Journals and memories and realizing God is faithful

So, I dug out all of my journals the other day.  I have always loved writing.  I started keeping a diary when I was a young girl when I got this on my 11th birthday from my friend Marla.

Isn't it cute?!

I can't help you understand why I wrote about myself in the third person here on the cover. 

In the beginning I wrote about very important things in my life, such as what I ate that day (the food obsession started early), and what I did with my friends, and when my brother Alan was mean to me.  Oh, and of course the boys I had crushes on (that started early too).

...and then there was the occasional, random news report.  I can't help you understand that either.

I started reading some of my diary entries to my husband the other night and he was surprisingly uninterested.  Plus, it was a little disturbing for him to realize that when he was a junior in highschool, his future wife was writing in her kitty diary.

Moving on...

I have written journals all my life, and of course I have saved them all.

My writing has evolved over the years (thank goodness) from writing about my everyday experiences, to working through my feelings, to now where it is mostly prayers.  While it was fun to take a stroll down  memory lane, I wasn't exactly sure why I dug them out the other day?  After reading through my highschool journal and starting on my college ones, I started thinking why am I doing this?  I prepared to put them all away in the box I keep stored under my bed, but something stopped me.

So, I left them out on my dresser for a few more days, not really sure what to do with them.  Then it became clear to me.  I am doing a bible study right now called "Trustworthy" by Lysa Terkuerst (one of my favorite authors and speakers!) and it's amazing.

and when I read this, I knew...

God wants me to remember His faithfulness, and that will fuel my trust in Him.

There have been countless times in my life where He has shown His faithfulness to me.  Some that I can readily recall, but no doubt there are many other times that I didn't recognize at the time.  So, I think the reason He had me get my journals out was to go through them and look for evidence of His faithfulness in my life.

Remember.  Trust.

Yes.

After realizing this the other day, I was driving and thinking about all the events of my life.  I haven't written about everything, but many of the joys and especially the sorrows I did.  My thoughts wandered (of course) to all the mistakes that I've made.  All the times I didn't follow Him and went my own way and I found myself wondering what God must think of the story of my life.  In that moment I felt Him tell my heart "It's beautiful to Me".

What??  Beautiful?  He thinks my story is beautiful?

I knew that was from God because I would never say that to myself.

In that moment, it made no sense to me at all.  But also in that moment, I realized that maybe God looks at us and the seasons of our lives a little differently than we look at our own.  Maybe He doesn't look at our mistakes as failures (like we often do), but as opportunities to show Himself faithful.

Even if we don't realize it at the time, He will show us in His time.  In bible studies and journals written decades before, He shows His faithfulness.

When we are ready to receive it.

And when we do, it is life changing.

PS...the cute boy did ask me to skate :)

Hiding and going home

I don't want to go home.

I mean, I really like our home.  Love it, actually.  And the people in it.  I love them too.  And the dog.  Most of the time, the dog.  

But right now I'm hiding here...

Coffee shop hiding is one of my favorite things to do when I don't want to go home.  It's not that I don't want to be there per se, or be around my people.  I just sometimes need to be somewhere where I can relax without distractions.  Where I don't feel pulled toward the dishes or the vacuum or the laundry or the people.  Or the dog.  I can just be, and think my thoughts.  And drink my coffee.

Things are changing.  And I'm not always a big fan of change.

I've been trying to deny it, or avoid it, but the truth is in the next six months we might very well have an empty nest.  Our season of raising children and being a family all in the same house is coming to an end.  

There.  I said it.  

And I'm having kind of a hard time dealing with it. 

For almost half my life I have been a wife and mother.  It has defined who I am, probably too much so at times but I couldn't help it.  Being a mom has been the greatest joy of my life.  Our house has always been full of kids and toys and noise and stuff and love and messes and stresses and tears and fun.  And sarcasm.  We can't forget the sarcasm.   I'll admit, there have been times, many times, when it has been too much.  That thing about "God won't give you more than you can handle" - yea, that ain't true.  He does.  He did with me.  Six kids - six loud and opinionated and stubborn and challenging and wonderfully amazing kids, in between the joy and the hugs and the laughter have sometimes been more than I could handle. I used to yearn for quiet and would sometimes lock myself in the bathroom or flop myself on my bed just to get a moment of it.  Slowly, as each of our kids have launched, the house has gotten a little bit quieter.  Now it's the quietest it's ever been and it feels...strange.  

