It was shocking, it was confusing, it was scary, and I was sad. I felt betrayed and defeated. I wanted them to be sorry and realize how badly they had treated me. I wanted validation.
I didn't get those things, and I'm glad I didn't because it would have only led to bitterness and anxiety. Instead, I have turned to the Lord. I am letting Him teach me how to trust Him. Even when I don't understand, when it's not fair or right, and when I can't see the path in front of me. I am learning that He is in control. I have no doubt that God led me to that job, and that he brought me out of it at just the right time. I don't know what His purpose was, or what everyone there truly thinks of me, but what I do know is that God had a purpose for my time there and what everyone thinks is not my concern. He will deal with them and I can let it go and leave it in God's hands to do as He wishes.
That brings peace.
I have been trusting Him to open doors and close others, so when that happens who am I to question it? I'll admit, the first couple of hours I was questioning what God was doing. Did He bring me there just to fail? Was I mistaken to have left my previous job and take this one? If it was His will, why did it end so soon, and so badly? Was it my fault?
Then as I turned to Him in prayer, He reassured me that He has had a plan all along. His purposes are for my good, and He will reveal His plan for me in His own timing.
And that brings peace.
I am learning to rely on God's manna each day. I only need to be concerned with each day as I live it. I can't look too far into the future and wonder or worry, and I can't keep ruminating on the past. Neither does any good at all.
While I don't know all the why's, I do know that it was 6 weeks of mental and physical exhaustion and I'm glad to be free of it. I haven't felt this much peace in a while...and I have a feeling this is only the beginning.
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