Saturday, February 01, 2014

More things I like the idea of but don't actually like

You can read the first "Things I like the idea of but don't actually like" here, because you know I wouldn't want you to miss anything.

Here goes 7 more...

8.  Having dogs.
Puppies are so stinkin' adorable.  I know this, so I just shouldn't look at them at all. Because when they are all curled up in my arms and I smell their puppy smell, I begin to have all these visions of playing fetch and happy children and snuggling by the fire. But then they come home, and the reality soon weighs quite heavily in the other direction:  They poop.  Yes I knew it came with the dog, but for some reason I underestimated how much, how smelly, and how annoying it is to have in the yard (and occasionally the house).  Then there's the whining, drooling, peeing on the carpet, chewing things, shedding, needing to be let out, and back in...and back out, and back in...and the chasing deer into the woods and tracking mud on the carpet and running (uninvited) into the neighbor's house (ok, that was funny) and the constant wondering where are the dogs?  What are they doing?  Do they need to be let out?  Fed?  Bathed?  Walked?  It's very distracting from the life of the peoples, which have enough troubles of their own.  And then there's the unfortunate event of coming home to find your dog has died, which was my experience last week, and was equally sad and disturbing.

9.  Setting up my Christmas Village.
I adore my Christmas Village!!  Oh how I look forward to it every year!  It's the first thing I want to see when Thanksgiving is over, and sometimes even before, and I must say a dozen times "I can't wait to set up my villaaaaaage!!!"'s actually time to set up my village.  In the midst of digging out a bajilion boxes from under the basement steps, my village amnesia begins to reverse itself and I remember how much it sucks.  Unpacking every single house and store and tree and little people takes hours and hours and makes me crazy, but by the time it's done and all the buildings are lit up and we are sprinkling the snowflakes all around it, all is well and nostalgic and I truly do enjoy it.

10.  Going on a cruise.

The idea of it is so romantic and relaxing!  I LOVE the ocean, and vacations, but there is just something about severe motion sickness and the accompanying dizziness and puking that kind of ruins the experience for me.  Take Dramamine, you say?  Sure, if I want to take a $2,000 nap. Sigh.

11. Riding in a convertible.
Soooo exciting!  With the sunshine and LRB cranked and the wind blowing through your hair, no? That's what I thought, until my college boyfriend (and future husband #1) got a convertible and I realized that the laws of motion are somehow reversed in a convertible.  One would assume that when your car is moving forward, and your body which is sitting in the car is also moving forward, that your long blonde hair would fly all sexy-like behind you like in the movies, right?  Except not. What actually happens is your hair flies forward and whips you in the face the ENTIRE TIME.  A few miles of that bliss and you turn into Melissa McCarthy parked between two cop cars trying to get out, and you may or may not censor your commentary.

12.  Self Check-outs.  I have written about this before (here) and unfortunately things haven't changed much.

13.  Hot tubs.  I do love hot tubs, actually!  Private ones - with bubbles and candles that only me and (maybe) my husband enter.  Public hotel or resort hot tubs, no thank you.  I shall not partake in that sort of marinade with others of possibly questionable hygiene.  YUCK!

14. Skiing.  What I imagine:  Gracefully slaloming down a white, snowy hill wearing one of those cute stocking caps with the tails and matching mittens, and oopsie!  Falling into a soft pile of snow, laughing as Mr. Cute helps me stand back up and brush the snow off my pants, as we make our way to the lodge to enjoy a cup of hot cocoa by the fire.  What it's actually like:  Panic and terror.  Going down the bunny hill with the tips of my skis pointed together (which some genius told me would help me slow down) and falling on ice chunks thinly veiled in snow.  After about 3 attempts at this, I will be sitting all crabby in the lodge, knees throbbing in pain, wanting to go home.   Fun, fun.

So there we go.  It's Sunday afternoon and I am happy to announce that I am 1/2 way through the 3rd season of Downton Abbey.  I have been marathoning it for the past couple weeks to try and catch up with the current season, and thus be able to watch it with the rest of the world and perhaps some friends.  Mr. W is on his way to the grocery store to pick up party supplies for the Super Bowl game today, which my sons will be watching at our house with friends.  It's about to get crazy here.  Happy Sunday!

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