tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-167114732024-03-14T00:18:21.250-05:00Rants and RamblesRant...to talk in a noisy, excited manner.
Ramble...to write in a long-winded, aimlessly wandering fashion.Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.comBlogger417125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-72519067405158611552023-11-12T15:40:00.008-06:002023-11-12T16:47:03.512-06:00Apparently I'm still pretty busy<p>It's been over a year since I last blogged. Do people even blog anymore? Should I? I don't know. I never really did it for others anyway, I do it for myself. So I just need to decide if I want to continue and today I do, so here we go.</p><p>Another year in review, still sticking with the short phrases method...</p><p>~ Fall 2022~</p><p>Still thinking about baby boy's wedding <3</p><p>Rennaissance with Jaden</p><p>growing up too fast!</p><p>Apple orchard with kids & grands</p><p>So stinking cute!</p><p>Met the Howard family at the Pinicon</p><p>~ Winter ~</p><p>Family Christmas at Hope & Connor's in PJ's!</p><p>Rotary lights on a horse-drawn carriage with my love</p><p>Vegas!</p><p>Sister, nieces, nephews, and grandnieces...love!</p><p>no more flight anxiety...PTL!</p><p>"Elton John Show" at TI with Hope & Connor! </p><p>~ Spring 2023 ~</p><p>Nick & Katrina bought their first house</p><p>Watching our kids adulting = amazing!</p><p>Speaking of amazing...</p><p>HAWAII!!!!!</p><p> He took me to Maui :) </p><p>Love.</p><p>Brooks & Dunn!</p><p>~ Summer ~</p><p>Dad & Kathy's 40th party!</p><p>Family time :)</p><p>Photoshoot</p><p>Hysterectomy, long recovery, back to work</p><p>Bye-bye hellacious periods = worth celebrating \o/</p><p>Over halfway through to my MSW...WHAAAH??? </p><p>A lifelong dream coming true.</p><p>It's happening.</p><p>This is also happening...</p><p>~ Fall ~</p><p>Baby girl got engaged!!!!!</p><p>Wedding coming in 2025!</p><p>Also WHAAAAH?!</p><p>I love my family.</p><p>I love love <3 </p><p><br /></p>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-76482312190912110672022-09-28T21:28:00.004-05:002022-09-29T06:34:59.134-05:00I've been busy<p>and my brain can only spew out short phrases right now, so here goes a summary of my life over the last six months...</p><p>heart attack #3 </p><p>surgery for my bionic husband</p><p>intermittent fasting for the win</p><p>walking in sunshine is therapy</p><p>losing weight, feeling great</p><p>grad school, it's really happening</p><p>dream coming true</p><p>destination wedding...my baby boy got married!</p><p>we danced <3 </p><p>so many special moments</p><p>and forever memories</p><p>remembering how to study and take notes and write papers</p><p>loving it, killing it</p><p>I'm going to be a psychotherapist (whaaaat?)</p><p>buried my mom and stepdad...didn't realize how much that would mean to have her here by me again</p><p>started watching Modern Family :) </p><p>hired someone to clean our house</p><p>got to see my sissy…twice!</p><p>she gave me the ultimate most awesomest purse evah! game over :)</p><p>started using a big planner because it fits in my most awesomest purse…game changer</p><p>booked a trip to hawaii! </p><p>mr. wonderful is taking me to maui :) </p><p>the end</p>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-59810944397971909462022-03-29T22:17:00.011-05:002022-04-02T03:15:52.444-05:00You Don’t Say!<p>Lucy and Elmer lived in the red house next door. They were super old people, at least that’s what my four year old self thought. I used to go over and visit a lot. Elmer was always outside, wearing farmers overalls and a hat with a brim, walking around the yard or doing man stuff in his garage like my dad. If he wasn't too busy he would smile and say hi to me which was nice, but I was there to see Lucy. </p><p>I don’t remember exactly what she looked like, but I think she wore glasses and had brown, wavy hair. Or maybe it was grey? I didn't pay much attention to appearances then, and the same is true now. If you ask me what someone looked like or what they were wearing I might have a vague recollection, but it will most certainly lack detail. I'm much more likely to remember what someone said, or how they were feeling. </p><p>Lucy was always in her kitchen with an apron on, busy at work making something. I remember her rolling out dough with a rolling pin and sometimes she would let me roll it. She always seemed so happy to me, carefree and smiling. She would listen with delight to whatever I had to say…which was a lot. I would go on and on (and on) about my favorite show…Gilligan’s Island, telling her every detail and according to my dad would even include the commercials (Lucy wasn’t the only one who was blessed with my Gilligan stories). </p><p>And Lucy gave me the greatest gift…she listened. She not only listened, but she engaged with me, as if she was truly interested and thrilled with every word. “You don’t say!” was the response she gave after every exclamation I made. And that of course encouraged me to keep going. </p><p>She never seemed to tire of it. </p><p>I remember more than once my mom yelling to Lucy from across the yard that she could send me home if I was bothering her. Lucy always seemed surprised at the thought and said no, that I wasn’t a bother at all! And I believed her. Such a sweet lady. </p><p>She made me feel special, and that was something. </p><p>I hope I was that kind of mom to my kids when they were little. I wanted to be and still do. I want my kids, my grands, and whoever I'm with at the moment to know that they matter, I'm <i>really</i> listening, and that besides Jesus they are the most important person in the room. </p><p><i><span style="color: red;">"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou</span></i></p><div><i><span style="color: #38761d;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmI2MW72aKjvdNLTla0GrGNNrxH2PAjKg_jsD9E9ZvsVg7cCyLTehJPPmOZEPMnF6ORO586PV7RHhJsscjKGbRfwUIgkq55wFIvRmia9Z2h0F-AH6G8pV0SmjWuCOkJ-UrIQfpaKbUzH7GmgJjOKqAOavCkq_5PFi6IYsiFCmtNFulRTKgC7Q/s4032/IMG_1743.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmI2MW72aKjvdNLTla0GrGNNrxH2PAjKg_jsD9E9ZvsVg7cCyLTehJPPmOZEPMnF6ORO586PV7RHhJsscjKGbRfwUIgkq55wFIvRmia9Z2h0F-AH6G8pV0SmjWuCOkJ-UrIQfpaKbUzH7GmgJjOKqAOavCkq_5PFi6IYsiFCmtNFulRTKgC7Q/w480-h640/IMG_1743.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsYwVZguMlN9utTyJKxeXbP3wee4oLirGrYxfJft5Tf5XMbJ8LY0f9Z2kRGEcNl1fkzIfyKXguvgTfXQ_JequOpxmQ3KSFqRPuvakBLCH9zQiYPGxRmhz0IDX_Az6vQJCvLxFfc8TsVWEde-PkU8ouJEDevssKTlm2tRKVOFXStyashX2fkuM/s4032/IMG_1320.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsYwVZguMlN9utTyJKxeXbP3wee4oLirGrYxfJft5Tf5XMbJ8LY0f9Z2kRGEcNl1fkzIfyKXguvgTfXQ_JequOpxmQ3KSFqRPuvakBLCH9zQiYPGxRmhz0IDX_Az6vQJCvLxFfc8TsVWEde-PkU8ouJEDevssKTlm2tRKVOFXStyashX2fkuM/w480-h640/IMG_1320.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuXfyUmfZFmt9Rmn-HrWpNyVA3ngwUWHIxGyPH0DZgvKpBem3P8S5vmoe4Ill-8rQSy3tgrZlhew1yKCoK5A66a3ZlGZNcGz-dxp3gALuN4FPBZZU6jzH9DHFRZvwVaYFBVw9hDeJc1arcry0r_DDymufcHDfjqUsAgOJRNkQYYwViRyzCPmU/s4032/IMG_5536.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuXfyUmfZFmt9Rmn-HrWpNyVA3ngwUWHIxGyPH0DZgvKpBem3P8S5vmoe4Ill-8rQSy3tgrZlhew1yKCoK5A66a3ZlGZNcGz-dxp3gALuN4FPBZZU6jzH9DHFRZvwVaYFBVw9hDeJc1arcry0r_DDymufcHDfjqUsAgOJRNkQYYwViRyzCPmU/w480-h640/IMG_5536.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></span></i></div>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-39142621704765227592022-03-16T03:43:00.004-05:002022-03-26T07:37:31.787-05:00Fighting demons<p>I'm tired.</p><p>Fighting demons is exhausting, especially the ones that continue to haunt me long after I thought I had beaten them. </p><p>It's a fight, nearly every day to keep trying. To not let them win. But the temptation is strong to give up and give in to unhealthy habits, and have immediate freedom from the struggle. Whatever it is in the moment.</p><p>"Just have it, you'll feel better."</p><p>Escape. Numb. Give up.</p><p>"The fight is too hard, it's too hard to resist cravings and I don't have the energy."</p><p>"It won't matter anyway. This one thing won't change anything. Not really. Not today. I mean, look at me?"</p><p>"I can begin again tomorrow. Or next week". </p><p>Or never.</p><p>These are all things I tell myself, except they are all lies and I know it. Even as I'm saying them, I know. </p><p>Numbness wears off and escape finds its way back to reality. </p><p>A reality that never seems to change. </p><p>I can't seem to change it anyway.</p><p>God can, but He's slow about it.</p><p>And I don't appreciate that. </p><p>When relief is what we seek, the last thing we want to do is have to wait for it. </p><p>Change takes time and I hate that about it.</p><p>I crave the destination, but the journey isn't always pretty. </p><p>It's kind of like riding in an airplane. </p><p>It terrifies me. I have lots of things in my arsenal to help me through it including meds and oils and wrist bands and snacks and music and alcohol. "Flying Lisa" is a whole thing. She's all about creating an alternate reality designed to numb out, escape, hide from the fear and the struggle rather than facing it. </p><p>I don't want to live afraid. </p><p>I don't trust God with my fear. I tell Him I do, much like I tell others and myself. But truth is I don't. </p><p>Not really.</p><p>Not enough to let go of my arsenal of antidotes. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><i>Antidote: a medicine taken or given to counteract a particular poison.</i></p><p>My poison is fear. And it's deadly. </p><p>It slowly kills the life I want to live, the faith I want to rely on, the truth I want to believe. </p><p>What am I so damn afraid of? I've been living with it my entire life, this fear, but I'm not sure I've ever really tried to figure out what it is. What is its purpose, besides to destroy me? Maybe that's the only purpose. A demon's purpose is to be demonic. To steal, kill and destroy, according to the bible. </p><p>Maybe that's just it. Maybe it's not more complicated than that. </p><p>Demons have arsenals too, and their weapons are fierce and consistent. They trip me up and snarl at me to stay down and sometimes I listen. It feels safer to stay low rather than continue to be knocked to the ground over and over. When I"m crawling around in the dirt I don't have so far to fall. I can sit there with my head on my knees and protect myself from inhaling the dust that gets kicked in my face. </p><p>Except I'm not really protected. I'm imprisoned. </p><p>Security is not found in isolation, </p><p>and freedom is not found in escape. </p><p>The more I scrounge around in the dirt, the deeper the pit I inevitably dig for myself.</p><p>And a pit is not a home.</p>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-43387046972340242942021-12-17T02:58:00.001-06:002022-03-16T03:48:01.756-05:00What's happening<p> It's more of a statement than a question...or I guess it's both. </p><p>What's happening.</p><p>I have a confession to make. 2021 has kicked my butt. There I said it. No sugar coating, just being real. I'm not going to pretend that I've been riding waves of strength and peace as I've navigated through this past half-a-year since Vince's heart issues began (or surfaced, rather). They began long before that day that he had his first heart attack in May and I suppose that's the root of my problem. </p><p>It snuck up on him, and thus, us. </p><p>And that's always been my greatest fear...being blind-sided. Scary things are lurking in the dark and without warning, they will jump out and attack. Call it fear of the unknown. Paranoia. Whatever. I've struggled with it my entire life. I'm afraid to be happy and calm because then I let my guard down and am not prepared for the thing. </p><p>The thing that's lurking, taunting me, waiting to pounce.</p><p>And it leaves me in a constant state of fear of what if...what's next. What's the next bad thing that's going to happen. And it's this fear that steals my joy, and sometimes my faith.