It always comes back to coffee, friends, and Jesus

One of the things I have missed about working in Winona was having coffee with friends after work.  Caribou and Blooming Grounds are my go-to places when I want to get comfy and talk with a good friend, or blog, or watch a bible study video (hello, Beth Moore!)  Today I got to do all three :)  

My day was going just kind of "eh", until I got a message from my friend Becky and 20 minutes later I was in my car on my way to Caribou for a couple hours.  It was nice!  Girlfriend time, bible study, and I wasn't mad about my iced caramel latte either.

It continues to be a challenge for me each day to not feel guilty about not having a job.  I have to remind myself, sometimes multiple times a day (or an hour) that God has ordained this time for me for a purpose.  He has me home right now, and my job is to seek Him.  To let go of my own feelings and self-imposed expectations, and seek His will for my life right now, each day.

Instead of focusing on his "big" will for my life (should I work or stay home?) I am asking Him to show me what He wants me to accomplish in this day.  The little, everyday opportunities that He places before me - I ask Him to help me see them and guide me through them.  How can I be a blessing today to my husband and kids, our family and friends, and even those I don't know personally?  Whenever I ask God to show me opportunities to be a blessing to others, I find my day is sprinkled with them. It's so fun!

I am learning to embrace the reality that I don't have to know what the future looks like right now.  And it's so freeing!  I know that I will know eventually, when God reveals it to me in His own way and time.  One thing I do know for sure right now...it will be good!

a new season

It's going on 3 weeks now that I have been home full time.  It feels better to say "being home" rather than "unemployed".  That sounds like something is missing but quite honestly, God has changed my thoughts on that.  I believe He is giving me this time to be home.  Where my heart has always been.

It feels so incredible to say that.  Be home.  It's something I have been praying for since I was pregnant with Nicolas...22 years ago.  I always wanted to be home with my kids but God waited until now to answer that prayer.  I don't know why it took this long, but I trust God that He knew what was best for us all along.  Maybe I wasn't ready until now?

Whatever the reason and for however long, I am learning to give myself permission to enjoy this time.  There are so many ways for me to be productive while I am home, and I'm SUPER excited about each one of them!

• First and most importantly...spend time with God.  Grow closer to him everyday through reading, studying and meditating on His Word, prayer and worship.
• Keep our finances in order and give our budget a reboot!
• Clean and organize our home, aka:  purge!  purge!  purge!  I've been posting some things for sale online to help bring in a little money, and will donate the rest (or toss it!)  I want to make our home a haven, especially for my husband.  He works hard and is on board with me staying home if I want to...which I am PRAISING GOD for!!!  He is amazing and I want him to be able to come home after working long days and relax and recharge without a stressed out, frazzled wife.  I want our home to be the place where our kids and grandkids come to relax, feel loved and a little pampered :)  I want us to have people over, have our home be warm and inviting to family and friends, and be able to focus on THEM and not stress about the condition of our house. 
• Cook!  I have time and motivation to prepare healthy, homemade meals and make eating out a special thing rather than a fall back because I'm exhausted.
• Spend time with our kids - even though they are grown, they still need me.  I love being available to go out to lunch or drop something off or meet them somewhere during the days.  They are busy and all have different schedules so being available to them is important to me. 
• Connect with other women, not only for myself but to encourage others which I believe is one of my gifts.  
• Get healthy!  I have the time to exercise now in our beautiful new exercise room, take a walk with our dog or with a friend. 
• Enjoy my life!  Get back to some of the things that bring me joy...playing piano, photography, nature. 

I'm so excited to see what God does in my life, OUR lives during this new season!  I'm not going to feel guilty about it.  I trust Him, in His leading and timing, and in all that He is going to do!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  John 10:10

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us..."  Ephesians 3:20

So this is what peace feels like

I really shouldn't be feeling peaceful right now.  A week ago I lost my job.  No warning, no explanation, just boom.

It was shocking, it was confusing, it was scary, and I was sad.  I felt betrayed and defeated.  I wanted them to be sorry and realize how badly they had treated me.  I wanted validation.  

I didn't get those things, and I'm glad I didn't because it would have only led to bitterness and anxiety.  Instead, I have turned to the Lord.  I am letting Him teach me how to trust Him.  Even when I don't understand, when it's not fair or right, and when I can't see the path in front of me.  I am learning that He is in control.  I have no doubt that God led me to that job, and that he brought me out of it at just the right time.  I don't know what His purpose was, or what everyone there truly thinks of me, but what I do know is that God had a purpose for my time there and what everyone thinks is not my concern.  He will deal with them and I can let it go and leave it in God's hands to do as He wishes.

