Journals and memories and realizing God is faithful

So, I dug out all of my journals the other day.  I have always loved writing.  I started keeping a diary when I was a young girl when I got this on my 11th birthday from my friend Marla.

Isn't it cute?!

I can't help you understand why I wrote about myself in the third person here on the cover. 

In the beginning I wrote about very important things in my life, such as what I ate that day (the food obsession started early), and what I did with my friends, and when my brother Alan was mean to me.  Oh, and of course the boys I had crushes on (that started early too).

...and then there was the occasional, random news report.  I can't help you understand that either.

I started reading some of my diary entries to my husband the other night and he was surprisingly uninterested.  Plus, it was a little disturbing for him to realize that when he was a junior in highschool, his future wife was writing in her kitty diary.

Moving on...

I have written journals all my life, and of course I have saved them all.

My writing has evolved over the years (thank goodness) from writing about my everyday experiences, to working through my feelings, to now where it is mostly prayers.  While it was fun to take a stroll down  memory lane, I wasn't exactly sure why I dug them out the other day?  After reading through my highschool journal and starting on my college ones, I started thinking why am I doing this?  I prepared to put them all away in the box I keep stored under my bed, but something stopped me.

So, I left them out on my dresser for a few more days, not really sure what to do with them.  Then it became clear to me.  I am doing a bible study right now called "Trustworthy" by Lysa Terkuerst (one of my favorite authors and speakers!) and it's amazing.

and when I read this, I knew...

God wants me to remember His faithfulness, and that will fuel my trust in Him.

There have been countless times in my life where He has shown His faithfulness to me.  Some that I can readily recall, but no doubt there are many other times that I didn't recognize at the time.  So, I think the reason He had me get my journals out was to go through them and look for evidence of His faithfulness in my life.

Remember.  Trust.

Yes.

After realizing this the other day, I was driving and thinking about all the events of my life.  I haven't written about everything, but many of the joys and especially the sorrows I did.  My thoughts wandered (of course) to all the mistakes that I've made.  All the times I didn't follow Him and went my own way and I found myself wondering what God must think of the story of my life.  In that moment I felt Him tell my heart "It's beautiful to Me".

What??  Beautiful?  He thinks my story is beautiful?

I knew that was from God because I would never say that to myself.

In that moment, it made no sense to me at all.  But also in that moment, I realized that maybe God looks at us and the seasons of our lives a little differently than we look at our own.  Maybe He doesn't look at our mistakes as failures (like we often do), but as opportunities to show Himself faithful.

Even if we don't realize it at the time, He will show us in His time.  In bible studies and journals written decades before, He shows His faithfulness.

When we are ready to receive it.

And when we do, it is life changing.

PS...the cute boy did ask me to skate :)

20/20 Vision

Today was a good day.  First thing I did after waking up this morning was read my devotional and write in my journal.  My best days always start with that.  I'm not sure what it is, but I have always struggled with prayer.  I get so distracted sometimes and my thoughts go all over the place (shocking, I know).  Like I can be driving and praying about my day and a song comes on and suddenly it's 1984 and I'm in my best friend's basement wearing jeans and a hot pink sweatshirt singing "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" with too much eye shadow and a side ponytail.   But when I journal my prayers, I stay focused.  I start writing things I didn't even know I thought.  Or felt.  And I start to hear from God.

That's what happened today.  Usually in January I think about what my dreams and goals are for the new year.  MY vision...MY experiences...

But today, God gave me a new perspective.  What does HE want for me this year?  Not just what He wants me to do for Him, but He has dreams for me.  Things He wants me to experience, accomplish, and dream.  He wants me to experience JOY!  Jesus died to give me life, not just in Heaven but here on earth too.  And not just a life (as if that's not enough), but an ABUNDANT life!

