the day with us...

And Hope and Kyle were busy creating these masterpieces early this morning...

We took a trip to the big town this afternoon, where we rocked Sam's club to the tune of $430 (gulp!), which incidently is about 2 weeks worth of food for our family. Our trip also included a stop at Best Buy, where I spent some time drooling over my new crush...

*Sigh* It's gonna be a while for that baby, but a girl can dream, can't she?

Upon returning home, Hope decided to make a "baby", using a plastic bagel bag stuffed with lots of stuffing. Then she decided to create an outfit for her baby using a shirt of hers that she has outgrown...

And now....it's late and I have to get to bed. Every night I say that I'm going to go to bed early, and every night I don't. That is all.

What is my PROBLEM???

2010-09-22T20:23:00.005-05:00

GAH! There are a plethora of directions I could take with an open ended question like that, I know. But the problem I'm specifically having right now is wondering how I can fit a few more hours into a day.

That's it. It's a small problem, really. I just need to figure out a way to reallign the planets, or whatever it is exactly that controls time, and come up with a few more hours. Heck, it wouldn't even have to be everyday, just a couple hours a week would seem to help me out alot. Am I asking too much here?

I just recently learned that "email" stands for "electronic mail". All this time, I never knew what the "e" meant. Now I do. Whew, now I can go on with my life.

So here we go....I think it's time for another edition of "Things our kids have said recently". At the risk of getting myself into trouble, I'm going to throw restraint to the wind and share some of the hilarity that has gone on around here of late. Please feel free to laugh out loud, just don't tell our kids that I told you what I'm about to tell you. You'll see why...

There is a certain little girl in our house, who shall remain nameless, who may be approaching the age of enlightenment, so to speak, much sooner than her father and I would like. Living with 4 brothers (including two pubescent ones) sometimes necessitates some explanation of things that she otherwise would not be exposed to. Case in point...the other day she approached her father (with me nearby) very concerned about her brother's pants. Apparantly sometimes when this (nameless) brother wakes up, his pajama pants sometimes "stick out" in front, so she was concerned that there may be something wrong with his, eh-hem, pants.

Hopefully you didn't just spit your coffee all over your computer screen as I nearly did. Vince remained very composed, told her not to worry about it, and she went off on her merry way....while the two of us did the silent crack up that we parents do when our kids are just in the next room. I seriously thought I would pee my pants. Later on, I asked Vince if he'd like me to explain it to her rather than him, and with a big sigh he replied "YES! Would you? That would be awesome!" I got this one, hon.

I typically tuck our kids into bed every night...with the exception of Vinny. Sometimes I just crawl right into bed with him, which cracks him up, but usually he prefers to just say goodnight and head off to bed on his own. But last night I was super tired. I crashed on my bed early and asked each of the kids to come into our room to say goodnight to me. Kyle protested greatly to this because he was sure that he would not be able to sufficiently cover himself up without me. I assured him that he could, and since our bedrooms are right across the hall from eachother, I could watch him and give him play by play commentary if he so needed it. He declined my offer, and voiced his displeasure all the way to his room..."I guess I'll just get FROSTBITE tonight! And you don't even CARE!"

Again with the silent crack up.

5 minutes later, we hear him yell from his room, "Just so you know, I'm still FREEZING!"

I expected to find a blue, frozen little boy this morning with icecicles dripping from his nose, but he survived and was quite cozy warm under his blanket so he must have figured things out. Thank goodness because I have absolutely no idea how to defrost a boy. I have enough trouble with chicken.

Wicked awesome!

2010-09-07T11:32:00.009-05:00

I'm blogging! I'm blogging! HELLO!!! It feels like fall, I have the day off, and I'm blogging!!! I'm also scrapping (are ya ' a scrapper?), watching HGTV, eating nutty butter & nutella with bananas, and listening to Hope and Kyle playing together...without fighting (hallelujia!). Is this an awesome day or WHAT?!! It's long overdue...a day off where I can just lay around and do my own thing. It is/was actually the first day of school for our kids...but the grade schools only have orientation in the morning and then they are off the rest of the day, so here we are veggin' out and enjoying life today!

I'm about 4 years behind in scrapbooking. So last night I decided to organize all my stuff, set up a card table in the corner of the living room, and get serious about it. This was all spawned by my recent experience at my favorite scrappin' store evah....Archivers! This past weekend, Vince and I had a wonderfully awesome little getaway in Minneapolis with his sister and brother-in-law. Besides spending a day at the Mall of America, and thus a visit to Archivers (where incidently, I fell in love with a cricut and have put that at the top of my Christmas wish list), we went to WICKED! This was my first real deal Broadway show experiece and let me just say, it was a-ma-zing. If you have not seen it, do it. Seriously. Whatever you have to do, go. Just go. The music was fantastic. The set and costuming was phenominal. The story was intriguing and touching and hilarious! Aside from the fact that we were packed in like sardines in that old, but very beautiful 89 year old theater (seriously, was no one fat in 1921? Those seats made airplane seating feel like you are sprawled out on your living room couch. Even the skinny people were shoulder to shoulder). But the show was so good that I was able to stave off having a claustrophobic panic attack for three hours, and enjoyed every single minute of it.

So here I am with some new scrappin' supplies, a renewed passion for preserving memories, songs from the Wicked soundtrack playing in the background and a few hours of "me time"...aaaaaah! I'll write more later...

A little while longer, and the best thing I've done this summer

2010-08-17T16:34:00.006-05:00

Here I am laying on the floor in my son's room, taking a moment to blog a bit and try and catch up on my thoughts. Kyle is sick today with a stomach flu of sorts. He called me at work just before noon, saying that his tummy hurt and he thought he might throw up. When this child says that he might throw up, he's usually right and I need to hurry. I did, and he was. Let's just say it's a good thing that I came home when I did.

I remember being sick as a child, I always wanted my mom or dad with me. I knew that sometimes there was nothing they could do to make me feel better, but I found comfort in having them near. So that's what I'm doing...camping out with him in his room. I'm not actually on the floor, tho. For the past couple of weeks he's had an extra twin mattress on his floor because his older brother Nick has been sleeping in his room with him. Nick makes a point of saying that it's Kyle who wants him there, but I think Nick has been wanting it just as much. They used to share a room with bunkbeds and I think they honestly miss it. So do I. I love having them in the same room for bedtime talks, and just knowing that they are bringing comfort and security to eachother.

And today I get to do the same for my boy...for a little while longer. When he calls out to me for comfort, and crawls up next to me on this makeshift bed, he lets me hold him close and stroke his hair and whisper in his ear that it will be alright. It is precious and I cherish that I get to do this for a little while longer...knowing that these days will all too soon be gone and I will miss them desperately.

This summer I realized something about my faith. It is very basic and obvious, so much so that I'm embarassed to even talk about it. But since saying something embarassing about myself rarely stops me from sharing, I will procede...

I need to read the bible.

It's foundational to our faith and our relationship with God, but for some reason I've always had difficulty reading the bible with any consistency. How dumb is that?? I think the problem has been that I've always been somewhat overwhelmed and confused about what to read, and how. Should I start from Genesis and read the whole thing front to back? Should I pick a topic and skip around from verse to verse? Should I just close my eyes, open it and read whatever page I land on? I have tried all of these methods over the years, and God has blessed me through what I have read. But this summer I began to realize that I need something more.

So, I decided that I wanted to read one book at a time, beginning with the books in the New Testiment that were written by those who actually knew Jesus in person...those who walked with Him, talked with Him, and lived with Him.

What must that have been like? I can hardly imagine.

Almost every morning for the past couple of months, I have been waking up, grabbing my bible, and having my quiet time with God before my feet even touch the carpet. And I have to say it has been the best thing ever. I started with the gospel of John...my favorite. John is all about the love and writes with emotion and passion. Then I read 1 & 2 Peter, 1,2 & 3 John, Jude (he's so neglected) and now I'm in James.

Did you know that James and Jude were Jesus' brothers? How is it that I never knew this? Wow. I wonder what they thought of Him growing up. I wonder if they were jealous. How could Jesus not have been the favorite child? He never sinned, hello! No smart mouth, no back talk, no picking on his brothers or making excuses for why he didn't get the lawn mowed, or blaming things on "not me". I wonder if Jesus' brothers hated him sometimes, the same way that Joseph's brothers hated him? When I get to Heaven, one of the first people I want to talk to is Mary, Jesus' mother. I want to know what it was like raising all those boys, one of whom was the Son of God! And what happened to her husband, Joseph? How long was she a single mother? Oh, the questions I have.

Poor Kyle is just miserable. The precious time of cuddling and comforting my son has turned into "enough already!" He's been whining and crying off and on for the past 4 hours and nothing I do seems to help at all and we are both more than ready for this to be done. Sigh. Come quickly, Lord! In the mean time, I'll continue to sit here with him, playing his favorite songs on my laptop, accompanying him to the bathroom for the good-grief-teenth time, and comforting him...for a little while longer. As long as he'll let me.

I'll be back....

2010-08-12T08:44:00.002-05:00

We've been busy enjoying the summer...

going to lots of baseball games

watching a monark caterpillar forming a cuckoon in the strawberry container on our kitchen counter (and not taking the time to see if I spelled monark or cuckoon correctly!)

driving kids to and fro

working on the yard (not nearly enough)

getting my hair cut WAY too short (GAH!)

trying to spend more quality time with eachother when we ARE home, rather than on the 'puter!

But I miss writing, so I'll be back soon to ramble some more...

Covet much?

2010-07-10T09:42:00.009-05:00

It just makes me sick. Sick I tell you. So much so that I could totally throw up right now. Except for the fact that it would require me to get out of bed, and I am enjoying my Saturday morning "I'm not getting out of bed yet because there is nothing going on that I need to hurry up and run around like a crazy person to rush myself and/or the children out the door for" experience. Vince is already up and gone. He has a ministry head meeting today at church, which hopefully they will bring their bodies to as well because having a meeting with just a bunch of heads might be awkward. What if someone has to go to the bathroom?

It's SO fun inside my head sometimes.

Anyway, back to the thing that is making me sick. I am enjoying reading my favorite blogs this morning, propped up in bed with the windows behind me open to a most gorgeous Minnesota day! We don't get them that often, so we have to enjoy them when we can. There are about 6 days a year, maybe 7 if we are really lucky, where it's not too hot or too cold or too humid or too windy or too buggy or too icey to enjoy the outdoors, and today appears to be one of them, so yay!! I'm happy already. We will be outside all day today at our summer home...the baseball field just around the corner from our house. Nick and Kyle basically live there all summer and consequently so do I. Between practices and games and tournaments, we are there 5-7 days a week from May - August. I'll be working the consession stand for a couple hours today during the boys' tournament, which I actually love doing because of all the social...I get to talk to everyone coming up for hotdogs and nachos and hopefully some walking tacos cause those are all kinds of awesome! I'll be sitting around with the other parents, talking and laughing and cheering our boys on, while our children run amuck and I'm getting my pink freezy fix.

Squirrel.

The thing that is making me sick is not what you think.  I have no idea what you are thinking really, but I'm pretty sure it's not that. It's actually a good thing.  It's a blog that I love to read and am inspired by...a perfect family.  And when I say perfect, I do mean perfect. They are drop dead gorgeous, every one of them. The mom, the dad, and every one of their 7 children look like models. Seriously. They live in the country and are always doing special, unique and creative things together as the mom photographs all these moments with her Canon 40D. Sigh. The kids are always smiling and the mom frequently talks about how well all of her children get along, as evidenced by the pictures of the older siblings helping and holding and loving on the younger ones. Boys with arms around eachother. Children looking adoringly at their mother.  Her last post was about how she makes her children's clothes. Makes them, as in with a sewing machine and fabric and everything. They are not rich, they don't even have central air or even watch tv. And the best part of their lives? Their faith, and humility, and gratitude.  It's genuine, which is what attracts me to their blog in the first place.

I know what you are thinking.  This time I really do, because I'm thinking the same thing...no family is perfect. And I shouldn't be coveting what others have, I should focus instead on the blessings that God has poured out on us, on my own family, and stop comparing.

I do do that (do do?) Really, I do. I know how blessed we are - Vince and I - to have found eachother and created a life together after going through the losses of our former spouses and surviving the fracturing of our families. We are living our second chance, and our children are reaping the benefits of that as well. It doesn't always feel like a blessing though, especially when the kids are battling their own demons...trying to get along, trying to find their place in this new family as they learn how to reconcile "what was" with "what is".   Trying to love their stepparents while remaining loyal to their "real" ones. It's not easy for any of us and sometimes I fall back into the trap of wanting the perfect family. Where the kids are happy all the time, they feel loved all the time, they never feel the need to be jealous of eachother and I never feel like I'm failing them.

So this other blog with their picture perfect life doesn't really make me sick. It makes me sad. Because that is what I have always wanted since I was a little girl. It's what I tried desperately to create in my first marriage, but failed. And it's what Vince and I have been trying to create with our blending family, one that sometimes feels like we are living in a blender set on "pulverize" and someone forgot to put on the lid.