</p><p>Here's where I'm supposed to trust God. I'm so tired of being afraid. Trying to drown my fear with food, distraction, avoidance doesn't work in the long run, it just leaves me tired and parched, feeling weak and defeated. </p><p>I don't really have the answers right now. It's 3am and I'm tired. What I do know is this...the truth does not depend on my feelings. And the truth is that I have victory in Christ. He has not left me alone to fight my battles without weapons. He is there and gives me all that I need to live a victorious life. The answer is in scripture, in Jesus Himself. </p><p>That's where my focus needs to be...not on my circumstances, or my fears, but on Him. I need to get on with living and not wait until things aren't hard in life to be happy. Thank you God for restoring my peace and joy! </p><p>Thank you for being my Savior tonight.</p>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-2430093980788886592021-08-16T15:30:00.016-05:002021-11-16T17:58:56.485-06:00A spider in the toilet and other things that I didn't expect <p>I'm still not over the trauma of seeing a gargantuan black <strike>spider</strike> baby tarantula in my bathroom sink in the middle of the night a few years ago when I had to wake Mr. W to come and kill it for me (which he did like the superhero that he is). I still think about it when I use the bathroom at night. Once in a lifetime should be enough for a horror like that, but alas, last night either God or Satan thought I needed another experience of exposure therapy to either help alleviate my fears or re-traumatize me. I haven't decided which yet. I prolly shouldn't turn the light on when I get up to use the bathroom in the night, because then what I'm not aware of won't bother me. But it's too late now, last night I did and now I know about it and IT BOTHERS ME.</p><p>I have this thing I like to do, it's super fun and it's called "ruminating over things that frighten or otherwise upset me until I am 10 times more upset about it than I was when the thing actually happened". I've been doing it my whole life and thus I'm very skilled at it. It works with most situations. Take last night for example when I saw the spider in the toilet. It surprised me, I flushed it down, did my business and went back to bed. End of story - right?! </p><p>Not so fast, amateurs. I couldn't leave it at that...I had to lay there awake imagining how the spider got into the toilet, it must have climbed up the tank which means that spiders could be lurking in, on or around my toilet at any given moment including under the seat so now I need to check in on and around the toilet and under the seat EVERY SINGLE TIME or one could end up crawling on me when I sit. Sweet. Oh, and it must have crawled across the house and into our bedroom and past our bed to get to the bathroom and, well that means one could easily be IN MY BED RIGHT NOW so for every night for the foreseeable forever I get to check my bed for spiders before I get in.</p><p>See how that works? Like I said, super fun. </p><p>Now imagine what my mind has been doing since Mr. W's heart issues, which are a bit of a bigger deal than spiders. </p><p>The difference with the heart issues is that I am not allowing my mind to go through all the scary scenarios like I do with the spiders. I remind myself to trust God (which I do) and to focus on the positive (which I also do) and believe for healing and a long, wonderful future for us (which I also really do). But like spiders, the worries and fears and what-ifs are still lurking in the dark corners of my mind, threatening to creep up unexpectedly and frighten or attack me without warning. When I don't allow my mind to think about them, they reveal themselves in other ways. </p><p>An ever present undercurrent of anxiety and fear, insomnia, panic attacks. </p><p>They emerge at night (of course) and keep me awake. My go-to has been to numb out on TV or food (or both) but that has not helped. I should know this, it never does. Well it maybe works in the short term for smaller issues. But when it's a soul issue like this that has deep roots and a long reach, it needs to be brought straight to Jesus at the foot of the cross. The foot of the cross, where the soil is wet with His blood and rich with healing and redemption. Spiders can't remain there, they scatter at the sound of my fists pounding in the mud as my soul cries and wails. And when He lifts my head, and speaks gently to me, I strain to hear His voice but He is patient with me. He waits until I have the strength to look into His eyes and hear what He has to say. He tells me He's got me. He's got us. It's going to be alright, He is with us and will never leave. </p><p>And He reminds me...He is there in the dark too. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JQk9JAgBtEE/YRszwwbXj0I/AAAAAAAAfDQ/KObLJ9thtYEpPxVjPYd6JoY7BjsJgvT2wCLcBGAsYHQ/s4032/F18EBAF3-3838-496C-B99E-CD0A92E6E91E_1_201_a.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="846" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JQk9JAgBtEE/YRszwwbXj0I/AAAAAAAAfDQ/KObLJ9thtYEpPxVjPYd6JoY7BjsJgvT2wCLcBGAsYHQ/w634-h846/F18EBAF3-3838-496C-B99E-CD0A92E6E91E_1_201_a.jpeg" width="634" /></a></div>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-71928496288603206212021-07-27T23:57:00.009-05:002021-07-29T22:56:26.024-05:00Because It Does<p>With everything that's been going on you'd think I'd be writing more. One thing I've learned about myself...when I'm a little stressed I talk a lot. When I'm super stressed...</p><p>I get quiet. I shut down. At least for a time.</p><p>But after a while I need to start opening up, or else all the thoughts and feelings and anxiety starts revealing itself in not so happy ways. </p><p>Panic attacks.</p><p>Insomnia.</p><p>Feeling like something is squeezing my chest and making it difficult to breathe.</p><p>Tired all the time.</p><p>Overwhelmed.</p><p>I'm learning that it's possible to feel all these things and yet still trust God. I used to berate myself when I got anxious or overwhelmed - thinking it was a sign of a lack of faith. The more I get to know God, I realize that He wants me to bring these emotions to Him, not try to erase them or hide them from Him, or from others, and even from myself. </p><p>I've spent a significant amount of my life pretending that everything was ok. Even in the worst of circumstances, I can convince others and even myself that I'm fine. And I even believe it sometimes. I numb out with a variety of things (food has always been my favorite) that shield me from experiencing the thing, maybe not completely but at least not so intensely. </p><p>I think in a crisis that defense mechanism can be useful and helpful to get through it. But there comes a time when the numbing out isn't healthy anymore and I have to peel away some layers and deal with them. </p><p>I'm there.</p><p>For someone who has lived a lifetime with an intense fear of something going wrong at any moment, the rug being pulled out from under my feet, or getting blind-sided by something unexpected and painful and terrifying...having your husband almost die from a "widow maker" heart attack can threaten to reclaim all the ground you have gained in prayer and therapy.</p><p>Here's where I'm tempted to get all "BUT GOD!" and tell of how He has given me amazing peace and unwavering faith and how He's carried me through and I've come out stronger on the other side of this. </p><p>That would sound pretty impressive and spiritual and I'd probably hear a lot of amens. But I'd be pretending again. At least partly. </p><p>The truth is, God has given me peace. And He's also let me experience being terrified. Maybe so I'd cling to Him harder. And maybe so I learn on a deeper level to trust Him to be with me and give me what I need in the moment, no matter what happens. </p><p>Even if the worst happens.</p><p>God has given me strength to be there for my husband when he has needed me most. And God has also let me experience feeling weak and overwhelmed and scared. </p><p>Maybe so I'd cling to Him harder. </p><p>As if my life depended on Him.</p><p>Because it does. </p>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-25616531789307533742021-04-30T04:04:00.001-05:002023-05-17T16:09:27.290-05:00Things I didn't see<p> If I didn't get home and start writing, my head would explode. </p><p>That's how I felt today on my drive home from work. I just finished the book "Educated" by Tara Westover last night and it has had a profound effect on me. Very profound. I wasn't expecting that. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vuAefyk2cqs/YJTg51G0slI/AAAAAAAAeE8/bF3kOz0dOo8Z3RjEOUhdmw329Gell1w5ACLcBGAsYHQ/s500/4CC9C460-45CB-4AC1-90C6-1BF7B36A6352.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vuAefyk2cqs/YJTg51G0slI/AAAAAAAAeE8/bF3kOz0dOo8Z3RjEOUhdmw329Gell1w5ACLcBGAsYHQ/w400-h400/4CC9C460-45CB-4AC1-90C6-1BF7B36A6352.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>I've been into memoirs lately. I've never really enjoyed reading fiction, but I love hearing about other people's lives, true life stories about what they have experienced and how they perceived it and how it changed them. I've read several memoirs, some of which were moving and thought provoking, but none have effected me like this one has and I'd like to discover why. </p><p>I didn't think I had anything in common with the author as I read it. Her life was very different from mine. She grew up in rural Idaho in a strict Mormon family. Her parents were radical in their beliefs, which took priority over everything and everyone. They didn't believe in sending their children to school, were paranoid about the government and doctors, and they had very little interaction with the world outside of their farm. She tells about her transformation from the girl she was taught to be and what she was taught to believe (with absolutely no margin to question or change) to learning to think for herself and developing her own beliefs and values. She didn't abandon her childhood entirely, but learned to integrate what she wanted to preserve with new ideas and values that she chose for herself. </p><p>I can relate to that process immensely, but I will get into that more later on.</p><p>What is most profound to me right now is what I've realized about my kids. Their process of wanting to break free from their upbringing and define themselves on their own terms is natural, and something we all have done. But I wasn't quite prepared for how it would make me feel. </p><p>The most profound change has been with my first born. We aren't as close as I yearn to be, as we used to be. I miss him and my heart physically hurts sometimes because I sometimes feel like I've lost him. I haven't seen him since our family Christmas and actually for several years he has made it clear that he really doesn't want to be here in our home, hanging out with the family, or with me. He feels different from us, and in some ways doesn't feel accepted. He thinks I keep trying to press him into the mold that I want him to fit into, the child he used to be. I have rejected his idea that I have been doing this, but after reading this book and listening to some interviews with the author, I realize...I think I have in fact been doing that. On some level anyway. Not nearly to the extent that the author experienced, but I can see a glimmer from my son's perspective why he would feel that way.</p><p>I've had ideas of who he is, or who he should be in my eyes, since he was born. They don't necessarily match who he is or wants to be for himself. He has felt it, more than I knew. I didn't even realize I was doing it to him. I tried to raise my kids to be who they truly are . . . but through the lens of who I thought they should be, I guess.</p><p>Of course I raised them to have the values that were important to me. I think we all do that as parents, by the way. We can't help it and I really do think that's how it should be, to a certain extent. I raised my kids to be kind, loving, responsible, empathetic, to be able to express their thoughts and emotions, to respect authority, and for me...the MOST important thing I wanted to instill in all of our kids, was faith in God and acceptance of Jesus as their Savior. None of those things are wrong or bad for a parent to want for their children and I don't regret trying to instill these values in my kids at all. </p><p>What I do regret, looking back, are the things that I didn't see. </p><p><br /></p>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-88592628330524189362021-04-12T20:09:00.005-05:002021-04-12T20:14:59.576-05:00More things I'm learning...