That brings peace. 

I have been trusting Him to open doors and close others, so when that happens who am I to question it?  I'll admit, the first couple of hours I was questioning what God was doing.  Did He bring me there just to fail?  Was I mistaken to have left my previous job and take this one?  If it was His will, why did it end so soon, and so badly?  Was it my fault?  

Then as I turned to Him in prayer, He reassured me that He has had a plan all along.  His purposes are for my good, and He will reveal His plan for me in His own timing. 

And that brings peace. 

I am learning to rely on God's manna each day.  I only need to be concerned with each day as I live it.  I can't look too far into the future and wonder or worry, and I can't keep ruminating on the past.  Neither does any good at all.

While I don't know all the why's, I do know that it was 6 weeks of mental and physical exhaustion and I'm glad to be free of it.  I haven't felt this much peace in a while...and I have a feeling this is only the beginning.

It's been awhile

It's been a while since I had a purse that was worthy of a "most perfect purse awesomeness" blog post.

That day has now come, people.

I've had a couple other purses since the last one that I blogged about, but for one reason or another they just didn't measure up to my well-established criteria and therefore I had to break up with them.  As we girls know, having the right purse (much like the right man) is essential to daily happiness and sanity...it just makes life go better.  We carry them around everywhere so it has to be functional and comfortable and when it's not, it can be frustrating and make us kinda crabby.

No one wants that.

Especially husbands.

So finding the just right purse is something for all to celebrate.

Here is my current winner.  I love it so much...it might even be worthy of being the "most perfectest"  of them all so far,  but we'll have to see.  That's a high honor and I haven't used it long enough yet to be absolutely sure, but it's definitely looking promising.

Let's review the criteria again and see how this one measures up:

1)  It has to be real leather.  Or a fake material that I happen to think is real leather.  This purse definitely meets this criteria.  It's not leather, but according to Amazon it's "synthetic vegan leather".  What the heck is that?  Vegan leather?  Is it made out of soybeans?  Who knows, but it looks and feels like real leather and that's good enough for me.  It's soft and I love the muted brown color.

2)  It has to have a short handle.  Check.  This one is perfect.  The handle is thick and sturdy which I like since that tends to be the first thing that wears out on my purses.  

3)  It has to have separate pockets for my cell phone and lip stuff on the outside of the purse.  Check twice!  This one has TWO pockets on the outside!  One that is big enough for my new phone (I have now joined the iPhone fan club) and the other one works for storing my lip stuff.  Both zip shut...yesssss.

4)  It absolutely cannot have any sequins or tassels or unnecessary gaudy embellishments.  Check.  I like the bronze buckles and buttons.  Cute, a little rustic, not overdone at all.

5)  It has to be able to zip shut.  This has become really important to me.  I've had a couple purses that don't zip shut and whenever I'm shopping I'm always paranoid that someone might reach in and grab my wallet or my phone.  Or (God forbid)...MY PLANNER!!!  NOOOOO!!!!!

6) It has to have at least two big separate sections - one for my wallet, note pad and planner, and the other for all my crap important stuff that I don't leave home without. This I am crossing off my list.  I don't need two separate sections, in fact I have found that I like to just be able to throw everything in without worrying about where it goes.  But this next one is absolutely critical...

7) It has to be big enough to hold all of said crap important stuff, but not look like a suitcase.  This purse definitely meets that criteria - probably better than all my previous ones.  It is really wide, but doesn't look big or bulky.

And for the first time, I am adding a new criteria to my list:

8)  It has to have buckles on the handle that I can clip my keys to.  I have been clipping my keys on the outside of my purse since the boys were little.  It's so convenient not to have to dig through my purse to find them, especially when my hands are full.  And clipping them on the outside keeps them visible, which has helped me countless times to not lock myself out of the house because I assumed my keys were in my purse.  Could I clip them on the handle without requiring a buckle?  Of course, but then they slide up and down the handle, they bang into things when I'm chucking my purse around, and I just can't deal with that kind of chaos.

So here I go....blissfully navigating about my days with "most perfect purse awesomeness" on my arm, on the chair at home, and the seat beside me in my car.  And it occurs to me.  What will I do when this one wears out in a year or two?  What if they don't sell it anymore and I can't find anything this awesome?  What will I do?  WHAT????

So I'm doing something I have considered but have never actually done before...I'm buying another one just like it.  It's in my Amazon cart right now.  Exactly the same but in a darker brown.  It will feel like a whole new purse (oh the joy) and will be exactly what I want and need.  My worries have now been laid to rest, all is right in the universe and all my dreams have come true.