But God, through all the challenges, is teaching me to go beyond learning how to accept change, which He has been working so hard with me on for so long. Now He's taking me a step further and teaching me to accept reality. The reality that no one and no family is perfect, and I need to stop comparing my blessings with others', or what I perceive them to be. God is doing a new thing in all of us, and two years into it I have to remember it still really is a very new thing.

God does not want perfection, He desires progress. I heard that recently, and it makes me take a big deep breath of relief. I'm not a perfectionist in every area of my life, but I am quite hard on myself when it comes to my family. I desperately want to do things right. I have alot of guilt over putting my kids through a divorce, even though it was not my choice. I see what it has done to them and try as I do, I can't heal their wounds. I also have alot of guilt over Vince's kids moving to a new community and leaving their friends behind and the pain that has caused them.

Yet, I see in all of this the hands of God working. Sometimes - often times - He does His best work in our suffering. When ties are broken and we experience loss, He can bring healing that could not be experienced any other way. And He can create new things as He gently helps us let go of the old. I need to let go of my expectations of a perfect family, and recognize anew all of the many blessings and miracles that He has done and continues to do in our family. With all of our imperfections and stumbling, we are walking this new path together...each step becoming more sure than the last as we climb the mountains and walk the valleys. We are learning to link arms and support eachother along the way.  We are learning to fix our eyes on Jesus, our Guide. And I am learning that beauty does not come from homemade clothes and pictures on a blog. It comes from looking at our lives through our own lenses, not someone else's, and seeing beauty.

Because it is here.

I can't make enough sense out of any of this to come up with a title

2010-07-03T23:36:00.004-05:00

It's 4th of July weekend! We have friends coming tomorrow and we are so excited to see them and have some fun! Partially because of that, and also because it's just necessary, I decided early this morning that today would be a major spring cleaning day at our house...ok, it's not spring anymore as evidenced by the sweltering heat and the humidity in our garage that makes it feel like I'm in a jungle and should start singing the Banana Boat Song. Daaaaaaay - O! But nonetheless, we got alot done today. Vince finished making homemade strawberry icecream! It was delish beyond belief. I have never made icecream before, so it was extra special for me. I finished organizing our basement, Vince and the boys organized and swept out the garage, and I got several many loads of laundry done.

I started using Borax and Washing Soda in our laundry and I really like the results. Cleaner and fresher laundry for one. I think the colors are brighter too. It might be my imagination, but don't spoil my fun. I went online to see how much of each to add, since we have an "he" frontloading washer and I don't want to wreck it.....not like the dryer. I don't think I've mentioned that I went to do laundry the other day and opened the dryer door, only to have it fall almost to the floor. Hmmph. What in the world? Of course asking the children what happened to it caused all kinds of stuttering and I don't know's and not me's...that is until one of them fessed up that it "might" have had something to do with his friend (and subsequently everyone else) decided to climb INTO the dryer during an over zealous game of hide-and-seek while the 'rents were gone. That might have had something to do with it..Ya think?

Is it just me, or does the Allstate guy look like he has a plastic head?

Oh, and to end the suspense, I thought I'd let you know that after spending some time in Barnes and Noble last Saturday looking at their Nook (and wiping off my drool, you know since it was the display model and people prolly don't want me to drool on it) I decided I want a Nook instead of a Kindle...but not yet. I have a bookshelf full of books in my room - only half of which I have read. So, to discipline myself (and put off the purchase a little longer) I've told Mr. Wonderful not to buy me one until I have read all the books that I currently own. Otherwise I don't think I will read them, and alot of them I really want to. So I'll prolly get a Nook in about 10 years. Woo hoo.

Time for bed...outdoor church service and picnic tomorrow! I think I'll bring my camera, it's been neglected lately.

Chirp

2010-06-30T22:18:00.003-05:00

Chirp...

Chirp...

Chirp....

Chirp...

Sigh.

Not My Blog!

2010-06-29T19:36:00.002-05:00

Here are some things that I have read in recent weeks on other people's blogs that have made me ponder, laugh, and tear up just a little. You just simply MUST click on these blogs to read their posts in full. You'll be glad you did!

"You see, life in all its' inherent busyness can start to fill places in us that it isn't meant to." - Transparent Mama

"And that's awesome to me. That He cares so much for me that He will bring me back to what really matters, even when I didn't know I'd forgotten". - Resolved 2 Worship

"Dear Hobby Lobby,

I really don’t even know where to start.
You are the bedazzled apple of my eye.
You are like a giant crock pot full of crafty goodness.
You are the Chick-fil-A of department stores.
To put it bluntly, if you were a person, you would be Beth Moore." - Stuff Christians Like.

Hello, my name is Lisa and my favorite color is brown

2010-06-28T06:51:00.004-05:00

I am learning to embrace change. It's not easy for me, but finally at age 40 I am realizing that it's necessary.

When you are learning something new, and you start to see how much it is opening up your world and revolutionizing your life, do you spend time wishing that you had learned it oh, say 20 years ago??? I do. But, part of the beauty of embracing change for me is realizing that it's ok to learn something new and move forward without regret or berating myself for not learning it sooner. That time was not wasted...all those years that I feared change and resisted it. God was busy teaching me different things then. Now, I am ready to learn this lesson...to embrace change rather than fear it.

I am a creature of comfort. I crave sameness and predictability, it gives me a sense of security. I'm not just talking about big things like being married to the same man for the rest of my life, working for the same agency for 17 years and counting, and not wanting to move out of our home...ever. Even in the little things of life, I find what I like, where I am comfortable and what I enjoy...and I stick with it. I have my favorite restaurants and I usually order the same thing nearly every time. Even at HuHot, the mongolian grill that I am absolutely in all kinds of love with.  The whole idea of that place is to try things new and different, but I have my favorite recipe written down and keep it in my purse so that I can make the same meal every time I go there. Some may find that boring, my husband for one. But he's not judgemental about it. He's perfectly happy that I order the same meal every time we go somewhere, even though he happens to be the exact opposite. He goes for things different and unique. And that's fine with me too, I get to live adventurously by stealing a bite off his plate!

I'm not just like this with food. I like to do things the same way in other areas too.  For instance, I still say that my favorite color is green, because it always has been...when actually for some time now I have been all about brown.  Can you change your favorite color? It almost feels like a betrayal. Forgive me, my beloved Green, I still love you but it's time that you step aside and take second place in my heart and my wardrobe.

And (this is really significant) until recently, I have always dried my hair upside down. This goes way back to my college days when I had the "big hair" going on. (I really miss big hair. I had a rockin' spiral perm too). However it really hasn't been working for me to dry my hair that way anymore. Until recently that is what I've been doing...just because that's how I do it. And I've had the bad hair days to prove it.

Yes, I realize that sounds pathetic. Because it is.  But it's all part of my process of learning that change is ok. Little everyday changes, and big life altering ones too. I can do things in a different way, or like something new, or even consider a new career...just because I want to. Or I can. I've been too afraid to do these things before. Especially without alot of thought. I've always thought that change has to be a process in order for it to be real. And if the thought of change is scary, then maybe it's not what God wants me to do? After all, God feels safe, right? Well, God doesn't motivate by fear, and I'm now realizing that real and lasting change doesn't have to be a process. Sometimes it is, but it can also happen in an instant. One decision. One encounter with God. One word from a believing friend. One thought planted in your mind by the Holy Spirit can change the course of the rest of your life. Today.

Sometimes it will still feel scary. It's ok. Do it anyway. That's the definition of courage....do it scared.

Don't worry, I'm not going to get all crazy.  I will still carry around in my purse my recipe for my favorite meal at HuHot, the same one I make every time we go because I know I'll love it. And I will continue to hang on to my hair scrunci's and my diffuser, just in case. Whoever decided that big hair wasn't in style anymore anyway? You make me sad.

Some great movies, new most perfectest purse awesomeness, and what I'm hoping to get for my birthday

2010-06-23T07:37:00.105-05:00

I was just a little bit stressed last night. I'm not going to go into it because I have adopted a new philosophy on my life which does not allow me to whine about it. We'll see how long that lasts...Instead, I did what every respectable (and desperately hormonal) woman does when she is stressed...I shopped. I hit Target hard, and didn't even once feel the urge to put something back on the shelf to avoid the inevitable buyers remorse that usually hits me somewhere between the candle aisle and the checkouts and causes me to walk all the way across the store and put something back that I spent 7-9 minutes pondering over and have now decided not to purchase. (Big breath). Nope, not this time. This time, I walked out of there proud with a new purse (which meets my high standards for the most perfectest purse ever, and may even be perfecter if that is possible).

Also got three new t-shirts, and a little planner for my purse which is now large enough to hold one. Now I can carry my life with me and there is a slightly higher chance that I will have a clue about what is going on each day. Awesome!

I'm still trying to decide if I want a Kindle or not. It would be a big change for me, and we all know how I handle change (I'm getting better - kind of). I love books - holding them in my hands, underlining and writing in the margins - and I might miss that. But on the flip side, it's really appealing to me because I could carry a Kindle with me (in my new purse even) and could read whenever and wherever I am...you know, because I spend tons of free time at coffee shops and sitting on beaches wishing I had brought something to read. I'm usually reading 1-3 books at a time, and who wants to carry all those around? Another cool thing about it is that books for it are really cheap (the devise is not, but the books are mostly under $10). And the coolest part for me is that you can turn it to audio and it will read to you - which is the feature that really intrigued me because I spend so much time in my car for work. And getting ready in the morning. And waiting at the dentist office and such. I'd have all my books with me, all the time...oh joy!

Vince and I finally watched an awesome movie last night that we have been wanting to see for ages..."Shutter Island". SO good! If you can overlook some colorful comments and words and a few unpleasant scenes (I hide behind my fingers during potentially disturbing parts in movies) it really was an excellent movie with a great plot, and the cinematography was fantastic. I am not one for scary or gory movies at all, but I do love psychological thrillers that keep you guessing, but (and this is the important part) make sense in the end. I hate movies that are confusing all the way through, and still leave you confused in the end. They anger me. Just ask Mr. Wonderful about the time he made me watch "The Game". I didn't talk to him for like 1/2 hour after that.

We took the kids to see "Toy Story 3" on Saturday and (singing) LOVED IT! Yes, I am a huge Toy Story fan, and yes, I cried!

The only reason I am posting today...

2010-06-18T17:55:00.001-05:00

...is because I am tired of opening my blog and seeing pictures of hamburger. I have nothing to say of any importance or interest at all.

Actually that's not entirely true. I have ALOT to say, really, but not enough time to say (type) it all. God's been doing a whole lotta changing in me these last few weeks and months. I went from being utterly convinced that He wanted me to quit my job and open a daycare....to being entirely confused as to why it wasn't happening...to being 99% convinced that I am to stay put right where I am. I've moved through the confused (and angry and frustrated) phase and have found myself with a renewed commitment and dedication to the children and families that I work with in my job. Why exactly God let me walk this entirely different path (and spend all that money) only to find a dead end, I'm not sure. But I know He had purpose in it, and I think it may have been to show me that this is in fact exactly where He wants to use me. Maybe He had to pull me away, just far enough, to give me a new vision. Sometimes it's hard to see the big picture when you are immersed in something.

So here I am. It's not the easy road, and it's not the one I thought He had chosen for me, but it's my mission and purpose and I am thankful.

As far as our kids go...one of my biggest motivations for doing daycare was to be able to be at home with them, especially during these summer months. I thought maybe it was an answer to years of prayers and my dream of being a stay at home mom. But maybe this experience has been designed by God to help me let go of that dream and focus on where He has called me. If that's the case, I need to continue to trust. Trust that God knows what He's doing, and has the best interest of all of us in mind. Because I know in my heart that He does.

And we have been pleasantly surprised at the maturity we have seen in all of the kids so far this summer. They are being more responsible and getting along far better than I had anticipated. Maybe I just needed to get out of their way?!

Sorry if you think that your burgers are better than these, 'cause they're not

2010-06-09T21:30:00.004-05:00

We made Vince's Kick-Butt Burgers again tonight...big hit at our house! Especially with moi. So as promised, here are some scrumdillyicious pics for you to drool over!

First you take some hamburger and sprinkle in some house seasoning (see, you really don't need a shaker)...

Then add a little onion powder...

and 'bout that much liquid smoke...

Mix it up...

Ok, use your hands...

Measure out 5-6 ounces of meat, you know, if you ~~are really anal~~ have a cool food scale like we do...

Then play pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker's man - er, I mean you patty up the burgers like a man...

Place them on your totally awesome patty press...

Press 'em down, and comment (again) on how much you love your patty press...

because it makes such perfect burger patties...

which turn into purfect burgers...

While the burgers are cooking, shred some colby jack cheese (or whatever kind you like), and place a pinch or two on top of each burger, like this...

Cover the pan and wait for the cheese to melt all over the sides, and onto the pan (trust me, you want it to do this)

When the cheese has melted into a yummy golden brown on the pan, and when you can't control your drooling any longer, place it on a bun (I prefer wheat buns from the bakery), take your first bite, and let the moaning begin!

Packing some heat and Vince's latest kick-butt culinary creation

2010-06-06T12:18:00.002-05:00

Would it be wrong to let my son set up his pellet gun in my bedroom window and pick off the bird that sits in our neighbor's tree and CHIRPS LIKE A FREAK every morning at 5am? Because I am SO going to let him do that one of these days. Just once we'd like to sleep with our bedroom windows open, but even with them closed this freak bird is loud enough to wake us up. Remember how ridiculously unnecessary it was two years ago when we first moved in? Yea. It still is.

