American Idol and my big accomplishment for the day

Not that I am counting or anything, but it's 11 weeks, 3 days, and 2 hours until Season 13 of American Idol starts. 

About that.  I'm a wee bit excited.  Last year we were "fasting" from cable so I didn't see it at all.  AT ALL.  I don't think I saw even one episode.  Well, all the anticipation from last year's hiatus must have accumulated and multiplied because right now I'm PUUUUUUMPED!!  Jennifer Lopez, Keith Urban, and now....Harry Connick Jr.???  I can't think of a better panel.  So much awesomeness.  I hope my internet friend (I imagine that we are friends anyway) BooMama does a live blog party during Idol this year like she has before.  It was so much fun! 

So, aside from getting a few loads of laundry done, running the dishwasher, and taking out my bathroom garbage, my big accomplishment for the day was to rescue my candle.  This is my favorite candle in the ENTIRE world.  I know I have mentioned it before several times (it used to be called Campfire Marshmallow, but they changed the name last year).  It is quite possibly my most favorite smell (with the possible exception of Vince's cologne but I won't be gross). 

The wick had some problems, it had gotten off center and was buried in black chunky stuff.  So I did some surgery with the new tool I just got that trims wicks (candles are important to me, don't judge) and to make an already long and boring story shorter, I doctored it up and now it is burning beautifully, with a clean and centered wick, and I am very happy about it.  Vince called me the "Candle Whisperer". 

And in my quest to find a picture on Google images, I came across this amazing creation and I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!!! 

That is all.

Not My Blog: Comfort Edition

New look, new day, new inspiration from this blog that I just stumbled upon this morning.  Happy Saturday!  Now, time for coffee...

Why I could just puke on myself

I had a revelation today.  A huge one, actually.  It was one of those life-changing moments that made me pause in my mental tracks and say, "whoa".  It all started with the book I am reading right now...

It is so good.  Amazing...so amazing that I began having my revelation while I was still reading the introduction.  When that happens, I know it's going to be good!  The book is about a Christian mom (a very funny one, which is always a plus in my eyes) who took herself and her family and a group of friends on a journey to let God teach them about the excess in their lives.  The purpose of the journey was to empty some space that is typically occupied with "stuff", and make room for the Holy Spirit to move in their hearts.

So as I began reading last night, I started to realize something that I have kind of known, but somehow this time it just slapped me in the face:  I am so pampered!  I am a spoiled brat. And so are you, by the way.  We all are, those of us who live in this country of plenty.  Plenty of food, everywhere.  Comfort, luxury in fact, abounds all around us.  We are so used to it that we don't even see it.  We crave comfort, and it is smothering us.  We want to be just the right temperature...not too hot, not too cold.  We want comfy chairs and comfy beds and comfy clothes and comfy cars and comfy jobs and comfy faith and comfy lives.  We have all this, and we have the audacity to want more. 

So...with that realization smacking me around this morning, I began praying for God to show me what to do about it.  I mean, it's not my fault that I live here, right?  This is the society we live in, this is our reality.  It's not like I can just sell everything and move to Africa and be poor, as if that would somehow accomplish something spiritual.  That's not what God is calling me to do right now. 

So, what is He asking of me?  What am I supposed to do with this new revelation? 

Bless others.  It's that simple.  Use the gifts and talents and the abundance of blessings He has given me to bless others.  BING!  That's it.

So right there in my bedroom this morning I asked Him, begged Him to show me how, rather than heaping my blessings up on myself and those whom I know and love who are already blessed.  We spend so much time "blessing the blessed", and ignoring the poor.  The orphans.  The widows.  The lonely.  The desperate.   The lost.  They are everywhere.  And they are waiting.

But I don't have time for all that.  I have a family to raise and a full time job and a life and everything...I am so overwhelmed, how can I possibly do more, God?

That is exactly what satan wants me to think.  Every time I start to have a desire to reach out to others, he says "it's time to get her busy". 

I am so sick of hearing me say "I'm too busy" that I could just puke on myself!

So as I got ready for work this morning, I asked God to help me stop being "too busy".  To stop filling my mind with my own thoughts and listen to His voice, the voice that whispers as it leads.  And much to my surprise, my day was sprinkled with opportunities.  Opportunities to be a blessing to others.  So many opportunities, and instead of ignoring them or letting them overwhelm me or grieve my heart, I listened. 
  
