It's funny what turning 50 will do!

Half a century.  I remember teasing my dad when he turned 50 that he was "half a century old"!  I thought I was hilarious then....and now, here I am.  50.  Half a - well, you know.

I have sort of read the book "The Blue Zones" (sort of, meaning I have read alot of it and skimmed the rest).  It's about certain areas in the world where people live the longest, healthiest lives.  They have the highest concentrations of centenarians...people who live to be 100 or more.  Essentially, their secret is simple:  stay active, don't stress, don't eat too much, eat healthy (whole foods, mostly plants), slow down, know your purpose in life, have faith, spend time with your "tribe", love your family, and (my favorite) have a glass of wine!

Just kidding, that's not my favorite.

Ok, sometimes it is.

I love it.  It's so simple, isn't it?  It makes so much sense to me.  So, why then is it so hard to actually live that way?  

Now that I have crossed the bridge of being a "half century old", I am finding myself doing a life review of sorts.  That's nothing new for me, I do this every year around this time and during various changes in the seasons of my life...like empty nest, new job, new husband, new kids, new church, yoga pants.  But this turning 50 thing feels a bit more significant to me.  How have I lived my life so far...and how do I want to live the rest of it?  There is a temptation to think that I am in the "later" years of life now.  Yuck.  Society says I'm only 15 years from retirement.  That may or may not be true for me.  My mom died at 71...that's only 20 years away for me. (Swallows hard).  That's a little more unnerving.  My mom died far too young, and she got old way too early in life.  I loved her, but honestly, she lived like an elderly person for much of her life.  Even when I was a kid she was very sedentary, and limited herself more and more with each passing year.  "I'm too old for that" was a common thing to hear her say.  It was annoying and also sad to watch.

I don't want that to be my story.  I refuse to let it be.  

I heard a quote recently...aging is inevitable, but getting old is optional!  I LOVE that!  I am determined to live my best life.  I'm not there yet.  To be completely transparent, I weight twice what I should.  I have diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol.  They are controlled with medication for now, but I am determined to change that and hopefully get off this medication all together.  I know I can, I have the means and the ability, and now I have the motivation.  It's not too late...as long as I don't put it off any longer.  

Living my best life is not only about my physical health...but that is a big part of it.  I want to not only improve and hopefully eliminate the conditions I have, but I also want to have the energy and stamina to do things.  Like hiking in Hawaii and Colorado, climbing the trails to Garvin and Sugar Loaf.  I want to run a 5k, bike the trails around Lanesboro, and heck - walk around the big lake again.  I want to enjoy these things with my husband, our grandkids, and my girlfriends. I want my weight to no longer hinder me from living a vibrant, active life!

Will I live to be a centenarian?  Who knows...maybe I will!  But however long I have on this earth, whether that's 20, 30, 40 or even 50 more years, I want to live my best life, my healthiest life, without limits.  

Being a half century old isn't so bad after all, Dad :) 

Hiding and going home

I don't want to go home.

I mean, I really like our home.  Love it, actually.  And the people in it.  I love them too.  And the dog.  Most of the time, the dog.  

But right now I'm hiding here...

Coffee shop hiding is one of my favorite things to do when I don't want to go home.  It's not that I don't want to be there per se, or be around my people.  I just sometimes need to be somewhere where I can relax without distractions.  Where I don't feel pulled toward the dishes or the vacuum or the laundry or the people.  Or the dog.  I can just be, and think my thoughts.  And drink my coffee.

Things are changing.  And I'm not always a big fan of change.

I've been trying to deny it, or avoid it, but the truth is in the next six months we might very well have an empty nest.  Our season of raising children and being a family all in the same house is coming to an end.  

There.  I said it.  

And I'm having kind of a hard time dealing with it. 