I haven't wanted to kill things very often in my life. Maybe the dog. And once in a while the children. But I have a death wish for this bird and I'm pretty sure my son would be thrilled with the idea, 'specially since he already asked if he can shoot the hummingbirds that visit the feeder we have hanging above our deck. I said no, but who knows...maybe if the word got out to the birds in the neighborhood that we are packing some heat, they would be a little more respectful and let us sleep.

I was able to go back to sleep this morning, which was nice. However, once again we overslept and were not able to make it to church. GAH! I guess I should have set my alarm, but since we are usually awakened in plenty of time to get ready on Sunday mornings, either by animals or children, we have always thought it unnecessary to set an alarm. We did, however, wake up to the yummy smell of cinnamon rolls made by Nick and Vinny! They have been really interested in cooking recently, because of the mad skills they are learning in their FACS class at school. FACS stands for Family and Consumer Science which sounds much smarter than "Home Ec" but that's what it is, Home Ec. Last night they made puppy chow and a couple weeks ago they taught me how to make yummy nachos in the microwave (which launched me on a short lived nacho kick).

I know the picture is blurry, I just noticed that. But it's to late 'cause they are so gone!

Ok now that I have rambled my way into talking about food (shocking, I know), the other night Mr. Wonderful made the most awesomest and yummiest burgers that I think I've ever had in my entire life! We were actually planning on going out to eat, as the kids had already eaten earlier...but after watching an episode of "Diners Drive-ins and Dives" on the Food Network and seeing these yummy burgers being made, we decided to try them ourselves, and oh. my. word. they were amazing! Vince took some house seasoning (I'll tell ya 'bout that in a minute), onion powder, and liquid smoke and mixed it into the meat. Then he made them into patties with his very cool hamburger patty press and placed them in the frying pan. I know, he usually grills them, but you'll understand why he didn't in a minute. When the burgers were just about done, he took a handful of freshly shredded colby jack cheese and piled it on each of the burgers...enough (and this is the crucial part) so that some of the cheese spilled off onto the frying pan. Then he covered the pan, and let the cheese melt onto the burger and carmelize into a nice crispy brown on the frying pan. Then he place each one on a nicely toasted bun and voila....an unbelievably yummy burger that will have you moaning like Bob Whiley did about the fried chicken in What About Bob. I'm pretty much certain that this baby won't make it into the Weight Watchers Cookbook, but it has certainly made it into Vince's repertoire of kick-butt culinary creations! Next time he makes them I'll be sure to take some pics.

* House seasoning is our favorite seasoning and we use it in almost everything we cook. I learned about it from Paula Dean - and it does not even involve "a pound a buttah"! It is simply this: 1 cup salt, 1/4 cup black pepper and 1/4 cup garlic powder. We mix it all together and keep it in our cupboard in a small tupperware container. I don't bother putting it in a shaker - just using some side-to-side motion with the container to sprinkle it on works just fine for me.

Messing around with my new best friend

2010-06-04T23:06:00.004-05:00

I have been getting more and more involved, intrigued, passionate, and potentially obsessed with photography lately. Vince got me my lovely Canon about a year ago, and initially I was scared of it. You may remember that I left it in it's bag for about two weeks before I started using it. I was just overwhelmed at the thought of having a camera that was so complicated (and more expensive than I ever thought I'd own.) But I have overcome my fear and intimidation and have grown to love it! Bit by bit I am learning how to use it, what the settings can do, and what kind of lighting lends itself to a good photograph (or not). I know I have a very far way to go and tons more to learn, but I'm getting there. Baby steps.

Most recently I have started to get to know my new best friend...Adobe Photoshop Lightroom. In a word...IT'S THE BOMB! Ok that was three words, but it deserves it. Here's what I have been able to do with it recently...

This is a picture of Trevor and his girlfriend Whitney on prom night. This is how it looked straight out of the camera.

Love that picture! And this is what I was able to do while playing around in Lightroom...

Isn't that fun!?

Here is a picture that I took of Vince and his dad a couple weeks ago when we met them for dinner at Pannekouken. I have no idea why it looks so yellow (or how to spell Pannekouken), but it probably has everything to do with the lighting in the restaurant (and maybe some photographer error, who knows). But anyway, here is the picture right out of the camera...

And this is how I was able to make it look after messing around with it in Lightroom tonight while listening to Patty Griffin...

I'm not sure what Patty had to do with it, but I'm so happy I could just spend hours and hours and days and weeks doing nothing but sitting here at my computer going through all my thousands of photographs on my computer and editing them in all kinds of fun ways. But I won't, because I have a husband and children. And a house and a job. And I may need to go to the bathroom now and again.

Folding up my map

2010-06-04T04:26:00.007-05:00

Mr. Wonderful read this to me last night. It made both of us cry. Read my last post and you'll understand why...

"You and your spouse may think you have your entire life mapped out. You know where you are going, and you have figured out the way to get there. But be forewarned: You may run into delays and detours. In fact, God may ultimately have in mind for you a change in destination.

Proverbs 16:9 says, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

It's hard to discern what is happening when things seem to go awry along our life's journey. Did we mark the map correctly? Did we make the right turn? Have we missed an important intersection? Something's wrong. Nothing looks familiar. This is not the direction we're suppsoed to be going. We must be lost!

When panic begins to set in, pull over for a few moments, shut off the car, and breathe a little prayer. Ask God to calm your fears and help you understand what He's doing in your life. Fold up your map, put it away, and pray for new direction, asking God to not only show you the way but ride with you and be your guide. Then turn the key, shift into gear, and head on down the highway, trusting in the Lord's goodness and in His ability to take you where He knew all along you needed to go.

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

We think we have control over our lives, don't we. We so often live with the illusion that we know what the future holds for us and we plan accordingly...we plan to grow old together. We budget and count on the fact that we will be working the same job five...ten...twenty years from now. But then, unexpectedly, life happens. Things change and we are taken by surprise. Spouses die. Or they leave. Jobs end or companies shut down. Our desires or the needs of our family changes. Or our perspective does. And suddenly, the road ahead seems less clear and we are unsure of which way to go as we find ourselves on an unexpected and sometimes scary path.

Vince and I are all too familiar with these situations, if not personally then we know someone else who has been. I bet you have too. And it can really throw us off balance for a while, can't it? Somehow, I always blame God for it...as if He was obligated all along to adhere to MY plans for MY life, and now He has decided to turn the tables on me and mess things up, or let things get messed up, or whatever.

But here I am again, reminded of the fact that Jeremiah didn't quote the Lord as saying "I know the plans that you have for yourself...", but rather "I know the plans that I HAVE for you". (And it should say in parentheses "so shut up, stop whining and work with me here").

Ok, Lord. I get it. And thanks again for waking me up at 4am to tell me all this.

Really, thank You.

I'm here! I'm here! Wait....where am I?

2010-06-02T17:30:00.007-05:00

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth yet. Not that I'm aware of anyway. But if you know me, then you know that it's not outside the realm of possibility that I have indeed fallen off the planet and am still oblivious to my whereabouts.

Let's pretend, just for kicks and giggles, that I am still here. Where exactly HERE is, I'm not so sure.

Am I starting a daycare? I don't know.

Am I quitting my job? I don't know.

Am I sure of what God wants me to do? Heavens no.

Am I confused? Ummmm....yea. You could say that I'm just a little confused. Kind of like the Grand Canyon is just a little hole.

I built it, and they have not come. I am all ready to open my daycare. I've got toys, games, activities, plans, a website, contracts, policies, a license from the State of MN, an ad in the paper and our town newsletter, and I've got lots and lots of people encouraging me and telling me how fast I'm going to fill up and what a wonderful thing this is that I'm doing. What I don't have are kids. Other people's kids I mean (I still have my own, of course). I don't have one single family signed up. Barely any calls even. I spent $80 on a 2 week ad in our paper and got exactly one phone call. They wanted a daycare that would be open from 6am - 10pm. Umm, sorry no. It's been almost 2 months and not a single bite. So here I am sitting on the end of the dock with my pole in the water, waiting...while my bobber is bobbing around and nothing is happening except the sound of crickets chirping in the background.

Am I learning to trust God in all of this confusion? I'd like to say yes...I'd love it in fact...to be able to honestly say that my faith is growing and I'm more sure than ever that God is and will continue to guide my steps and lead me down the right path.

I could say that. But I'd be lying.

This is what I get for praying for God to help me trust Him more. He just lets me flounder around in a big ole cesspool of confusion...or so it seems from my perspective. Which I don't trust AT ALL anymore. I could add an "hmmmph" here, but that just wouldn't cut it. Because I'm actually pretty mad. I'm just wondering what in the world is going on? I thought this is what God wanted me to be doing. I thought it was an answer to years of prayers to be able to be home with my kids and still be able to provide for them financially. I thought it was the right timing, and the right everything.

I'm not sure how to feel about all of this now. Or what to do. I'll just keep working at my job I guess (which I do love) until God makes it clear that He wants me to do something else (which I thought He had already done, but I won't go there again).

Has this ever happened to you? Where you thought you were on the path that God had planned for you, but it just wasn't going where you thought He was leading you?

There is no Plan B...

2010-05-28T22:34:00.003-05:00

Wow. How selfish I have been. How easy it is to lose focus and forget why God created me...why in the world I am here.

I spend so much time thinking about what will make me happy. What I want out of my life.

How much do I really do for others? Am I making a difference in anyone's life? How many people have I lead to Jesus...who are on their way to Heaven now because I have been courageous enough and loving enough to share the truth with them?

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul? Matthew 16:24-26

Random Dozen time!

2010-05-19T06:49:00.002-05:00

This week's Random Dozen theme is "one". Click on the link above if you'd like to join the party (or just read about everyone else).

Everyone who knows me knows that it's really difficult for me to pick just one of anything, so I'll try to answer without rambling too much...

1. What is one really fast, know-by-heart "go-to" meal to fix in a pinch? Exactly what I made for supper last night because I had exactly 1/2 hour to cook and feed the kids before the boys had baseball and I had to leave for worship team practice (breathe)...spaghetti.

2. What is one item you won't leave home without. (Purse and license do not count.) My sunglasses! I wear them whenever I go outside, unless of course it's nighttime. My eyes are really sensitive to light, and if I squint alot I'll get a headache. So I never leave home without at least one pair (I have 3 almost exactly the same).

3. Where is one place you never tire of visiting? Does Coldstone count?

4. Share one factoid of your family's history. My mom, my sister and I all have the same middle name...Marie. No, I was not named after Lisa Marie Presley.

5. Complete this sentence: "Once upon a time I...." married my Prince!

6. If you could win a one year's supply of anything, what would it be? Ummm.....Coldstone? Ok, that might not be the best idea, my waistline would scream.  Practical Lisa would choose gasoline.

7. "One quirky thing you may not know about me is...." oh dear, to choose just one. I have a strange affinity with numbers, especially 8 and 6.   They just make me happy, I don't know why.   Palindromes give me great joy and if they involve 8's and 6's I get all giddy. Just ask my best friend Chris. She is one of the few people who understands (and accepts) this about me, and she's the first person I will be calling in the next couple of weeks when my odometer reads 86,868! And when it turns 88,888 I will be throwing a party.

8. You have one dollar in your pocket. What will you buy? Probably a Diet Dew, even though I'm trying to give up pop.

9. "One thing that always makes me laugh is ...." My kids and my husband make me laugh every single day.

10. What is one thing you could do today to help yourself reach a personal goal? Start an exercise plan like walking everyday for 30 minutes.

11. What is one thing you could do today to bless someone else? Send a handwritten note. People don't do that very often, but I just got two from friends in the past week and they blessed me immensely! So I want to make a habit of doing that more often. It means so much more than an email.

12. What is one thing you're looking forward to soon? My husband and I have tickets to see Casting Crowns this summer! Other than that, just the little everyday moments are what I treasure.

American Idol - Top 3

2010-05-18T22:35:00.006-05:00

Ok, I raced home after worship team practice at church tonight to get home in time for Idol...I'm not sure where my theology is on that, but I didn't speed so I think that makes it ok, right? Anyway, I missed Casey's first performance. Sigh.

Crystal Bowersox "Come To My Window" - loved what she did with the song...after the initial harmonica, which seemed kind of strange to me. Not a big fan of the harmonica unless you are Billy Joel.

Lee Dwyze "Simple Man" - I thought he did fantastic with this! Love that he picked a not-so-popular song, because it showed originality and confidence that has been building in him. I think the originality has always been there, but just recently he's really letting loose and showing who he really is and what he can do. Well done!

Casey James "Daughters" - One word...beautiful. This type of music is SO meant for Casey, even though I wouldn't put him in the same genre as John Mayer. He added his own acoustic style to it, which I (of course) loved. I kind of agree with Simon in that the song didn't have a "climactic moment" so I'm not sure how that will be received, but based on artistic talent, he nailed it.

Crystal Bowersox "Maybe I'm Amazed" - I'm kinda running out of words for how awesome Crystal is. She really is. She's got serious talent. That is all.