<p>Praying with hope and expectation is far better than praying with fear and doubting that God will actually come through.<i> </i>And it makes the waiting much more bearable.</p><p>Things don't have to be perfect for me to enjoy and embrace them (my house, my body, my story). </p><p>Gratitude is powerful. It is stronger than discontent, destroys envy, breaks down depression and builds a joyful heart and life.</p><p>Be present. Be fully in the moment you are in, and with the people you are with...without distraction.</p><p>Do what you can. Even if you feel like you want to do more, even if you think it's not enough to make a difference, do it anyway. It will.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0j34R_7T0uQ/YHTvDgFOAMI/AAAAAAAAd5Q/KLCm01DXAdAv09uNroV55eEy_RAb7nwigCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_0036.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0j34R_7T0uQ/YHTvDgFOAMI/AAAAAAAAd5Q/KLCm01DXAdAv09uNroV55eEy_RAb7nwigCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_0036.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-67357064680479666592021-04-10T15:11:00.002-05:002021-04-10T15:15:15.788-05:00Things I'm learning, in no particular order<p>Doing things for others when you're in a funk is the quickest way out of it.</p><p>It's not only ok to pamper yourself (do things that bring comfort, happiness and relaxation), it is essential for a peaceful heart and life.</p><p>It's ok to let others think they are right when <i>you just know they're not.</i> Peace is happier than proving someone wrong.</p><p>If I'm not satisfied with what I have today, what I want for tomorrow won't satisfy me either.</p><p>When what you had dreamed of isn't matching up with what is...don't give up the dream, adjust it.</p><p>There is joy in every season of life. Don't spend too much time mourning when a season ends (raising children), embrace the one you are in (empty nest) and make it joyful. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-StG-GtmV_mE/YHIHP_Ozf6I/AAAAAAAAd3k/vqrsS65WeKwP2KE1HPydN2t3stui7qrxwCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_0061.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-StG-GtmV_mE/YHIHP_Ozf6I/AAAAAAAAd3k/vqrsS65WeKwP2KE1HPydN2t3stui7qrxwCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_0061.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-73227630426861186572020-11-01T18:54:00.000-06:002020-11-01T18:54:10.917-06:00A weekend getaway and the cutest measuring cups on the planet<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Some pics from our little getaway last weekend. After an insanely busy week at work for Vince (over 70 hrs!) he needed a getaway so on Saturday morning we made the impromptu decision to hit the road and go north. First stop was a winery that we've been wanting to go to for some time, and turns out it quickly became one of our favorites.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9UF6TXl33KY/X5tolBdgWyI/AAAAAAAAcQo/6t9ZAG3Gq9QcD6r6oAYg4L_FycQ6SnMegCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4753.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9UF6TXl33KY/X5tolBdgWyI/AAAAAAAAcQo/6t9ZAG3Gq9QcD6r6oAYg4L_FycQ6SnMegCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4753.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zMIcGdi3XiE/X5tolGV1eyI/AAAAAAAAcQo/_SR3QzmbcwEWOwhpKAV1DyfE7BCyNVvBQCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4755.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zMIcGdi3XiE/X5tolGV1eyI/AAAAAAAAcQo/_SR3QzmbcwEWOwhpKAV1DyfE7BCyNVvBQCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4755.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XR3bGyyicMg/X5tolG9q3VI/AAAAAAAAcQo/h6VhMlJZy4sQ7MMUzGlpKtsPEElCOGUZQCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4757.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XR3bGyyicMg/X5tolG9q3VI/AAAAAAAAcQo/h6VhMlJZy4sQ7MMUzGlpKtsPEElCOGUZQCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4757.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7zmFUUax-Vg/X5totk0uRSI/AAAAAAAAcQs/HvY3cWULOhcp-UBYGoGQHUkSEYp4uOr-gCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4762.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7zmFUUax-Vg/X5totk0uRSI/AAAAAAAAcQs/HvY3cWULOhcp-UBYGoGQHUkSEYp4uOr-gCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4762.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GZWf3_5Td8k/X5totigKzEI/AAAAAAAAcQs/6ixRDMXzMiQ6prTTLn5_8TexMXx4TRXOwCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4761.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GZWf3_5Td8k/X5totigKzEI/AAAAAAAAcQs/6ixRDMXzMiQ6prTTLn5_8TexMXx4TRXOwCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4761.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qyuY5c9gQwQ/X5totml1bEI/AAAAAAAAcQs/tgPAYou-l2wMGfGCEBpsjsL-OtjA7rRhQCPcBGAsYHg/s3088/IMG_4758.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2316" data-original-width="3088" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qyuY5c9gQwQ/X5totml1bEI/AAAAAAAAcQs/tgPAYou-l2wMGfGCEBpsjsL-OtjA7rRhQCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4758.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;">We took home a few favorites...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aEjGsAJDdFg/X5toth4IoGI/AAAAAAAAcQs/qtnd0SF5j9MMtE9oaZmnJHXraAhtrhKygCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4764.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aEjGsAJDdFg/X5toth4IoGI/AAAAAAAAcQs/qtnd0SF5j9MMtE9oaZmnJHXraAhtrhKygCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4764.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TmyLY8xEDOo/X5tpPlcd2vI/AAAAAAAAcQ4/QN4UIbsY55Q2GfSE7NMCphVHjaeZhUUUwCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4768.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TmyLY8xEDOo/X5tpPlcd2vI/AAAAAAAAcQ4/QN4UIbsY55Q2GfSE7NMCphVHjaeZhUUUwCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4768.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZTOC5XvBz7A/X5tpPmJYQ5I/AAAAAAAAcQ4/GxcUrR0pHXwT3WETmtxRv5otGeEnMWZVwCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4769.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZTOC5XvBz7A/X5tpPmJYQ5I/AAAAAAAAcQ4/GxcUrR0pHXwT3WETmtxRv5otGeEnMWZVwCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4769.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">We then made our way to Northfield where we enjoyed a little walk through their quaint little downtown and found ourselves at this oil & vinegar store! They weren't giving out samples right now due to the Rona (lame) so we took our chances on a bottle of basil oil and a rosemary oil. Can't wait to see what we (ok, Vince) will create with them.</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-886wSCelifM/X5to6JddulI/AAAAAAAAcQw/pQ3lLGE-PW45toIVIiUiBFi62mLdY-P5ACPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4770.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-886wSCelifM/X5to6JddulI/AAAAAAAAcQw/pQ3lLGE-PW45toIVIiUiBFi62mLdY-P5ACPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4770.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tPUZDcS4I1w/X5trtbBSEmI/AAAAAAAAcRU/c3vT9dx-VjI7YZIM3Ro98AeOQ9lAybXCgCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4771.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-tPUZDcS4I1w/X5trtbBSEmI/AAAAAAAAcRU/c3vT9dx-VjI7YZIM3Ro98AeOQ9lAybXCgCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4771.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--bkN0z-4HuE/X5trtVR5RQI/AAAAAAAAcRU/XbmZXcenrWE119WIFEsO8xEwc8ev5EDowCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4772.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--bkN0z-4HuE/X5trtVR5RQI/AAAAAAAAcRU/XbmZXcenrWE119WIFEsO8xEwc8ev5EDowCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4772.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">This bench was adorbs! However the bakery was already closed :/ </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-830ucIS14Ls/X5trtafYbsI/AAAAAAAAcRU/_08fAjTfwRMdHUVA7FE8XmWY-0l2kpjIwCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4773.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-830ucIS14Ls/X5trtafYbsI/AAAAAAAAcRU/_08fAjTfwRMdHUVA7FE8XmWY-0l2kpjIwCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4773.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="text-align: center;"> We loved this store...The Measuring Cup! Guess what I bought there?</span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-79M83GT4OPk/X5trtfnyeaI/AAAAAAAAcRU/i_0gJFC29_k7e_6XQLqAZ_dPkXln6wLFACPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4774.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-79M83GT4OPk/X5trtfnyeaI/AAAAAAAAcRU/i_0gJFC29_k7e_6XQLqAZ_dPkXln6wLFACPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4774.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Hdq9F2f0stA/X5trtR5qvPI/AAAAAAAAcRU/75inSfrBPPw71P2Sbes5cDsmlDbdomrzgCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4776.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Hdq9F2f0stA/X5trtR5qvPI/AAAAAAAAcRU/75inSfrBPPw71P2Sbes5cDsmlDbdomrzgCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4776.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We stayed at the AmericInn in Northfield, ordered pizza from George's Vineyard, sat by the fire, and went in the hot tub and pool which made me remember how much I loved swimming as a kid. Every summer I rode my bike to the pool every chance I got with my friends, cousins, or my brother and sister. It gave me the idea of joining the new YMCA! I can see myself swimming there, maybe even taking swimming lessons? I can do that at 51, right? Why not?!!! Vince is all for it, he misses working out on the weight machines. And with a 50% discount from my work, it's totally doable! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vTyIn1B4tMc/X59X37ixqnI/AAAAAAAAcTo/W_hoiQpjZn8pon0OLOBqZRRfTAkkYlE1gCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4778.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vTyIn1B4tMc/X59X37ixqnI/AAAAAAAAcTo/W_hoiQpjZn8pon0OLOBqZRRfTAkkYlE1gCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4778.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We got home early Sunday afternoon and I couldn't wait to use my new purchases...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--OYXILmgFf4/X59WdtUE_fI/AAAAAAAAcTY/v34RVU-HDY0NiYi6KoPzPTENGC25tPjkQCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4780.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--OYXILmgFf4/X59WdtUE_fI/AAAAAAAAcTY/v34RVU-HDY0NiYi6KoPzPTENGC25tPjkQCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4780.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lt5XYOuhBN4/X59WdiutqII/AAAAAAAAcTY/xRDByXZatdADGoKUSNVCZOFNLBoNl0_9ACPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4781.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lt5XYOuhBN4/X59WdiutqII/AAAAAAAAcTY/xRDByXZatdADGoKUSNVCZOFNLBoNl0_9ACPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4781.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oo5snNddB-Q/X59WdrjuhDI/AAAAAAAAcTY/qtW8BrJFNh40Ouc75t0bXCe5M6Xx57AhQCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4782.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uAgIiDllO70/X59YA4gfehI/AAAAAAAAcTs/HUWwHyzuvw47AvjDKF7-WD8oNw1uRzF3gCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4779.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kFnThHrFPzY/X59Wdjm1RxI/AAAAAAAAcTY/62d-oEu2WVURdJf5kDZUHY7Ojfqy6YFTgCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4784.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kFnThHrFPzY/X59Wdjm1RxI/AAAAAAAAcTY/62d-oEu2WVURdJf5kDZUHY7Ojfqy6YFTgCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4784.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P9c1nnXVaac/X59Wds2yMuI/AAAAAAAAcTY/ba29Ca0dDmIQeYoiryQjPTnguao-lktCQCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4788.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yq-Bpi_cvaU/X59WdmrFYZI/AAAAAAAAcTY/IhvPSUo6Az0V2sWWRB_F75oy207hxkddgCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4796.