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10

I have always struggled with the concept that God wants us to have an "abundant life".  He wants us to be happy?  It seems kind of self-focused and shallow.  We aren't supposed to care about our own happiness, right?  I mean, the world chases after happiness and it often eludes us.  God wants us to bless others and not be focused on ourselves, that's true.  I get that.  But according to His Word, He also wants us to be blessed, full of joy, and to prosper...which doesn't necessarily mean wealth or the absence of trouble.  (I'm not a believer in the "prosperity gospel").  We can have joy, even in the midst of heartache and trials.  I've experienced that.  And I understand that He wants us to be fulfilled, spiritually and emotionally in Him.

But....the idea that He wants me to be happy.  That He has dreams for me.  The God of the universe has dreams for ME.  He wants me to experience things in this world for no other purpose than to enjoy them?  I'm going to have to pray about that some more.

Without the side ponytail.

Which I rocked, by the way.

Coincidence? I think NOT!

Pineapple anyone??

Pick one

I finally figured it out.

About seven years ago I started studying the bible on my own.  Before I impress you too much, let me just explain that I have not been consistent about it.  I go in spurts.  I have done many bible studies over the years, at church and in women's ministry groups, and I really enjoy it.  Beth Moore studies are my favorite.

My personal bible time had mostly consisted of reading verses on specific topics.  Sometimes I would go through a whole chapter or book, and other times I'd just open my bible and read wherever I landed.  Every minute we spend in the Word is a benefit, but I got to the point where I wanted to go deeper into scripture and really study it.  

The first thing I did was a study on "love".  I needed to know and experience the love of God on a deeper level, so I used the concordance in the back of my bible to look up every verse that talked about the love of God.  After that I did a study on "joy".  And another on all the things Jesus told us to "do".  Then I studied each of the gospels, and most recently the books of James and Hebrews. 

My process is pretty simple.  I have my bible and a notebook, and as I read I take notes on whatever I feel the Holy Spirit is teaching me.  Whatever stands out to me and speaks to my mind and heart.  Sometimes my notes turn into songs, or praises, or prayers.  It's a great method and I learn a lot studying the bible this way.

More recently I have thought about reading the entire bible from cover to cover - something I have never done.  But I don't get much past the thought of it because it is so overwhelming!  And I'm not sure that is what God wants me to do.  I mean, what if God wants me in Galatians and I am stuck in Leviticus?  I do much better in the New Testament because I understand it more and can apply it to my life much easier than the Old Testament.  I know that God has just as much for us in the Old as He does in the New, I just can't seem to get past Genesis without feeling like my head is going to a'splode.

A couple years ago I bought a Chronological Life Application Bible.  I like the idea of reading the whole bible through as one story, in the order that it was written, and I thought that a chronological bible would make reading it from cover to cover more appealing and digestible.  It did...for a time, but I soon choked and didn't stick with it, for the same reasons I mentioned earlier.  

I also have a Max Lucado Devotional Bible, which I bought many years ago.  I really love it (and have to admit one of the draws were the fonts and illustrations :)  There are devotions, or "Life Lessons" sprinkled throughout that speak to each section of scripture.  Love that!

My sister-in-law recently finished reading through a devotional bible by Joyce Meyer.  It was a rich time for her, and took her two years.  She said she took her time and learned things that she never knew before.  So, yes!  That's yet another way to read the bible all the way through and I started doing that as well...only to not make it past creation.

Hmmph.

To add to my plethora of options, I have several bible studies that I haven't done yet...

Sermon notes for almost ten years that I could go back through...

And don't even get me started on all my devotionals.

So, with all these options available to me, what is my deal?  Is this a self-discipline issue?  Do I just need to make myself do it and stick with it?  Somehow I don't think God wants reading His Word to be so stressful.  That comes from someone else...the one who wants me to be confused and overwhelmed enough to do nothing at all.  And that's what I do when I have too many options and I don't know what the "right" one is.  When that happens, I all too often end up doing nothing at all.

Which is not the right thing to do.

As I often do, I have been driving myself crazy so I sought the wise counsel of my husband and sister-in-law to help shed some light and clarity (and sanity) on my dilemma.  They helped me break it down to this:  what way do I enjoy studying the bible the most (that was from Donna), and just pick one and do that (that was from Vince).  

