Just so you know, my previous post was unfortunately not the first time I have blogged about fecal matters. This was, and probably still is the grossest experience of my life.
Just thought I'd share, since recently I've been up to my elbows in - well, you know...
As if last night's poopy water episode wasn't fun enough, my wonderful husband - after shampooing the heck out of the carpet outside our bathroom - decided that it would be ok to dump the dirty poopy water out of the shampooer into the kitchen sink.
You know, the kitchen sink.
Where we wash our dishes.
And prepare food.
And such.
E coli, anyone?
And then he looked at me like I was crazy when I cleaned the sink with a bleach water solution. He actually said I was being a little obsessive.
Seriously? My head is gonna 'splode here.
But, today is a new day! God's mercies are new every morning, right?! And this morning, lawn work sounded like a good idea, so we rallied the kids, got out the rake and the leaf blower and got to work. The kids were having fun raking, blowing, scooping and bagging leaves...very Norman Rockwell like, except for one thing...
ALL THE CRAP!
Dog crap, that is.....all over our front yard. Not dried up and easy to pooper scoop, as it should be...it was a mess and consequently so were the kids who had been on their knees scooping big armfuls of leaves up to be bagged.
CRAP! On their hands...jeans...jackets...
And then there was me, standing in the middle of the lawn in my good tennis shoes that I should not have been wearing in the yard...covered in doo-doo.
CRAP!
Vince came to my rescue and redeemed himself very nicely from last night's poopy water fopaux by cleaning my shoes up like new. I love that man, but I do not want to know how he did it. I got the kids inside, stripped them naked, and into the showers. Poopy clothes in the washer. It's all good now.
I just have one question...
WHAT IS GOING ON???!!!
I believe in spiritual attacks. The bible talks about evil spirits attacking people - like the spirit of fear, the spirit of despair ... is there a spirit of crap? There must be. I'm going to have to check my bible. It's prolly in Habakuk or something. I can think of no other explanation for the events of the past (not even) 24 hours.
Please tell me that I did not come home today to find one of our boys trying to clean up an overflowed toilet by mopping pushing poopy water around on our bathroom floor with a mop...water that had already soaked into the carpet in the hallway because he didn't put any towels down.
Please tell me that did not happen.
And please tell me that our carpet shampooer will work to get the poopy water out of our carpet.
And also please tell me that he did not walk through the house with wet socks...wet with poopy water from the toilet...as he carried two wet bath towels (wet with poopy water) down to the laundry room, to throw on top of a basket of clothing that we put on our bodies, as water (poopy water) dripped on the carpetting that he was already walking on with poopy water soaked socks all the way down to the laundry room.
And please tell me that he washed his hands before he touched anything.
And please tell me that whatever he did touch, was safely disinfected by my obsessive clorox wiping of door knobs, railings, faucet handles and keyboards and any other surfaces that I thought he could have potentially touched with poopy water hands.
Please tell me that I am not going to obsess about this forever.
and they hadn't yet figured out how to roll their eyes
or shake their heads at something I told them to do
...I much preferred the hand holding
the snuggling
when "it will be ok" was enough
and they felt secure in my arms
when they didn't yet know
that moms can die
and dads can leave
that sometimes their parents will miss the mark
and not be there for them
unintentionally
and that it would break both our hearts.
I remember when Nick was born,
and he would cry...
and I would cry
and I wanted to put him back in my womb
where he would be safe
from the hurts of this world.
I miss the time when I always knew
what to do
and what to say
to make their hurt go away
well not always,
but usually...
For as much as I have tried to shelter them
and love on them
and protect them
and nurture them...
there is just no way to keep them
from every hurt
it's hard for a mother's heart to take
to realize that I can't love everything away
that I am flawed
and I fail.
Thank God
who redeems
who loves where I cannot love
who reaches out His hands
and His heart
to the lost
even me...
Thank God
for becoming a Savior
for hearing the prayers of a mother's heart
to heal
to protect
to love on my children
in the places where my love cannot reach.
And thank God
that sometimes
a hug and kiss
or something yummy
a tickle and some giggles
a snuggle and a movie
or even legos...
still work.
"All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace." Isaiah 54:13
"For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants." Isaiah 44:3
I posted a different video of this song yesterday, but this one is live and I LOVE live, acoustic music.
This song is amazing.
Vince and I want to do this song with our worship team sometime. We need to practice it alot tho, because I have yet to be able to sing through the whole song without crying!
I'd Need A Savior - Among The Thirsty
How many names can I use to explain The love of my Jesus, the life that He gave? And so many times will I praise you today I lift up my life ‘cause You’re always the same And my offering to You I bring...
Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus. You’re the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend. You’re what I hold on to; I know that You brought me through all the days of loss, to the cross, You knew that I’d need a Savior.
How many songs can I sing to proclaim Your wondrous love and beauty so great? What would I say if You brought down the rain? And everyday I walk through the pain, my heart would still say…
Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus. You’re the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend. You’re what I hold on to; I know that you brought me through all the days of loss, to the cross, You knew that I’d need a Savior. Oh, I need a Savior...