Lee DeWyze "Hallelujia" - Oh, I'm excited. I love this song........

Sorry for the long pause, but I was having a moment. OH. MY. WORD. I am speechless. I have chills and tears in my eyes. I am literally crying now. And I hear Mr. Wonderful sniffling too! All I can say is wow. There are no other words. Absolutely, incredible and amazing beyond belief. That boy has just secured himself a career in music no matter what the outcome of Idol.

Best of the night: Lee, by far
Probably going: Casey....but for the record, I'm still a huge fan!

Go check out BooMama's blog and see what more AI fans are talking about!

In the waiting and the trusting

2010-05-15T21:41:00.009-05:00

"Christ's priority for the believer's life is not how much he or she studies the Word, enjoys attending Bible study, or discusses Scripture in small groups. His priority for the believer is to hear the Word and do it". - Beth Moore

To hear the Word...and do it.  To listen to Jesus and do what He tells me to do. Can I really do that? Is He really speaking to me? Yes He is, and yes I can.

Jesus said "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27.

If Jesus calls me to listen to His voice, then He must be speaking to me. The problem is that I am usually making too much of my own noise to hear Him! I've been doing something about that this past week, and it's making all the difference in my days. I have started setting my alarm 30 minutes early and before I even get out of bed I raise the blinds (or turn on my lamp, depending on how light it is out), grab my bible and journal and my devotional, and I spend some time with God. I am reading the book of John right now, going through one section at a time and journalling about it. It's been amazing! I've also been focusing on listening more when I pray...listening more than talking. Seeking to be close to God, more than asking Him for things.  Shutting my mouth when I pray is not an easy thing for me to do! I always have things to tell God (as if He doesn't already know), things to ask Him for (as if He isn't aware of my needs), and I feel like I have to remind God of the obvious (if I'm going to open a daycare, then I need children, God!!)

See, I have all the preparations just about done, and still no families have signed up. I feel like I have done all that I need to do to get the word out and have even advertised in our local newspaper. I have been praying for God to bring the right families to me...but what I'm wondering now is maybe I'm the one who's not ready. Maybe God has some work to do in my heart and in my life before I can take on this new venture. I need to rely on His timing and do that one thing that is so hard for me sometimes.

Trust.

The other day I was praying about all of this and I asked God to show me if indeed this is what He wants me to do with my life (as if I need yet more confirmation than He has already given me). Are you SURE God? Maybe this isn't what You want me to do, if not then just let me know. I'll stay where I'm at with my job. I just need to KNOW! And I asked Him, which would give Him the most glory?

His answer came immediately and clearly. He said "Your circumstances do not bring Me glory. It's how you handle whatever circumstance that you are in that will bring Me glory. You can glorify Me by being faithful wherever you are."

Hello.

I know God has a plan. I know that He knows what He wants me to do. And I also know that He has been working on this trust issue with me for some time now.  That lesson of "learning to trust" is being woven into His plan for my life, and that plan apparantly involves some waiting. After all, how much trust would it require of me if everything all fell into place imediately? If there was no waiting to be done. No opportunity to trust the unseen. And now, in the waiting and the trusting, He is giving me the opportunity to bring Him glory...now. Before the families come. When people ask me how things are going and if I have any kids signed up yet and I say "no, but God has a plan and I'm trusting in His timing." Maybe that is part of His plan? Or maybe in the end He really will say no to all of this?

Whatever happens, I'm going to keep getting up at 6am and spending time with Him. I'm going to continue to learn to trust and bring Him glory whatever the circumstances are. And I'm going to continue to listen for His voice, to hear His Word...and DO it.

Will you join me?

Every few months I fall for it

2010-05-12T21:08:00.002-05:00

They are so tempting, the self check-out lanes at Walmart. When all the other (two) open checkout lanes are occupied, and have lines 4-5 carts deep, the self-checkout lanes call to me. They are so alluring and convincing with their promises. Promises that they will get me out of the store faster. Promises that I will be competent enough to work them. But they betray me, and just like taking back a cheating boyfriend, I fool myself into believing that this time things will be different.

It always starts out ok. A honeymoon period of sorts. I beep my way through the first few items in my cart without problems, and I am hopeful. Over confident, perhaps, that I do in fact have the ability to move a box of Q-tips in front of a little glass square properly...but alas, I do not. And after the 15th time that the machine yells at me for not "moving my items to the bagging area" I'm ready to wig. The whole exprience always ends the same...with me apologizing to the poor checkout girl who had to witness the whole fiasco and bear the brunt of my annoyance, and me calling myself an idiot under my breath as I push my cart out of the store.

Gah.

American Idol - Top 4

2010-05-11T20:10:00.005-05:00

It feels soooo good to be all caught up on our laundry!

Oh wait...I'm not all caught up. But I can imagine that it would feel really good.

Looks like I'll be folding laundry during Idol tonight (again). Oh well...here we go!

Lee DeWyze "Kiss from a Rose" - Hmmm....I don't know. I really, really love Lee and think he has so much potential to be a rock star. His voice was incredible  - raspy and relaxed and he seemed more comfortable than he has in the past.  But he was a little flat in spots and needs to learn to breath properly so that it doesn't interrupt the song. I don't think that was the best song choice for him, but I still think he's awesome and I won't be disappointed if he wins this.

Michael Lynche "The River Jordan" - I know that's not the actual name of the song but that's what I'm choosing to call it because it just seems like that should be the name. I don't even remember what movie this is from either. Well, I thought that was good. I liked the backup singers, but I just don't think it had enough punch. Not enough passion. It seemed like a good idea, but didn't really pull it off completely? But I can't identify anything that was bad, but like Randy said, even though it really annoys me when he says it, it was just "ah-ight."

Duets are next...I'm so EXCITED! What a cool idea, and Lee and Crystal together is going to sound amazing, I just know it. I just know. Prepare for lots of exclamation points and keyboard shouting.

I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU!!! See, THAT's why Lee is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! This is giving me chills. Now THAT is singing right there! WOW!!! What an amazing song. That performance could totally be on the radio right now, and will be on my ipod by the end of the night. The new Captain and Tennillle - HA! Ellen cracks me up. That may have been the best performance of the whole season so far. They absolutely brought out the best in eachother with that song. That's your top two right there (sorry Casey).

Oooooh, Casey is next...doing Simon and Garfunkel. This could be good. Love me some Simon and Garfunkel! Why did I just say "love me some"? Wow, I'm annoying myself tonight.

Casey James "Mrs. Robinson" - Ok, at first I thought he was doing the song too slow, too much like the original, and nothing special.  Halfway through the song, he really started putting some heart into it, he started making it original, and I really loved the ending.  Beautiful. The mandolin was very cool too. I liked it!

Crystal Bowersox "I'm Alright" - Excellent as always. I love what she did with the song, which I never really liked, but the way she sang it and put her own style into it, I thought was great. That girl can make anything sound good.

Hmmm...Casey and Mike doing a duet. Good song choice for a duet for two guys. Niiiiice harmonies and they are doing great with both acoustic guitars - love it!!  Not on the same level as Crystal and Lee's, but they did really well!

The judges were right, the duets ROCKED IT!

Best of the night: Lee in the duet w/ Crystal, hands down.
Going home: I have loved Casey since the auditions, but I think he'll be the one to go this week. Sigh.

And I got absolutely no laundry done. GAAAH!

A Mother's Day

2010-05-10T07:43:00.008-05:00

I had a fabulously wonderful Mother's Day! And a fabulous weekend actually...on Saturday we spent the evening (and into the night) at our very good friends The Marley's to celebrate someone's 40th birthday (who shall remain nameless but his name rhymes with Bone). There were many laughs and talks and sitting by the firepit and food (hello) and more laughs...hysterical make your eyes water laughing fits. I took very few pictures of the event because I was busy having all the fun! Ok, I did take at least one picture...

Could you resist photographing that face (and the back of Grandpa's head)? Neither could I.

But before leaving for the birthday festivities, we declared Saturday to be a "no TV, no computer" day at our house. After the initial grumblings and forehead crinklings and discussions about relationships and communication vs. staring at a stupid box subsided, we all had a wonderful day! The kids helped cook, played together, helped eachother with their Saturday jobs, and we had lots of talks and smiles and laughs before leaving for the partay. THAT, my friend, is family.

Mother's Day was also very wonderful and special...beginning with Vince and I sleeping in until 10:37!!! Bells were ringing and I heard the hallelujia chorus playing sweetly as birds softly chirped outside our window. Although we were sad about sleeping right through church, it was AWE-SOME!!! When was the last time we slept in that late? I don't know...college???

The kids gave me some very beautiful gifts...

The kids also each wrote me a letter, which Vince wanted me to read aloud to everyone but I adamantly refused due to the cryfest that would have undoubtedly ensued.

Vince made my absolute favorite meal...Penne Rustica (see the recipe on my sidebar). The house once again was filled with the droolingly delicious aroma of an italian eatery covered in rosemary and butter. Can you say leftovers for lunch everyday this week?

And then of course I had a lovely time photographing this little cutie patootie ~ our eight month old grandson Jaden!

And Mr. Wonderful got me this incredibly unique and fun thing...it's a mat, but I can't bear to put it on the floor and have people step on it so I need to figure out a way to hang it on the wall. Isn't this cool?

Thank you for a day, for a life, that I treasure.

Not My Blog!

2010-05-07T23:41:00.003-05:00

Here's where I get to share some of my favorite things I have read recently in other people's blogs. I get to toot someone else's horn instead of my own, which is refreshing because I'm afraid that tooting my own horn would sound something like a whoopie cushion.

Brigetta is a mom of four boys, and has a really thoughtful and fun blog called "Transparent Mama". In this post, she has eloquently and poigniantly spoken the desires of MY heart. Wow. I know spending quality, alone time with my kids and husband is truly important to me, but I have always felt defeated by the clock and the to-do list. Brigetta has helped me to see that I need to make the time, I need to make the time, I need to make the time, and set some of my own agendas down. We won't get these years back.

Jonathan is the author of "Stuff Christians Like" which is one of my favoritest blogs, and now is also one of my favoritest books. He's hilarious (just ask Dave) about explaining the weird stuff that we Christians do, without mocking our faith. Actually he is spot-on spiritually. Today, his wife Jenny wrote this post on his blog about one of my favoritest authors of all time....my Beth! And why we Beth groupies - er, I mean fans - feel the need to explain our affections to our husbands!

And finally, go and spend some time over here at Allysa's blog. Seriously, just go. When you get there, you'll know why I sent you.

Sleepy ramblings and a churchy word

2010-05-06T22:38:00.015-05:00

It is soooo quiet here! The kids are all in bed, and Mr. Wonderful is working late at church. (In addition to his regular job, he is also the head of the technology ministry at our church. They have been having some computer problems so he is there working on them tonight. What a guy. I'm pretty sure this will earn him some really sweet techy jewels in his crown. Maybe ones with lasers.) So now I'm the only one who is home and awake, and the house is sooooo quiet! I'm not used to it, what with all the comotion that is normally going on at all hours of the day and night around here, I don't know what to do with myself. Well, actually I do...sit here and ramble on my blog! Lucky for you.

I haven't been sleeping well this week, which has made me tired during the day and exhausted in the evenings. In fact, I'm falling asleep at the keyboard right now. Literally. My allergies are going in full force, and although my new prescription meds are working fabulously well on my normal allergy symptoms of itching and sneezing and what not, for reasons I won't go into (think nasal drainage - ewe, I said I wouldn't go into it. And there, I just did.) I have been up coughing at night. Alot. There is nothing worse than not being able to sleep when you are exhausted. Ok, there are alot of things worse than that, but allow me a few minutes to whine, would you? I have been getting up several times the past few nights to have a coughfest, blow my schnaz, take some cough syrup, and chastize myself for not being able to sleep. I know it's not my fault, but who else am I going to be irritated at?

I should be in bed right now, but instead I'm waiting for Mr. Wonderful to get home. I don't like going to bed alone anymore. Not only does it feel lonely, but I have grown accustomed to the sweet lull of Darth's breather and now I can't sleep without it....I mean him.

Things with the daycare are coming along nicely. I have several families who have expressed interest, but nothing in writing yet. I am tempted to be nervous about the fact that in about a month I plan on quitting my job and I don't have any committed children yet (that sounds bad, you know what I mean). Here is where I trust in God's provision and let Him work out the details. I am doing what I can...I have the vision. I am making preparations and plans. I am advertising and getting the word out. And I am waiting on God to bring this to fruition. That's a churchy word, isn't it? Fruition. I'm not sure people outside of the church use the word fruition.

Ok, the house is no longer quiet. Just now the car doors slammed, the back door opened and someone belched. Ah, the special sounds of living with boys.

Random Dozen - take one!

2010-04-29T04:49:00.008-05:00

I stumbled upon another funny blog (of course I did, what else is there to do at 3:45am when you have taken Benadryl instead of Claritin at bedtime and are now waiting for the Claritin to kick in?) I'm so glad I did because in this funny new blog I found the "Random Dozen", and thought it would be fun to partake. This is a weekly blog carnival (don't I just know all the bloggy lingo) kind of like "Not Me! Mondays", except it's on Tuesdays. I know, today is officially Thursday but I just found the blog. Get off me, gosh!