Vince and I have done things backwards from most couples.  We've been together almost 12 years and we've never been alone.  We started out with kids...lots of them...ranging in age from 5-17.  We've been just a tad bit busy and it's never been just us.  It's our turn now, and I'm really happy about that part of all this!  Vince and I have a lot to look forward to together and are working on our bucket list :)  But the other part of me, the mom part, is a little bit sad.  Sometimes a lot sad and I'm not sure how to feel about that.  Or what to do with those feelings that I can't really even define yet.  

Kyle and Hope, our babies, are graduating soon and making plans for their futures.  They are getting ready to launch, but truth be told I'm not ready to let them go.  I'm excited for them, I am!  But also terrified.  The past couple years have been hard, for them and for us.  Probably the hardest of all our parenting years and we have been so consumed with getting them through, that I haven't been able to really process and accept that they are actually moving on into adulthood soon.  I think that's why it is taking me by surprise.  

And taking my breath away.  

And causing me to hide in coffee shops.

But then this guy shows up...

...and makes it all better.  He reminds me that we are in this together.  And we will get through the hard days and the hard feelings and the hard things just like we have always done.  With faith and hope and love.  He makes me not want to sit here alone anymore.  

He makes me want to go home.

North Shore ~ day 4

This morning was another chilly and rainy one.  

We walked up to the Coho Cafe for breakfast again. I brought my umbrella, but we didn't need it.  Next to the cafe is this gift shop.  It was closed this morning, but this is where Vince bought my sweatshirt the other day.

We really love the cute little path between here and there...

On our way back we decided to go down to the cove again.  The cove and the waterfall hike have been our favorite experiences of our trip. 

We found several more rocks and pieces of driftwood to add to our collection.  I love discovering natural souvenirs from the places we go.  It's so much more special than buying things. 

By late morning it had cleared up nicely and turned out to be another beautiful day.  After a short nap and some quiet time, I was ready for another adventure.

For lunch today, Vince went up to the general store and picked up some hotdogs to grill and Mrs. Gerry's potato salad...just like home :)  Isn't that funny?  We are on vacation, and got something to make us think of home.

He also found this piece of driftwood that he plans to widdle something on to commemorate our trip.

We love it here...it's so cozy and even though all the units are connected it feels like our own private cabin.

Today was our day to do some wine tasting!

I would have bought this amazing piece of art if it had been for sale, unfortunately it wasn't 

(I asked)....

Then is was back up to Grand Marais.  This time we saw more of the downtown area and some of the local shops.  We love small town downtowns and even though this was very touristy, it definitely had a small town feel. 

They were good, but Bloedow's is better.  Truth.

It was a cute little place!  Their customers send in pics of themselves with their "World's Best Donuts" mugs, and the pictures decorate the tables and walls...cute idea.

This was an adorable little book store, right next to the beach.  We got a book about Lake Superior rocks so we can identify the ones we have collected.  

This is where Vince got our fudge yesterday...

...did I mention that they mail their fudge?  They mail their fudge.  In case I forgot to mention that.

And this is where Vince got his Grand Marais sweatshirt yesterday.  

There were so many cute and interesting shops.  I loved the decor and the architecture...

We stood here for quite a while.  More wave therapy.  The fog was beautiful, kids were playing in the sand, geese were swimming, seagulls were flying and squawking loudly!  It kind of reminded me of California.

Then just as we were going to leave, we saw this emerge through the fog...

Then it was back to the resort.  After a short rest in our room, we decided to return to Bluefin Grille for our last dinner out.  It's one of the best restaurants I've been to.  Shockingly, we forgot to take pics of our food!  Vince got filet mignon and I got a dinner salad with grilled chicken.

All the food here was superb.

Now here we are, our last evening at Bluefin Bay.  We decided at supper tonight that we are ready to be home.  We are still having a lovely time, but we miss our kids.  We also decided that this has been just the right amount of time to be gone.

Things I have learned on this trip...

Peace is a wonderful feeling, and one that I need to experience and pursue everyday.  

Things that bring me peace...the sound, sight and feeling of water, reading my bible, an environment without clutter, being in nature, good smells and good music. 

Getaways with my husband must (whenever possible) include a fireplace and a jacuzzi.

God continues to teach me how to live in the moment and experience life abundantly.  Moments may pass quickly, but the more deeply we experience them the greater the memories and the more we carry them with us.  

Praise God for His beautiful creation.  From the trees and waterfalls to the fog hovering over the water and even the rocks, there is beauty in everything and I plan to experience as much of it in this life as I can.