Thursday, December 13, 2012

Brain Flatulence: The Blender Edition

Things I have learned recently: 

1. Berry and kefir smoothies are delicious!
2. Whole, frozen strawberries do not chop up very well in a blender.
3. Using a metal fork to move the strawberries around in a blender while it is running is not a great idea.
4. Blenders don't like forks.
5. If you gag a blender with a fork it can projectile puke it's contents 10 feet in the air (unless of course you have a ceiling to stop it)
6. A berry smoothie splattered all over your kitchen looks very much like a murder scene.
7. It takes quite a while to clean it up.

Saturday, December 08, 2012

Those days are over, and Brain Flatulence: Doorbell Edition

Note to self: The days of whipping your head around while jamming out to the Surf Punk's cover of Ballroom Blitz like you did in 1989 are over. Although really fun and nostalgic, if you try that now you will nearly give yourself vertigo. Your kids will not think you were cool (in fact they will be quite horrified), and you will have to take a Dramamine and go to bed.

Moving on...

Hypothetical. If your doorbell rings at 9pm you should:  a) Answer it right away. It might be your 15 year old son whom you accidently locked out when he took out the garbage, or b) Ignore it for another 20 minutes because you think he is just goofing off. The correct answer is A.  If you choose B (hypothetically) your very cold and angry 15 year old will not forgive you until the next day.


If our children survive my parenting and actually reach adulthood in a relatively healthy mental state, it will be a miracle.  A series of many, many miracles actually.  

And maybe some therapy.