"Go sit with him, have your breakfast with him and talk."

"Don't rush...listen to her.  Your other work can wait."

"Put lotion on his hands."

"Ask her if she knows Jesus."

"Go talk to him...yea, it's an hour past his bedtime and he's still messing around.  But he wants to talk to you.  Don't worry about the time, just go."

And in each of these opportunities, I listened. And something happened.  Something miraculous. 

I made a difference.

I can't wait for tomorrow.  For more opportunities to listen to God's voice and respond.  It's so easy, it's so worth it.  And I will not be too busy. 

Panic attacks, deep breathing, and my all-time favorite smell

Campfire Marshmallow.  It's my favorite smell in the world right now.  IN THE WORLD.  Seriously, I can't even tell you.  I've had the candle burning in the kitchen for most of the day and it is emanating throughout the whole house, making it smell so yummy!  I discovered this heavenly smelling candle at Pieces of The Past (my favorite store in downtown Winona) years ago and I told Vince today that if he ever wonders what to get me for Christmas or my birthday or you know, Thursday...he could get me anything "campfire marshmallow" and I will be very happy.  It's been a lazy kind of Saturday.  Well, I've been keeping myself very busy all day so lazy isn't the right word I guess, but I've been home all day with no where that I needed to go and I loved it.  My day was filled with laundry, cleaning, some Casting Crowns, kale chips (gross...although Hope loved them) and a little piano.  I am learning how to play a new song "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin, which is my new favorite worship song right now. 

Lord knows I need me some worship music to help me maintain what's left of my sanity.

Nick is driving now. 

Deep cleansing breath.

Yes, my baby is driving.  He has his license and his own car and his own mind and everything.  And I am having some trouble adjusting. 

It's not that I don't want him to grow up, or that I'm not excited for him or immensely proud of him.  I am all those things!  I think what's hard about this for me is the not knowing.  And the independence.  And the being out of my sight for longer than I'd like.  And the driving.  Mostly, yea it's the driving.  The driving on the roads with the other cars and the dark  and the wind and the rain and the cell phone which I have made him promise and swear and threatened him not to even think about while he's driving.

Deep cleansing breath.

I try not to worry, really I do.  Ok, no I don't.  I worry a lot.  Which, I know shows lack of faith.  But I struggle with trusting because I can pray for God to protect my children from harm, but there are no guarantees.  Bad things happen.  To Christians even.  Christians who pray.  We ask God for protection and bad things happen anyway sometimes.  That's my fear.  Like now, for instance.  Nick is at a friend's house in a small town near here with a group of other teenage drivers who have all gathered at this friend's house to "hang out".  I told him to call at 10:45 when he is supposed to leave to come home so I know exactly when my panic attack can commence and approximately how long it will last so I can prepare accordingly. Still 75 minutes away.

Deep cleansing breath.

And wine.

It's not just a fear that something bad will happen that I struggle with.  It goes deeper than that.  I am also afraid, maybe even more afraid, that if something very bad did actually happen I would be so angry and disillusioned with God that I'm not sure what effect that would have on me, and my faith.  Oh dear.  I need to give this to God.  Really, I do. 

Give it to God...yes I know.  Let go and let God...got it.  God grant me the serenity...memorized that one years ago.  Most of the things we worry about don't happen...oh shut it.  Really, I know all that.  In my head.  I'm just having trouble convincing my heart.

Four Words

God surprises me sometimes.  Waking up this morning, I laid in my bed and began to pray.  For some reason, I didn't start with the usual "oh, dear Lord please help me through this day..." and then proceed to list off all the things that I anticipate would be challenging to me today (sometimes including just getting out of bed - ugh).  No, today I had grabbed my Nook a few minutes before and went to Jen Hatmaker's blog.  I discovered her blog a few days ago when a friend linked to it on Facebook, and I have been stalking her ever since.  She has become my new BFF because she is hysterical.  HY-STER-I-CAL!!  Like, snort and cry and pee-your-pants hilarious.  If you need a laugh, go.  Just go.  I promise it will be worth it.  She's a Christian mom, a writer and speaker, and is part of an organization called "If", which is focused on mentoring women and equipping them to fulfill the call God has placed on their lives.  She is passionate about women, about helping the needy, about making a difference and it got me to thinking...I want to be passionate.  I want to make a difference.  But how?  How can I find the time in my busy life when I can't even seem to find the time to go for a walk or blog or keep up with our laundry or vacuum my bedroom or...breathe? 