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kXREGLiAeRA/X59Wdihh6TI/AAAAAAAAcTY/ufMzu2QfbRgG8sBAg7NQLNDedLbArrZvgCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4797.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kXREGLiAeRA/X59Wdihh6TI/AAAAAAAAcTY/ufMzu2QfbRgG8sBAg7NQLNDedLbArrZvgCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4797.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s2FFd35TDng/X59WdqU85EI/AAAAAAAAcTY/ZzisY1emVkk5ee2HAn3ZzTnwfgiuX_5TwCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4799.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-s2FFd35TDng/X59WdqU85EI/AAAAAAAAcTY/ZzisY1emVkk5ee2HAn3ZzTnwfgiuX_5TwCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4799.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NfftmoRnJaU/X59WdkAxM8I/AAAAAAAAcTY/uBV_jKroSXYYrKmaKt603X_AzD7j_m-2gCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4800.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NfftmoRnJaU/X59WdkAxM8I/AAAAAAAAcTY/uBV_jKroSXYYrKmaKt603X_AzD7j_m-2gCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4800.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WZkgtkuTYqk/X59WdkzeaXI/AAAAAAAAcTY/tgQU4Po30WIrXqleT2_WB6Qp1N6oXrrAQCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4802.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WZkgtkuTYqk/X59WdkzeaXI/AAAAAAAAcTY/tgQU4Po30WIrXqleT2_WB6Qp1N6oXrrAQCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4802.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I put stickers on recipes that I have tried and liked and this one earned a sticker. </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ELG9khL-n_s/X59WdpSyaqI/AAAAAAAAcTY/x_KlIAfHvtcpiLiMRBGCMn8wjleFtRGCgCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4805.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ELG9khL-n_s/X59WdpSyaqI/AAAAAAAAcTY/x_KlIAfHvtcpiLiMRBGCMn8wjleFtRGCgCPcBGAsYHg/w640-h480/IMG_4805.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It wasn't the best chocolate cake I've ever had, but it was good and good chocolate cake is always worth it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0hCeObQqmnk/X59YeBzXSnI/AAAAAAAAcT0/DOrZXE29eTkI886_-ZyXjUp-JJ9GmgvJQCPcBGAsYHg/s4032/IMG_4798.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0hCeObQqmnk/X59YeBzXSnI/AAAAAAAAcT0/DOrZXE29eTkI886_-ZyXjUp-JJ9GmgvJQCPcBGAsYHg/w480-h640/IMG_4798.JPG" width="480" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br /><div><br /></div>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-66543185595365089832020-09-11T22:40:00.023-05:002020-09-14T18:07:55.893-05:00Imperfect progress and it's ok that I'm not there yet<p>Last night I had dinner with my friend Becky. We sat in her newly remodeled kitchen...that she did ALL HERSELF by the way...painted the cabinets, recovered the dining room chairs, and even resurfaced the countertops HER OWN SELF. She's that brave and creative and amazing. </p><p>When we get together, it takes very little time for us to dive deep into what I call soul conversation...what we've been thinking about, struggling with, rejoicing over, and learning about ourselves and our faith and our relationships. Last night was no different. Two hours flew by in a nano second as we indulged in lo mein and egg rolls and coffee ice cream and rambled and ranted about all the things that have been making up our lives since last time we talked. </p><p>One topic we spend quite a bit of time on (and have been for the past couple years actually) is how we are navigating this season of empty nesting and parenting young adult children who are their very own adult selves and don't want to be parented anymore. </p><p>Sigh.</p><p>This is hard.</p><p>Harder than I thought it would be, and quite honestly I think so far I am sucking at it.</p><p>I used to think things would get easier as the kids got older, that the baby and toddler years were the most challenging and as they grew older and more independent, life would get easier. It's so cute how I used to think that. Nothing that I experienced through all the years of parenting, all the books I read and all the things I thought I knew...nothing prepared me for these years when they would leave the nest. Forge out on their own, no longer wanting or needing my hovering -er, I mean guidance. </p><p>At least when they were babies and they insisted on "me do!" I could still stand there and watch (ok, hover) to make sure they didn't harm themselves with their freedom and independence. But now, not so much. Now it's "me do!" and "back off...farther...no, farther...keep going, Mom. I can still see you and feel what you are thinking. You need to let me go." </p><p>I don’t want to hear that. That makes my heart hurt and I want to die in my body. I’d much prefer to hear something like “Mom, what do you think I should do” and “Let’s hang out together for four hours and eat cookie dough and make snow angels and cuddle.” Or even “Mom, I still need you.”</p><p>But then I realize, with the help of my friend and egg rolls and lo mein and coffee ice cream...that this is part of the journey. This is how it's supposed to be. We raise them to not need us. </p><p><i>And their lives are not about me. </i></p><p>Even though I birthed (some of) them out of my own body, and we had them because we wanted babies and love and family and all the sweet, precious things that come with that forever. And even though being a mother has been my life's focus and my highest calling for the past 23 years, I now need to swallow this very hard truth. My kids are not here on this planet to make me feel fulfilled. They are here to live their own lives, walk out their own journeys, and fulfill their own purposes in this world. </p><p>I have always known this to be true in my brain. It’s my heart that’s throwing a tantrum. </p><p>Becky gets this. We are walking parallel roads. She shared advise she heard recently on how to deal with this so very strong mom desire to fix and help and teach and guide and make them wear their life jackets or better yet, come back to the shore where it's safe when the waters get choppy. She said in those moments we have one thing to do. Only one. And that is to shut it.</p><p>Shut.</p><p>It.</p><p>They don’t want our advise. Our wisdom doesn’t apply to their lives. Not now anyway. When they are in their 40’s they’ll feel differently, but for now they want and need to follow their own callings, make their own decisions and even their own mistakes. It’s what I did, what we all did, but it's SOOOOOO hard when the maternal lifeguard takes over and we see the waves coming. We want to make them see what we see, and do what we wish we woulda shoulda done when we saw those same waves coming at us when we were their ages. When our moms tried to coax or warn us back to shore and we insisted on not.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1NqfcbvQ1NY/X1_2VEdvOHI/AAAAAAAAbnM/1lP7lniSjGk02ASk1gAK4i3o_G2EkLw1QCLcBGAsYHQ/s4032/DB094F9C-1915-4E3E-A1A9-D549EBB6D8E4_1_201_a.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="750" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1NqfcbvQ1NY/X1_2VEdvOHI/AAAAAAAAbnM/1lP7lniSjGk02ASk1gAK4i3o_G2EkLw1QCLcBGAsYHQ/w1000-h750/DB094F9C-1915-4E3E-A1A9-D549EBB6D8E4_1_201_a.jpeg" width="1000" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;">As hard as it is, I'm learning to keep my feet planted firmly in the sand and enjoy life from the shore as they learn to sail their own boats. I get the glorious joy and blessing of being part of their stories and sometimes riding along as a passenger and not in the driver's seat. It's equally thrilling and terrifying, but I am learning to navigate my new role as mom of adult people. </div></span></div><p>And I am immensely grateful to have Mr. Wonderful by my side to help keep me sane (not a small job). He's so much farther along on this journey than I am, and he has unending grace and patience with me while I figure this all out. </p><p>I may not be there yet, but I'm on my way.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QW3-xoKQ8SA/X10K7LCX7FI/AAAAAAAAbmk/LVYgc_U_Jl4K9GH1nGssVW-0IEmH5Mf0wCLcBGAsYHQ/s1280/7ACA9AD1-6AA9-416B-92A6-016B6B2AAA25.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="1220" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QW3-xoKQ8SA/X10K7LCX7FI/AAAAAAAAbmk/LVYgc_U_Jl4K9GH1nGssVW-0IEmH5Mf0wCLcBGAsYHQ/w916-h1220/7ACA9AD1-6AA9-416B-92A6-016B6B2AAA25.jpeg" width="916" /></a></div>Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-37205307952779081762020-03-27T18:24:00.001-05:002020-03-28T21:29:21.246-05:0019 Things to focus on instead of COVID!Wow. Looking at my last post, just four weeks ago, it seems like forever since things were normal.<br />
<br />
Well.<br />
<br />
Here is how I’m handling ALL THE THINGS right now. I thought I'd share my thoughts because maybe some of this will be encouraging – and will also be here for me to remind my OWN self when I need it!<br />
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1) <b><i>Communicate.</i></b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>Call and video chat with family and friends. Talk with your people you live with. Check in with each other. Share your frustrations, fears, worries, and stresses. Don’t keep it all to yourself. Sharing is healing.<br />
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2) <i><b>Remember – this will pass.</b></i><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>We will not be isolating and living in this uncertainty forever.<br />
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3) <b><i>Do what you can…and then let it go.</i></b> It’s easy to get consumed with sanitizing EVERY SINGLE THING and then looking around wondering if THIS has germs on it, or maybe THAT over there…ugh. That’s a spiral I don’t need to swirl in. So, I have made a plan for myself and my home. We sanitize:<br />
· When we get home (hands, phones, keys, purse handles, water cups).<br />
· When we get in our car after being out in public.<br />
· At least once a day go through the house and get light switches, counters, handles, buttons, keyboards, and remotes.<br />
· And then…let it go. Seriously, let go of it. Don’t allow myself to worry and obsess.<br />
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4) <b><i>Help others. </i></b>There are opportunities out there to help those who are unable to help themselves. Even from our homes. There are community groups (like the Facebook group "Winona Neighbors Helping Neighbors") who have banded together and are offering help to those who are isolated and don’t have the resources to get what they need. As long as I am able to, I’m going to continue to help. If I get sick, I’m going to get sick helping people.<br />
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5) <b><i>Sing!</i></b> Sing loud and often and crazy! 80’s pop! Hard rock! Get your country on! Or go mellow. Whatever gets your energy out or gets you to take a deep breath and relax. Music is therapy.<br />
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6) <i><b>Pray!</b></i> God is not surprised by this. He knows what’s going on, and how and when it will end. He has a purpose in this, and He is our only hope - not only now but always.<br />
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7) <b><i>Laugh!</i></b> Watch funny movies, share Facebook memes. Laughter is healing.<br />
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8) <b><i>Youtube happy things </i></b>- puppy and kitten videos, penguins walking down stairs, and seals. Oh my word, the seals! Watching baby seals play make me soooo happy. Google family photo fails. I call this “Penelope Therapy” (Criminal Minds fans will know what I mean).<br />
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9) <b><i>Connect </i></b>– organize a group chat, a group sing, an online game, or whatever we can do to spend time together and see each other’s faces. Not sure what this will look like yet, but this weekend we are going to organize a virtual family game of Catan!<br />