For almost half my life I have been a wife and mother.  It has defined who I am, probably too much so at times but I couldn't help it.  Being a mom has been the greatest joy of my life.  Our house has always been full of kids and toys and noise and stuff and love and messes and stresses and tears and fun.  And sarcasm.  We can't forget the sarcasm.   I'll admit, there have been times, many times, when it has been too much.  That thing about "God won't give you more than you can handle" - yea, that ain't true.  He does.  He did with me.  Six kids - six loud and opinionated and stubborn and challenging and wonderfully amazing kids, in between the joy and the hugs and the laughter have sometimes been more than I could handle. I used to yearn for quiet and would sometimes lock myself in the bathroom or flop myself on my bed just to get a moment of it.  Slowly, as each of our kids have launched, the house has gotten a little bit quieter.  Now it's the quietest it's ever been and it feels...strange.  

Vince and I have done things backwards from most couples.  We've been together almost 12 years and we've never been alone.  We started out with kids...lots of them...ranging in age from 5-17.  We've been just a tad bit busy and it's never been just us.  It's our turn now, and I'm really happy about that part of all this!  Vince and I have a lot to look forward to together and are working on our bucket list :)  But the other part of me, the mom part, is a little bit sad.  Sometimes a lot sad and I'm not sure how to feel about that.  Or what to do with those feelings that I can't really even define yet.  

Kyle and Hope, our babies, are graduating soon and making plans for their futures.  They are getting ready to launch, but truth be told I'm not ready to let them go.  I'm excited for them, I am!  But also terrified.  The past couple years have been hard, for them and for us.  Probably the hardest of all our parenting years and we have been so consumed with getting them through, that I haven't been able to really process and accept that they are actually moving on into adulthood soon.  I think that's why it is taking me by surprise.  

And taking my breath away.  

And causing me to hide in coffee shops.

But then this guy shows up...

...and makes it all better.  He reminds me that we are in this together.  And we will get through the hard days and the hard feelings and the hard things just like we have always done.  With faith and hope and love.  He makes me not want to sit here alone anymore.  

He makes me want to go home.

Observations from the 20th floor

I've been standing here for about 20 minutes or so, enjoying my iced caramel mocha with soy, and watching the goings on in the city streets below.

It's really quite interesting.  I'm not sure - no, I know that I don't do this often enough.  Intently observe things.  Shut off the thoughts and ruminations in my mind and just be in the moment.

I tried to do that last night, when I attempted to take a bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub in our hotel room which we paid a $25 upgrade for at check-in.  Hey, when you are star struck (was Elton John staying in the same hotel as us?  Right across the street from the Target Center?  OF COURSE HE WAS!)  and you have valet parking and concierges waiting on you, an upgrade to the executive suite with the jacuzzi tub and beautiful view of the city seems like a no-brainer.  We are on a mini-vaca and a nice long, hot bubble bath sounded like a heavenly idea.  Unfortunately it didn't translate into the relaxing oasis that I had anticipated it to be.

The lavender smelled wonderful, dim lighting and Jim Brickman set the perfect mood,  but I soon realized as I turned on the jets that a very little bit of bubble bath is all you actually need.  Or want.  Too much is, well...too much and then you have a choice to make.  Do you lay your head back and become consumed with bubbles?  Or do you sit up and play with them like a toddler?  (Did our upgrade come with free tubby toys?)  Neither option was very relaxing.  Hmmph.  Oh well, it was better than NOT having a jacuzzi!  I'll do better next time.

My bird friends have decided to abandon their perch on the skywalk across the street and are now congregated on the ledge of one of the buildings and I missed it because I was too busy thinking and typing about last night's bubble bath fiasco.

Let me rewind.

The view from our window overlooks the rooftops and streets of downtown Minneapolis.  We are in town to see Elton John perform at the Target Center on his Farewell Tour.  It's been on our bucket list to see Elton together.  It's the 8th time I've seen him in concert, but Vince's first and it was awesome :)  Now, today is our last day here and as we are finishing our packing and getting ready to leave in a couple hours, I find myself at the window.