Bam.  Simple.  Just like how God works.  He doesn't complicate things or make them confusing and stressful.  And He doesn't make me feel like a crazy person (I do that well enough on my own).  His methods are simple and mine should be too.  So here is what I have decided to do.  I will pick one...one bible study, one devotional, and one book (I have been known to read two and even three books at a time...really?)  

I am getting up each morning and spending time with God...with my "Embraced" devotional, my bible and journal.  Day one was wonderful and made the whole rest of my day better.  

I decided to do more intense bible studying in the evenings and on the weekends, starting this weekend with "Seamless" by Angi Smith.  Pretty timely, this is, because it's about understanding the bible as one seamless story!  Coincidence?  I think NOT!  I'm not going to rush through it, but will take my time and use the bible study resources I have accumulated to really dig deep in the scriptures.  I'm super excited about this!  I'm sure I will write more about it as I go.

I used to think that studying the bible would be boring...it's much more comforting and safe to just read the "feel good" verses and leave the heavy stuff to the pastors and bible teachers to spoon feed to me.  Not anymore!  I mean, what could be more exciting than reading the VERY WORDS OF THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE???!!!  

And lastly, I have started my next book by Sophie Hudson, "Home is Where my People Are".  I just love her!  Her first book was hilarious and I'm expecting this one to be as well.

So, here I am.  One bible study + one devotional + one book = one happy, relaxed, unstressed girl.  I'll probably read the bible from cover to cover someday.  I'm sure I'll go through more books of the bible on my own, and I might even go back through my church notes at some point to reabsorb some of the things I may have forgotten to remember.  For now, this is what I'm doing and I already feel closer to the Lord and His Word.

What I'm asking God for in 2017

I love new beginnings!  It's almost a new year, and you know what that means...a new planner! Have I mentioned I'm getting a new planner? And a new journal too...both filled with crisp, bright white blank pages just waiting for ideas and plans and goals and prayers to make their way from my mind and heart onto paper. I love writing, I love everything about it. I don't mind typing out my thoughts like I do on this blog, but there is something about holding paper in my hands, turning actual pages, and writing out my life and thoughts in my own handwriting on sheets of real paper spread out before me. I find it refreshing and inspiring.  I may have mentioned that my 2017 planner is on it's way (I ended up ordering a different one than the one I had last year and wrote about here).  I'm just a wee bit excited about it.

It's New Year's Eve and as I am sitting on the couch reclining next to my husband, half paying attention to the black & white movie he's watching, I am contemplating the new year.  I'm wondering what 2017 has in store for us and praying that it is mostly good things.  I know that if God allows trials into my life, that He will have a purpose in it, and I pray that I remember that when they come.  Even so, I am asking God to bless this year. For myself, my husband, and our kids.  Here is what I'm asking Him for, for all of us...

Deeper Faith

Unconditional Trust

Complete Surrender.

A new year means a chance to start over.  

Refocus. 

Prioritize.  

And for me, this new year means resurrecting old passions that have gone stale, like writing, playing piano, photography, women's ministry, time with friends, believing for good things.  It is surprising to me that I have let these passions fall by the wayside, but what's even more surprising is that I haven't really even missed them.  But there is an emptiness that remains in their absence that is becoming obvious to me now and I'm beginning to long for them again. Especially the believing for good things.  I've gone kind of numb to that. Not cynical exactly, I just haven't been expecting good things to happen and I don't like that feeling.  That's not who I want to be, and it's certainly not who God wants me to be.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13

So, it's a great time for a new year to happen!  My hope is renewed and I just know that 2017 is going to be a great year because God is good,  my husband started blogging again, and my new planner will be here in a couple weeks! Cha!

I am just trying to get through the days without having a stroke

This is what I wrote in my journal on June 5th, the beginning of summer...

