Tuesday, March 30, 2010

American Idol - Top 10

Siobhan - oh, honey...not good.  Really, really not good.  She knows it too, you can see it in her eyes.  Poor thing.  The judges are trying to be nice about it (well, except for Simon of course.  He's about as gentle as lemon juice in a papercut.)  But do they have to go on and on?  Really.  Now she's ready to cry.  I've never been much of a fan, but if she's still around next week I hope she comes back and blows them away.

Casey - I love the song, I love how he smiles and has fun when he performs, and it's no secret that I LOVE his  raspy voice!  Helloooo!  He just pulls through week after week with excellence.  He's this year's Chris Daughtry in my opinion (and of course, it's all about my opinion.)  Phhht.

Michael - here comes the teddy bear!  I've never heard this song before, but wow, I love it.  That was beautiful!!  (Ellen just stole my words).  He sang with such passion and emotion, and that's what it's all about for me.  Absolutely beautiful.  Loved the guitar too.

Didi - oh, I love her so much, but this just isn't working for her tonight.  It doesn't fit her style, doesn't showcase her voice, and even the look isn't really "her".  I'm with Kara...I'm confused.  This was way out of character for her.  Even so, I'm still a fan and I hope she comes back next week....Ok, what's up with Ryan and wanting her to explain why she chose the song???  She obviously didn't want to talk about it and he just kept pushing it until she cried!  Wow, Ryan, way to be a jerk - gosh!

Tim - oh no.  Sitting on the stairs...way cheesey.  And when he wasn't closing his eyes he looked a little bit Charlie Manson with his eyes all wide staring into the camera like that.  Kinda creeped me out.

Velma - not bad, but he sounded better in practice.  I know he's popular, but I've just never gotten it about him.  There's just something weird going on there. (Maybe the bouffant hair?)

Katie - uh boy, she's going to try another Aretha song.  Yep.  It's just as bad as I thought it would be.  It's hard to concentrate on her voice tho with those humungo hoop earrings flapping around and distracting me. 

Lee - this is going to be good.  Yep it's good.  Amazing in fact.  This is sooo his style of song.  I can't believe I"m saying this but I think he's this year's Daughtry.  Sorry, Casey, but I'm going out on you....Lee ROCKED IT TONIGHT!!!   YEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!  BEST performance so far, by a mile!!! And he's so humble, love that.

I totally want to go out and buy some Degree Naturals deodorant and some Midol now, just because of their commercials.  I could smell good while I sleep amongst beautiful flowers.  Nice.

Crystal - let's go, girl.  Bring it.  Love the piano, and she's so into this song.......awe, now she got up and started "performing".  Ugh.  Not the style I love about her, but know what, she can sing and she's showing her versatility and true talent even outside of her norm.  (Deep breath).  I love what Ellen said "you're never not good!"  So true - she's the strongest girl this year for sure.  She might just win and if she does, I'll be happy!  I do however completely agree with Simon...she should stay true to herself and her style. 

Doogie Howser - I kind of forgot that he's still even in it.  He's trying so hard and he's got a good voice, but oh, sweetie, please don't rock your head like that.  I know I know I know the teenie boppers prolly really love you, but this may be your last week.  But thank you anyway - the song reminded me of my Kris from last year, and that makes me smile!

Best of the night:  Lee KNOCKED IT OUT!
Vote off prediction:  I'm going with Siobhan.
Quote of the evening:  "Would you have still married me if my name was Vince Goobernots?" - Mr. Wonderful

It's kind of scary what some people search for

I use sitemeter to track how many people visit my blog.  Besides telling me how many visitors I get and what cities and countries they are from (that's kinda cool), it also tells me how people find my blog, which I find much more entertaining.  So I thought I'd share some of the Google searches people have used which inadvertently brought them here.

Searches for "i was coughing make me pee",  "how can i stop peeing myself", and (my favorite) "exciting pee" brought some poor souls to this post.  Apparantly urinating on oneself is more popular than I thought.  I just have one question...what in the world is going on???

"oh oh oh there's no place for i in life" brought someone here.  I think, I couldn't follow the link so that's my best guess.  After reading that tho, I'm a tad bit curious as to what this person was really looking for?

"where oh where are you tonight" brought some lucky chap here (what's up with my British talk, anyway?  'Cause I have no idea.)

"engraved on the palm of his hands" took someone here.  I still love that post.

"zebra shirt lacey idol where"  Wow. That sounds like something Yoda would say....on crack. Did they want to know where Lacey from American Idol got her zebra shirt?  I'm scared that I may have figured that nonsense out.

...and my favorite of ALL time is and forever will be...."ridiculously unnecessary"!  After a year and a half my blog is holding stead as the 7th most ridiculously unnecessary thing in Google land!  YESSSSS!!!  (I just had to check.)  I'm not sure why, but that still makes me happy.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Read this with a British accent, please

I'm not sure why the British accent, but do I need a reason?  I think nawt, love.

I haven't taken any pictures in quite some time.  So now I've decided to walk around my house and randomly take photos of what everyone is doing, and  share them with you!

Kyle and Vinny are playing games in the living room...

Mr. Wonderful is sitting at the kitchen table, blogging...

Nick is telling us about the snowgoose hunting trip that, as I was walking around photographing everyone, he just returned from with  his dad & grandpa....excuse the blur, but he was really excited!

Hope is down in Trevor's room, playing with her nephew...milka, whah?

Trevor is reading a book on his bed and hiding from me...

I"ll get a photo of him one of these days :)

So, there ya go - a snapshot of a Sunday evening at our house.  Cheerio!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Really love

What does it mean to love? 

I should be able to write the book on that.  I'm a mom.  Moms love.  And I'm a wife.  Wives love.  It's what we do, it's who we are, and it fuels everything we do.  The heart of a mom and a wife is the one earthly place where everyone should feel secure, complete, and loved...right?  I'm learning the hard way that it's not that easy. 

God has been working on my heart lately. He is teaching me how to love. Really love.  Especially when it's difficult. When, despite the veracity of love I have for my husband and our kids, and all the ways I try to show it, they sometimes don't see it and they feel unloved anyway.  That can be discouraging, it breaks my heart, and causes me to have all kinds of doubts about myself.  If I really love my husband and our kids (and I do), then why sometimes do they feel unloved?  It has to be because I am failing them in some way...at least that's what I all too often tell myself.  I'm failing them...failing to show them the love that I have in my heart, failing to heal their hurts and meet their deepest needs.  Or worse yet, maybe deep down in the heart of my heart I don't really love them the way I want to or think I do?  How ugly would that be if it were true? 

These are some of the things that go running through my mind in my darkest moments - and trust me, running through my mind with the lights off is not a safe place to be : /  Can you say land mine? 

Sometimes I get in my own way and find it hard to love...when I'm too focused on myself and my own needs.  Or when I am trying to show my love but my efforts seem fruitless and through tear filled eyes, and a heart that has been hurt, I hear the words (spoken or not) "I hate you.  You're not good enough.  You're not what I need.  You're not my mom.  You're not....you're not...." 

It's in those moments when I feel defeated.  Defeated by the very thing that draws me to them - love.  It's then that I need to look beyond myself.  I need to look past them, and meet eyes with the One who is standing over their shoulder...


I hear him saying "Do it unto me". When the person I am called to love is not accepting mine.  When they are unloving. Unworthy. As I so often am. I need to look past them and see Jesus. To keep my eyes on the Author of love, Himself. It softens my heart and motivates me to love the (sometimes) unlovable. To forgive the unforgivable.

Even if that person is me.

Because that is what Christ does for me, everyday.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Another opportunity for the paparazzi, and some weekend rambles...

Yesterday, I went to my bank to get a money order.  This in and of itself would not be blogworthy for the average person, but need I remind you that I am somewhat of a celebrity at Wells Fargo.....remember this

As exciting as it is for them to see me in the drive-thru, it is apparently 83% more exciting when I come inside.  They were obnoxiously thrilled to see me.  The Toy Story Barbie waited on me, and she must have asked me if I had any plans for the weekend at least 3 times.  Maybe her memory chip was set on repeat or something, because each time I gave her the exact same response and she didn't seem to notice at all. 

Well, guess what...it's Saturday!  It's the weekend!!  And the sun is shining!!!  Yay!!!!

I'm a little teeny bit excited, can ya tell?  Last night we had a house full of kids (young adults actually), as Brittany and 4 of her friends were here overnight and left for the Mall of America this morning.  They were up earlier than we were - due to the "Kirby Patrol".  He absolutely can't stand not greeting (aka - licking and hyperventilating) guests, which is what he was doing at 7:30am.  So once they were sufficiently awakened, Vince and I made pancakes and bacon for everyone before they headed out the door. 

Now Vince is hanging sheetrock in the boys' bedrooms - we are on a mission to get them done soon, due to the new venture that we are embarking on that I have eluded to recently, but can't reveal just yet.  I will be doing some more home organizing when I'm done blogging, and later this afternoon we will be heading to a birthday party that Kyle and Hope have been invited to at a rollerskating rink...boy does that take me back to 1980!  We'll be dropping them off at the party, then going out for dinner by ourselves for a couple hours.  Oh, one more big YAY!!!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

American Idol - Top 12!

Not so much excited about the Rollingstones theme, but we'll see what happens.  It's so much cooler when the artist is actually there working with the contestants.  I hope they do that this year...bring on Barry Manilow!

Michael Lynche - I really, really like Michael, but I don't know...this performance didn't really do anything for me.  Maybe it was just the song, because the MAN can SING!  I can't really critique him for anything because I thought he did a good job, but it was missing the "wow" factor for me.  But seeing him with his little baby girl just made my heart melt....still a fan.

Didi Benami - Oh man, I love her more and more each week.  I love how she changes her voice...I don't know how else to describe it.  She is so talented and I love her unique style.  It was a really eerie song, and she did it with passion.  Awesome!

Casey James - Uh oh, Hellooooo!  Hot guitar!  Even hotter vocals!  I love his bluesy / country style.  He is SO going to win this thing!!!

Lacey Brown - Wow, she's a christian and a worship singer!   That makes me really want to like her, but as much as I want to, I can't make her voice not annoy me.  Hmmph.  I loved the orchestra tho.  Simon told her there was "nothing wrong" with her performance.  I don't think there is anything worse to hear than that...it's kind of like being told by your husband that you look "nice".

Katie Stevens - Eh...

Tim Urban - Uh boy....yawn.  I feel like turning the channel.  What's the deal tonight??

Siobhan Magnus - I seriously dozed off during her performance.  Somebody help me here.

Lee Dewyze - ok, I'm awake now!   One word....YEA!!!!  That was amazing, loved it!! 

come on Crystal..........waiting to see what you've got tonight! 

Paige - sorry, hunny but I was tucking my kids in bed.  Didn't hear you sing.

Aaron Kelly - he's not bad, but not even close to the same calibre as Casey or Crystal.  I'm pretty surprised that the judges were fawning all over him.

Crystal Bowersox - yes, baby girl you saved the night!!!  She's amazing...loved how she walked out playing her guitar - so comfortable and relaxed and very very cool.  She stole the night, in my opinion...after my Casey, of course!

OH wait, I forgot about Velma...er, I mean Andrew Garcia.   That's ok, not a fan. 

I saw enough of Paige's performance in the recap to say that she's my vote off prediction for the night.

Good Morning, Sun!!!

Mostly to those who live in Minnesota and other states where it is winter 90% of the year...isn't it awesome to see the SUN again!!!!  YESSSSSSS!

Sing to the LORD, all the earth;
proclaim his salvation day after day.

Declare his glory among the nations,
his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
he is to be feared above all gods.

For all the gods of the nations are idols,
but the LORD made the heavens.

Splendor and majesty are before him;
strength and joy in his dwelling place.  1 Chronicles 16:23-27

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

American Idol - Top 8 Guys!

YESSSSS!  I'm excited tonight!  I rushed home after taking the kids out for supper because I thought it started at 7pm....that's ok, we had an extra hour to play before it started.  And now..........it started!!!

Lee Dewyze - He's not real polished, but that's ok for me - he has an awesome voice!  Lots of emotion in his voice and on his face, he really gets into his music and I love that kind of passion.

Alex Lampert - That was cool, I actually liked it.  Alot.  I have to confess that I was on the phone during his performance so he didn't have my complete attention, but what I heard I thought was really good!  He's got a unique style. 

Tim Urban - Three words AH-MA-ZING!!!  That was completely awesome!!!  So heartfelt, great song, beautiful.  And I love that Ellen ran up and gave him a hug, that was cute.

Oh, this is so FUN tonight!  If I weren't sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap (and lazy) I would get up and do a happy dance right now! 

Andrew Garcia - I love all the guitars tonight, but Andrew is not impressing me.  Pretty weak.  Genie in a Batto?  Hmmm...just my opinion, but if someone is going to be a singer shouldn't they be able to pronounce words correctly?

Here we go with the finger numbers again....good grief.

Ok, time to tuck kids in bed.  Hopefully tonight I will not traumatize them by threatening to kill one of our pets like I did last night.  I'm still sighing about that. 

Casey James - I am running out of words to adequately describe his awesomeness.  Truly, I can't believe that the judges are so critical of him.  He is blowing everyone else away, honestly.

Aaron Kelly - He's so cute.  Seems out of breath, tho - nervous maybe?  Sappy song, and I don't really buy it coming from him.  He seems like he's trying too hard and it's just not that believable for me tonight.   I can't believe I'm saying this but I totally agree with Kara, he's 16 and that song didn't fit him.  He was flat in some spots too.  I don't know, the audience seems to like him, but he's my vote off prediction for tonight so far. 

Ok....the judges are fauning all over him, after telling Casey that he was just "ok?"  I'm almost ticked now.

Todrick  is next....uh boy.  He bugs me.  Oh my gosh.....I"m annoyed already and his arrogant self just started.  He's going to sing Freddie Mercury?  Or Adam Lampert?  Puleeze.  Oh stand up already, I'm going to puke.  And how did they get the backup singers from Lawrence Welk to sing on here?  Wow. 

Um, excuse me Simon, but "boring performances with people sitting on stools playing guitar???"  Those are my favorite!!! 

Michael Lynch - Oh, I love this song so much.  And YEAAAA !!!  He's knockin it out of the park!!!  He should totally be a gospel singer!  Beautiful!  Everything about his performance was incredible.  Oh my, Kara is crying. I must look away.

Tonight was awesome and went way too fast.

Getting voted off....I think it will be Aaron and Andrew (but I'm secretly hoping they get rid of Tod"ego"rick).

Best of the night....Casey and Michael all the way!

Things that have happened in the past month

since we have started tithing...

Crashed my car:  $500

IRS found a mistake on one of our tax returns from 3 years ago $360

Van needs unexpected repairs $185 so far (holding breath)

Dog chews up my mask for my c-pap machine $250

*Note to self:  Unless you want to frighten sleepy children and make them cry, you prolly shouldn't yell "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT STUPID DOG!!!" upon discovering that it has chewed up said mask.  It has "wicked stepmother" written all over it, and your husband will have to swoop in and do damage control until you have regained your composure enough to reassure the children that you will in fact not be killing the (stupid) dog.  Big sigh.

Is this God testing our commitment and our faith?  Is this satan trying to derail us?  (the dog one definitely is).  Perhaps it's both.  I can just see satan saying, "Oh sure, they are committed now, but if I throw enough trials at them they'll give it up."

All I have to say to that is........watch us!

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

American Idol - top 8 girls

It's girls night?  AAAK!  I was looking forward to seeing the guys.  Sigh.  Oh well....

Katie Stevens - Well, at least she moved out of the songs that made her sound like a 40 year old.....but, oh my.  It's not so good.  She was flat and just, yea.  Not so much.

Siobhan Magnus - the slow talker....SORRY!  I know, I know, it's a singing competition.  Well now she is singing and WOW!!  Killer acapella!!!  WHOA ~ that was awesome!!!  Excellent vocal control, and she hit every note dead on!

Sidenote...so why didn't Katie have an interview prior to singing?  They just sent her out there on stage with no warning at all.

Lacey Brown - Yep.  Just as annoying as last week.  Maybe more, if that's possible.

Dear American Idol contestants,
Please stop holding your fingers up while Ryan is reading your phone number to everyone after your performance.  It makes you look really dumb and pathetic.  If people want to vote for you, they'll get your number off the screen at the end of the show.  And since they are watching the show, I'm pretty sure they can read.  And hear.  So your fingers aren't helping.  That is all.

Katelyn Epperly - on the keyboards, hello!  Hmmm...I want to love it more than I do.  Is she really playing piano, or just finger-syncing it?  I can barely hear the piano and she looks like she's fake playing.  Not special.


Didi Benami- YEA!!!  I LOVE her voice, and she did absolutely FANTASTIC with that song!!!!! 

Paige (thegirlwho'sgettingvotedoffthisweek) Miles - Gag.

Crystal Bowersox- One word...WOW!  Keep the dreds if you wanna, baby girl, you are IN-CREDIBLE!!!!!  LOVED that!!!  AND she didn't do that stupid number thing with her fingers - amen!

I still laugh every time I see that Minute Maid commercial where the teacher shocks the bunny with the balloons :)

Lilly Scott - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond to her performance but I've been sitting here on the couch with my mouth hanging open.  What.  The.  World.  Was.  That?  It was beyond weird.

Well, that's it.  In summary:  Siobhan rocked, Didi ROCKED, Crystal RAH-HOCKED tonight !!!!!!

Now, bring on the guys tomorrow night!

Monday, March 08, 2010


Oh my...God is doing things.  BIG things!  I can't really share details right now, but I am definitely on the cusp of something grand.  I can see it on the horizon, and what I think I see is all at once exciting and terrifying.  I may have mentioned this before...I hate change.  I don't necessarily hate the results of change, but it's the process that really freaks me out.  I like things to be predictable and comfortable.  I like to be able to see the way things are going, where I am going, and see each step that it will take to get there.

But that's quite often not how life plays out, and I think God does it that way on purpose.  Prolly has something to do with trusting in Him and all that nonsense.  It really is nonsense, you know, to trust in God.  In the natural world, it's nothing short of insanity. 

"You want me to build a what? A boat?  In the middle of the desert?" 


"You want me to lead a million people across the desert...but You aren't going to tell me where we are going, or how long it will take to get to this place we don't even know really exists?"


It doesn't make one bit of sense to trust in Someone we can't see, to relenquish control of our future and our decisions to a God who does not give us guarantees.  At least not the kind that I seek.  I want to know before I partake in something that it is going to work, that everyone will be happy with the results, and that it won't hurt too much or take me too far outside of my comfort zone to accomplish it.  But God doesn't so much work that way.  He rarely operates within our comfort zones (I so hate that!)  His greatest works are accomplished at the edge of the cliff.  That very moment when we finally surrender...let our toes curl over the edge of that cliff and take that leap of faith into the unknown.  I think that's when God takes a deep breath, throws His arms up in the air and says "YES!!! She jumped!!!  Now....I can work." 

Here I am at the edge of the cliff.  Realizing that in all it's craziness, it's exactly where God wants me to be...trusting in Him when in the world's eyes, that looks ridiculous. 

I am totally nuts...and I'm getting ready to jump!

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength". 
1 Corinthians 1:25

Let Mercy Lead - Rich Mullins
Let mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There'll be a drop of grace
If we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will save
Those who believe
Although their foolish hearts may break
They will find peace
And I'll meet you in that place
Where mercy leads...

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

American Idol - Top 10 Girls

I just have to know, what's up with the long scarves on the guys?  Andrew wore one last night, and Michael has one on tonight in the audience.  Interesting. 

Anyway, sittin' here on the couch with my sweetie again, this time folding laundry and waiting for Idol to start.  Watched the last 3 minutes of "Two and a Half Men" and am reminded again why that show is banned in our house.  I can't believe that smut is allowed on tv at 7pm!

Ok, here we gooooo!!!

Crystal Bowersox - Really really like her personality....now she's singing and YEAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Love love love the song, and her gravely, soulful voice!  Little bit Jewel, little bit Patty Griffin...she's natural and genuine.  Amazing!  She should lose the dreds tho, but that's just me. 

Haeley Vaugh - Ok, I'm sorry, I just have to say it.  She has a lisp.  Has no one noticed this?  She is really sweet and cute and everything, but I'm very surprised that she has made it this far.  Vocals were really bad.  She's my vote-off prediction for this week.

Lacey Brown - I'm trying really, really hard to find something about her that doesn't completely and utterly annoy me.  Nasally, whiney voice?  nope.  Finger in the light socket hairdo?  um, no.  Poofy zebra shirt with eighty necklaces?  Fake fake fake. 

Katie Stevens - She's cute and funny and weird and she laughs at herself, and I love that.  She has a pretty voice, but it's not nearly powerful enough. Just eh for me.

Commercial break....and I'm kinda bored so far.  Crystal was the only one that I've enjoyed tonight.  However, I have been utterly entertained by our children - Hope and Kyle - who called me outside to watch them rollerblading down the driveway, bent over with their hands behind their backs like olympic speed skaters. That was so immensely cute that I didn't have the heart to yell at Kyle for being outside in shorts - even though it is like 29 degrees out. 

Didi  Benami - Oh my, I love her!  She prays and meows - how many people can say that?  She has a fantastic voice and I know she's going to be awesome......YEP, she is!!!  LOVE love love what she's doing with this song!  She is unique, and totally my fav so far (for the girls).  Really surprised at Randy, Kara and Simon's criticism.  They can just shut it, she did good.

Michelle Delamor - Ok, weird song choice for a girl??  Weak voice, not impressed.  She does look good tho, so I agree with the judges on that one.

Blaaaah...still bored. 

Time to tuck the kids in bed!  They just finished their showers and Kyle made himself a Jimmy Neutron/Ace Ventura mowhawk.  Ok then.  His hair should look quite interesting in the morning. 

Lilly Scott - One word.  Ick.

Commercial break again...time for a brownie :)

Katelyn Epperly -  WOW!  She was awesome!  Loooove the piano (white baby grand.....mhm), and I thought she did fantastic.  I love how she played the piano so simply.  And if they ever decide to turn this into a gong show, they wouldn't have to purchase a gong, they could just use one of her earrings.  Bonus.

Paige Miles - Likes to....color?  Hmmph.  Not sure I would have chosen that to tell America about myself.  Well, guess what....the girl can sing!!!  AWESOME song choice.  She's not my favorite, but she's good and I think she has a chance at being in the top few.

Victoria Secret girls again?  Seriously, those commercials are one step away from pornography.

Siobhan Magnus - Great song and she can sing, but she can't pull off Aretha.  Vince disagrees with me, tho, after that high note - he loved it!  That was brave of her, so I'll give her that.  I have to agree with Simon, parts of the song were bad and parts were amazing, so we'll see how she does after tonight.

Overall......bring on the guys!

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

American Idol - Top 10 Guys

It's my favorite show!  I wait for it all year, and it's the only thing I watch faithfully.  It's been really fun so far watching all the auditions, and I have to say I'm so glad that they didn't let any idiots through this year (remember Sanjaya and Tatianna?  Good grief.) 

They're down to the top 20 this week, woo hoo!  This is when it starts to get good and I start really paying attention.  So, here I am snuggin' on the couch with my sweetie, watching AI and deciding to type my play by play commentary live, as it happens.  Try to contain your excitement :)  Here we go!

Michael Lynche - he's just cute.  A big teddy bear (I love big teddy bears - especially mine:)  Love his story, and he can sing!

John Park - snoozer.

Casey James - he's been my prediction as this year's winner ever since I saw him in the auditions - LOVE HIM!!!  Yea!!!!  Awesome guitar!  Love his voice - except this song didn't really showcase it.    I like how he handled the criticism from Kara (gag) and Simon, even though I don't agree with it.  He seems humble, which I really like.  Arrogance is such a turn-off in an artist! 

Alex Lambert - This kid is actually pretty good!  Surprised me.  Kind of Michael Buble'ish with a hint of country.  Falsetto, not so much - but otherwise I like his little gravelly voice and I think he'll be around for a while.

Commercial break....my favorites from years past have always been the guys.  Kris Allen, Danny Gokey, Chris Daughtry (totally robbed), David Cook, Justin Guarini, Taylor Hicks.  Brooke White was awesome, too!

Back to the show...

Todrick Hall - Ick already.  He's arrogant and full of himself.  And he hasn't even sang yet.  Bad bad bad song arrangement.  Flat vocals.  Cheesey.  I predict he's getting voted off.

Jermaine Sellers - whah????  "dey know what dey talkin bout?"  And did he really just say "Jesus is my homeboy?"  Seriously...where is the mute button.

Andrew Garcia - I like him.  Nice attitude.  Nice song.  Interesting voice, I hear a little Danny in him.  I don't think he'll win, but he's not bad.

Aaron Kelly - awe, what a cutie!  Great song, but I don't really like what he did with it.  You're good for sixteen, honey, but you lost me at falsetto.

Commercial break again....really?  Do they need to have Victoria Secret commercials with women in their bras and underwear?  Oh dear, I don't have enough hands to shield all the boys' eyes from this. 

Tim Urban - He prays, yay!  Great song for him.  I like him and for once, yay Simon!

Lee Dewyze  - I like him.  Alot.  I love that he cried when he was put through to the finals!  Love his acoustic, rough voice.  I hate that song, though (it's about cheating).  But he is passionate and intense and he sang it really well.

So, there ya go!  This was fun :)  Time for some AFV with my boys...

Did I just post three times in one day?  Yes, yes I did.

a new thing

This is what the LORD says—
he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters...

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:16, 18-19

A new thing...God is doing a new thing in me.   I've been in a wasteland of sorts for a while now, and it all centers around my feelings about myself as a mom.  Feeling like I'm failing my kids on so many levels.  I know that's not very Brady Bunch of me to say, and I don't want to be misinterpretted as saying that our home or our family is a wasteland.  The wasteland has been in my own heart and mind, and the mighty waters that have been raging against me have been made up of discouragement, discontentment, and sometimes even hopelessness.

Doesn't sound like something that a happily married, mother of many awesome kids, daughter of the King should be saying, does it?  Which is prolly why I haven't been blogging about it 'til now.  The truth is, I have been walking in a desert of discouragement for some time and like I said a couple posts ago, God has been growing me and stretching my faith.  And boy do I have the stretch marks to prove it!  But today, I am seeing some light break through the clouds.  It's funny, I have figured something out about God and me...when I find myself in a place of almost desperation, after begging and pleading for Him to change something in my life, when I feel like I just can't take the way things are for one more minute longer...it's then that I realize that I am usually on the brink of something big that He is doing in me.  Something is about to change, kind of like labor pains.  They get harder and harder until you feel like you can't take it anymore, and then poof!  Something beautiful and miraculous happens and you see what God has been doing.  You see what His purpose was in all the struggle and the pain and the waiting.

And you realize that it was worth it.

That's where I am.  God is birthing something new in me....a newfound hope, and a sense of purpose.  It's a journey through the desert that He's been walking me through for some time now, and not without alot of kicking and screaming either.  More than once, He has stood there patiently waiting, as I whine and pout and curl up in a fetal position next to the path, refusing to continue until He does something about the sand and the heat.  Honestly, I was sick to death of feeling defeated, discouraged, not seeing where I was going or seeing the fruit of my labor...or my prayers.

Why hasn't He made a way for me to be a stay at home mom?  It has been my heart's desire and something I have prayed for since I was pregnant with my firstborn.  I'll never forget the day that I went back to work after my maternity leave - when my husband carried our son into our daycare provider's house as I watched from the car because I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I watched through her living room window, and through my own tears, as he handed our son to her and walked out the door.  My heart broke and for days and weeks and months and years I prayed that God would make a way for me to be a stay at home mom.  He didn't.  And I didn't understand why...until six years later when my husband walked out our door.  Then I saw the wisdom and purpose in God saying "no" to my prayers.  He knew that day was coming and that I would need my job to support my sons as a single mom.

