Monday, October 01, 2007

Hey, this ramble actually turned into something!

What to write, what to write.............hmmmmm..........I have the desire to write something, but now that I'm here I don't have a clue what I'll write about. Is that what they call "writer's block"? Anyway, I'm really not sure where this is going or what will come spewing out....just so you know and can prepare yourself accordingly!

I've had this feeling many times throughout my life....the need to write. Almost a compulsion. I remember as a teenager I would sit down with a notebook & pen and just start writing. Lists were my favorite. I love to write lists, to read lists, and to cross things off my lists. I always have a "to do" list going. There is a sense of satisfaction in crossing things off when I have done them. I have even been known to write things on my "to do" list that I have already done just so that I can cross them off. I think that could possibly qualify as some type of disorder, but I'm not sure on that. Dave, maybe you could ask your dad?? Then again, I may not really want to know :\

Anyway, some cool news in my sister Donna just got engaged!! She is divorced, as am I, and has been through alot in her life. So to see her so incredibly happy is very refreshing! It was quite a romantic engagement...he flew her up to Portland and drove her along the Pacific Coast highway for the afternoon. They walked along the beach and visited some lighthouses. He found a beautiful little cove, invited her in, dropped to his knees and in tears told her how much he loves her, how much she has brought to his life, and asked her to be his wife. I talked to him this past weekend and told him how romantic and special that sounded and he said "everyday with her is like that". Awwe! A year ago I would have heard this story and felt a twinge of sadness, emptiness, longing, uncertainty....wondering if I would ever experience love again. Would anyone ever truly love me? Know me? Want me? I didn't know....I wanted to believe that God would bring love into my life someday, that's what everyone told me. But quite honestly I doubted it. And even if He did, I didn't know what that would look like, how it would come about, and if I would recognize it when it did. I trusted God that He had a plan for my life, but I didn't trust my own heart. Thankfully, I don't have to wonder anymore, because now I know what it's like to be loved like that!

As I write this I am reminded that, contrary to what my own emotions would tell me, I have ALWAYS been loved like this....even more deeply, more romantically, and more completely than anything I have ever experienced or imagined. And so have you! Our Father, our Savior loves us more than we can imagine. He is so in love with me, with you, that He can hardly contain it! Do you know that? Do you believe it? It has nothing to do with how loved you feel, or how lovable you think you are (or aren't). You are loved by the Creator of the Universe, the One who formed you in your mother's womb. The One who thought of you even before the first star was born. The One who had a purpose in creating you, who anticipated you, who rejoiced on the day of your birth, who has thought of you everyday of your life. The One who promises to never leave your side, who cares about every detail of your life. The One who sings over you. Who thinks you are beautiful. "The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 It doesn't matter who you are, what you have done, or even if you recognize or return His love. You are loved.

"Never Been Unloved" - Michael W. SmithI have been unfaithful
I have been unworthy
I have been unrighteous
And I have been unmerciful
I have been unreachable
I have been unteachable
I have been unwilling
And I have been undesirable

Sometimes, I have been unwise
I've been undone by what I'm unsure of
But because of You,
And all that You went through
I know that I have never been unloved

I have been unbroken
I have been unmended
I have been uneasy
And i've been unapproachable
I've been unemotional
I've been unexceptional
I've been undecided
And I have been unqualified

Unaware, I have been unfair
I've been unfit for blessings from above
But even I can see the sacrifice you made for me
To show that I have never been unloved

1 comment:

  1. Hey Lisa,
    Let me know if you get this or not, I have already sent one to you!

    I was commenting on your writing today, how beautiful it was, honey. Isn't God AWESOME !! How well I know this as this past year has been a realy growing time for me too. But the best thing ever is to see my children happy. With you & Vince, do you have any idea how wonderful it is to see the peace & contentment, & the happiness in you both! I am so proud of both of you, the way you never lost the trust in our Father, He always answers prayers, always. Sometimes it is hard to realize the purpose for things happening the way they do, but that is what faith is all about. I could not live without Him. He is my constant companion!! Have a great day!
    Love you, "Mom"