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10) <b><i>Turn off the dang news.</i></b> I check in with the news once (ok twice) a day so I am informed, but then I make myself leave it alone. I don’t need to inundate myself with this, it only breeds fear and worry. God is bigger than all the predictions that are being thrown around. He’s teaching us to trust and rely on Him, not the government or even the medical community. I don’t need to listen to what everyone is saying, I need to listen to Him.<br />
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11) <b><i>Move! </i></b>I’m still working at my job for now so I’m not sitting around ALL day, but when I’m home I need to move. I haven’t been working out like I was for the past few weeks, and my body feels it. I need to go for a walk outside, do my Beachbody workouts, stretch. Again, reminding myself here :)<br />
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12) <b><i>Go outside.</i></b> I CRAVE fresh air (as my family will attest when I whip open all the windows and declare that we NEED SOME FRESH AIR IN HERE!) Nature is therapeutic for me. Listening to the birds, feeling the breeze and sunshine on my face, taking in a deep breath of fresh air and watching the clouds. Get me by a waterfall and forget it. I’ll sit there for hours if you let me.<br />
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13) <b><i>Create.</i></b> I love to write – blogging, journaling, even doodling. I also love to cook, bake, and play my (out of tune) piano.<br />
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14) <i><b>Clean & organize. </b></i>This is also therapeutic for me, and if you’ve been to certain areas of our house lately (eh-hem, our office and storage room) you will see that I NEED SOME THERAPY!<br />
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15)<i><b> Light a yummy smelling candle.</b></i> I especially love the ones that crackle. That alone reaches 3 of our 5 senses!<br />
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16) <b><i>Practice mindfulness.</i></b> I’m not talking about in a weird spiritual kind of way, but as a therapeutic technique. Mindfulness is simply being aware and present in the moment and focusing on what is going on in and around you (a.k.a. getting out of your head). Focus on your 5 senses…what can you see, hear, feel, taste and touch right now? Especially if you find yourself getting anxious or overwhelmed or ruminating on negative thoughts…focus on one or all of your senses and break out of that cycle in your mind that is taking you nowhere but to Anxietyville. (I have spent a lot of time there, I know it well).<br />
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17) <b><i>Realize what is truly important in life. </i></b>I think we are all doing this right now on a new level. Basic needs are no longer taken for granted (I’ve never been so happy to have toilet paper before). I miss being close to people (I’m a hugger), seeing people’s smile (we are all wearing masks at work), and going to coffee shops (Jesus, take the wheel).<br />
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18) <b><i>Remember all of this after the crisis is over. </i></b>Nearly every generation goes through some type of crisis, and we learn some valuable lessons through experiencing them that we maybe would never learn if life was always calm and good and predictable. As bad as things are (this is difficult, not gonna sugar coat it), many have lived through far worse than what we are experiencing now. The Vietnam War. The Great Depression. The Holocaust. The Macarena. Let’s keep things in perspective.<br />
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19) <b><i>Lastly, and MOST importantly….TRUST God. </i></b>Just trust Him. Tell Him all your worries and frustration and sadness and even anger. He knows it all anyway, and He tells us in His word that He wants us to bring all our cares to Him. He bears our burdens, heals our wounds, and guides us. He does not promise an easy life, or one free from crisis or heartache. But He promises to those who love Him that He will bring good out of EVERY situation. We have a good God who walks with us through every storm that we experience on this earth, and when our time is up He walks us into eternity with Him. That is what I hold onto.<br />
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PS, this is coming soon...<br />
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<br />Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-87003984949984660672020-03-01T21:12:00.003-06:002020-03-01T21:28:43.358-06:00City lights, water therapy, and a taste of spring <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
One of our favorite things to do is take a spontaneous little weekend getaway, somewhere not too far and not too planned. Just pack our bags, get in the car and drive. Find a hotel on the way there, and figure out what we want to do when we get there. </div>
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That's exactly what we did on Saturday morning. Vince got his haircut and after a couple errands and the Caribou drive-thru, we were on the road. (Nitro High Rise is my new boyfriend). </div>
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Our first stop was Penzey's Spices in Minneapolis. We love that place and it smells like a cook's heaven. We try to stop there a couple times a year to stock up on spices we regularly use and try a new one or two.</div>
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Vince scored a great deal on a hotel in the heart of downtown Minneapolis, with a pool and a view of the city.</div>
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After getting settled and relaxing for a bit in our room, we walked a couple (chilly) blocks to have dinner at an English pub. Nice atmosphere, and good food too.</div>
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I had the ale battered fish n' chips...with salad instead of chips (go me).</div>
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Vince had his favorite, shepherd's pie. Both were excellent.</div>
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The cabinet behind the bar was gorgeous and our server said it's from Wall Street.</div>
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After dinner we walked back to our hotel, chatting with another couple who ate at the table next to us, and enjoyed the sights and feeling of the downtown city streets at night.</div>
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We aren't big on night life anymore, and much prefer relaxing at home or in a nice cozy place. So since we had such a great view from our hotel room, we decided to spend the evening enjoying the city lights, Michael Buble' and a glass (or two) of wine. It was very peaceful and romantic. No phones, no laptops, no tv. We didn't turn it on all weekend. It made us realize again how overstimulated and distracted we can be with all those things. </div>
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The top of the Target headquarters has a "digital aquarium" which is so many ways of awesome. Especially the puffer fish :)</div>
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Sunday morning convinced us to get light blocking curtains in our bedroom at home because we slept in until 8am, the room was still pitch black, and we had no idea what time it was. </div>
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Breakfast looked like this and gave me so many ideas for breakfast buffets at home when our people are over.</div>
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One of my requests while Vince was choosing our hotel room was that we stay somewhere with a pool. I haven't been swimming for years, and it was one of my favorite things to do in the summer growing up. I have been craving some water therapy lately, and that's exactly what it was for me this morning...reconnecting with the little girl I used to be and for probably the first time since then, I didn't worry one bit about what I looked like in my swimsuit. I felt free.</div>
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After checkout, we went to Como Park Zoo and Conservatory in Minneapolis.</div>
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It was awesome! We need to come back with our kids and grands :)</div>
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It smelled amazing in here. I could have stayed all day (or a really, really long time). </div>
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Our last stop of the weekend was one of our favorite restaurants in the cities...</div>
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We brought home with us a bag of spices, a bag of leftovers, and hearts full of memories.</div>
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Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-63778359375391302452020-02-05T21:17:00.000-06:002020-02-06T06:35:13.880-06:00Latte's, working out, and why I shouldn't be blogging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I shouldn't be blogging, it's 8:45pm and time for me to go to bed. But it's also Wednesday and I am committed to doing a weekly update so here goes. </div>
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This week has been a bit empowering. I got an espresso maker and I am officially obsessed with it. The reason I got it was because I love latte's, latte's are expensive, and there is a Starbucks in the clinic where I work. IN the clinic. Where I work. A STARBUCKS!!! </div>
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Instead of buying a latte as an occasional treat, I was getting one nearly everyday because THERE IS A STARBUCKS IN THE BUILDING WHERE I WORK. And I've been working there for nearly four months, so you do the math. </div>
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So now I'm the proud owner of my very own espresso maker, which I have to say is one of the best purchases I've ever made. It's not only economical (should pay for itself in a month or two), but much healthier than the coffee I used to make with tons of artificial creamer. Just espresso, soy milk and stevia...boom! And they are heavenly.</div>
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I have also started working out in the mornings. </div>
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At 5:15am. </div>
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Yes, you read that correctly. </div>
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I am getting up at 5:15 in the actual AM, working out, doing my devotions, and then getting ready for work. It's been amazing! I'm doing "Beach Body" workouts, "Barre Blend" to be exact. It's a combination of barre ballet, pilates, yoga, and interval cardio training. I'm pretty clunky about it so far, but in the spirit of my new commitment to being ok with not being perfect, I'm embracing it and considering it a success.</div>
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So that's it. Short and sweet so I can get to bed relatively on time to get my 8 1/2 hours of sleep in (probably only 8 tonight...but again, ok with not being perfect). </div>
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Oh yea...some examples of me winning this week with food:</div>
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Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-61195657971421029302020-02-01T08:31:00.001-06:002020-02-03T19:06:50.408-06:00Journals and memories and realizing God is faithfulSo, I dug out all of my journals the other day. I have always loved writing. I started keeping a diary when I was a young girl when I got this on my 11th birthday from my friend Marla.<br />
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Isn't it cute?!<br />
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I can't help you understand why I wrote about myself in the third person here on the cover. </div>
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In the beginning I wrote about very important things in my life, such as what I ate that day (the food obsession started early), and what I did with my friends, and when my brother Alan was mean to me. Oh, and of course the boys I had crushes on (that started early too).<br />
