Journals and memories and realizing God is faithful

So, I dug out all of my journals the other day.  I have always loved writing.  I started keeping a diary when I was a young girl when I got this on my 11th birthday from my friend Marla.

Isn't it cute?!

I can't help you understand why I wrote about myself in the third person here on the cover. 

In the beginning I wrote about very important things in my life, such as what I ate that day (the food obsession started early), and what I did with my friends, and when my brother Alan was mean to me.  Oh, and of course the boys I had crushes on (that started early too).

...and then there was the occasional, random news report.  I can't help you understand that either.

I started reading some of my diary entries to my husband the other night and he was surprisingly uninterested.  Plus, it was a little disturbing for him to realize that when he was a junior in highschool, his future wife was writing in her kitty diary.

Moving on...

I have written journals all my life, and of course I have saved them all.

My writing has evolved over the years (thank goodness) from writing about my everyday experiences, to working through my feelings, to now where it is mostly prayers.  While it was fun to take a stroll down  memory lane, I wasn't exactly sure why I dug them out the other day?  After reading through my highschool journal and starting on my college ones, I started thinking why am I doing this?  I prepared to put them all away in the box I keep stored under my bed, but something stopped me.

So, I left them out on my dresser for a few more days, not really sure what to do with them.  Then it became clear to me.  I am doing a bible study right now called "Trustworthy" by Lysa Terkuerst (one of my favorite authors and speakers!) and it's amazing.

and when I read this, I knew...

God wants me to remember His faithfulness, and that will fuel my trust in Him.

There have been countless times in my life where He has shown His faithfulness to me.  Some that I can readily recall, but no doubt there are many other times that I didn't recognize at the time.  So, I think the reason He had me get my journals out was to go through them and look for evidence of His faithfulness in my life.

Remember.  Trust.

Yes.

After realizing this the other day, I was driving and thinking about all the events of my life.  I haven't written about everything, but many of the joys and especially the sorrows I did.  My thoughts wandered (of course) to all the mistakes that I've made.  All the times I didn't follow Him and went my own way and I found myself wondering what God must think of the story of my life.  In that moment I felt Him tell my heart "It's beautiful to Me".

What??  Beautiful?  He thinks my story is beautiful?

I knew that was from God because I would never say that to myself.

In that moment, it made no sense to me at all.  But also in that moment, I realized that maybe God looks at us and the seasons of our lives a little differently than we look at our own.  Maybe He doesn't look at our mistakes as failures (like we often do), but as opportunities to show Himself faithful.

Even if we don't realize it at the time, He will show us in His time.  In bible studies and journals written decades before, He shows His faithfulness.

When we are ready to receive it.

And when we do, it is life changing.

PS...the cute boy did ask me to skate :)