"I am just trying to get through each day without having a stroke...that's my goal, to not stroke out.  Maybe I have set the bar a bit too low, but at least it's somewhat achievable!  I go through this every summer - the end of the school year means another summer where my kids are home alone all day & I'm missing countless opportunities to be with them...having the fun, nurturing, guiding, protecting, supervising, laughing, talking, cleaning, shopping, cooking healthy meals, all the things I desire in my heart to do with and for them.  Instead, they are on their own eating hot pockets & frozen pizza and fighting & leaving the house whenever and going wherever with whoever...and I'm not there.  I'm so sad, worried, frustrated at why God has said 'no' to my years of praying (to be home).  God, help me.  This is worse than the other years because it might be the last year Nick and Vinny are home - and I've missed it."

Well, here we are approaching the end of the summer.  Some things have changed and I've learned quite a bit.  About myself and my kids and my husband and our God...

First of all, I didn't have a stroke.  That's a good thing.

Secondly, my kids are much more capable of managing themselves than I had given them credit for.  Yea, I know there were probably fights, but this summer I didn't get one single call (yet) by someone saying/yelling/crying because they were being picked on/ignored/infuriated by a sibling.  Progress?  I think so.  The kids are maturing and I'm so proud of them!  And me...I'm learning to let go a bit.  Just a bit.  Little bits at a time.  Is it possible to hold onto your kids too tightly?  If so, I've probably been guilty of that.  It's good for them to work out their disagreements themselves, without one of the parents swooping in and administering justice - which is sometimes necessary, but in the long run they don't learn how to work things out themselves and experience the consequences of not.  Hopefully through those experiences, they learn compassion and compromise and selflessness...and how to live with someone that you CAN'T STAND RIGHT NOW!!!  Not that I would know anything about that.

And then there's the food.  With our new juicing adventure, we are eliminating most processed food from the house.  So that means no more mac & cheese, frozen pizzas, and hot pockets. Oh the horror.  Either the kids will learn to make "real food" for lunch, or they will starve.  Or I suppose they will mooch food off their friends, or spend their spending money buying junk at the Cenex.  All of which I'm sure have been occurring. Our hope is that the "real food" concept will win out most of the time.  So far they have been gagging at our juices, but my kale, cuke, apple, carrot juice today is pretty delish!

I think I'll go enjoy it on our deck and chat with our kids and our dog and my husband and possibly journal some more.

Vince thinks they're ugly but I don't care....doo-dah, doo-dah

Vince thinks they're ugly but I don't care....oh-a-doo-dah-day.

They are my new shoes, and they make me happy. 

They especially make my feet happy.  I have had plantar fasciitis on and off for prolly 14 years (which may or may not coincide with the number of years that I have been overweight).  If you are not familiar, plantar fascitis is when you injure the tissues in your heel and it takes forever to heal.  Runners get it alot, and coincidently so do people who buy a cheap pair of clogs that do not have enough cushion or arch support, but you wear them everyday anyway and ignore the developing heel pain because you love them so much until one day you wake up and can't walk.

I have tried many types of shoes and inserts over the years, with varying degrees of success and price, and I can honestly say that these shoes are the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned.  Seriously.  They are like  "Shape-ups" by Sketchers, but are supposedly just as good for about 1/3 of the price.  (My dad in me just did a little happy dance over that - he loves a good deal, and so do I.)  They have curved heels, which takes the pressure off your heel, and also apparantly give your legs a work out as you walk in them.  Bonus.  Sounds like a gimick, I know, but the reviews all say that they work.  I don't care about that so much as the comfort.  They are like walking on big cushy clouds.  The only downside is that because the heel is so curvy there is a slight rocking motion and if I lose my balance I may just tip right over backwards like a weeble. 

I was on a shopping excursion with my sister in law, Donna, today and might I say we had a marvelous time!  We spent a significant amout of time at one of my favorite stores in downtown Winona...Hearts Desire, where we sampled various dip mixes and drooled over the cute snowmen (ok, maybe that was just me).  Then we got beverages and sat and talked at Blooming Grounds, the best little coffee shop evah.  I got an orange-mango-guava green tea smoothie, which if you are looking for something cold and icey and fruity,  is THE bomb. 

Then we spent way too long at Shopko, where I did my usual...picking out things I want and/or need, then after walking around the store for another hour or so I begin to have buyers guilt and put things back before I buy them.  Hey, at least buyer's guilt is better than buyer's remorse, right?  I should have gotten that jacket, tho. 

