Sunday, January 24, 2010

Where oh where are you tonight?

Why did you leave me here all aloooone?
I searched the world over and thawt I found true love
You met another and pppphhht, you was gooooone!

Sorry....too many Hee Haw episodes with my dad.  So of course, I just had to start singing this with the kids, and of course they were like "what are you singing?" so of course I had to go find it on youtube, and of course I have to post it here for all to enjoy!

...and of course, now I've got them singing it too.  Hey, who knows who the celebrity guest was???  I do, tehe :)  Again, it's my dad's fault.  I used to love to watch Hee Haw with him.  Maybe that's where all my problems started?

So where oh where have I been and what in the world have I been doing, since I haven't been blogging much? Well, let's see,

Living life with 5 kids at home....'nuff said there.

Visiting my friend Lori who is in the end stages of cancer.  She is in hospice care now and I've been going there to see her almost everyday.  Lots of emotions involved...sadness, for all the people she will be leaving behind who love her.  Especially her husband.  Regret, for all the times that she wanted to do something and I was too busy.  Joy, for her reward in Heaven awaits her and she will get to experience it soon, and meet Jesus face to face!    Gratitude, for the friendship that we have.  A new perspective on life, as I realize all the everyday blessings that I take for granted...such as how good a hot shower feels, snuggling in my warm bed with our new flannel sheets that are soft as little baby butt cheeks!  How beautiful the snow and frost covered trees were the other morning with the sun shining through them, and remembering how much Lori enjoys nature and photography (almost) as much as I do.

And we are continuing on our reorganizing projects at home.  Our storage room is nearly complete and all our "stuff" is nearly all organized where we want it.  At least for now...don't tell my husband, but I change my mind alot.  He's such a man - he thinks things through, makes a decision, and goes with it.  I am such a girl - I talk about things that I am thinking about and he mistakenly assumes that when I say "let's do it this way" that it's a decision and not an idea floating through my brain which could change at any moment.  Several times over even.  It drives him crazy, but that's how I work.  It's the bingo wheel thing.

We had SUCH a great yesterday!  I made pancakes for the kids for breakfast, then we all got going on our bedrooms and Saturday morning whining, no complaining, and very little dawdling!  Everyone was done by 12:30pm and we enjoyed the rest of the day!  Big improvement from last Saturday, which was a whiney, yelly, cryfest until well into the afternoon (sigh).  But sticking to our (smoking) guns last week yielded some fruit this week, as everyone worked hard and felt good about themselves.  Vince and I had a couple hour shopping date, complete with a stop at Starbucks (heart!)   Then it was homemade pizzas, Toy Story, and our own version of cold stone! 

So here I sit, just finished a whole-wheat bagel with peanut butter and nutella (hello) and I need to go shower for church.  Have a blessed Sunday!! 

Saturday, January 16, 2010

what I can't live without

We have been doing MAJOR re-organizing at our house....thus the blog hiatus.  We've been decluttering, downsizing, simplifying, and pitching as we go through all the "stuff" we have in all the nooks and crannies of our house.  There aren't alot of them, as we have transformed most of our storage space into bedrooms to accomodate all of our children having their own rooms....which we thought was really necessary for their sanity (and ours!) when we got married and moved our families together into one home.  Turns out we were right.  This has proven to be a good choice for a number of reasons.  The kids really do appreciate having their own rooms, their own space to individualize and escape from eachother once in a while.  And in being forced to store our "stuff" in much less space than we were used to before has turned out to be a huge blessing.  We've needed to go through absolutely everything we own and prioritize what is really important to us, what we can live without and what we can't. 

In the wake of what has happened recently in Haiti, "what we can't live without" has taken on a new meaning for me.  When I look around our home at all of our "stuff" I can't help but feel guilty.  Do you ever struggle with that?  I do.  We have so much.  So much more than we need...more than so many people on this planet do.  And we are spoiled.  Really, we are.  We are the ones that Jesus was talking about when he said that it will be hard for the rich to enter Heaven.  I am rich.  And so are you.  We are so blessed we can't see straight...we can't see our need for God.  We aren't desperate enough.  We aren't in that place where we are wondering every single day how we will obtain the necessities of life for ourselves and our children...where we have no other choice but to completely rely on faith to make it.  Many of us can make it just fine on our own...or so we think. 

That's the big lie...that we are fine.  That we don't need God.  Alot of us know we need Him for salvation, but in the day to days of life we just aren't desperate enough.  Or maybe it's just me.  Sure, sometimes I'm desperate.  Everyone is desperate in a crisis.  But on a day to day basis, if I allow myself to be distracted I begin to get out of focus, and before I know it far too many days have gone by without hitting my knees and crying out to God with the kind of desperation that my life depends on.

But one of the awesomest (and scariest) things about God is that He's not ok with leaving us in that place where we think we are fine.  He loves us enough that He wants us to be desperate for Him.  Because He knows that He is the One sustaining us.  He is the One - the only One - who has what we need.  And He never wants us to forget it.

It is a strange feeling to talk with someone who knows she is dying.  That's what I did tonight, and several other nights, with my friend Lori who is dying of cancer.  She was diagnosed only 3 months ago and is already in the final stages. It is an aggressive, ugly cancer. I suppose all cancer is ugly. I've just never seen it up close like this before. To look into the face of someone who knows that she will not see her next birthday...who may not see next week...who is still very much alive and doesn't want to leave those she loves, it changes your perspective on things.

I've sat with her and held her hand.  And hugged her husband as he cried.  They know what it's like to be desperate.  They are living in that place right by day, moment by moment.  It has changed their perspective on what is truly important in life, and mine too. 

So tonight I will hit my knees, and cry out to God to help me see what is truly important.  To let things go, to pitch what is unnecessary and distracting in my life, to take my eyes off my circumstances and put them where they belong...on Jesus...without whom we have no life at all.

Friday, January 15, 2010

a child-like faith

I need to go back to the basics in my faith walk.  I'm praying for a child-like that does not question and doubt, but trusts and sees the beauty and wonder of our loving Creator in everyday life.  I'm praying that God would open my eyes, and my heart to see Him anew...again.

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me".  Matthew 18:3-5