Things I am obsessed with right now, including but not limited to my planner

Vince and I watched our first Hallmark Christmas movie last night and I AM NOW OBSESSED WITH HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIES.  It was so good!  Cheesey and sweet and made me think about Christmas and love and cozy blankets and good feels.  Hallmark Christmas movies might now be the only thing I want to watch until January.  Well, except for "This is Us"...which is SO MUCH AWESOME!!!  Oh, and of course, "Criminal Minds".  Ok, fine...also "Married at First Sight" even though the last three seasons have been disappointing and somewhat annoying.  Only the first season was really good (I binge watched the entire first season on Netflix all in one single day, it was that good). but I keep watching each season because I can't NOT watch it.

And in much more exciting news about my life...I have ordered my new 2017 planner!!!  It is important that my people know how obsessed I am with my planner.   I am literally in love with it.  I look at it multiple times a day, and write all my lists and plans and important things in it.  Every year I get super excited when it's time to start looking for one for the next year, which for me starts sometime around August.  I have been on the search for the perfect planner for years now, and it's not easy to find.  Much like the most perfect purse, it is important to find the just right planner.  It has to have a cute font, large squares for every day of the week, including Saturdays and Sundays (why do calendar people think that we have less going on on the weekends?)  Well, after years of searching and trying different ones, last year I found it.  The perfect planner...

They are called "Bloom Daily Planners" and I love everything about them...the fonts, the size, the colors, the layout...everything.  

As I said, I ordered my 2017 one this week and when it comes I will hug it and hold it up to my cheek and sit down and admire it and fill in all the birthdays and anniversaries and anything else I know about for next year.

Pentatonix singing "Jolene" at the CMA Awards this week was pretty awesome.

Now I might need to break out the Christmas music because.......Pentatonix!

Empty Wells

Sometimes I surprise myself.  That can be a good thing, but this time I'm surprised at how long it can take me to learn something that I already know.  

We have a note on our refrigerator.  I made it myself and we've had it on our frig, in one form or another, for years now.

It is the five most important things that I (we) need to do everyday.  Five things to be healthy and live well. Five things. Everyday.

Simple, right?

And yet as simple as it is, it so often eludes me.  All too often I allow myself to get distracted from these five simple things and when I do that for very long I inevitably start to feel overwhelmed and empty.  Thirsty. And that's when I start looking for water in empty wells.

Empty wells like my iPad, my phone, my computer, TV, food...things that I think will fill the void that I feel in the moment.  But they never do.  Not really. 

But the thing is, I know where the water is!  I KNOW.  Jesus sat at a well that must have looked similar to this one.  He sat there and explained to the woman who came there for water, that He was the source of Living Water, the water that we all thirst for...

John 4:13-14

13 Jesus answered her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again. 14 But whoever drinks the water that I give him will never be thirsty again. But the water that I give him will become in him a spring of water [satisfying his thirst for God] welling up [continually flowing, bubbling within him] to eternal life.”

I know this.  So why do I keep going to empty wells?  WHY? They distract me for a time, and then they leave me wanting for more.  They don't satisfy. Not for long anyway. They only make me thirstier. 

So, about a week ago I decided to listen to the sign on my frig, specifically, the last one on the list. "Rest". I hadn't been sleeping well for some time which led me to feeling exhausted, which led me to feeling unmotivated, which led me to staying up too late and reaching for something to fill my water bucket.  So, I decided to do two things...go to bed by 10pm, every night, and no technology after going to bed or in the mornings before work.  (Except to play Pandora or read the bible or my book on my Nook app.)  No Facebook, no Fox News, no Wikipedia, no Google. 

No empty wells.

And guess what....I have been sleeping SO much better!  I've been less anxious, better rested.  More present.  I'm not rushing so much in the mornings and usually have time to pack my lunch before work (#3). I'm more focused on praying while I get ready in the mornings instead of checking Facebook (#1), I'm reading my bible before bed (#2), and doing my "not-yoga"  more regularly (#4).