Speaking of jackets, I have lost mine.  Both my winter one and my spring/fall one.  It's the weirdest thing.  So if I have been to your house in the last 6 months, and you have either a white, black & burgandy Columbia jacket, or a long navy jacket with a hood and a hole in the right pocket hanging in your closet and you have no idea where in the world it came from, please let me know as they are mine and I am cold.

I love to journal, and I've decided I'm going to be turning a corner with my blog.  I plan on getting a little more personal.  A little more descriptive. A little more rambly and possibly a little more boring...but hopefully not.  I am not focusing on entertaining anyone (althought that quite likely will happen as I write more about our crazy life), but rather, I want to documenting memories.  In writing or in pictures, I want to be able to look back and read this and remember the day to day stuff that makes life what it is...a journey.  OH!  Have you ever noticed that journal and journey are nearly the same word?

In the waiting and the trusting

"Christ's priority for the believer's life is not how much he or she studies the Word, enjoys attending Bible study, or discusses Scripture in small groups. His priority for the believer is to hear the Word and do it". - Beth Moore

To hear the Word...and do it.  To listen to Jesus and do what He tells me to do.  Can I really do that?  Is He really speaking to me? Yes He is, and yes I can.

Jesus said "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27. 

If Jesus calls me to listen to His voice, then He must be speaking to me.  The problem is that I am usually making too much of my own noise to hear Him! I've been doing something about that this past week, and it's making all the difference in my days.  I have started setting my alarm 30 minutes early and before I even get out of bed I raise the blinds (or turn on my lamp, depending on how light it is out), grab my bible and journal and my devotional, and I spend some time with God.  I am reading the book of John right now, going through one section at a time and journalling about it.  It's been amazing!  I've also been focusing on listening more when I pray...listening more than talking.  Seeking to be close to God, more than asking Him for things.  Shutting my mouth when I pray is not an easy thing for me to do!  I always have things to tell God (as if He doesn't already know), things to ask Him for (as if He isn't aware of my needs), and I feel like I have to remind God of the obvious (if I'm going to open a daycare, then I need children, God!!) 

See, I have all the preparations just about done, and still no families have signed up.  I feel like I have done all that I need to do to get the word out and have even advertised in our local newspaper.  I have been praying for God to bring the right families to me...but what I'm wondering now is maybe I'm the one who's not ready.  Maybe God has some work to do in my heart and in my life before I can take on this new venture.  I need to rely on His timing and do that one thing that is so hard for me sometimes. 

Trust. 

The other day I was praying about all of this and I asked God to show me if indeed this is what He wants me to do with my life (as if I need yet more confirmation than He has already given me).  Are you SURE God?  Maybe this isn't what You want me to do, if not then just let me know. I'll stay where I'm at with my job.  I just need to KNOW!  And I asked Him, which would give Him the most glory?

His answer came immediately and clearly.  He said "Your circumstances do not bring Me glory.  It's how you handle whatever circumstance that you are in that will bring Me glory.  You can glorify Me by being faithful wherever you are."

Hello.

I know God has a plan.  I know that He knows what He wants me to do.  And I also know that He has been working on this trust issue with me for some time now.  That lesson of "learning to trust" is being woven into His plan for my life, and that plan apparantly involves some waiting.  After all, how much trust would it require of me if everything all fell into place imediately?  If there was no waiting to be done.  No opportunity to trust the unseen.  And now, in the waiting and the trusting, He is giving me the opportunity to bring Him glory...now.  Before the families come.  When people ask me how things are going and if I have any kids signed up yet and I say "no, but God has a plan and I'm trusting in His timing."  Maybe that is part of His plan? Or maybe in the end He really will say no to all of this? 

Whatever happens, I'm going to keep getting up at 6am and spending time with Him.  I'm going to continue to learn to trust and bring Him glory whatever the circumstances are. And I'm going to continue to listen for His voice, to hear His Word...and DO it. 