So.  I prayed.  I asked God to make me passionate.  Show me what to focus on, because I am trying to focus on so many things that it makes my head spin.  Literally.  I just needed Him to boil it down to the now, the relevant, the very things that He wants ME to focus on in my life.  And This is what He told me...

Four words.  That's it.  As He began giving me the words I grabbed a notebook and the closest thing available to write with which happened to be a big fat sharpie marker, and I started writing because I have learned that when God starts talking to me I need to pay attention.  He gave me the four words one by one and as I wrote each one down He gave me the next. 

And then He stopped. 

Oh, I tried to keep going and add to the list things like faith, cleanliness (of course, He wants me to have a cleaner house, right?) and health and...with each one He said "NO! I want you to focus on those four things.  That's it.  Those four."  Of course the other things are important too, but for now this is to be my focus. 

Ok, Lord, I hear you.

Be grateful...for the blessings that He has given me, including but not limited to my wonderful husband, our awesome kids and grandson, our home, our jobs, our friends, our families.

Be content...oh, how this has challenged me lately.  I am going to be ok with working full time and knowing that is where God wants me right now.  I am going to make the most of the time I do have with my family, and make it count.  I am not going to stress about the dust or the clutter or the smudges on the windows, or the walls I want to paint...but I will be content and grateful and focused on the things that matter more.

Show mercy...I will be less critical, and more compassionate when my kids mess up...because I mess up too and I am blessed when those I mess up with are merciful to me. 

Love...oh, how I love my children.  If you only knew the love I have for you.  Each of you.  It just overwhelms me sometimes.  And I am afraid that I don't show it enough.  Or in the right ways. But I try and I am learning everyday how to show my love more.  I wonder sometimes what you will remember when you are older...what will you say I focused on?  I pray that it's not "mom focused on the house being cleaner."  Or "mom focused on what we did wrong."  Oh, how that would break my heart.  Because that is not where my heart is.  At all.  Yes, I tend to obsess on those things at times, but honestly it has more to do with me and allowing myself to get stressed out than it does about you or what I expect from you.  Each one of you is precious to me, and important, and deeply loved.  I want more than anything for you to know that. 

Ok, back to my time with God this morning, and how He surprised me...

He went on to tell me to "Get involved as a family in the lives of others.  Be other-centered and keep your focus on Me.  Jesus.  I am your Savior...now let Me be LORD!" 

Whoa. 

I got me some chee-alls, y'all.  And a southern accent apparently.  And the chills got stronger when I went to church and heard our pastor give an awesome, powerful message about loving our neighbors.  Not isolating ourselves like we so often do - driving into our garages and shutting the door behind us without ever interacting with those who live near us - and essentially building spiritual walls between ourselves and others, keeping them out.  I could go on and on about this, but the point is that we need to get outside of ourselves and invest in the lives of others.  Truly invest.  When it doesn't benefit us at all.  When we reach out and go out of our way to be kind and helpful and servants just for the sake of being like Jesus.  Nothing more. 

And nothing less. 

This is how you make a new beginning...ask God to give you a passion for the purposes He has put on your life...and be open and ready for the passion to ignite a flame in your soul.  A flame that might turn into a WILDFIRE...you never know!!

Oh, and by the way, in case you were wondering, you still have to keep your rooms clean :)

2013 Resolutions, More or Less

Here we are, starting a new year.  I am super excited for 2013 for a number of reasons.  First, and probably most importantly, I love to write 3's.  So I have that to look forward to all year long.  Yes!

I have a feeling that this is going to be a year of change for me..not necessarily outwardly, but inwardly.  God is going to continue to mold and shape me and I know this because that is what I seek.  We get in life what we go after, and in order to go after something we have to first have a vision.  Change...that is what I see for myself, and will be trusting Him to do it.  So, here are my resolutions, more or less...

More God and less worldly things.
More trust and less worry.
More peace and less trying to figure everything out.
More health and less weight.
More contentment and less wanting.
More time with my husband and kids, and less distractions.
More time with extended family and friends, and less excuses.
Suddenly the word "less" looks really weird.
More relaxation and less busy busy.
More saving and less spending.
More fun and less discouragement.
More spontaneity and less having to plan everything.
More listening and less wanting my way.
More Jesus and less me.

Here's to a new year!!!