1. Have you ever been so lost that you were really afraid? Really? You are asking ME this? If you know me at all you know that I am frequently unaware of where I am. But have I ever been truly lost and afraid...yes. One time that I can think of. I was 19 and driving alone in Burbank CA for the day. (Really, I'm not making this up. It sounds high class, but it's really not.) I was visiting my boyfriend at the time and he had to work that day, so he let me use his car to bum around town. He either trusted me alot or he simply did not know me very well, because I can get lost driving around my own block. (If you think I'm bad now, can you imagine me at 19?) I was having the time of my life seeing the sights of Burbank, which of course had celebrities on every corner (not). I was also a little bit too confident in remembering how to get back to where I was, and all at once found myself on a freeway with a sign that said "Los Angeles" population 500 billion, or something like that. As soon as I saw that sign and realized that I was crossing over into the big city of death, I panicked. Being a small town girl from Minnesota, I immediately imagined that I was within moments of being attacked by gangs. This was years before cell phones, so I had no way of calling my boyfriend for help. I did survive, however, once I found an exit and turned around. I miraculously found my way back to where I started and parked it.

2. Have you ever been to an island? Why, yes I have. I went to Maui in 1996, and if you have ever been there then you know exactly why I have been begging people via my email address to take me there ever since. (It's takemetomaui (at) hotmail (dot) com). I think it may very well be the most beautiful place on earth.

3. Are you more of a thinker or feeler? I think I'm a feeler. My emotions get in the way of logical thinking more times than not. But you know what? I like it that way. (I think).

4. Do you tend to see issues or situations in life as black and white or shades of gray? I tend to see things in tie dye. I usually have trouble taking a stand on issues because I look at them from so many angles. This can also hinder making decisions and if you think it frustrates me sometimes, you should try being my husband for a day.

5. If you were stuck on an island, what book would you hope to have with you (Let's pretend the Bible is already there, so you can't say that.) Dang! That's what I was going to say. Well, then I'd pick the book I'm currently reading by Beth Moore "So Long Insecurity". I have just finished chapter one and have already been laughing and crying. It's really good.

6. What are you most afraid of? My children not being saved. They are, but they are young and the world is shouting loudly at them. Nothing is more important to me than their salvation and their walks with the Lord (but they would tell you it's keeping their stuff picked up and not talking with food in their mouths).

7. Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones? What kind of question is THAT??? Oh my, I don't know if I can choose. But if I have to, I'd say I'd rather lose old memories. It would be so sad not to remember special moments, but I don't want to live in the past for the rest of my life. I am trying to focus on today, and making everyday count. But now that I think of it, if I made new memories they would quickly become old memories and then they would be forgotten. See, tie dye.

8. Pretend I'm looking at a scrapbook page about you. There are three spaces for you to drop in individual pictures. What are those pictures of, and why did you select them? I can't pick just three!

This one is of my best friend Chris and I...we have been "BFF's" since 8th grade and my life would not be the same without her!!! (We like to use alot of exclamation points !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

This is my sister Donna and I. She lives in California (tear) but we are closer than ever. My life would not be the same without my big sis :)

The love of my life.....my Mr. Wonderful, on our wedding day. Need I say more?

And our kids...who are loved more than they can imagine.

9. If you were re-doing your wedding, what would you do differently? (If you're single, tell me one thing you would do if you were planning a wedding OR huge party.) Really, honestly nothing. Our wedding day was beautiful and more than we dreamed it would be. Ok, maybe one thing. We would not put disposable cameras on the tables at the reception because we spent over $200 for alot of pictures of children taking pictures of eachother taking pictures.

10. Tell me one thing you know/believe about forgiveness. That I don't deserve it, but God gives it anyway and that just blows my mind.

11. You're waiting in a doctor's office. What is your favorite way to pass that time? Read People Magazine and hope that strangers don't try to talk to me. Sorry, I know that sounds really rude, but I enjoy the quiet reading time with no other distractions. I don't have to be doing anything else at that moment but just sit and wait. Now that I type that out, it sounds really nice. I think I need to go to the doctor more often.

12. If there were a clone of you in a parallel universe what is one way you hope she/he would be the same as you and one way you hope she/he would be better? I hope that she would know Jesus, and I hope that she would know Jesus more. Oh, and that she would be a size 10 again.

American Idol - Top 6

2010-04-27T20:12:00.002-05:00

I'm really glad to see Shania Twain as the mentor tonight. I'm not a huge fan of hers, although I am a country girl...now Wynnona? THAT would be a mentor! Anyway, I think Shania will be great and I'm looking forward to seeing what she has to offer the contestants. I really, REALLY hope no one does "I Feel Like A Woman". It just doesn't need to be done.

Ok, here we go. I'm seeing Lee practice and already know he's going to be awesome.

Lee Dewyze "You're Still The One" - Yep. He's beyond awesome. Wow. That was amazing on so many levels. He is showing more style than I've ever seen him. Such raw talent. Can you say iTunes download?

"The only ones who really make it in the end are the ones who feel it the most" - Shania just said that while coaching Mike. I like it.

Michael Lynch "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" - Uh boy. I really want to like this, but I'm sorry - the song is just so sappy. He sounds like Luther Vandross, for sure...and if one were a Luther Vandross fan, this would be amazing. I don't know, it was good and all, but just not my style.

Casey James "Don't" - Niiiiice. Hello. That was incredible!

What in the world??? Did you see the ProActiv commercial and the girl with the eyes that looked like targets??? Wow. Can you say blink?

Crystal Bowersox "No One Needs To Know" I can't believe I'm saying this, but that was weak for me. Not the right song choice, at all. Too happy and chipper, and Crystal has far too much soul for that. She could have done so much more vocally with a different song.

Aaron's coming....I might need to make a trip to the bathroom. SORRY!

Aaron Kelly "It's In The Way" - It wasn't terrible. Not great, but not terribly terrible. Until he said he was singing it to his mom. Eew. It's a love song. That kinda creeps me out. And is that how you spell terrible? It looks weird when you type it out.

Have you seen this? Someone put this out on Facebook today and I've watched it 3 times. It's hysterical!

One more song of the night...

Siobhan "Any Man of Mine" - Ok, I like this song, but I have to admit I didn't hear alot of it because I was busy singing it to Mr. Wonderful :) However, I paid enough attention to it to find her performance a bit bipolar....too quiet in the beginning and manic at the end. But I think there are enough crazies out there who like her so against my better judgement she'll probably be around next week. No one listens to me.

Best of the night - Lee KILLED it, with Casey following a close second.
Needs to be done already - Siobhan
Vote off prediction - Aaron or Michael. Prolly Michael (sigh). I don't think his performance is going to appeal to alot of people, even though he did really well.

Random acts of thinking

2010-04-21T22:42:00.006-05:00

Today is beautiful outside! I am really getting in the mood for flowers, like the ones we planted on our decks last year...

Right now the decks are looking naked and I'm ready to get out the pots and the dirt and make a trip to the greenhouse for some flowers. (It's still too cold yet, so I'll have to wait. Sigh.) I never really go there with a plan, I just buy whatever I like and figure it out when I get home. Last year we got ALOT more flowers than we needed, and since I just couldn't bare (bear?) to throw any away, I just bought more pots and filled them up!

I recently heard about "straw bale gardening". I'm kind of interested in trying it. I love the idea of having a vegetable garden, but I'm afraid of it turning into a weed fest if I can't keep up. Maybe we'll just expand on our deck gardening that we did last year? We planted herbs and were really happy with the results, and all the fresh herbs that we cooked with all summer!

This is our basil plant, which turned into a humungus 3 feet tall basil tree!

Maybe we'll try adding peppers and onions or something this year in some of our bigger pots (if I don't buy too many flowers again, of course.)

I've gotten alot of great feedback on the daycare, but no one has committed yet. There is time, and I'm relying on God. After all, this was His idea! I'm surprisingly at peace about it, but I really shouldn't be surprised I guess. I know from experience that God provides for our needs...all the time.

My new books came today from Amazon...

The "Stuff Christians Like" book is hilarious, and I'm more than ready to dive into Beth Moore's new book too. I just recently read "Get Out of That Pit" and loved it.

I think Americans have an addiction to entertainment. And to noise. And to distraction. I'm watching American Idol tonight and noticing that every single commercial is about self indulgence...cell phones aren't just for communicating with others, they play music and movies so that you can escape from your real life anywhere and anytime.

I haven't been taking very many pictures lately, and I've been missing it terribly. My allergies are kicking in. I need to get going on the allergy meds so I don't have a repeat of last year!

Not Me! Monday

2010-04-19T11:51:00.005-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday!

This is my first "Not Me" post in many moons, because I just haven't done anything embarassing or "not me" worthy in all this time. Eh-hem, well, in the past few minutes anyway.

Ok scratch that. I just now almost dumped my entire plate of lunch in my lap, trying to balance it in front of the keyboard as I type this. And since it's awesomely yummy leftover pork chops and potatoes from supper last night, that really would have been a shame. Had I actually dumped that in my lap, however, I certainly would not have taken my fork and eaten it off my clothing because it is just that good.

Anyway, yesterday I did not bake a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting under the guise that it was for the kids. That would be far too tempting for me to have around the house and would completely negate my (feeble) efforts at giving up sugar. And even if I did, I would not have saved some of the chocolate frosting and hidden it in the frig so that when I snuck a piece for myself (which I did not) I could eat it with extra frosting.

And finally...not because I have run out of dumb things that I have not done, rather I have run out of time to type them all...upon returning home from work on Friday, I did not leave my keys in my car in the garage, apparantly in the "on" position for several hours, and thus drain my battery and requiring rescue from Mr. Wonderful. And I also did not let 4 boards of sheetrock fall against the van (in the same garage, about 30 seconds after discovering the dead battery) because I was looking for something behind them. I'm much too careful to make either of these (dumb) mistakes.

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week!

All I need is.....more children!

2010-04-16T06:50:00.002-05:00

Well, I jumped!

I've officially begun advertising for my new adventure! I have put out some flyers, started telling people and asking for referrals, and generally getting the word out. We live in a small town - a really small town (think Grumpy Old Men) so word of mouth is really all that anyone needs to get something going. Case in point...whenever anyone asks me where we live, all I have to say is that we live in "The Miller's old house", and they know exactly what I'm talking about. "Oh yes, the blue house with the cute little barky dog". Yep, that would be us.

I have an ad going into our town newsletter (we have a newsletter that is delivered to our door every month - I told you it's a small town). And Mr. Wonderful has created a website for me too! Isn't that wonderfully techy of him? It would have been finished days ago, except for the fact that I keep changing my mind about what I want on it. I know, shocker. He's being ever so patient with me about that, which I very much appreciate. (Really, hon, I do!)

Here is my logo for the flyer and the website:

(All kinds of

important stuff

is in this area

here)

I have flyers hanging in the bank and the cafe downtown, attracting lots of attention I'm sure. Crowds of people must be forming by now - pushing eachother out of the way, standing on their tippy toes just trying to get a peek at my flyer, right?! My parent handbook with all my policies and info is finally written (no more running to the computer every 3.5 minutes to make a change) and my contract is done too. I've developed a filing system for all the business paperwork (there is much more than I ever thought there would be), we've had the house inspected by the fire marshal and a visit by the licensing lady from the county. All is good, but we have a little work to do. We have to put lattice around our deck (something about small children falling through the slats) and the storage area under the basement steps needs to be sheetrocked, which Vince is already in the process of doing. So, my clean and organized basement is now cluttered with "stuff" that had to be pulled out of it's cozy little home under the stairs, and now our basement looks like this:

Hmmph. Thankfully I already had everything neatly packed from my home organization frenzy of the past few months, before Vince had to dig it all back out to put sheet rock in. I can't imagine what a mess it would be if I hadn't done that. (Actually I can.) Have you ever had an urgent feeling that you need to get some type of project done RIGHT NOW, but you don't really know what the urgency is, you just know that you need to get it done? Well, that's how I felt about our storage area under the steps a few months ago. I just had to get it done. Didn't know why, I just knew that I did. Now I do know why...God is always planning ahead. I'm so glad I listened!

And then there's the family room downstairs. We are converting that into a play and classroom area, and it is accumulating kid stuff already. We have had lots of wonderful things given to us (including a Little Tykes play house & slide for the backyard! Yes!) Our kids are willing to share some of their toys, and I've started frequenting Goodwill and other consignment shops looking for fun and educational toys 'n things. It's really been fun for me, especially to see some of the toys that my boys used to have and all the memories of them playing with these toys (that I used to own but am now re-buying for the daycare, don't get me started thinking about that).

So.....I guess this is REALLY HAPPENING! Right? It's happening, right? Now all I need are some children.

American Idol - Top 9 again

2010-04-13T20:34:00.002-05:00

Just finished dinner and made it to the couch on time to see Crystal, no intro tonight.

Crystal "Saved" - I really love the backup singers, wow! So cool! Loved the bluesy soul. I like that she didn't pick a popular song, it was very original and she did it with her own style for sure. She definitely took Adam's advice to add some energy - loved the electric guitar and she really looked like she was having a blast! Fantastic. She is such a natural star and I think I'll be shocked if she doesn't win. And may I just say that she is very classy to NOT do the number thing with her fingers during the phone number pitch.