Wow.  I didn't realize until I typed that all out that just making that one change has affected all the other things!  Now, to just keep this going.  That's why it's on my frig, to remind me everyday (because goodness knows that I'm in the frig everyday!)  

I got some confirmation from my son about this recently too.  His phone was damaged several weeks ago, and even though we have insurance on it he was close enough to qualify for an upgrade, which was actually cheaper than paying the insurance deductible and replace his current phone (thanks, rip-off cell phone insurance people).  Anyway, he decided he wanted to wait for the new iPhone 7 Plus which is on back order until November (which he will be paying for 100% himself, btw).  As we were driving the other day, he told me that he has actually felt happier being without his phone.  He is more relaxed, and I have noticed him spending more time with us, talking face to face. 

Imagine that?!  I'm almost glad that he wrecked his phone!  (Almost.)

So...listening to Pandora this morning and this song came on.  It was just what I needed to hear today.

I'm tired and some good ideas

I need a do over.  Not a major do over like I have made the wrong choices in life and now I'm going to go all Thelma and Louise.  No, I've just been feeling like in certain areas of my life I'm stuck in a rut, spinning my wheels...

I SO don't want to be that girl that lives my life hearing all the good advice and reading all the books and going through one bible study after another and having all the big ideas and making all the plans.......but never truly making any real, lasting changes.  Consuming but never digesting.  Taking things in, but not applying them to my life.

What in the world am I talking about?

Top on my list is, and has been for a couple decades now...I want to be healthy.  Truly healthy.  Physically. Spiritually.  Financially.  I want to have an organized house that is clean and well maintained.  We aren't hoarders or anything, and our house isn't in complete disarray.  But it could use some help.  I want our home to be warm and inviting and comfortable.  One that I feel good about having people over without notice.  It doesn't have to be perfect, and likely never will be, that's ok with me. I just want it to be the place where our family can't wait to be.  A place that is "come on in" ready so if someone stops by I don't feel embarrassed about the walls that need painting, the windows that need cleaning, and the carpets that need shampooing (replacing, really). Basically I want our home to feel like a coffee shop.  Warm atmosphere, good smells, music...a place where we can relax without all the distractions of things undone.  (And I suppose without all the strangers on their laptops drinking coffee, that would be weird.) (People making mochas for me whenever I wanted, that would be ok).

I know it's totally do-able.  We can do all the things it would take to create our oasis.  We know how to paint and clean and update fixtures and such, and contrary to (my) popular belief, we can make the time. So, what's stopping us?  Well that's where the other areas come into play.  Specifically, my health.  To be brutally honest,  I don't have the energy.  I'm tired.  And I'm tired of being tired.  We've been eating out too much for some time now, so in an effort to be healthier and also in a better place financially, I've been cooking at home more.  It's been great and I've made some yummy new things (don't you just love those "Tasty" videos on Facebook?  I've made a few of those recipes so far and they have all been awesome!).  But it comes at a price...for the past few nights of my home-cooking adventures I have stopped at the grocery store after work for essential ingredients, gone home and got to cooking (with a glass of wine in hand) and really enjoyed the process!  Garlic and onion saute'd in olive oil and butter smells like heaven.  But by the time we ate and cleaned up it was literally 8pm.  And after a poor night's sleep the night before, which has unfortunately become a regular thing for me lately, I have no more energy to do anything around the house.  Combined with running into town, or waiting in town to pick up the kids from their highschooly things, we get to bed too late most nights and by the time the weekend hits, we just want to relax, or get away, or both.

So.

I need a plan.  I know that the first step to accomplish any goal is to make a plan.

Well, the thing is I have made the plans.  I have read the books and the blogs, and coveted friends and Pinterest strangers who seem to have it together better than I do.  And I have repeated my mantra that "every choice, every step, every bite, every hour and every dollar counts".  I have believed this and committed myself to living this way...over and over...and then before I know it I find myself in my recliner scrolling through Facebook and eating Ben &  Jerry's out of the carton.

I find myself there...as if I didn't put myself there.

It's all about choices.  I know this.  But I think if I just wasn't so tired I would make better choices.  So that is where I need to start I guess...make myself not so tired.  Which brings me back to my health.  It seems to always come back to my health.