Will you join me?

A journey

I have been blogging for three years now....well, not constantly for three years. That would be a very long ramble and I would have had to pee really bad by now. Oh come on, it's funny.

I was introduced to the "real" world of blogging by Mr. Wonderful, who helped me create this blog back in August of 2007. Prior to Vince, I did not even know about Blogger or that there were all these blogs out there. Honestly. The only blogging I knew of was on Myspace. Yes, I had a Myspace account. Don't judge me. I know that Myspace was very teeny-bopperish of me, but honestly my only purpose in having a Myspace was to spy on my nieces and nephews. They all had one and it was a way for me to keep in touch with them, and of course see what they were into and up to. My niece set me up with a Myspace account and I wrote in the blog part of it now and again for about a year before I met Vince and he made me a "real" blog. This, by the way, was my very first "real" blog post, in which I wrote about meeting and falling in love with Mr. W. I think I'll go read it again now, just for fun love.

Aaaah. I love that man.

Anyhoo...before I deleted my Myspace account, I printed out all of my blog entries and kept them in a binder with my journals. I love to write (which is why I have a blog and journals in the first place). A while ago, I decided that I would type out each entry from my old blog and add them to this one. I wanted to preserve them, and the memories that they reflect. Although when I printed them, I wasn't able to print out any of the comments from my nieces and nephews, so those were lost which makes me really sad!

Tonight I finished typing out all of my "pre-Vince" blog posts (from October 2006 to August 2007) and added them to my archives. It was fun reliving some of those moments of my life, which seem like a lifetime ago now! I think it was a bit therapeutic for me as well, as I was reminded of all the healing that God brought to me during a very long and sometimes difficult season as a single parent. This post in particular from January 7, 2007 brought tears to my eyes. I wrote it before I ever knew who Vince Howard was...months before I ever laid eyes on the man who would later that year become my Mr. Wonderful. I wonder....no, I know that God had things all planned out for Vince and I when I wrote that post. I just didn't know it yet. I had to get to a place in my heart where I trusted God with my future, and was at peace with His plans for me. This was a step in that journey...a journey that I still travel.

Have you had time with God today?

I have decided to post this on my computer monitor ~ to remind myself that before I sit down to the computer, I will spend time with God first. If you are like me, it can be easy to get so busy with life that I forget to read my bible and spend some time with God everyday. We Christians like to call it "quiet time", but mine is not always quiet! Sometimes there are interruptions (external and internal) that keep me from really pressing into God. And when too many days like this pass, I start feeling the stress and the emptiness in my soul and life gets hard.

This morning, I woke up before my alarm went off at 6am, and decided that the first thing I was going to do was get my bible, devotional, and journal and spend some time with God. I am so glad I did. God didn't drop anything profound in my lap. He didn't blow me over with some big revelation. He just showed up and fed me the 'bread' that I need for today. Jesus knew we needed daily bread, and told us to pray for it.

"Give us today our daily bread." Matthew 6:11

I know I need 'daily bread' to grow and to know Him more. And I need to make that a priority above all other things. ALL other things. Things that threaten to become an idol in my life (and maybe already have?) Things like the computer ~ specifically my blog. And other people's blogs. It is so easy (and addicting) to read about other people's lives, to see their cute blog designs...and pretty soon it's time to go to work or it's time to go to bed and I haven't spent any time with God other than sporatic prayers throughout the day. Sure, God hears those prayers, but that's not how relationships are deepened or even sustained. Can you imagine if you only talked to your husband or your kids for brief moments throughout your days, when you are on the fly doing the busy things of life, but never really sat down and had a face to face, or heart to heart? If you never embraced? Shed tears together, or laughed together, or told them how much you love them?

Those are the things that join our souls together with those that we love most.....and God wants that kind of relationship with us. He wants to laugh with us, cry with us, to hear us tell Him what is on our hearts. He longs to embrace us. We just have to slow down long enough so He can. And the thing about love is that when we allow God to love on us, His love not only fills us up, it pours through us to those that we love, so that we will have the heart to hearts and the face to faces, the laughter and the tears, and the embraces that we all long for. It only comes from Him.