Velma Orbison "Hound Dog" - I'm afraid to say this, but I think Andrew might do well with an Elvis song. It just seems like it will be his style. I'll let you know after the commercial...

Ok, I was a little worried the first verse, but after he got started he came out of his shell a bit and showed some style. I have to say that in a smallish kind of way, I kind of half-way liked it. But it didn't have enough wow to really be impressive, or to make me a fan.

Tim Urban "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" - Nice depth to his voice, love the acoustic guitar, and what he's doing with the song! He sounds like that guy that sings that song from Shrek ...anyway. Very, very beautiful, original, emotional.....oooh, there's the charlie manson eyes, but it's ok. I"m too distracted by the awesomeness of this performance to be scared. One word....wow!!!!

Now I have time to look up that Shrek song on iTunes, hold on...

Lee DeWyze "Little Less Conversation" - Here we go, Lee man...love the base solo, it added some drama and style to the song (as if he needs it). I don't care if he doesn't get all animated, he's just a mellow guy and that boy can sing! Very very cool!

Aaron Kelly "Blue Suede Shoes" - I don't think I need to hear this song again ever in my life. And I also don't think anyone needs to ever never again saunter down the stairs while they are singing. It just can't be done without looking corny. That said, Aaron is just too much of a boy for me to take him seriously. Everything he does just feels like a highschool performance, not authentic. But he has a lot of teeny-bopper fans so he may not be voted off just yet.

Siobhan "Suspicious Minds" - Ok....this is my favorite Elvis song - and actually one of my favorite songs altogether; but help me now it is just painful to listen to and see Siobhan perform it. Ugh. Bleck. MUTE!!!

Come on, Big Mike! Make us glad they saved you (even though I already am)!

Michael Lynch "In The Ghetto" - That was amazing. And that's all I have to say about that.

Katie Stevens "Baby What Do You Want Me To Do" - Get voted off. That's what I want you to do.

The judges are having more fun tonight, tho, which is kind of refreshing. And have you noticed that Ryan hasn't had any smart comments or even questions for the judges tonight? Coincidence? Hmmm...

Casey James "Lawdy Miss Claudie" Thiiiiiiiiis is gonna be good! Ummm, yea. Hello. That was a-maz-ing. And the judges........are you serious?????????? I don't understand it. At all. Their criticisms of him are ridiculous. I'm getting mad now.

I wasn't excited about Adam Lambert being the mentor this week. I liked him last year, but since then I have not at all been impressed with his image and how he is marketing himself. However, I thought he did a great job of mentoring and I was pleasantly surprised. He was honest and gave some constructive advice. He could have used a little more eye make up tho. Wow.

Best of the night: As always, Casey, and I just can't decide for second place between Mike, Lee and Crystal....and even Tim.

Need to go: Aaron, Siobhan, Andrew and Katie...don't care which, they all just need to go.

Fear, passion, and poptarts

2010-04-11T04:13:00.008-05:00

I don't like being in a state of limbo.

I don't like change.

And I have a fear of regret. Not just a passing fear, but a crippling fear of doing the wrong thing and then regretting it and beating myself up because of it and ruining everyone's life including my own. (I tend to get a little dramatic when I'm afraid). I don't like having to make decisions where I don't know what the outcome is going to be for sure - which is true of about 90% of decisions we make, I know, but for many decisions we at least have the illusion of knowing what the outcome is going to be and it's kind of comforting at least for a while until the bottom falls out and we realize that it was a bad bad idea and then we have regret, which is exactly what I'm afraid of. Breath.  (I also tend to ramble when I'm stressed, which you prolly already know).

I've alluded to this "big thing" in my life that God is doing, and I'm finally ready to share what it is....and no, I'm not pregnant.

(Drum roll please)

I'm seriously considering...

making plans...

pretty much for surely going to...

(taking a deep breath here)

...quit my job of 17 years and open my own in-home daycare & preschool!

Whew. There. I said it. It's happening. I think.

I'm tetering on the edge of this cliff, and I either need someone to push me over it or pull me back. I'm not sure which, but one thing I do know is that I don't want to teter anymore, and I don't want me to be the one to make the decision!  I want someone else to do it because I'm having a whole gamut of emotions and thoughts from excitement to terror, and like I said I have this massive fear of regret. I know that sounds dramatic, but I've made some pretty bad decisions before and this is a huge step for me. Not only me, but my whole family. It's a long term decision - not one that I can try out for a few weeks and then change my mind.

So, I'm stressed.  And when I'm stressed I tend to do alot of things to try and deal with it, which can quite often resemble a rollercoaster ride. Here are some of those things that I do, mixed with some things that I should do in order to deal with it and make a decision already:

Ramble alot. (done).

Make a list of the pros and the cons. (I've done that and the list is really "do it" heavy).

Pray. (I'm doing that alot and welcoming anyone and everyone to join me).

Get up at 3:16am and blog about my stress while eating poptarts. (Which is what I'm currently doing. I'll let you know later if it helps).

Remember that God is not a God of confusion.

He's also not the God of fear.

Pray some more.

Get Godly counsel.

Look at what my options are and spend some time imagining what each option would be like, and how it would effect my family. (This is the step that is currently tripping me up).

Trust. Trust that God will provide for our needs, no matter what. (Also tripping on this one a bit, even though I know that I know that I know).

Figure out where my true passion is...what God is placing on my heart to do. As I contemplate that, and seek to follow His leading, here is what I know for sure that I am passionate about:

1) I want to be there for my kids....truly be there. I want to be the one raising them, guiding them, and loving them everyday. It's what I've wanted since before they were born, and even though they are 8 and older, I know it's not too late.

2) I love working with children and families. I love making a difference in their lives...helping children grow, helping parents become more empowered and improve their relationships with their kids. This is what I do in my job now....you know, the one I've had for 17 years that I am terrified and sad about leaving.

These are my true passions. I know that for sure. And I also know for sure that God has a plan for my life. And when I look at how He has used the past two years...actually how He has worked in my life over the past 13 years since I was pregnant with my first born, I can clearly see how He has prepared my heart, guided my steps, and opened doors for these two passions of mine to come together to fruition.

I think I have my answer.

I'm ready to jump. Well, I'm close.

Oh, and the getting up at 3am eating poptarts and blogging thing? Works for me!

American Idol - Top 9

2010-04-06T21:38:00.003-05:00

Ok, first of all I have to get something off my chest...is it just me or is Ryan just not very happy this year? He used to be so cheerful and smiled alot, and the playful banter he had with the judges always made me chuckle. But this year it's different. There's an edge to it, and it's sometimes even uncomfortable.
Ok, here we go!

Aaron Kelly - "The Long and Winding Road". Oh baby boy...he's so cute, but soooo not ready for the big time. His vocals were pretty weak and the poor thing seemed very, very nervous. I don't blame him at all, how could he not be nervous?

I love how they are having the contestants talk about eachother between performances! It helps them not be so "me me me" focused. It's nice to see how they all support eachother and they obviously develop close relationships on the show. The backstage interviews are an interesting addition too...except they kind of make me feel like I'm at the Olympics.

Katie Stevens - "Let it Be" She's doing ok, but like Mr. Wonderful just said, I'd rather have heard Didi sing this song. Sigh. (They should have saved her.) Katie has a nice voice, but not nearly enough power to pull off this song. Randy....her best performance ever? Ridiculous? Wha??? I don't get it.

Velma Orbison - "Can't Buy Me Love". Oh dear. No. Just no.

Michael Lynch - "Eleanor Rigby". Go Big Mike! That was really, really good! I love that he chose a song that wasn't really popular, something different and original. He did fantastic.

Ok, can I just say that Simon needs to stop arguing with the audience. And pretending to be surprised that they boo him.

Crystal Bowersox - "Come Together". Oh yes, AWESOME song! Aaaaand, of course Crystal is amazing. I feel like I'm at a concert! She's so comfortable and shows her style consistently. And thanks to my husband, I learned what a didgeridoo is (had to google how to spell that). Best performance of the night so far.

Ok, Velma made me laugh with his "I love you Tim" comment. Maybe he's not so bad?

Tim Urban - "All My Lovin'". Wooooow! I'm surprised! Pleasantly surprised! That was really good!

Commercial break, time for some Googlie fun...

...am I wrong?

Ok, here we go...Casey's next! Casey's next! He's the best performance of the night, for sure.....er, wait. He hasn't sung yet.

Casey James - "Jealous Guy". I would type something about how beautiful the cello is, but I'm too busy drinking in his beautiful voice. Aaaaaaah. Excellence.

Siobhan Magnus - "Across The Universe". I think that's where her brain is. Sorry. One word...vacuous. Aaaand she has managed to get a half-scream in on a ballad. I'm confused...is she an artist or just a crazy person? I'm not sure, but I'm leaning towards the latter. And trust me, I know crazy.

Lee DeWyze - "Hey Jude". Started off a little rough, but that's what I like about his voice. He's doing pretty good, until..........the bagpipe dude? What in the world? That kinda creeped me out. Simon totally had it right, it was like he turned up on the wrong show! That aside, I like Lee, but he ended up kind of shouting the song. It reminded me of a bar band doing their final song of the night. Well, hypothetically speaking. I of course have never seen a bar band, and for sure have never been around for their last song. But if I ever had, in my very distant past, I can imagine it would have sounded something like that. Eh-hem.

Best of the night: Casey, my Casey - with Crystal a very close second.

Vote off prediction: Siobhan.

Love

2010-04-03T19:04:00.001-05:00

It's why He came.

It's why He died.

It's why you and I were born.

It's why we live with hope.

And it's why we'll die with hope.

Thank You, Jesus!

American Idol - Top 10

2010-03-30T21:05:00.004-05:00

Siobhan - oh, honey...not good. Really, really not good. She knows it too, you can see it in her eyes.  Poor thing. The judges are trying to be nice about it (well, except for Simon of course. He's about as gentle as lemon juice in a papercut.) But do they have to go on and on? Really. Now she's ready to cry. I've never been much of a fan, but if she's still around next week I hope she comes back and blows them away.

Casey - I love the song, I love how he smiles and has fun when he performs, and it's no secret that I LOVE his raspy voice! Helloooo! He just pulls through week after week with excellence. He's this year's Chris Daughtry in my opinion (and of course, it's all about my opinion.)  Phhht.

Michael - here comes the teddy bear! I've never heard this song before, but wow, I love it.  That was beautiful!! (Ellen just stole my words). He sang with such passion and emotion, and that's what it's all about for me. Absolutely beautiful. Loved the guitar too.

Didi - oh, I love her so much, but this just isn't working for her tonight. It doesn't fit her style, doesn't showcase her voice, and even the look isn't really "her". I'm with Kara...I'm confused. This was way out of character for her. Even so, I'm still a fan and I hope she comes back next week....Ok, what's up with Ryan and wanting her to explain why she chose the song??? She obviously didn't want to talk about it and he just kept pushing it until she cried! Wow, Ryan, way to be a jerk - gosh!

Tim - oh no. Sitting on the stairs...way cheesey. And when he wasn't closing his eyes he looked a little bit Charlie Manson with his eyes all wide staring into the camera like that. Kinda creeped me out.

Velma - not bad, but he sounded better in practice. I know he's popular, but I've just never gotten it about him. There's just something weird going on there. (Maybe the bouffant hair?)

Katie - uh boy, she's going to try another Aretha song. Yep. It's just as bad as I thought it would be. It's hard to concentrate on her voice tho with those humungo hoop earrings flapping around and distracting me.

Lee - this is going to be good. Yep it's good. Amazing in fact. This is sooo his style of song. I can't believe I"m saying this but I think he's this year's Daughtry. Sorry, Casey, but I'm going out on you....Lee ROCKED IT TONIGHT!!!   YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS! BEST performance so far, by a mile!!! And he's so humble, love that.

I totally want to go out and buy some Degree Naturals deodorant and some Midol now, just because of their commercials. I could smell good while I sleep amongst beautiful flowers. Nice.

Crystal - let's go, girl. Bring it. Love the piano, and she's so into this song.......awe, now she got up and started "performing". Ugh. Not the style I love about her, but know what, she can sing and she's showing her versatility and true talent even outside of her norm. (Deep breath). I love what Ellen said "you're never not good!" So true - she's the strongest girl this year for sure. She might just win and if she does, I'll be happy! I do however completely agree with Simon...she should stay true to herself and her style.

Doogie Howser - I kind of forgot that he's still even in it. He's trying so hard and he's got a good voice, but oh, sweetie, please don't rock your head like that. I know I know I know the teenie boppers prolly really love you, but this may be your last week. But thank you anyway - the song reminded me of my Kris from last year, and that makes me smile!

Best of the night: Lee KNOCKED IT OUT!
Vote off prediction:  I'm going with Siobhan.
Quote of the evening: "Would you have still married me if my name was Vince Goobernots?" - Mr. Wonderful

It's kind of scary what some people search for

2010-03-30T19:57:00.001-05:00

I use sitemeter to track how many people visit my blog.  Besides telling me how many visitors I get and what cities and countries they are from (that's kinda cool), it also tells me how people find my blog, which I find much more entertaining.  So I thought I'd share some of the Google searches people have used which inadvertently brought them here.