Funny that.

So.

I think my plan needs to include doing some prep work on the weekends so that my weeks aren't so overwhelming and exhausting.  Ding! Ding! Ding!  Ok.

Good idea #1.  Get grocery shopping done on the weekends and plan (healthy) meals ahead of time so I'm not stopping at the grocery store after work. (Or just saying "screw it" and getting takeout).

Good idea #2.  Make myself start getting ready for bed by 9pm.  I always sleep better if I get to bed earlier.

Good idea #3.  Exercise.  That seems to be the tough thing to work into my days.  Partly because my days are so packed with other things, and also because I don't want to.  But I need to get over myself and make the time.  And do my "Not-Yoga" routine in the evenings (it's like Yoga, but not Yoga because I don't do Yoga), and also walking the dog and doing my elliptical at least a few times a week.  I can do these things.

Good idea #4.  Be consistent in taking my Plexus supplements...a post for another day, but this I have discovered is HUGE in improving and maintaining my health and energy.  (But I have to cooperate with the healthy eating and exercise and rest, it's not a magic pill).  (Wouldn't it be nice if there was a magic pill?) (Sigh).

Good idea #5.  Hire someone to do some cleaning and painting in our house.  Seriously.  I'll have to talk to Vince about that one.

Good idea #6.  Pray about all of this and rely on God's help, every day.  Because I can't do this on my own.

There.

That, kids, is how I make a plan!  Which, as I have already said, I have done many times before...but the thing about making plans is that you apparently have to DO the plans in order for them to work.

Plans are funny that way.

I'll let you know how this one goes.  Prayers welcome.

It's about time we talk about my driving

I'm a bit of a distracted driver.  Oh, I keep my eyes on the road and I don't run into things, and I NEVER text while driving.  But I do miss turns and take wrong streets, and as I like to say, take "interesting" routes to get places.  The people in my circles know this about me...the ones in my close circles anyway (aka anyone who has actually ridden in a vehicle with me ever).  They like to say "Where are you going, hon?"  Or "mom...Mom...MOM!"  Or just sit there politely wondering what's wrong with me.

Like the other day when I was taking Hope downtown and we ended up in Wisconsin.

But I always get us where we need to be, yes I do.  This interesting way that I like to drive was easier to pull off before my kids were old enough to know where we were going...when they weren't really paying attention to all the turns and kept themselves occupied with other things. Things other than the turns we were making or the scenery out the windows.  Things like iPods and arguing.

But now that our youngest two have their driver's permits, it's a whole new game.  They pay attention to everything now and so does my husband, by the way.  This he has always done.  He is a silent road rager...I mean "driving expert"...and he makes comments in the car about other drivers (most of whom don't know how to drive and are in his way).  He can spot someone three cars ahead of us who doesn't use their blinker and will be all "oh nice, yea let's ALL not use our blinkers I mean really the rest of us don't need to know where you are going.  Wow. Have fun in driving school." This I don't understand. I keep saying to him "why do you care about that?  It doesn't affect us at all." And I shake my head with superiority, because I don't freak out over such things. Even when something major happens, like someone cuts us off and nearly causes an accident, I might say "oopsie, that was close" while Vince has a mini stroke.

So.

As I mentioned, our youngest two have their permits now.  Which means that in less than a year they will both have their licenses and their own cars and won't need us to drive them around anymore.

Sigh.

This is both cause for happy dances and sadness for me, because I actually do enjoy our car time.  I drive them to school everyday and pick them up most days too, and our car time is often when we have the best talks and laughs.  We connect and talk about our days and have each other's full attention (which may have something to do with the interesting routes I take). And we listen to music together - hello Sirius Radio my new best friend!  We listen to real music on stations like The Blend, Y2Country, Classics Rewind, 80's on 8, 70's on 7, and HAIR NATION!!  Cha!  Sometimes I let them choose but usually not.  Mama's car, Mama's choice.  And there are so many teachable moments, I mean how can we call ourselves parents if we don't teach our kids about Kansas and Elton John and Queen and Billy Joel and Guns N' Roses and Cyndi Lauper???  I mean honestly.  If our kids launch without knowing the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody" and "Carry on Wayward Son" and "Sweet Child o' Mine" then we have failed as 80's parents.  That's all I'm saying.