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...and then there was the occasional, random news report. I can't help you understand that either.</div>
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I started reading some of my diary entries to my husband the other night and he was surprisingly uninterested. Plus, it was a little disturbing for him to realize that when he was a junior in highschool, his future wife was writing in her kitty diary.<br />
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Moving on...<br />
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I have written journals all my life, and of course I have saved them all.<br />
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My writing has evolved over the years (thank goodness) from writing about my everyday experiences, to working through my feelings, to now where it is mostly prayers. While it was fun to take a stroll down memory lane, I wasn't exactly sure why I dug them out the other day? After reading through my highschool journal and starting on my college ones, I started thinking why am I doing this? I prepared to put them all away in the box I keep stored under my bed, but something stopped me.<br />
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So, I left them out on my dresser for a few more days, not really sure what to do with them. Then it became clear to me. I am doing a bible study right now called "Trustworthy" by Lysa Terkuerst (one of my favorite authors and speakers!) and it's amazing.<br />
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and when I read this, I knew...<br />
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God wants me to remember His faithfulness, and that will fuel my trust in Him.<br />
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There have been countless times in my life where He has shown His faithfulness to me. Some that I can readily recall, but no doubt there are many other times that I didn't recognize at the time. So, I think the reason He had me get my journals out was to go through them and look for evidence of His faithfulness in my life.<br />
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Remember. Trust.<br />
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Yes.<br />
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After realizing this the other day, I was driving and thinking about all the events of my life. I haven't written about everything, but many of the joys and especially the sorrows I did. My thoughts wandered (of course) to all the mistakes that I've made. All the times I didn't follow Him and went my own way and I found myself wondering what God must think of the story of my life. In that moment I felt Him tell my heart "It's beautiful to Me".<br />
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What?? Beautiful? He thinks my story is <i>beautiful</i>?<br />
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I knew that was from God because I would never say that to myself.<br />
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In that moment, it made no sense to me at all. But also in that moment, I realized that maybe God looks at us and the seasons of our lives a little differently than we look at our own. Maybe He doesn't look at our mistakes as failures (like we often do), but as opportunities to show Himself faithful.<br />
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Even if we don't realize it at the time, He will show us in <i>His time</i>. In bible studies and journals written decades before, He shows His faithfulness.<br />
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When we are ready to receive it.<br />
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And when we do, it is life changing.<br />
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PS...the cute boy <i>did</i> ask me to skate :)<br />
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<br />Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-8614969453889725712020-01-29T21:27:00.001-06:002020-01-30T06:12:01.799-06:00Eat. Move. Rest. Pray.It's been a week of learning for me, a lot of praying, and a little crying (mostly because of This is Us....my gosh I haven't cried so much over a TV show since Parenthood).<br />
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On Thursday, I met my friend Shannon at Caribou! We've been friends for years, but it's been many moons since we have <i>actually</i> gotten together. Whenever we would run into each other somewhere we would always say "let's get coffee!". And so...we finally did and it was so great :)</div>
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We spent a couple hours sipping coffees, catching up on each other's lives, and sharing our health journeys. Without telling too much of her story (it's hers to tell and she's more than happy to share it!) I will say that she has made some incredible changes to her health and has inspired me in a big way! God has a way of making things happen at the just right time, and getting together with Shannon was definitely a God thing :) </div>
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So, I was pretty excited about my "Half-Brained Healthy Life Plan" last week when I wrote about it. To be honest, I thought it would be relatively easy. I drink water all day long, I love vegetables, we have an awesome new workout room, and I had already made changes to my sleep habits for several months now. Going to bed by 9-9:30pm and setting my alarm for 6am has been working great for me...until the last week or so. Our dog Macey has been whining at night and despite trying many things (moving her kennel closer to our room, fluffing up her bed, giving her treats, putting on a fan for white noise) we can't figure out <i>HOW TO MAKE IT STOP</i>. </div>
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We don't get it. She has slept in her kennel most nights of her life. She loves her kennel...seriously, she does. It's her den. She usually goes back there on her own before we even go to bed and has never had a problem, until she was sick a couple weekends ago. She's better now, but still wakes up at night and thus wakes US up with her whining. Ugh. It's almost like having a newborn again.</div>
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So...I've been tired. And when I'm tired, life is hard. And when life is hard, I want to eat. And when I'm tired I don't want to work out. Kinda like if you give a mouse a....dang it, now I want cookies.</div>
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I have made <i>some </i>good choices this past week though...let's focus on those, shall we? </div>
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I've been bringing this snack to work everyday. The picture makes it look huge, but I promise it's a normal sized apple.</div>
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And this has become our favorite evening snack.</div>
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Salmon patty and peas for my lunch on Sunday....one of my fav's!</div>
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Journaling the other morning, I had an epiphany. My devotional reading was about (another God thing) cravings. We were made to crave closeness with God, but too often we try to fill that craving with other things. Things that never truly satisfy. Food has been my biggest craving all my life. And as soon as I try to limit what I eat, the cravings go crazy and in that regard, this week has been no different than any other time I have tried to get healthy.</div>
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Except this time I prayed for God to show me what to do. I asked Him to show me how to live, and eat, and move, and rest. And as I wrote out that prayer in my journal, there it was in my own hand writing...my answer.</div>
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Eat. Move. Rest. Pray.</div>
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Simple. Sustainable. Not always easy, but I can do hard things. </div>
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<i>I CAN DO HARD THINGS</i>. </div>
Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-78165864314175371562020-01-25T18:33:00.001-06:002020-01-27T06:55:53.204-06:00It was a good day for a date day!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We knew before going to bed last night that we wanted today to be a date day. It's been a while, probably before the holidays, since we had a weekend with no plans (and neither one of us were sick).</div>
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Our date days often don't have plans, we usually just kind of wing it. We get in the car with a vague idea of where we are going, crank the tunes, talk about this and that, and end up where we end up. It's therapeutic for us....a reprieve from our busy work weeks, gives our minds a big deep breath, and helps us focus on "us". </div>
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Some of our best "us" memories are made on days where we didn't have a plan.</div>
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Today started with Mr. Wonderful declaring that we were going to Bonnie Rae's for breakfast and I wasn't mad about it. I threw my hair into a ponytail, got dressed, and out the door we went...to the best breakfast place in Minnesota, right here in our little town.</div>
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Love this man.</div>
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Most of our date days involve coffee, and Cabin never disappoints...</div>
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They also very often involve Barnes and Noble, and today was no exception. Since we already had our coffee for the day, we just sat and talked and I picked out some books that I want. Most of the books I read tend to center around spiritual growth, but I also love memoirs. People writing about their own life experiences are fascinating to me. Especially stories about overcoming adversity of some kind.<br />
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And then, well, there is my fascination with serial killers, but that's a post for another day.<br />
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I left with two and added the others to my wish list. </div>
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After picking up some bargains at Savers, perusing the mall, and restocking my body creams at Bath & Body, we decided on this new place for supper before heading back home...<br />
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<span style="text-align: start;">Hot Chip! What a great name!</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">It was awesome. Good atmosphere - kind of a sports bar feel with industrial decor. And the food was amazing, it m</span><span style="text-align: start;">ay even beat out Newts as our favorite burger place and that's saying a lot. </span></div>
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I love how they used mini jars with holes poked in the lids for salt and pepper shakers!<br />
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I also love my husband's dimples :)<br />
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I'm going to have to eat nothing but vegetables all day tomorrow to make up for this, but...worth it!</div>
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PS...this is my 400th blog post. I think I should get a prize for that or something.</div>
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Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-43710117726872085822020-01-24T23:19:00.000-06:002020-02-03T19:06:00.410-06:0020/20 Vision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today was a good day. First thing I did after waking up this morning was read my devotional and write in my journal. My best days always start with that. I'm not sure what it is, but I have always struggled with prayer. I get so distracted sometimes and my thoughts go all over the place (shocking, I know). Like I can be driving and praying about my day and a song comes on and suddenly it's 1984 and I'm in my best friend's basement wearing jeans and a hot pink sweatshirt singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" with too much eye shadow and a side ponytail. But when I journal my prayers, I stay focused. I start writing things I didn't even know I thought. Or felt. And I start to hear from God.<br />