Searches for "i was coughing make me pee",  "how can i stop peeing myself", and (my favorite) "exciting pee" brought some poor souls to this post. Apparantly urinating on oneself is more popular than I thought. I just have one question...what in the world is going on???

"oh oh oh there's no place for i in life" brought someone here. I think, I couldn't follow the link so that's my best guess. After reading that tho, I'm a tad bit curious as to what this person was really looking for?

"where oh where are you tonight" brought some lucky chap here (what's up with my British talk, anyway?  'Cause I have no idea.)

"engraved on the palm of his hands" took someone here. I still love that post.

"zebra shirt lacey idol where" Wow. That sounds like something Yoda would say....on crack. Did they want to know where Lacey from American Idol got her zebra shirt?  I'm scared that I may have figured that nonsense out.

...and my favorite of ALL time is and forever will be...."ridiculously unnecessary"!  After a year and a half my blog is holding stead as the 7th most ridiculously unnecessary thing in Google land! YESSSSS!!! (I just had to check.) I'm not sure why, but that still makes me happy.

Read this with a British accent, please

2010-03-28T22:32:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure why the British accent, but do I need a reason? I think nawt, love.

I haven't taken any pictures in quite some time. So now I've decided to walk around my house and randomly take photos of what everyone is doing, and share them with you!

Kyle and Vinny are playing games in the living room...

Mr. Wonderful is sitting at the kitchen table, blogging...

Nick is telling us about the snowgoose hunting trip that, as I was walking around photographing everyone, he just returned from with his dad & grandpa....excuse the blur, but he was really excited!

Hope is down in Trevor's room, playing with her nephew...milka, whah?

Trevor is reading a book on his bed and hiding from me...

I"ll get a photo of him one of these days :)

So, there ya go - a snapshot of a Sunday evening at our house. Cheerio!

Really love

2010-03-24T23:35:00.003-05:00

What does it mean to love?

I should be able to write the book on that. I'm a mom. Moms love. And I'm a wife. Wives love. It's what we do, it's who we are, and it fuels everything we do. The heart of a mom and a wife is the one earthly place where everyone should feel secure, complete, and loved...right? I'm learning the hard way that it's not that easy.

God has been working on my heart lately. He is teaching me how to love. Really love. Especially when it's difficult. When, despite the veracity of love I have for my husband and our kids, and all the ways I try to show it, they sometimes don't see it and they feel unloved anyway. That can be discouraging, it breaks my heart, and causes me to have all kinds of doubts about myself. If I really love my husband and our kids (and I do), then why sometimes do they feel unloved? It has to be because I am failing them in some way...at least that's what I all too often tell myself. I'm failing them...failing to show them the love that I have in my heart, failing to heal their hurts and meet their deepest needs. Or worse yet, maybe deep down in the heart of my heart I don't really love them the way I want to or think I do? How ugly would that be if it were true?

These are some of the things that go running through my mind in my darkest moments - and trust me, running through my mind with the lights off is not a safe place to be : / Can you say land mine?

Sometimes I get in my own way and find it hard to love...when I'm too focused on myself and my own needs. Or when I am trying to show my love but my efforts seem fruitless and through tear filled eyes, and a heart that has been hurt, I hear the words (spoken or not) "I hate you. You're not good enough. You're not what I need. You're not my mom. You're not....you're not...."

It's in those moments when I feel defeated. Defeated by the very thing that draws me to them - love. It's then that I need to look beyond myself. I need to look past them, and meet eyes with the One who is standing over their shoulder...

Jesus.

I hear him saying "Do it unto me". When the person I am called to love is not accepting mine. When they are unloving. Unworthy. As I so often am. I need to look past them and see Jesus. To keep my eyes on the Author of love, Himself. It softens my heart and motivates me to love the (sometimes) unlovable. To forgive the unforgivable.

Even if that person is me.

Because that is what Christ does for me, everyday.

Another opportunity for the paparazzi, and some weekend rambles...

2010-03-20T12:07:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I went to my bank to get a money order. This in and of itself would not be blogworthy for the average person, but need I remind you that I am somewhat of a celebrity at Wells Fargo.....remember this?

As exciting as it is for them to see me in the drive-thru, it is apparently 83% more exciting when I come inside. They were obnoxiously thrilled to see me. The Toy Story Barbie waited on me, and she must have asked me if I had any plans for the weekend at least 3 times. Maybe her memory chip was set on repeat or something, because each time I gave her the exact same response and she didn't seem to notice at all.

Well, guess what...it's Saturday! It's the weekend!! And the sun is shining!!! Yay!!!!

I'm a little teeny bit excited, can ya tell? Last night we had a house full of kids (young adults actually), as Brittany and 4 of her friends were here overnight and left for the Mall of America this morning. They were up earlier than we were - due to the "Kirby Patrol". He absolutely can't stand not greeting (aka - licking and hyperventilating) guests, which is what he was doing at 7:30am. So once they were sufficiently awakened, Vince and I made pancakes and bacon for everyone before they headed out the door.

Now Vince is hanging sheetrock in the boys' bedrooms - we are on a mission to get them done soon, due to the new venture that we are embarking on that I have eluded to recently, but can't reveal just yet. I will be doing some more home organizing when I'm done blogging, and later this afternoon we will be heading to a birthday party that Kyle and Hope have been invited to at a rollerskating rink...boy does that take me back to 1980! We'll be dropping them off at the party, then going out for dinner by ourselves for a couple hours. Oh, one more big YAY!!!

American Idol - Top 12!

2010-03-16T21:03:00.004-05:00

Not so much excited about the Rollingstones theme, but we'll see what happens. It's so much cooler when the artist is actually there working with the contestants. I hope they do that this year...bring on Barry Manilow!

Michael Lynche - I really, really like Michael, but I don't know...this performance didn't really do anything for me. Maybe it was just the song, because the MAN can SING! I can't really critique him for anything because I thought he did a good job, but it was missing the "wow" factor for me. But seeing him with his little baby girl just made my heart melt....still a fan.

Didi Benami - Oh man, I love her more and more each week. I love how she changes her voice...I don't know how else to describe it. She is so talented and I love her unique style. It was a really eerie song, and she did it with passion. Awesome!

Casey James - Uh oh, Hellooooo! Hot guitar! Even hotter vocals! I love his bluesy / country style. He is SO going to win this thing!!!

Lacey Brown - Wow, she's a christian and a worship singer! That makes me really want to like her, but as much as I want to, I can't make her voice not annoy me. Hmmph. I loved the orchestra tho. Simon told her there was "nothing wrong" with her performance. I don't think there is anything worse to hear than that...it's kind of like being told by your husband that you look "nice".

Katie Stevens - Eh...

Tim Urban - Uh boy....yawn. I feel like turning the channel. What's the deal tonight??

Siobhan Magnus - I seriously dozed off during her performance. Somebody help me here.

Lee Dewyze - ok, I'm awake now! One word....YEA!!!! That was amazing, loved it!!

come on Crystal..........waiting to see what you've got tonight!

Paige - sorry, hunny but I was tucking my kids in bed. Didn't hear you sing.

Aaron Kelly - he's not bad, but not even close to the same calibre as Casey or Crystal. I'm pretty surprised that the judges were fawning all over him.

Crystal Bowersox - yes, baby girl you saved the night!!! She's amazing...loved how she walked out playing her guitar - so comfortable and relaxed and very very cool. She stole the night, in my opinion...after my Casey, of course!

OH wait, I forgot about Velma...er, I mean Andrew Garcia. That's ok, not a fan.

I saw enough of Paige's performance in the recap to say that she's my vote off prediction for the night.

Good Morning, Sun!!!

2010-03-16T07:34:00.004-05:00

Mostly to those who live in Minnesota and other states where it is winter 90% of the year...isn't it awesome to see the SUN again!!!! YESSSSSSS!

Sing to the LORD, all the earth;
proclaim his salvation day after day.

Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
he is to be feared above all gods.

For all the gods of the nations are idols,
but the LORD made the heavens.

Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and joy in his dwelling place. 1 Chronicles 16:23-27

American Idol - Top 8 Guys!

2010-03-10T21:12:00.002-06:00

YESSSSS! I'm excited tonight!  I rushed home after taking the kids out for supper because I thought it started at 7pm....that's ok, we had an extra hour to play before it started. And now..........it started!!!

Lee Dewyze - He's not real polished, but that's ok for me - he has an awesome voice! Lots of emotion in his voice and on his face, he really gets into his music and I love that kind of passion.

Alex Lampert - That was cool, I actually liked it. Alot. I have to confess that I was on the phone during his performance so he didn't have my complete attention, but what I heard I thought was really good! He's got a unique style.

Tim Urban - Three words AH-MA-ZING!!! That was completely awesome!!! So heartfelt, great song, beautiful. And I love that Ellen ran up and gave him a hug, that was cute.

Oh, this is so FUN tonight! If I weren't sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap (and lazy) I would get up and do a happy dance right now!

Andrew Garcia - I love all the guitars tonight, but Andrew is not impressing me. Pretty weak. Genie in a Batto? Hmmm...just my opinion, but if someone is going to be a singer shouldn't they be able to pronounce words correctly?

Here we go with the finger numbers again....good grief.

Ok, time to tuck kids in bed. Hopefully tonight I will not traumatize them by threatening to kill one of our pets like I did last night.  I'm still sighing about that.

Casey James - I am running out of words to adequately describe his awesomeness. Truly, I can't believe that the judges are so critical of him. He is blowing everyone else away, honestly.

Aaron Kelly - He's so cute. Seems out of breath, tho - nervous maybe? Sappy song, and I don't really buy it coming from him. He seems like he's trying too hard and it's just not that believable for me tonight.   I can't believe I'm saying this but I totally agree with Kara, he's 16 and that song didn't fit him. He was flat in some spots too. I don't know, the audience seems to like him, but he's my vote off prediction for tonight so far.

Ok....the judges are fauning all over him, after telling Casey that he was just "ok?" I'm almost ticked now.

Todrick is next....uh boy. He bugs me. Oh my gosh.....I"m annoyed already and his arrogant self just started. He's going to sing Freddie Mercury? Or Adam Lampert? Puleeze. Oh stand up already, I'm going to puke. And how did they get the backup singers from Lawrence Welk to sing on here? Wow.

Um, excuse me Simon, but "boring performances with people sitting on stools playing guitar???" Those are my favorite!!!

Michael Lynch - Oh, I love this song so much. And YEAAAA !!! He's knockin it out of the park!!! He should totally be a gospel singer! Beautiful! Everything about his performance was incredible. Oh my, Kara is crying. I must look away.

Tonight was awesome and went way too fast.

Getting voted off....I think it will be Aaron and Andrew (but I'm secretly hoping they get rid of Tod"ego"rick).

Best of the night....Casey and Michael all the way!

Things that have happened in the past month

2010-03-10T07:56:00.005-06:00

since we have started tithing...

Crashed my car: $500

IRS found a mistake on one of our tax returns from 3 years ago $360

Van needs unexpected repairs $185 so far (holding breath)

Dog chews up my mask for my c-pap machine $250

*Note to self: Unless you want to frighten sleepy children and make them cry, you prolly shouldn't yell "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT STUPID DOG!!!" upon discovering that it has chewed up said mask. It has "wicked stepmother" written all over it, and your husband will have to swoop in and do damage control until you have regained your composure enough to reassure the children that you will in fact not be killing the (stupid) dog. Big sigh.

Is this God testing our commitment and our faith? Is this satan trying to derail us? (the dog one definitely is). Perhaps it's both. I can just see satan saying, "Oh sure, they are committed now, but if I throw enough trials at them they'll give it up."

All I have to say to that is........watch us!

American Idol - top 8 girls

2010-03-09T20:06:00.005-06:00

It's girls night? AAAK! I was looking forward to seeing the guys. Sigh. Oh well....

Katie Stevens - Well, at least she moved out of the songs that made her sound like a 40 year old.....but, oh my. It's not so good. She was flat and just, yea. Not so much.

Siobhan Magnus - the slow talker....SORRY! I know, I know, it's a singing competition. Well now she is singing and WOW!! Killer acapella!!! WHOA ~ that was awesome!!! Excellent vocal control, and she hit every note dead on!

Sidenote...so why didn't Katie have an interview prior to singing? They just sent her out there on stage with no warning at all.

Lacey Brown - Yep. Just as annoying as last week. Maybe more, if that's possible.

Dear American Idol contestants,
Please stop holding your fingers up while Ryan is reading your phone number to everyone after your performance. It makes you look really dumb and pathetic. If people want to vote for you, they'll get your number off the screen at the end of the show. And since they are watching the show, I'm pretty sure they can read. And hear. So your fingers aren't helping. That is all.

Katelyn Epperly - on the keyboards, hello! Hmmm...I want to love it more than I do. Is she really playing piano, or just finger-syncing it? I can barely hear the piano and she looks like she's fake playing. Not special.

Yawn....

Didi Benami- YEA!!! I LOVE her voice, and she did absolutely FANTASTIC with that song!!!!!

Paige (thegirlwho'sgettingvotedoffthisweek) Miles - Gag.

