Sunday, August 14, 2016

Even tho we are only halfway done, this is one of the best things we have done for our marriage!

A few months ago, my sister-in-law Donna (yes I have TWO Donna's - my sister and my sister-in-law and let me tell you, it's a happy day for me when I get to be with BOTH my Donna's at the same time :) Anyway, it was my sister-in-law Donna who told me about these two books that she and her husband Dave (I only have one Dave and trust me, that is enough) had been reading and how profoundly they were impacting their relationship.  So, because of their testimony I did what any sane wife would do...I got myself on Amazon Prime, immediately ordered the books, and announced to my husband that the books would be here in two days and guess what we were going to do.  (Ok, I was a little more gentle than that...I did actually ask him.) I'm not exactly sure what happened first, my announcement or my ordering, but either way Vince was on board with it, so it was all good.

So this is what we did.  First, Vince read "For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men". He hi-lighted and wrote notes about the things in the book that spoke to him, things that he really wanted me to understand.  Things like how important respect is to a man, how most of them deal with unspoken insecurities on a daily basis, how they need time to process before they can talk about issues (this drives us crazy!), and of course - how important sex is to them (our kids are gagging and sputtering and dying right about now).  And while he was reading that book, I read "For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women".  The author explained so well our need to feel loved, how we process emotions, how we need to feel beautiful to our men, and probably most profound - our need for emotional security in a relationship.  I hi-lighted and underlined and wrote notes in the margins like a maniac - complete with lots of stars and exclamation points and smiley faces and hearts (I'm much more obnoxious about my book reading than he is, as I'm very sure you can imagine).  Once we were all done - we switched books. Now I am reading "For Women Only" and he is reading "For Men Only" and we are only halfway through them but already we have gained tons of insights into how each other works!  I think we were doing pretty good in that department already.  I am blessed with a man who knows how to talk about his feelings, and knows how to understand mine.  Sometimes when I don't even understand them myself.  But still, like every relationship we have our challenge areas and these books are helping us grow...together.  As we've been reading, we are asking each other questions and talking about the things each other has hi-lighted and written, and let me tell you, light bulbs have been turning on for both of us.  Things we have misunderstood about each other are becoming clearer. We aren't there's a process, one that takes a lifetime I suppose!  But I am so grateful for where we are already.

Here are some other books that we have read on the topic of marriage that have been awesome and I highly recommend: