Things that are frequently said in our house that are funny or annoying and sometimes both

It's fun at our house.  In the midst of all the chaos and drama, we have fun.  That's a good thing, because if we didn't I fear that the chaos and drama of our everyday lives might just swallow us up.

If you happen to draw the short straw be blessed enough to spend time at our house on a daily basis, there are certain phrases that you might hear spoken a time or ten.  So I thought I'd share them because they are funny and, well, sometimes annoying too.

"No offense, but..."
This phrase is most popular with our younger two children.  Nothing good ever follows it.  It's when you have something to say that prolly doesn't need to be said, but alas you say it anyway because you are, you know, 9 or 10 (and sometimes older) and haven't learned how to properly censor yourself yet.

"No offense, but today you look like you did in that picture of you with your sister."

"You mean the one I have framed in my room that is very special to me because I thought we both looked good?"

"Yea, that's the one."

"Mmm, k."

Just as nothing good ever follows "no offense, but...", nothing good preceeds this next phrase which is also very popular in our home, moreso with our teenagers.

"I'm just sayin'..."
It's also used when you have something to say that shouldn't necessarily be said, but it is intended to justify whatever preceeded it, which may or may not imply a direct slam.

"Joe's mom is SO COOL!  She makes the best mac & cheese in the world and lets us do whatever we want.  She's like the coolest mom EVER.  Not that you aren't cool too, Mom.  I'm just sayin."

"Thanks.  I feel awesome now."

Sometimes if you are really crafty, you can take "No offense, but" and "I'm just sayin" and sandwich an insult between them.

"No offense, but you're feet smell like cheese.  I don't mean that in a bad way, I'm just sayin". 

"Your face..."
This is a phrase that Nick started and it's caught on like obnoxious wildfire at our house.  It is very versatile and can be used as a response to virtually any statement that one makes.  It really has no meaning at all, so don't bother trying to make any sense out of it.  We sure don't.

"You look tired."

"Your face looks tired".


"Time to shut off the tv."

"Your face can shut off the tv."


"Will you make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"Your face can make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

It's very Napoleon and Kip, which is why it is so prevalent in our house and why I find it so amusing (most of the time).

And, lastly but certainly not leastly, is the ever popular...

"Not Me..."
"Not Me" is not so much a phrase, as it is a living and active member of our family.  Not Me is responsible for most of the things that go wrong around here, and if it weren't for him our kids would be in a lot more trouble.  Despite my recent announcement that Not Me has moved out and no longer resides here, he still gets blamed for everything.

"Who made this mess?"

"Not Me."


"Who left the freezer door open in the garage so that hundreds of dollars worth of meat and tater tots can spoil and need to be thrown away?"

"Not Me."


"Who ate all the Nutella?  I just bought a new jar like a week ago!  Oh wait, that was me."

That's all. 

And you thought I was going to end this post with some witty application of one of these phrases, didn't you?  Well not me, my friend.  Sometimes I am predictable like that (your face is predictable like that), but obviously the mysteries that surround me are far too vast and varied to be predictable all the time.  No offense, but you obviously don't know me like you think you do.  I'm just sayin.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday!

This is my first "Not Me" post in many moons, because I just haven't done anything embarassing or "not me" worthy in all this time.  Eh-hem, well, in the past few minutes anyway.

Ok scratch that.  I just now almost dumped my entire plate of lunch in my lap, trying to balance it in front of the keyboard as I type this.  And since it's awesomely yummy leftover pork chops and potatoes from supper last night, that really would have been a shame.  Had I actually dumped that in my lap, however, I certainly would not have taken my fork and eaten it off my clothing because it is just that good. 

Anyway, yesterday I did not bake a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting under the guise that it was for the kids.  That would be far too tempting for me to have around the house and would completely negate my (feeble) efforts at giving up sugar.  And even if I did, I would not have saved some of the chocolate frosting and hidden it in the frig so that when I snuck a piece for myself (which I did not) I could eat it with extra frosting. 

And finally...not because I have run out of dumb things that I have not done, rather I have run out of time to type them all...upon returning home from work on Friday, I did not leave my keys in my car in the garage, apparantly in the "on" position for several hours, and thus drain my battery and requiring rescue from Mr. Wonderful.  And I also did not let 4 boards of sheetrock fall against the van (in the same garage, about 30 seconds after discovering the dead battery) because I was looking for something behind them.  I'm much too careful to make either of these (dumb) mistakes. 

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week!

Not Me! Monday

Oooh, where to begin. I haven't posted a "Not Me" in several weeks, so I have a virtual plethora of things that I have, umm not done, to choose from...
Such as the "Snowy Blessings" sign that isn't still hanging on my wall above my piano that I put up as a Christmas decoration and have since left up because I don't have anything else to hang in it's place. And even though it's July and over half the year is already over, I am definitely not considering leaving it up (you know, the sign that really isn't there) until next Christmas because now it's actually closer to next Christmas than it is to the last. Not me!
Upon deciding on Saturday to make a spontaneous trip to my hometown to spend with my best friends' family, I did not pull a dirty and embarassingly wrinkled shirt out of our hamper and put it on because that's the one I wanted to wear, and we were going to be hanging out at the lake anyway. Especially when I had several clean shirts hanging in my closet to choose from. That is gross and I would never do that!
And I definitely did not procrastinate about ordering more contacts until I was two weeks into my last pair, which are only supposed to be worn for two weeks in the first place. I am way more responsible and on top of things than that! It also wasn't me who, while still waiting for my new contacts to arrive, sprayed hairspray in my eye and thus ruining one of my contacts. How careless that would have been had I actually done that! Then, about five seconds later I absolutely did NOT procede to spray hairspray directly into my other eye. That would be pathetic and even more blonde than this. Well, maybe...
So, there ya go...just a samplin' of some of the dumb things I may or may not have been doing as of late. If you want to read about all the embarassing things that everyone else at Mckmama's bloggy universe have not been doing this week, hop on over to her blog!

Housekeeping! You want mint for pillow? And it's Not Me! Monday!

It's "Not Me! Monday", where you can throw caution to the wind and tell everybody what you have not been doing this past week (you know, because telling them what you really did is far too embarassing!) To read about what others have definitely not been up to this week, go to Mckmama's blog.
I love cleaning and organizing. You usually won't be able to tell this by coming to my house, but I honestly do enjoy cleaning and having an organized, pleasant looking and smelling house. The only time I hate cleaning is when when I'm tired or when things have gotten too messy or out of control that it seems overwelming. Of course that never happens around here. I'm purely speaking in a "hypothetical" sense (read pathetical).

We are trying to alleviate this "hypothetical" problem by getting the kids involved in daily and weekly chores, and by nagging them constantly consistently reminding them to pick up after themselves. We have a job board hanging in our pantry - it's actually a wipe off board with calendar grids on it and it works very well (7 columns for 7 days of the week, and 5 rows for 5 kids). The kids each have a daily job (loading or unloading the dishwasher, setting the table, taking out garbage or recycling, and taking care of the dogs.) They each have a laundry day and on that day they are responsible for bringing their own hamper to the laundry room and when their clothes are done, putting them away. We do it this way so that we don't have 7 people's laundry all mixed together. It's so much easier when it actually happens this way, which of course it always does. Eh-hem. They also each have a weekly cleaning job, such as cleaning a bathroom, vacuuming & dusting a living room, or the entryway and stairs, and they have to do their bedrooms once a week too.

Sounds like a beautiful, fool proof system doesn't it? Well, my friend, it is. It always works perfectly, like a well oiled machine. Vince and I are masters at being consistent with follow through, and the kids never exhibit any complaining or eye rolling or try to weasel their way out of things. And of course OUR bedroom and bathroom are always clean and mess free so that we can present a shining example to our children. What do ya think? Gosh!

On top of all of that daily nonsense, we are slowly but surely (I do know how to fly this plane, and don't call me Shirley) getting projects done around the house. We were busy bees this past weekend! We finally bought real doors for Nick & Vinny's bedrooms, which Vince promptly installed when we got home from our trip to Menards on Saturday. This was a big improvement from the blankets that have not been tacked over their doorways for the past almost year! They look nice and we were pretty excited about surprising the boys with their new doors when they got home. (Author's note: yes, we do realize that it is pathetic when your kid's "surprise" is getting a door on his room, but hey, we want them to appreciate the little things.) Upon seeing their new doors, they lept for joy into our arms and told us that we are the best parents ever!! They certainly did not say "oh, a door. thanks."