The first thing that caught my eye and convinced me to slow down and stay awhile was a flock of birds.  There were probably 15-20 or so, all flying in unison, round and round above the building across the street.  I began to wonder how they stayed in sync like that.  There didn't seem to be one leader among them, but they all would flap their wings at the same time, glide at the same time, and gracefully make 180 degree turns, ascending and descending all together.  Over and over until they found their perch on the frame of the skywalk connecting the two buildings below us.  It was kind of like watching synchronized swimming. Does God direct their behavior?  Do they communicate with each other somehow?  Interesting.  Fascinating, actually.

I see a young woman walking her dog on the sidewalk, then she breaks into a jog and her dog happily trots along. She probably lives in an apartment in the area.  Cars went by one by one, all going to different destinations.  Some with roofs and hoods covered with snow.  Metro Transit buses.  An ambulance.  Two cars on the roof of the building across the street that have been there at least since the last snow.  How long have they been there? Will they get towed?  Where are the owners?  A lady appeared on the roof, walked back and forth, and then exited the other side.  Did she lose her car?  What was she looking for?  Has anyone ever jumped off that roof?  Disturbing, I know, but I think about things like that sometimes.

I've always been interested in people and their stories. What motivates them, what is important to them, why they do the things they do, what life experiences and other people have influenced them?

There were thousands of people at the concert last night.  We all came together from various cities and states to go see this musician on this night, and then we all went our separate ways again.  Some of us had an awesome evening.  Others bought tickets and never made it.  Some came with friends and it was one of the best nights of their lives.  And for some others, for various reasons, it was the worst.

I left once during the concert to use the bathroom.  In the concession area was a woman in a wheelchair being attended to by some paramedics.  I thought about stopping and praying with her, but I kept walking.  She was being helped and I wanted to get back to the concert.  Besides that, one of the paramedics was holding a barf bag...do I really want to get close to someone who was heaving and possibly sick with something contagious?  I told myself if she was still there on my way back I would stop.  She was, but was now surrounded by several people who were obviously with her, one was hugging her tight from behind.  She didn't really need me now.  Did I miss an opportunity to bless her?

Jesus would have stopped.  He wouldn't have even hesitated.

Ouch.

Hundreds of people stayed in the same hotel as we did.  On the very same nights.  Many in town for the concert, others for different reasons.  We met a boxer in the elevator, he was in town for a boxing match.  He was friendly and we chatted for our 30 second elevator ride, and we will never meet again.  I helped an older gentleman put his groceries in the trunk of his car at Cub foods, where we stopped last night to pick up some snacks to bring back to our hotel room.  On the way back to our car I realized I had forgotten to get bubble bath, so Vince stayed in the car while I walked back toward the store and spotted this man struggling to put his bags in his trunk.

If we had said no to the upgrade I wouldn't have wanted to get bubble bath...I wouldn't have gone back into the store and then wouldn't have been there to assist this nice man with his bags.  Someone else might have, or he would have struggled and got it done himself.

Dominoes...

Fast forward several hours.  We're at home now, sitting at the kitchen table finishing this blog post and I'm thinking about all the choices we have everyday.  All the "chance" encounters of everyday life on this planet full of people and opportunities.  We have opportunities every single day to observe and to ponder and to make a difference.  Big or small.  How many days of my life have I gotten to the end of the night and thought I didn't do anything significant all day long?  Maybe I did, but just didn't recognize it as being significant.  Maybe I missed it...something the Holy Spirit was prompting me to do but I was too busy or too grossed out or too selfish or too embarrassed to do.

I wonder if Heaven will allow us to review our lives and see all these moments?  The chance encounters.  The divine ones.  The observations.  The meanings behind them.  It might be heartbreaking, but also could be amazing.

And maybe then God will explain the birds to me.

Bucket list - part 3

I didn't realize when I started this list that it would be as long as it is.  I don't feel like I need to do all of these things or even most of them during my lifetime in order to be happy or satisfied.  I have already experienced so much joy in my life - wonderful things that I can already cross off my bucket list.  Become a wife and mom, check.  Learn to play piano, check.  Visit Door County, check.  Make the perfect cupcake, big check.  But, in the spirit of dreaming I continue to think of things I'd like to do.  So, here are a couple more things I've added to my bucket list:

17)  Stand under a waterfall.  Just because I think it would be amazing.