Now all our kids are in school, and I don't need to be home during the day anymore.  I missed my chance.  But if I'm being honest, I have never let go of that dream.  And I have never forgiven God for saying no to it.  Maybe "forgiven" isn't the right word to use, after all we have nothing to forgive God for, that's ridiculous!  But I have felt like He has let me down all this time.  Even now, I want to be here when they get home from school.  And as Vince and I prepare for the upcoming summer months when our kids will be home from school, I want to be here with them.  And as I have been facing some not-so-fun challenges at my job in the past year, my desire to be home, or just to escape the stress has intensified!  That's a big reason for all the discouragement.    Combine all that with feeling like a failure when our kids are fighting, complaining, and aren't always happy all the time...feeling guilty for not spending enough time with them...

Downward spiral, anyone?

So, that's what I've been walking in and pleading with God to deliver me from. 

And here is where the break in the clouds comes in...God has shown me (again) through this trial that while sometimes He deliver us from things, other times He chooses to deliver us through things.  And all while not changing our circumstances one bit.  He's not so much interested in our circumstances as He is in the condition of our hearts.   It's a lesson that He teaches me over and over again.  True contentment comes only from our relationship with Him, not from our circumstances.

God is showing me that I need to embrace where He has placed me and stop wishing for something different.  God can use me in the lives of others through my job, and He is.  He can also equip me to be the mother that He calls me to be in the lives of my children.  And if He so chooses, He can still honor my prayer to be a stay at home mom...or not.  Either way, I'm choosing to trust Him, to embrace the life that He has given me.  To stop peering over my stay-at-home neighbor's fence and pining over her green grass, and tend to my own lawn.  And let God do His thing!

This is what the LORD says—

he who made a way through the sea,
a path through the mighty waters...

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:16, 18-19


I hear the voice, the voice of the One I love
He’s calling my name.
I hear the voice, the voice of the One I love,
He's calling my name, He's saying…

"Come up higher and hear the angels sing
Come up higher, my beloved
Come up higher and leave this world behind
You'll find Me to be beautiful."

I am running, running after You
You've become my soul’s delight
I am running, running after You
Here with You I find my life.

One thing I desire, this will I seek after
To dwell in Your house forevermore
Now I'm running after the thing that really matters
You've become my joy and song.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Buzz...buzz...buzz lightyear to the rescue!

I'm feeling energized today!  Is it energized or is it just a caffeine buzz?  You pick.  I'm not sure either, but the caffeine buzz is totally possible.  It's the iced coffee - my new addiction.  Wow, is it yummy!  It's my husband's fault - Starbucks' really.  I discovered Starbucks Iced Coffee last August when I was in California for my sister's wedding, and after returning home I introduced them to Vince and oh my, we fell in love!  We'll treat ourselves to this delish-o-rama whenever we are at Target, or that end of town (ok fine, whenever we feel like it and are willing to make the drive) which thankfully is only a couple few times a month or we'd go broke. 

That stop at Starbucks in California was my very first Starbucks experience and I had no idea what or how to order.  I just looked around at what other people had, and walked up to the counter and said "I want something cold and coffee-ey, with caramel and chocolate.   They took good care of me and I've been addicted ever since. But now, we've been there enough to learn some of the hip lingo that makes me feel really cool when ordering my "Venti (that's how really cool people say "large") Iced Coffee with milk, three pumps caramel and three pumps mocha (that's how really cool people say "chocolate").  

Now, Mr. Wonderful, in all his wonderfulness has started making me iced coffees at home - which I dare say are even yummier than Starbucks! 

So, here I sit on my lunch hour, feeling very energized and I know that my coffee is only part of the reason.  God is releasing me from some things.  He is growing and stretching me in new ways, which is giving me a newfound sense of purpose and focus that I have been longing for and desperately needing for some time.

I'll write more on all that later, right now it's time for me to get buzzing!