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That's what happened today. Usually in January I think about what my dreams and goals are for the new year. MY vision...MY experiences...<br />
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But today, God gave me a new perspective. What does HE want for me this year? Not just what He wants me to do for Him, but <i>He has dreams for me</i>. Things He wants me to experience, accomplish, and dream. He wants me to experience JOY! Jesus died to give me life, not just in Heaven but here on earth too. And not just a life (as if that's not enough), but an ABUNDANT life!<br />
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<i><span style="color: #990000;">"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10</span></i><br />
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I have always struggled with the concept that God wants us to have an "abundant life". He wants us to be happy? It seems kind of self-focused and shallow. We aren't supposed to care about our own happiness, right? I mean, the world chases after happiness and it often eludes us. God wants us to bless others and not be focused on ourselves, that's true. I get that. But according to His Word, He also wants us to be blessed, full of joy, and to prosper...which doesn't necessarily mean wealth or the absence of trouble. (I'm not a believer in the "prosperity gospel"). We can have joy, even in the midst of heartache and trials. I've experienced that. And I understand that He wants us to be fulfilled, spiritually and emotionally in Him.<br />
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But....the idea that He wants me to be happy. That He has dreams for me. The God of the universe has dreams for ME. He wants me to experience things in this world for no other purpose than to enjoy them? I'm going to have to pray about that some more.<br />
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Without the side ponytail.<br />
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Which I rocked, by the way.<br />
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<br />Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-78018454489323566612020-01-22T18:16:00.000-06:002020-01-22T18:21:55.595-06:00My Half-Brained Healthy Life PlanI have a plan. I'm calling it my half-brained healthy life plan and here it is:<br />
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1. Exercise 1/2 hour every day.<br />
2. Drink 1/2 gallon water every day.<br />
3. Half my food is fruit and veggies.<br />
4. Get 8 1/2 hours sleep every night.<br />
5. Run a half-marathon.<br />
6. Baa haa haa...yea, right! Maybe a 5K, tho?<br />
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So, that's the plan. Simple.<br />
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I've had this idea for years. Up until now it's just been an idea, but now that I'm officially half a century old I figure it's about time to actually do it. Commit. Lay down my excuses, my doubts, my apathy.<br />
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It's time.<br />
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I've tried other things through the years to get healthier...books, pills, supplements, gym memberships, low-fat, low-carb, counting steps, counting calories. Nothing has worked for me. Not really. Not because those strategies don't work, but because I didn't. They were all either too complicated, too restrictive, or too something I wasn't willing to stick with.<br />
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I need something simple and practical, a plan I can live with for the rest of my life...and I think this one isn't half bad!<br />
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Ba-dum-bum!<br />
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That's all for now. I plan on doing weekly updates on Wednesdays, starting today.<br />
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There, I said it.<br />
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<br />Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-69237904743126603542020-01-15T23:58:00.000-06:002020-01-23T22:49:48.572-06:00Things I know...for now anyway<div>
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It's late and I can't sleep.</div>
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We still have our Christmas stuff up.</div>
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I'm ok with that. I am still enjoying it all,</div>
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for now anyway.</div>
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We are getting a blizzard this weekend.</div>
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I'm ok with that too. I like winter,</div>
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for now anyway.</div>
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Will & Grace is the funniest sitcom ever,</div>
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because...Sean Hayes.</div>
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The old show, I mean.</div>
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Not the new ones. I haven't watched them.</div>
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Too political.</div>
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This Is Us completely wrecked me last night.</div>
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I mean, Randall...</div>
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standing in his living room staring at the guy who broke into his house</div>
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while his wife and girls are asleep upstairs...</div>
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I almost peed my pants and I can't believe I have to wait a week to find out what happens.</div>
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GAH!</div>
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Know what's better than coffee?</div>
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Espresso.</div>
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I'm tired, but still can't sleep.</div>
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Sometimes things from the past still haunt me</div>
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and cause me anxiety</div>
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and keep me awake,</div>
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for now anyway.</div>
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God will come through and this will not last forever.</div>
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I'll get through it</div>
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and let it go</div>
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again.</div>
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And I will get tired </div>
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and fall asleep</div>
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soon. </div>
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And stop writing like Shel Silverstein</div>
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for now anyway.</div>
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Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-65246051693743836502020-01-06T19:44:00.002-06:002020-01-23T22:45:59.162-06:00It's funny what turning 50 will do!Half a century. I remember teasing my dad when he turned 50 that he was "half a century old"! I thought I was hilarious then....and now, here I am. 50. Half a - well, you know.<br />
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I have sort of read the book "The Blue Zones" (sort of, meaning I have read alot of it and skimmed the rest). It's about certain areas in the world where people live the longest, healthiest lives. They have the highest concentrations of centenarians...people who live to be 100 or more. Essentially, their secret is simple: stay active, don't stress, don't eat too much, eat healthy (whole foods, mostly plants), slow down, know your purpose in life, have faith, spend time with your "tribe", love your family, and (my favorite) have a glass of wine!<br />
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Just kidding, that's not my favorite.<br />
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Ok, sometimes it is.<br />
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I love it. It's so simple, isn't it? It makes so much sense to me. So, why then is it so hard to actually live that way? </div>
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Now that I have crossed the bridge of being a "half century old", I am finding myself doing a life review of sorts. That's nothing new for me, I do this every year around this time and during various changes in the seasons of my life...like empty nest, new job, new husband, new kids, new church, yoga pants. But this turning 50 thing feels a bit more significant to me. How have I lived my life so far...and how do I want to live the rest of it? There is a temptation to think that I am in the "later" years of life now. Yuck. Society says I'm only 15 years from retirement. That may or may not be true for me. My mom died at 71...that's only 20 years away for me. (Swallows hard). That's a little more unnerving. My mom died far too young, and she got old way too early in life. I loved her, but honestly, she lived like an elderly person for much of her life. Even when I was a kid she was very sedentary, and limited herself more and more with each passing year. "I'm too old for that" was a common thing to hear her say. It was annoying and also sad to watch.</div>
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I don't want that to be my story. I refuse to let it be. </div>
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I heard a quote recently...aging is inevitable, but getting old is optional! I LOVE that! I am determined to live my best life. I'm not there yet. To be completely transparent, I weight twice what I should. I have diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol. They are controlled with medication for now, but I am determined to change that and hopefully get off this medication all together. I know I can, I have the means and the ability, and now I have the motivation. It's not too late...as long as I don't put it off any longer. </div>
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Living my best life is not only about my physical health...but that is a big part of it. I want to not only improve and hopefully eliminate the conditions I have, but I also want to have the energy and stamina to do things. Like hiking in Hawaii and Colorado, climbing the trails to Garvin and Sugar Loaf. I want to run a 5k, bike the trails around Lanesboro, and heck - walk around the big lake again. I want to enjoy these things with my husband, our grandkids, and my girlfriends. I want my weight to no longer hinder me from living a vibrant, active life!</div>
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Will I live to be a centenarian? Who knows...maybe I will! But however long I have on this earth, whether that's 20, 30, 40 or even 50 more years, I want to live my best life, my healthiest life, without limits. </div>
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Being a half century old isn't so bad after all, Dad :) </div>
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<br />Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-60169516036127081362019-10-04T15:30:00.000-05:002019-11-23T20:17:58.426-06:0040I believe without a doubt that God works miracles. He can and He does. I know that is hard for some people to believe, but I believe it. I think I always have. Even so, when something happens where I <i>actually see </i>the undeniable evidence of what He's done in my life, it is nothing short of amazing to me!<br />
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On August 15th I posted this on Facebook:<br />