18)  Finish giving our home a complete makeover.  We have made a lot of progress so far this year with the painting and the new flooring and the basement remodel - we, meaning mostly Vince.  But there is more to do.  I want us to get to the point where we have purged all the things we can live without, better organize what we keep, and clean every nook & cranny (whatever those are exactly, I want them clean!) This may or may not involve hiring a cleaning person!

That is probably enough things for my list...now on to DOING them!!

Bucket list - part 2

7)  Take a long weekend (or longer) trip to Napa Valley (with Mr. Wonderful, of course), where we can visit some amazing wineries and stay in a cozy bed & breakfast.  Or three.  Yea, we need more than a long weekend for this one.

Wait...I was going to think of some smaller things.  Ok.

8)  Swim with dolphins.  DANG IT!  That's a big thing too. 

Aren't they just the cutest things ever??  I love dolphins so much.  And if I got to actually swim with a baby dolphin I think I would die right there.

9)  Make a Rollingstone calendar.  Our little community has alot of character and beauty.  I didn't take these pics, but I'd like to take pics of our town throughout each of the seasons and make them into a calendar.

10)  Run a 5K.

11)  Take a nap in a hammock. In my backyard. Lots of times.

12)  Build a raised garden and actually grow vegetables in it.  Then I want to learn about canning so I can can the produce, as well as homemade pasta sauce, pickles and strawberry jam.

13)  Learn how to make really good potato salad.

14)  Finish my scrapbooks.  I haven't printed pictures since 2009!

15)  Grow roses and lilies in our yard.  And as long as I'm dreaming a bit...I'd like to landscape the whole yard, build a new multi-layer deck with a covered roof, comfy chairs and a firepit.  And frame the whole thing with a white picket fence covered in vinery.  Is that a word?  It should be.

16)  Live debt free.  It's doable.  Then we could truly enjoy all of this.

Bucket List - part 1

I've never written my "bucket list" before, so tonight I've decided to start to compose mine.  Here goes...in no particular order:

1)  Tour the Holy Land.  I have wanted to do this for some time, but to be honest I have never thought I would actually go.  I hope to someday.  I want to be as close to Jesus in this life as humanly possible and I think being where He was on this earth would be amazing.  Seeing what He saw...the sunrise over the Sea of Galilee, walking the streets of Nazareth where He grew up, sitting on the hills where He preached, and praying where He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane.  I have no doubt it would be life changing.

2)  Spend a week at a cabin with all of our kids and grandkids, every summer.  It would be cool if we owned our own cozy little cabin, somewhere within a few hours of home so we could spend weekends there too.  But renting a place would be good too.  Somewhere rustic, on a lake, with a pontoon, a firepit outside and a fireplace inside.  And a hammock in the yard.  Lots of flowers and birds.  And someone else to keep it clean and maintained, of course!  A little bit of time together with no distractions and no worries.  Talking, laughing, exploring, relaxing.  Heaven.

 

3)  Reach my ideal weight and optimal health.  So I can enjoy the rest of my life to it's fullest, and be comfortable and energetic doing it.

4)  Vacation with Mr. Wonderful in Hawaii - because salmon!  And they have some of the best snorkeling in the world and I FREAKING LOVE snorkeling!  And my husband.  And sunsets over the ocean.

5)  Take a trip to New York City and see a show on Broadway...Wicked, Phantom, and Lion King would top my list.

6)  Tour Europe - specifically England, France, and Italy.  I want to walk the cobblestone streets, smell the flowers, eat authentic Italian food, enjoy the beautiful architecture and listen to people speak French.

Hmmm....I'm sensing a pattern here.  Apparently most of my bucket list involves traveling!  I should probably pick some smaller things too.  To be continued...