Just for a night

When your 19 year old son calls you at 11:45pm on a Sunday night because he needs to talk to you, you pick up and shut up about the lateness of the hour.  You listen and rejoice inside because your baby-turned-man-overnight still needs you.

Nicolas has always been the kind of kid that will talk about something when he is ready.  Not before, and not after.  If I would have picked up the phone and said "Son, it's late and I have to get up for work in the morning and can I call you about this tomorrow?", he would have said "fine" but then tomorrow would come and he would have told me "never mind, I figured it out."

And I would have missed the opportunity to be there for him.

Those times seem to be fewer and farther between these days.  He is out of the house, living on his own, going to college, serving in the army and paying his own bills.  He's the third of our six to fly the coop, so we have had some practice at this already...but this is my firstborn and even though I knew this day would come, I never really imagined this day actually coming...

...not when my kids were little anyway.  When they needed me all the time, it was easier to be their mom. I saw them everyday and knew who they were with and what they were doing and if they were eating/sleeping/happy/sad/mad/scared/safe.  During those years, I don't think I would have described it as easier.  But what I am realizing now is that while parenting gets less exhausting physically, I think emotionally it gets harder.  At least it does for me.  As they get older and more independent it gets scarier and as they leave the safety of solid ground and wade into deeper waters, I find myself standing on the shore longing for the days when I could keep them close.  They don't want to hear me yell warnings to watch out for sharks, or to wear a life jacket, or not get caught up in the currents.  They want to go their own way, charter their own course, face the dangers and navigate the waves on their own.

Yet, as I was reminded by a phone call at 11:45pm on a Sunday night, they do still want to know that they have a lighthouse waiting for them on the shore.  One that will always be there, shining a light to guide them home.  To provide for them a hot meal and a warm bed and a reprieve from the harsh reality of the sea, even just for a night.  And then, just for a night, I get to cherish being needed.  I get to be mom. Not that I want our kids to remain dependent on us forever, that doesn't prepare them for life and it's not loving. I know that.  But I'm still learning to balance the holding on and the letting go.  It's a process...a journey that I think I will be on for a while.

Heroes, another edition of "perfect purse awesomeness", and being in a funk

Husbands who get up at 4am to kill spiders, with nary a complaint, score BIG POINTS with their wives!!!

I don't like spiders, but I can usually handle grabbing them with a kleenex and flushing them down the toilet. However, when they are big, black, gross baby tarantulas, then I'm out.  (That is not in my job description, and is one of the reasons I got married).  The intruder was in my bathroom sink and as creeped out as I was, I did not take my eyes off it while Mr. Wonderful was waking up and putting on his cape to come to my rescue, because if the thing would have scurried off somewhere and escaped I would have had to move out.

Mr. W took care of it without batting an eye (or even sighing at me) and went back to sleep.  As did I, however my torment continued in my dreams, where the spider's MOTHER, which was as big as my hand, was crawling around on our carpet and I was throwing all kinds of stuff at it to try and kill it.  Vince was not available in my dream, but my son Kyle was sitting in a chair calmly watching my antics as I freaked out about the mother spider.  (That's totally something he would do by the way - he obviously gets his calm demeanor from his dads.)  I don't know if I killed it tho, because all of a sudden my dream diverted to me trying to use our kitchen sink and discovering that the faucet had shot out through the roof of our house like a rocket and got stuck on top of some phone lines above our house. I'm not even going to try to analyze what that means, but it distracted me from the spiders so that's fine with me.

So.

I've been in sort of a funk lately.  I'm not sure why, nothing bad has happened, in fact some really good things have happened.

Like, I got a new purse.