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It was the day that I started a book study with an amazing group of women that God brought together just for this study. The book is called "Made For This: 40 Days to Living Your Purpose". It was the perfect time in my life for a study like this. I had just lost my job the week before, and for many months prior to that I had been dealing with having an (almost) empty nest, changing churches (that process took a couple years actually) and turning the big 5-0 (seriously?). Lots of transition going on and I was neck deep in my journey through the desert of redefining myself when the opportunity to study this book came along. Man, was I ready.</div>
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My close friend Becky commented on my Facebook post, something like "wouldn't it be amazing if you got a job offer 40 days from now?" I admit the thought had crossed my mind, but I deleted the comment because I hadn't shared with very many people that I had lost my job, and I didn't want it "out there". </div>
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Well.</div>
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I wish now that I had left the comment there because last week, on September 24th, <i>I got a job offer!</i> I'm SOOOOOO excited!! I can't stop thanking God for this answer to so many prayers. That evening I shared the news on our family chat in Messenger and our oldest daughter Brittany immediately asked me about the book. She reminded me of the post I made on FB and then asked if I realized how many days there were between August 15th and that day...</div>
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Forty. 40 days. <i>Exactly 40 days</i>. </div>
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Chills. </div>
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Undeniable evidence of God and confirmation of His promise that He <i>has</i> been working this out for good <i>all along</i>. </div>
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I have to admit, this journey hasn't always felt good. It was not easy for me to leave my previous job, and then when the one I left it for fell through, I was devastated. But through it all, day after day I have been determined to believe this promise. I have clung to it and that is SO not like me! I mean, the "me" that I was before would have worried and stressed and asked God for help, but then doubted that things would <i>actually</i> work out for good. But this time...I've learned to have hope, and faith - even before I saw any evidence of God working. And then, not only did God come through with a great job for me, but as if He wanted to remove all doubt that might still be lurking in the corners of my brain, He tied a big fat bow on it!!</div>
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40 days. Amazing. </div>
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It's not just a coincidence. 40 has significant meaning in the bible, and it often symbolizes a trial period. It rained on Noah's ark for 40 days while the earth flooded. And Noah trusted God while the rain fell...before he ever saw dry land. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, doubting and failing and regretting until they finally surrendered, obeyed God and believed...then came the promised land. Jesus was tested in the desert for 40 days, the King of Heaven was hungry and tired and tempted...then came the victory. </div>
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We're still going through the book, it's going to take more than 40 days for us to digest it all, but I can honestly say that for these past 40 days I have been seeking God more than I have in a long while. Daily surrendering to Him. Reminding myself to believe that He was working all things out for my good, even if I saw no evidence of anything happening. Learning to desire His will for my life more than my own. Realizing that if God is not in it, I will never truly succeed or be happy and fulfilled. If I'd had my way, I would've went back to my old job and most likely stayed there forever (I'm not big on change, and when change results in a big fat belly flop, then I am REALLY not a fan.) But if I did, if God had answered that prayer, I wouldn't have this new career opportunity that I am heading into, and probably wouldn't have done this book study either. And just think of the blessing I would have missed...</div>
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So. </div>
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This 40 day thing got me thinking...have there been<i> other</i> "40 days in the desert" experiences in my past that I have missed? My first thought went to my time of singleness before Vince came into my life. Without a doubt that was the longest journey I've walked in the desert. It held some of my most painful days and lonely nights, but it was also one of my richest times of growing close to the Lord and deepening my faith. </div>
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So, I thought I'd figure out how long was it from the time my first marriage ended until my friend Kari introduced me to Vince's blog, which (if you are familiar with our story, you know) eventually led me to him...</div>
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40 months. Not even kidding.</div>
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I think I just heard a mic drop in Heaven. </div>
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<br />Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-90308726842994861792019-08-20T19:24:00.000-05:002019-08-30T10:14:21.603-05:00It always comes back to coffee, friends, and Jesus<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
One of the things I have missed about working in Winona was having coffee with friends after work. Caribou and Blooming Grounds are my go-to places when I want to get comfy and talk with a good friend, or blog, or watch a bible study video (hello, Beth Moore!) Today I got to do all three :) </div>
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My day was going just kind of "eh", until I got a message from my friend Becky and 20 minutes later I was in my car on my way to Caribou for a couple hours. It was nice! Girlfriend time, bible study, and I wasn't mad about my iced caramel latte either.<br />
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It continues to be a challenge for me each day to not feel guilty about not having a job. I have to remind myself, sometimes multiple times a day (or an hour) that God has ordained this time for me for a purpose. He has me home right now, and my job is to seek Him. To let go of my own feelings and self-imposed expectations, and seek His will for my life right now, each day.<br />
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Instead of focusing on his "big" will for my life (should I work or stay home?) I am asking Him to show me what He wants me to accomplish in <i>this</i> day. The little, everyday opportunities that He places before me - I ask Him to help me see them and guide me through them. How can I be a blessing today to my husband and kids, our family and friends, and even those I don't know personally? Whenever I ask God to show me opportunities to be a blessing to others, I find my day is sprinkled with them. It's so fun!<br />
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I am learning to embrace the reality that I don't have to know what the future looks like right now. And it's so freeing! I know that I will know eventually, when God reveals it to me in His own way and time. One thing I do know for sure right now...it will be good!<br />
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<br />Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16711473.post-9602738106703639202019-08-19T11:23:00.000-05:002019-08-21T09:52:39.922-05:00a new seasonIt's going on 3 weeks now that I have been home full time. It feels better to say "being home" rather than "unemployed". That sounds like something is missing but quite honestly, God has changed my thoughts on that. I believe He is giving me this time to be home. Where my heart has always been.<br />
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It feels so incredible to say that. <i>Be home. </i> It's something I have been praying for since I was pregnant with Nicolas...22 years ago. I always wanted to be home with my kids but God waited until now to answer that prayer. I don't know why it took this long, but I trust God that He knew what was best for us all along. Maybe I wasn't ready until now?<br />
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Whatever the reason and for however long, I am learning to give myself permission to enjoy this time. There are so many ways for me to be productive while I am home, and I'm SUPER excited about each one of them!<br />
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<li>First and most importantly...spend time with God. Grow closer to him everyday through reading, studying and meditating on His Word, prayer and worship.</li>
<li>Keep our finances in order and give our budget a reboot!</li>
<li>Clean and organize our home, aka: purge! purge! purge! I've been posting some things for sale online to help bring in a little money, and will donate the rest (or toss it!) I want to make our home a haven, especially for my husband. He works hard and is on board with me staying home if I want to...which I am PRAISING GOD for!!! He is amazing and I want him to be able to come home after working long days and relax and recharge without a stressed out, frazzled wife. I want our home to be the place where our kids and grandkids come to relax, feel loved and a little pampered :) I want us to have people over, have our home be warm and inviting to family and friends, and be able to focus on THEM and not stress about the condition of our house. </li>
<li>Cook! I have time and motivation to prepare healthy, homemade meals and make eating out a special thing rather than a fall back because I'm exhausted.</li>
<li>Spend time with our kids - even though they are grown, they still need me. I love being available to go out to lunch or drop something off or meet them somewhere during the days. They are busy and all have different schedules so being available to them is important to me. </li>
<li>Connect with other women, not only for myself but to encourage others which I believe is one of my gifts. </li>
<li>Get healthy! I have the time to exercise now in our beautiful new exercise room, take a walk with our dog or with a friend. </li>
<li>Enjoy my life! Get back to some of the things that bring me joy...playing piano, photography, nature. </li>
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I'm so excited to see what God does in my life, OUR lives during this new season! I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I trust Him, in His leading and timing, and in all that He is going to do!<br />
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<span class="text Eph-3-21" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: red; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><i>"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,<span class="crossreference" data-cr="#cen-NIV-26492L" data-link="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26492L" title="See cross-reference L">L</a>)" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 22px; position: relative; top: 0px; vertical-align: top;"></span> and have it to the full." John 10:10</i></span><br />
<span class="text Eph-3-21" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: red; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="text Eph-3-21" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: red; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "verdana" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><i>"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us..." Ephesians 3:20</i></span><br />
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Lisa Howardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04148282456612221186noreply@blogger.com0