You’re what I hold on to; I know that You brought me through all the days of loss, to the cross, You knew that I’d need a Savior... I need a Savior... I need You, Savior.
As I was driving into work this morning, in my Monday morning slump - wondering how I will contrive the energy needed to give my best to the children I work with after a fragmented night's sleep - God reminded me of this...
Today is a new day!
Everyday is a new beginning!
And because of Jesus, everything I do has meaning and purpose and value. Everything.
As the sun shown down on me and on the bluffs along the Mississippi, I was reminded that I can be a light and a blessing in the lives of the people God puts in my path today. I can be a blessing because I am blessed. And it doesn't depend on whether I had a good night's sleep or not...whether I feel competent and confident or not...HE will give me the energy and the insight to do it!
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." - Lamentations 3:21-26
I have been blogging for three years now....well, not constantly for three years. That would be a very long ramble and I would have had to pee really bad by now. Oh come on, it's funny.
I was introduced to the "real" world of blogging by Mr. Wonderful, who helped me create this blog back in August of 2007. Prior to Vince, I did not even know about Blogger or that there were all these blogs out there. Honestly. The only blogging I knew of was on Myspace. Yes, I had a Myspace account. Don't judge me. I know that Myspace was very teeny-bopperish of me, but honestly my only purpose in having a Myspace was to spy on my nieces and nephews. They all had one and it was a way for me to keep in touch with them, and of course see what they were into and up to. My niece set me up with a Myspace account and I wrote in the blog part of it now and again for about a year before I met Vince and he made me a "real" blog. This, by the way, was my very first "real" blog post, in which I wrote about meeting and falling in love with Mr. W. I think I'll go read it again now, just for fun love.
Aaaah. I love that man.
Anyhoo...before I deleted my Myspace account, I printed out all of my blog entries and kept them in a binder with my journals. I love to write (which is why I have a blog and journals in the first place). A while ago, I decided that I would type out each entry from my old blog and add them to this one. I wanted to preserve them, and the memories that they reflect. Although when I printed them, I wasn't able to print out any of the comments from my nieces and nephews, so those were lost which makes me really sad!
Tonight I finished typing out all of my "pre-Vince" blog posts (from October 2006 to August 2007) and added them to my archives. It was fun reliving some of those moments of my life, which seem like a lifetime ago now! I think it was a bit therapeutic for me as well, as I was reminded of all the healing that God brought to me during a very long and sometimes difficult season as a single parent. This post in particular from January 7, 2007 brought tears to my eyes. I wrote it before I ever knew who Vince Howard was...months before I ever laid eyes on the man who would later that year become my Mr. Wonderful. I wonder....no, I know that God had things all planned out for Vince and I when I wrote that post. I just didn't know it yet. I had to get to a place in my heart where I trusted God with my future, and was at peace with His plans for me. This was a step in that journey...a journey that I still travel.
I am home from work today....coughing, drinking tea, breathing through my mouth, raiding the kids' halloween candy (sorry kids, the Milkyways are mine). I'm not on my deathbed, but my throat is killing me, I really don't have a voice, and I am coughing every 8.2 seconds. Which reminds me of childbirth. Not so much the birthing process itself, but the lack of bladder control and subsequent peeing on myself that apparantly happens when coughing alot after one has birthed children.
Or maybe it's just me.
Nevertheless, I thought it best not to cough and pee all over everyone, so I decided to stay home today.
I'm not going to go back to bed yet (a nap is on my agenda later) and I don't have the energy to do anything like laundry (thank goodness!) so I thought I'd venture into something far more productive...giving my blog a makeover.
I'm not sure why I'm doing this because change usually stresses me out, and I really like my blog design as is. But it might be fun and I'm bored so we'll see what happens.
At some point today, if you hear someone say "oh no" followed by a thud, that will be my husband's head hitting his desk at work when he reads this and finds out that I am going to try and change my blog by myself.
A young woman died in our community last week. I didn't know her personally, but knew her and her family in the way that small town people all "know" eachother. She was 41, a wife, a mother of three - two of whom are in our kids' classes. She was a preschool teacher, a beloved friend, a woman of God. She was involved in her church - not just an attender, but she went to bible studies and womens' retreats. And she had a beautiful voice.
Last I heard was that they didn't know the reason for sure, and maybe never will. It may have been a heart attack, but they don't know. She didn't have any health problems that anyone was aware of. One thing they do know is that it was sudden and unexpected and heartbreaking.
As you can imagine, this has me thinking. A lot. The description of her life is so similar to mine, it's scary. I'm not so much scared for myself and wondering if this could or would happen to me. It's just scary that there are no guarantees. I used to think that faith in God was a type of guarantee that nothing really bad would happen in my life. Sure, bad things happen to everyone. Even believers. But a tragedy of this magnitude couldn't possibly slip through God's loving, protective hands.....could it?