Crystal Bowersox- One word...WOW! Keep the dreds if you wanna, baby girl, you are IN-CREDIBLE!!!!! LOVED that!!! AND she didn't do that stupid number thing with her fingers - amen!

I still laugh every time I see that Minute Maid commercial where the teacher shocks the bunny with the balloons :)

Lilly Scott - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to her performance but I've been sitting here on the couch with my mouth hanging open. What. The. World. Was. That? It was beyond weird.

Well, that's it. In summary: Siobhan rocked, Didi ROCKED, Crystal RAH-HOCKED tonight !!!!!!

Now, bring on the guys tomorrow night!

Insanity

2010-03-08T19:37:00.012-06:00

Oh my...God is doing things. BIG things! I can't really share details right now, but I am definitely on the cusp of something grand. I can see it on the horizon, and what I think I see is all at once exciting and terrifying. I may have mentioned this before...I hate change. I don't necessarily hate the results of change, but it's the process that really freaks me out. I like things to be predictable and comfortable. I like to be able to see the way things are going, where I am going, and see each step that it will take to get there.

But that's quite often not how life plays out, and I think God does it that way on purpose. Prolly has something to do with trusting in Him and all that nonsense. It really is nonsense, you know, to trust in God. In the natural world, it's nothing short of insanity.

"You want me to build a what? A boat? In the middle of the desert?"

Craziness.

"You want me to lead a million people across the desert...but You aren't going to tell me where we are going, or how long it will take to get to this place we don't even know really exists?"

Insanity.

It doesn't make one bit of sense to trust in Someone we can't see, to relenquish control of our future and our decisions to a God who does not give us guarantees. At least not the kind that I seek. I want to know before I partake in something that it is going to work, that everyone will be happy with the results, and that it won't hurt too much or take me too far outside of my comfort zone to accomplish it. But God doesn't so much work that way. He rarely operates within our comfort zones (I so hate that!) His greatest works are accomplished at the edge of the cliff. That very moment when we finally surrender...let our toes curl over the edge of that cliff and take that leap of faith into the unknown. I think that's when God takes a deep breath, throws His arms up in the air and says "YES!!! She jumped!!! Now....I can work."

Here I am at the edge of the cliff. Realizing that in all it's craziness, it's exactly where God wants me to be...trusting in Him when in the world's eyes, that looks ridiculous.

I am totally nuts...and I'm getting ready to jump!

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength".
1 Corinthians 1:25

Let Mercy Lead - Rich Mullins
Let mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There'll be a drop of grace
If we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will save
Those who believe
Although their foolish hearts may break
They will find peace
And I'll meet you in that place
Where mercy leads...

American Idol - Top 10 Girls

2010-03-03T20:57:00.004-06:00

I just have to know, what's up with the long scarves on the guys? Andrew wore one last night, and Michael has one on tonight in the audience. Interesting.

Anyway, sittin' here on the couch with my sweetie again, this time folding laundry and waiting for Idol to start. Watched the last 3 minutes of "Two and a Half Men" and am reminded again why that show is banned in our house. I can't believe that smut is allowed on tv at 7pm!

Ok, here we gooooo!!!

Crystal Bowersox - Really really like her personality....now she's singing and YEAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Love love love the song, and her gravely, soulful voice! Little bit Jewel, little bit Patty Griffin...she's natural and genuine. Amazing! She should lose the dreds tho, but that's just me.

Haeley Vaugh - Ok, I'm sorry, I just have to say it. She has a lisp. Has no one noticed this? She is really sweet and cute and everything, but I'm very surprised that she has made it this far. Vocals were really bad. She's my vote-off prediction for this week.

Lacey Brown - I'm trying really, really hard to find something about her that doesn't completely and utterly annoy me. Nasally, whiney voice? nope. Finger in the light socket hairdo? um, no. Poofy zebra shirt with eighty necklaces? Fake fake fake.

Katie Stevens - She's cute and funny and weird and she laughs at herself, and I love that. She has a pretty voice, but it's not nearly powerful enough. Just eh for me.

Commercial break....and I'm kinda bored so far. Crystal was the only one that I've enjoyed tonight. However, I have been utterly entertained by our children - Hope and Kyle - who called me outside to watch them rollerblading down the driveway, bent over with their hands behind their backs like olympic speed skaters. That was so immensely cute that I didn't have the heart to yell at Kyle for being outside in shorts - even though it is like 29 degrees out.

Didi  Benami - Oh my, I love her! She prays and meows - how many people can say that? She has a fantastic voice and I know she's going to be awesome......YEP, she is!!! LOVE love love what she's doing with this song! She is unique, and totally my fav so far (for the girls). Really surprised at Randy, Kara and Simon's criticism. They can just shut it, she did good.

Michelle Delamor - Ok, weird song choice for a girl?? Weak voice, not impressed. She does look good tho, so I agree with the judges on that one.

Blaaaah...still bored.

Time to tuck the kids in bed! They just finished their showers and Kyle made himself a Jimmy Neutron/Ace Ventura mowhawk. Ok then. His hair should look quite interesting in the morning.

Lilly Scott - One word. Ick.

Commercial break again...time for a brownie :)

Katelyn Epperly - WOW! She was awesome! Loooove the piano (white baby grand.....mhm), and I thought she did fantastic. I love how she played the piano so simply. And if they ever decide to turn this into a gong show, they wouldn't have to purchase a gong, they could just use one of her earrings. Bonus.

Paige Miles - Likes to....color?  Hmmph. Not sure I would have chosen that to tell America about myself. Well, guess what....the girl can sing!!! AWESOME song choice. She's not my favorite, but she's good and I think she has a chance at being in the top few.

Victoria Secret girls again? Seriously, those commercials are one step away from pornography.

Siobhan Magnus - Great song and she can sing, but she can't pull off Aretha. Vince disagrees with me, tho, after that high note - he loved it! That was brave of her, so I'll give her that. I have to agree with Simon, parts of the song were bad and parts were amazing, so we'll see how she does after tonight.

Overall......bring on the guys!

American Idol - Top 10 Guys

2010-03-02T21:08:00.003-06:00

It's my favorite show! I wait for it all year, and it's the only thing I watch faithfully. It's been really fun so far watching all the auditions, and I have to say I'm so glad that they didn't let any idiots through this year (remember Sanjaya and Tatianna? Good grief.)

They're down to the top 20 this week, woo hoo! This is when it starts to get good and I start really paying attention. So, here I am snuggin' on the couch with my sweetie, watching AI and deciding to type my play by play commentary live, as it happens. Try to contain your excitement :) Here we go!

Michael Lynche - he's just cute. A big teddy bear (I love big teddy bears - especially mine:) Love his story, and he can sing!

John Park - snoozer.

Casey James - he's been my prediction as this year's winner ever since I saw him in the auditions - LOVE HIM!!! Yea!!!! Awesome guitar! Love his voice - except this song didn't really showcase it. I like how he handled the criticism from Kara (gag) and Simon, even though I don't agree with it. He seems humble, which I really like. Arrogance is such a turn-off in an artist!

Alex Lambert - This kid is actually pretty good! Surprised me. Kind of Michael Buble'ish with a hint of country. Falsetto, not so much - but otherwise I like his little gravelly voice and I think he'll be around for a while.

Commercial break....my favorites from years past have always been the guys.  Kris Allen, Danny Gokey, Chris Daughtry (totally robbed), David Cook, Justin Guarini, Taylor Hicks. Brooke White was awesome, too!

Back to the show...

Todrick Hall - Ick already. He's arrogant and full of himself. And he hasn't even sang yet. Bad bad bad song arrangement. Flat vocals. Cheesey.  I predict he's getting voted off.

Jermaine Sellers - whah???? "dey know what dey talkin bout?" And did he really just say "Jesus is my homeboy?" Seriously...where is the mute button.

Andrew Garcia - I like him. Nice attitude. Nice song. Interesting voice, I hear a little Danny in him. I don't think he'll win, but he's not bad.

Aaron Kelly - awe, what a cutie! Great song, but I don't really like what he did with it. You're good for sixteen, honey, but you lost me at falsetto.

Commercial break again....really? Do they need to have Victoria Secret commercials with women in their bras and underwear? Oh dear, I don't have enough hands to shield all the boys' eyes from this.

Tim Urban - He prays, yay! Great song for him.  I like him and for once, yay Simon!

Lee Dewyze  - I like him. Alot. I love that he cried when he was put through to the finals! Love his acoustic, rough voice. I hate that song, though (it's about cheating). But he is passionate and intense and he sang it really well.

So, there ya go! This was fun :) Time for some AFV with my boys...

Did I just post three times in one day? Yes, yes I did.

a new thing

2010-03-02T07:54:00.002-06:00

This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters...

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

A new thing...God is doing a new thing in me. I've been in a wasteland of sorts for a while now, and it all centers around my feelings about myself as a mom. Feeling like I'm failing my kids on so many levels. I know that's not very Brady Bunch of me to say, and I don't want to be misinterpretted as saying that our home or our family is a wasteland. The wasteland has been in my own heart and mind, and the mighty waters that have been raging against me have been made up of discouragement, discontentment, and sometimes even hopelessness.

Doesn't sound like something that a happily married, mother of many awesome kids, daughter of the King should be saying, does it? Which is prolly why I haven't been blogging about it 'til now. The truth is, I have been walking in a desert of discouragement for some time and like I said a couple posts ago, God has been growing me and stretching my faith. And boy do I have the stretch marks to prove it! But today, I am seeing some light break through the clouds. It's funny, I have figured something out about God and me...when I find myself in a place of almost desperation, after begging and pleading for Him to change something in my life, when I feel like I just can't take the way things are for one more minute longer...it's then that I realize that I am usually on the brink of something big that He is doing in me. Something is about to change, kind of like labor pains. They get harder and harder until you feel like you can't take it anymore, and then poof! Something beautiful and miraculous happens and you see what God has been doing. You see what His purpose was in all the struggle and the pain and the waiting.

And you realize that it was worth it.

That's where I am. God is birthing something new in me....a newfound hope, and a sense of purpose. It's a journey through the desert that He's been walking me through for some time now, and not without alot of kicking and screaming either. More than once, He has stood there patiently waiting, as I whine and pout and curl up in a fetal position next to the path, refusing to continue until He does something about the sand and the heat. Honestly, I was sick to death of feeling defeated, discouraged, not seeing where I was going or seeing the fruit of my labor...or my prayers.

Why hasn't He made a way for me to be a stay at home mom? It has been my heart's desire and something I have prayed for since I was pregnant with my firstborn. I'll never forget the day that I went back to work after my maternity leave - when my husband carried our son into our daycare provider's house as I watched from the car because I couldn't bring myself to do it. I watched through her living room window, and through my own tears, as he handed our son to her and walked out the door.  My heart broke and for days and weeks and months and years I prayed that God would make a way for me to be a stay at home mom. He didn't. And I didn't understand why...until six years later when my husband walked out our door. Then I saw the wisdom and purpose in God saying "no" to my prayers. He knew that day was coming and that I would need my job to support my sons as a single mom.

Now all our kids are in school, and I don't need to be home during the day anymore. I missed my chance.  But if I'm being honest, I have never let go of that dream. And I have never forgiven God for saying no to it. Maybe "forgiven" isn't the right word to use, after all we have nothing to forgive God for, that's ridiculous! But I have felt like He has let me down all this time. Even now, I want to be here when they get home from school. And as Vince and I prepare for the upcoming summer months when our kids will be home from school, I want to be here with them. And as I have been facing some not-so-fun challenges at my job in the past year, my desire to be home, or just to escape the stress has intensified! That's a big reason for all the discouragement. Combine all that with feeling like a failure when our kids are fighting, complaining, and aren't always happy all the time...feeling guilty for not spending enough time with them...

Downward spiral, anyone?

So, that's what I've been walking in and pleading with God to deliver me from.

And here is where the break in the clouds comes in...God has shown me (again) through this trial that while sometimes He deliver us from things, other times He chooses to deliver us through things.  And all while not changing our circumstances one bit. He's not so much interested in our circumstances as He is in the condition of our hearts. It's a lesson that He teaches me over and over again. True contentment comes only from our relationship with Him, not from our circumstances.

God is showing me that I need to embrace where He has placed me and stop wishing for something different.  God can use me in the lives of others through my job, and He is. He can also equip me to be the mother that He calls me to be in the lives of my children. And if He so chooses, He can still honor my prayer to be a stay at home mom...or not. Either way, I'm choosing to trust Him, to embrace the life that He has given me. To stop peering over my stay-at-home neighbor's fence and pining over her green grass, and tend to my own lawn. And let God do His thing!

This is what the LORD says—

he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters...

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

Running

2010-03-02T07:27:00.007-06:00

I hear the voice, the voice of the One I love
He’s calling my name.
I hear the voice, the voice of the One I love,
He's calling my name, He's saying…

"Come up higher and hear the angels sing
Come up higher, my beloved
Come up higher and leave this world behind
You'll find Me to be beautiful."

I am running, running after You
You've become my soul’s delight
I am running, running after You
Here with You I find my life.

One thing I desire, this will I seek after
To dwell in Your house forevermore
Now I'm running after the thing that really matters
You've become my joy and song.