I have been using it for exactly two days and already have decided it meets my standard for "perfect purse awesomeness".  It's been a while since I had one that met my stringent criteria   (you can see previous winners here and here and here), so I'm pretty stoked.  Here is how my new purse stacks up to the criteria:

1) It has to be real leather. Or a fake material that I happen to think is real leather.  This one might actually be real leather.  I mean I got it at Nordstroms so there's a chance.  It's soft and has that wrinkled leather look and feel that I love. Good 'nuff for me.

2) It has to have a short handle.  Check.  It's short enough to carry around like a grandma, yet long enough to fling over my elbow, and over my shoulder if I am in the mood to be annoyed by it falling off 8 times before I resorting to my other two carrying options.

3) It has to have separate pockets for my cell phone and lip stuff on the outside of the purse.  Check.  This has one large pocket on the outside of the purse, which is perfect for my phone and lip stuff.  Score!

4) It absolutely cannot have any sequins or tassels or unnecessary gaudy embellishments.  Check.  Not even a buckle on this baby.

5) It has to be able to zip shut. Well, here is where we deviate a bit from the criteria.  It doesn't zip.  It has one magnetic snap, tho.  We'll see how this goes.

6) It has to have at least two big separate sections - one for my wallet and notes, the other for all my crap important stuff that I don't leave home without - which now includes my planner, iPad, notebooks, and sometimes my lunch.  Another deviation:  this one has just one large compartment.  It's more of a bag than a purse, but that's ok. I have a bag obsession too so a purse-bag is a winner on all fronts.

Another good thing that happened this week is that Vince and I purchased our first vehicle together.  We have had the same two vehicles since the summer we first met, which was 2007...my dark grey Pontiac Grand Prix and his bright red Kia Sedona.  They have both been great vehicles, but the van is approaching 200k miles and after sinking a few thousand dollars into it this year already, when the "check engine" light came on last week and I was told  it would cost $94 JUST TO FIND OUT what was wrong (and me having a subsequent snit about it) we decided that it was time for "Suzanne the Van" to go buh-bye.  Hope named her that, by the way.  She really wanted us to let her have it as her first vehicle, and we considered it, but now we just want Suzanne to find a new home before she overstays her welcome (and we go broke).

Back to my funk.  I get into them from time to time, and every time I do it is usually because of one of two things...either something is bothering me that I am not aware of yet, or I have not been spending time with God. And sometimes both.  I can say in all honesty right now that the latter is true.

I have a prayer table at home that I have set up in our office.

It is an antique table that belonged to my Grandma, and has a matching chair and magazine rack which are on either side of it.  Mom told me that Grandma and Grampa bought this set early in their marriage, which would have been in the 1930's.  I love the idea of this being my prayer table.  I have no doubt that my Grandma prayed at this table, and most likely my Mom did too.  There is a legacy of faith in my family that I am so grateful for...there is power in generations of women who love the Lord.  Power in prayer.  And I can imagine the prayers and tears of the wives and mothers and grandmothers who sat at this table...moving Heaven to intercede for our husbands, children, grandchildren, and friends...for generations. The bible says that our prayers are like incense, rising up to Heaven, and God hears every one.

"May my prayer be set before You as incense, the raising of my hands as the evening offering." - Psalm142:1

I can imagine all the prayers that have been offered at that tear soaked table...my prayers...rising up as a fragrant offering to God. Carrying with them the echo of the prayers of my mother and grandmother.  He receives them, breathes them in, allowing them to mix with His wisdom and love and grace.  And in His timing, He breathes out His blessing...like a cloud of smoke that descends on me as I sit at the table. Desperate to believe and trust that His answers to my prayers will line up with His promises.

I have not been spending enough time at my prayer table lately.  When I go too long without being in the Word and in prayer, well, that is funk material right there.  Things in life start to bother me, I begin to feel "off" and am tempted to fill the void with all kinds of things to distract me (social media, news, shopping, and of course, food.)  I start sleeping less, get more tired during the day, and then want something to make me feel better...and the cycle continues until I find myself here, blogging in a coffee shop figuring it all out.

It's not a bad place to be, in fact it's good therapy for me and helps me clear my cluttered mind and get back to what's important in life.  Like purses and prayer.  And green tea lemonade.  With a splash of raspberry.