Six years ago, I would have said no way. Three years ago Vince may have said no way as well. But life experience tells us differently now. And so does the bible. But for most of my life I just preferred to ignore those parts that talked about suffering. They wouldn't apply to me in my lifetime - not on that level anyway. And I have a confession to make...I also used to think that if something so tragic happened to someone, there was an underlying reason for it. They weren't a christian? Well, that's a no-brainer. But if they were? That's a little more difficult to understand and accept. But there still must have been a reason. Somehow they were not fully committed to God, their faith was not where it should be, and that is how this tragedy was able to slip into their lives.
I know that sounds judgemental of me, and to some extent it was. But thinking this way was not so much me standing there pointing fingers, rather it was me curling up under a blanket. Insulating myself from the possibility that it could happen to me. Other people's children die, not mine. People with less faith have spouses that leave them, either by choice or by death, but not me. If I do everything right in God's eyes, if I believe enough, pray enough, and love enough, then God will protect me from that type of suffering and loss.
I know different now. And this song says it more perfectly than I ever could. God doesn't promise us a life protected from suffering, He promises to be there. How could He be our Healer if there was nothing to heal? How could He be our Redeemer, if there was nothing to redeem? How could He be our Prince of Peace, if we never experienced chaos? And how could He be our Comforter if we did not endure suffering?
And how can we be there...truly be there for others if we have not been there ourselves?
Perhaps there is a purpose in all things. Perhaps not. But I have learned this...God brings purpose to all situations. He takes what the enemy means for evil, and draws good from it. Not just good...but life. I have found that through suffering I have grown in ways that I otherwise would not.
There. Now that I've written all that, I can wrap it up with Romans 8:28 and click "publish".
Except, that's not what I sat down to write about.
What really drew me here was fear. I'm scared. Not scared of dying, but scared of failing. Failing my kids, failing my family and friends, failing God with my life. You should hear all the things everyone is saying about this woman who died...what a wonderful mother she was, a devoted wife, a woman of God. She touched so many lives and made such an incredible impact.
And it makes me wonder...am I making the impact that I so desperately long to? Am I a blessing to my kids? Do I care enough about others? Am I the loving wife that I long to be? Do I truly have a spirit of love and grace that blesses others? Do you see Jesus in me?
What will people say about me when I am gone? Are they true about me now?
Legacy by Nichole Nordman
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me And I enjoy an accolade like the rest You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery Of all who's who and so-n-so's that used to be the best At such'n'such ... it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl' But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides The temporary trappings of this world
I want to leave a legacy How will they remember me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough To make a mark on things? I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace who blessed your name unapologetically And leave that kind of legacy
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile To make a lengthly list of all that I enjoy It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
We had such a great weekend. Vince's sister Donna and her family were here and we had a wonderful time with them! Even Dave. (It's ok, he knows I love him :)
It has taken me over two hours to decide what pictures to post, as I was snapping away hundreds of pictures all weekend. I'm seriously addicted! Soooo here's what I chose to represent the festivities.
It all started with pumpkin pizza...
The littlest pumpkin....our grandson Jaden
And then, the carmeling of the apples commensed...
Of course, sampling the carmel was a necessary step, right Donna?
And by the grace of God, no one was impaled by any of our kids carving pumpkins with sharp objects...
Didn't they turn out awesome? From left to right, Nick's was a white pumpkin - he did the face all himself! Next was Kyle's, then cousin Rose's, Vinny made an "L" in his (you'll see why in the next pic) and Hope made a paw print on one side and an "H" on the other.....see the reflection on the house?!
Then Mario & Luigi got ready to go out on the town!
Dorothy was ready for her trip to Oz
And the Viking was ready for some football, or to conquer new worlds, or whatever would be needed
Trevor was ready to fight Batman as the Joker, and Whitney was ready to be Trevor in his stead :)
And then there was a punkin head in a froggy costume...
I am a newlywed, married to the love of my life (often referred to as Mr. Wonderful), and mom to six awesome kids!! I work full time and try very hard not to lose my mind. Being wife and mom in our crazy house is an interesting blend of laughter and tears, and the only thing that keeps those last few strands of sanity from unraveling is that we all crack each other up on a regular basis. That and the fact that we are reminded every single day how helpless we are without Jesus!
When I do have a free moment (insert hysterical laughter here) I can usually be found playing my piano, watching American Idol, indulging in some type of chocolate, scrapping and making cards, taking pictures, or just sitting there with a dazed look on my face.
And then, the carmeling of the apples commensed...
Of course, sampling the carmel was a necessary step, right Donna?
And by the grace of God, no one was impaled by any of our kids carving pumpkins with sharp objects...
Didn't they turn out awesome? From left to right, Nick's was a white pumpkin - he did the face all himself! Next was Kyle's, then cousin Rose's, Vinny made an "L" in his (you'll see why in the next pic) and Hope made a paw print on one side and an "H" on the other.....see the reflection on the house?!
Then Mario & Luigi got ready to go out on the town!
Dorothy was ready for her trip to Oz
And the Viking was ready for some football, or to conquer new worlds, or whatever would be needed
Trevor was ready to fight Batman as the Joker, and Whitney was ready to be Trevor in his stead :)
And then there was a punkin head in a froggy costume...
...who has stolen our hearts.