In addition to all that excitement, we got the kitchen island done (which has not been without trim for the past year), put new blinds in Vinny's room and our master bedroom, and I finally put my collection of baskets back on top of the fireplace ~ now that I have finished packing away my village which has not been there since Christmas. Yes, really. Don't judge me. And after all that, and bookoo loads of laundry, we intended to shampoo some carpets so that certain areas of our house don't smell like a locker room just to freshen things up a bit. However, we ran out of time and energy. We'll get to it. Baby steps. In the mean time, baking soda on carpets and inside sweaty boys' shoes works wonders.

Besides all the work, we had some time to play too! Friday night we spend the evening at our son Trevor's girlfriend's home, having some yummy grilled fillet mignon and potatoes, several desserts (all of which involved chocolate!) and playing 500. Then on Saturday Mr. Wonderful and I had a *date night*! Dinner at Green Mill and a few hours of uninterupted conversation with my man was pure heaven!

Oh and besides incorporating some random movie quotes in this post just because I can and it's fun, I leave you with this video clip, which captures the essense of our life with our 5 wonderful children in ways that I could not otherwise describe...

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It's "Not me!" time again...good grief! It seems like only yesterday that I was revealing embarassing stuff about myself, and now it's time to do it again! Oh well, here goes...

This past week, I was not TOTALLY THRILLED to see that my blog has reclaimed it's #1 spot as THE most ridiculously unnecessary thing in the entire Google universe! Yesssss!! (If you don't know what I am talking about, read this to catch up.)

When I saw this, I did not do a happy dance, and then I did not subsequently take this picture to prove my position of honor (in the unfortunate event that I should be bumped out of my #1 spot sometime in the future.)

I know there is a plethora of other dumb things that I have done in the past week, but I'm having a blank moment. So, just now as I asked Mr. Wonderful, "Hon, what stupid things have I done in the past week?", he did not reply "Oh......don't trap me like that." Because I would never trap him like that and he knows it.

...fast forward 4 hours. It is not now almost 2am, and I am not awake because my face and throat are itching like crazy because I did not let myself run out of Claritin. It's just a bad, bad dream. And even if it were true, I would have taken one of Vince's Zyrtecs and gone directly back to bed. I would definitely NOT have plopped myself down in front of the computer to add this to my already published "Not Me!" post, whilst eating Mrs. Richardson's Chocolate Lover's Fudge with a spoon directly out of the jar. Nope, I would never do that. It's someone else, now go back to bed. Sheesh!

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, this past weekend, I was not horrified to go outside and discover that the following things had been left out in our front yard all afternoon: a Schwinn bike that looks like it's from 1959, a garbage bag of bush clippings, and an oven mitt. And even if I did, I definitely would not have taken a picture of it to post on my blog, as it would be far too embarassing...

And in the same stylish flare, I also did not attach a floral blanket to the side of our dog kennel with bungee cords because we have been too lazy far too busy to properly cover it with a tarp. Nope, that was definitely not me!

And like Mckmama, we do not look like we live next door to the Clampetts.

I was definitely not excited at all about my early birthday gift from my husband.....

And since receiving it last Friday, I have not left it neatly tucked away in it's bag because I'm too afraid to use it. That would be pathetic.

And finally, when Vince and I went out on a real date Friday night (yay!) to see the *long anticipated* new Star Trek movie. Just look how excited he was! I did not find it completely adorable to watch the excitement on his face as he gave me a detailed synopsis of the first 9 Star Trek movies for 45 minutes at the restaurant prior to the movie. Then during the movie, I was not bored out of my mind. And I absolutely did not politely excuse myself on three different ocassions to text my sister about how many minutes of this torture I had left to endure. That would be very disrespectful to my husband and I absolutely did NOT do that!!

Not Me!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.




This week I did not spend way too many hours creating a new look for my blog, editing and tweeking it - only to ditch it and go with this one. And I certainly did not stay up until 1am on Saturday night doing said blog creating and subsequent ditching.

I have definitely not fallen behind in laundry...again. Especially after not going to the laundromat last weekend with *22 loads* of laundry, and vowing to do at least 2 loads daily in order to stay caught up. No way!


I did not eat an entire 1 lb. bag of m&m's almost single handedly yesterday. And especially after rededicating myself to healthy eating and exercising this morning, I did not buy a box of Weight Watchers mini-cakes, along with my Healthy Choice entree and salad for lunch. And I absolutely did NOT eat the whole box of cakes before lunch. Nope, NOT ME!


~ Lisa