So if you are reading my blog and you haven't had time with God today....please go and meet with Him. You will be so glad you did...and so will He.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." Jeremiah 31:3

"He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me."
Psalm 18:19

See what happens?

This is what happens when I wait a week to blog. I try to think of ways to catch up and then I wonder 'where do I start?' because so much has happened in our lives since my last post and then I wonder 'should I just summarize things?' and then I think 'no, that isn't very much fun' but then I realize 'I don't have the time to type out everything that's happened in a whole week!' AAAK!

So I just sit here. And ramble on in long run on sentences :)

I look at my blog as a kind of real-time scrapbook slash journal. I don't tell alot of people about it because I don't want to be like "hey! look at me! I am really self-important and I write about myself everyday and you should really be interested in finding out more about ME!" (Toby Keith, anyone?)

There are two reasons that I have a blog. I like to write, and I want to remember. The cute things the kids do and say everyday...the special moments...the things God reveals to me...the fun times and even the challenging times that we have as a family. They are precious and fleeting and if I don't put them somewhere (they are not safe floating around in my brain) they may be forgotten. I do have real scrapbooks, but I am way behind and by the time I get the pictures printed and scrapped I will have forgotten alot of the little details surrounding the pictures. And this way I can share what's going on in our lives with everyone now, who would normally have to wait for a phone call or the annual christmas letter to know!

And there is also another very important reason that I blog...I love connection. I crave it. Connection and relationship is such a vital part of my life that if I go too long without it I start to feel an emptiness. So, this is a way for me to stay connected ~ to share our lives and a bit of my heart with those that I don't talk to or see everyday.

Check back tomorrow for some pictures of our weekend shenanigans...

More light for my path...

I feel like I'm waking up...after a long winter. The curtain is ever so slowly and gently being pushed aside to let a ray of sunlight enter my room. I have to say, it feels pretty good!

After finishing my last blog, I went and got my bible and my journal...it's a prayer journal, not a "dear diary, today I ate a whole bag of m&ms" kind of journal. I keep it with my bible and although I don't write in it every day, I do write in it when I feel inspired from something God has revealed to me through His word. Other times I just like to write out my prayers. God has spoken so much to me through doing that...many times I have started out writing about stresses and end up writing praises or songs or even thanking Him for the circumstances that had me stressed out! Anyway, I opened it to the last entry that I made....November 13th, 2008. Almost 3 months ago. No wonder why I haven't been able to think of anything to blog about lately. Empty cups don't have much to say.

I've been stumbling around in the dark, bumping into things for the past 3 months. I could look up a bunch of verses about why we need to read the bible, but I think instead I'll just explain why I do...because when I don't I get crabby. I get fearful. I worry. And I gain back all the weight I lost for my wedding (sigh). The other night I sat down at the piano and pulled out a song that I haven't played or even listened to in some time, "Thy Word". I sang & played it several times, and as I did I felt something in my spirit stir. That's what inspired me to start writing Monday, and as I did God reminded me of the words my friend spoke about loving her family out of an empty cup....one that could only be filled by the Word of God. So here I sit, as God takes these seemingly unrelated experiences - a song from 20 years ago and an empty cup - and I begin to see how they fit together. Did God know as I listened to that song 20 years ago that I would need it now? Yes, I believe He did! He planted it in my heart knowing that I will need it in the future, and at the just right time He brought it to the surface. I'm sure He will do it again, if not with this song then with something else. Looking back on my life, I can see where He has done this so many times. In preparation for something I would be going through, He revealed something to me in advance...a scripture, words from a friend, a song, a book...before I needed it so that when the time came that I did need it, it was right there in my hand and in my heart.

You know what I hope? I hope that when we are in Heaven, God will show us all the times in our lives where He acted and moved and we didn't even know it was Him. Maybe He will sit down with me and replay my life like a movie. And when we get to the parts where I didn't see Him working, where I was stumbling around in the dark, He will say "Look here, remember when that happened? That was Me...turning on the light."