I am learning to embrace change. It's not easy for me, but finally at age 40 I am realizing that it's necessary.
When you are learning something new, and you start to see how much it is opening up your world and revolutionizing your life, do you spend time wishing that you had learned it oh, say 20 years ago??? I do. But, part of the beauty of embracing change for me is realizing that it's ok to learn something new and move forward without regret or berating myself for not learning it sooner. That time was not wasted...all those years that I feared change and resisted it. God was busy teaching me different things then. Now, I am ready to learn this lesson...to embrace change rather than fear it.
I am a creature of comfort. I crave sameness and predictability, it gives me a sense of security. I'm not just talking about big things like being married to the same man for the rest of my life, working for the same agency for 17 years and counting, and not wanting to move out of our home...ever. Even in the little things of life, I find what I like, where I am comfortable and what I enjoy...and I stick with it. I have my favorite restaurants and I usually order the same thing nearly every time. Even at HuHot, the mongolian grill that I am absolutely in all kinds of love with. The whole idea of that place is to try things new and different, but I have my favorite recipe written down and keep it in my purse so that I can make the same meal every time I go there. Some may find that boring, my husband for one. But he's not judgemental about it. He's perfectly happy that I order the same meal every time we go somewhere, even though he happens to be the exact opposite. He goes for things different and unique. And that's fine with me too, I get to live adventurously by stealing a bite off his plate!
I'm not just like this with food. I like to do things the same way in other areas too. For instance, I still say that my favorite color is green, because it always has been...when actually for some time now I have been all about brown. Can you change your favorite color? It almost feels like a betrayal. Forgive me, my beloved Green, I still love you but it's time that you step aside and take second place in my heart and my wardrobe.
And (this is really significant) until recently, I have always dried my hair upside down. This goes way back to my college days when I had the "big hair" going on. (I really miss big hair. I had a rockin' spiral perm too). However it really hasn't been working for me to dry my hair that way anymore. Until recently that is what I've been doing...just because that's how I do it. And I've had the bad hair days to prove it.
Yes, I realize that sounds pathetic. Because it is. But it's all part of my process of learning that change is ok. Little everyday changes, and big life altering ones too. I can do things in a different way, or like something new, or even consider a new career...just because I want to. Or I can. I've been too afraid to do these things before. Especially without alot of thought. I've always thought that change has to be a process in order for it to be real. And if the thought of change is scary, then maybe it's not what God wants me to do? After all, God feels safe, right? Well, God doesn't motivate by fear, and I'm now realizing that real and lasting change doesn't have to be a process. Sometimes it is, but it can also happen in an instant. One decision. One encounter with God. One word from a believing friend. One thought planted in your mind by the Holy Spirit can change the course of the rest of your life. Today.
Sometimes it will still feel scary. It's ok. Do it anyway. That's the definition of courage....do it scared.
Don't worry, I'm not going to get all crazy. I will still carry around in my purse my recipe for my favorite meal at HuHot, the same one I make every time we go because I know I'll love it. And I will continue to hang on to my hair scrunci's and my diffuser, just in case. Whoever decided that big hair wasn't in style anymore anyway? You make me sad.