Healing balm

About 15 years ago, I broke my ankle. I was just messing around on the ice, sliding and goofing off, and I hit a dry patch. My body twisted around, but unfortunately my foot did not. It was kind of a bad break and required surgery to repair it. I had three surgeries actually - one for the initial repair and two additional ones to remove the hardware that was used to put all the pieces of my shattered ankle bones back together. As a result of the surgeries, I have a scar about 4 inches long, and even after all these years it is still sensitive to touch. I can't have anything tight around my ankles, and even touching it at all makes it tingle and hurt. Not only has the scar always bothered me, but because of the nerves that were unavoidably damaged during surgery, the entire side of my foot from my ankle to my pinky toe has always been sensitive and I've had to be very careful with it.

One day, when Vince and I were dating, he offered to give me a foot massage. Ummmmm, yes! Hello! Who would turn that down? So off came my socks and out came the Bath & Body lotion....warm vanilla sugar to be exact. I use nothing else. It's yummy!! Anyway, as he began rubbing the lotion into my feet I told him to be careful around my scar and the sensitive areas of my foot. He was, but I remember even the thought of him getting close to those areas would make me jerk my foot away.

Foot massages soon became a regular thing...he was always gentle and very careful , so much so that I didn't even notice that despite my fear and warnings, he did not avoid those sensitive areas completely. He started out barely touching them at all, and over time he increased pressure until something miraculous happened...it didn't hurt anymore. Those sensitive areas that I protected and avoided all those years, were healed by his touch.

Do you have sensitive areas that you protect? That you avoid, and even fear anyone getting close to? Even God?

I do.

And God reminded me of this yesterday in church...He wants to heal. Every hurt, every sensitive area, every scar. He wants us to trust Him and expose those areas of our hearts that we have kept hidden, that we have protected, that we have not allowed Him to touch...so that He can bring healing. Dont' jerk your foot away. Let Him get out his healing balm and do what only He can do. He will be gentle, He knows it hurts. There may still be a scar, but His desire is not for our scars to continue to hurt. If it still hurts, it's not a scar. It's a wound. And because of His wounds, we are healed. He doesn't want us to be wounded, He wants us to be healed - to grow us and bring us to a new place where we are not afraid.

Because He's there. I'm not afraid.

Addendum to the "crap" post

Just so you know, my previous post was unfortunately not the first time I have blogged about fecal matters. This was, and probably still is the grossest experience of my life.

Just thought I'd share, since recently I've been up to my elbows in - well, you know...

crap, Crap CRAP!

As if last night's poopy water episode wasn't fun enough, my wonderful husband - after shampooing the heck out of the carpet outside our bathroom - decided that it would be ok to dump the dirty poopy water out of the shampooer into the kitchen sink.

You know, the kitchen sink.

Where we wash our dishes.

And prepare food.

And such.

E coli, anyone?

And then he looked at me like I was crazy when I cleaned the sink with a bleach water solution. He actually said I was being a little obsessive.

Seriously? My head is gonna 'splode here.

But, today is a new day! God's mercies are new every morning, right?! And this morning, lawn work sounded like a good idea, so we rallied the kids, got out the rake and the leaf blower and got to work. The kids were having fun raking, blowing, scooping and bagging leaves...very Norman Rockwell like, except for one thing...

ALL THE CRAP!

Dog crap, that is.....all over our front yard. Not dried up and easy to pooper scoop, as it should be...it was a mess and consequently so were the kids who had been on their knees scooping big armfuls of leaves up to be bagged.

CRAP! On their hands...jeans...jackets...

And then there was me, standing in the middle of the lawn in my good tennis shoes that I should not have been wearing in the yard...covered in doo-doo.

CRAP!

Vince came to my rescue and redeemed himself very nicely from last night's poopy water fopaux by cleaning my shoes up like new. I love that man, but I do not want to know how he did it. I got the kids inside, stripped them naked, and into the showers. Poopy clothes in the washer. It's all good now.

I just have one question...

WHAT IS GOING ON???!!!

I believe in spiritual attacks. The bible talks about evil spirits attacking people - like the spirit of fear, the spirit of despair ... is there a spirit of crap? There must be. I'm going to have to check my bible. It's prolly in Habakuk or something. I can think of no other explanation for the events of the past (not even) 24 hours.

Please tell me...

Please tell me that I did not come home today to find one of our boys trying to clean up an overflowed toilet by mopping pushing poopy water around on our bathroom floor with a mop...water that had already soaked into the carpet in the hallway because he didn't put any towels down.

Please tell me that did not happen.

And please tell me that our carpet shampooer will work to get the poopy water out of our carpet.

And also please tell me that he did not walk through the house with wet socks...wet with poopy water from the toilet...as he carried two wet bath towels (wet with poopy water) down to the laundry room, to throw on top of a basket of clothing that we put on our bodies, as water (poopy water) dripped on the carpetting that he was already walking on with poopy water soaked socks all the way down to the laundry room.

And please tell me that he washed his hands before he touched anything.

And please tell me that whatever he did touch, was safely disinfected by my obsessive clorox wiping of door knobs, railings, faucet handles and keyboards and any other surfaces that I thought he could have potentially touched with poopy water hands.

Please tell me that I am not going to obsess about this forever.

And that I am not going completely crazy.

I miss...

when my kids were younger

and they didn't yet know that I am human

I was "Mommy"

and I could fix most things with a hug and kiss

or something yummy

a tickle and some giggles

a snuggle and a movie

or legos

...when they didn't yet know that I make mistakes

and they hadn't yet figured out how to roll their eyes

or shake their heads at something I told them to do

...I much preferred the hand holding

the snuggling

when "it will be ok" was enough

and they felt secure in my arms

when they didn't yet know

that moms can die

and dads can leave

that sometimes their parents will miss the mark

and not be there for them

unintentionally

and that it would break both our hearts.

I remember when Nick was born,

and he would cry...

and I would cry

and I wanted to put him back in my womb

where he would be safe

from the hurts of this world.

I miss the time when I always knew

what to do

and what to say

to make their hurt go away

well not always,

but usually...

For as much as I have tried to shelter them

and love on them

and protect them

and nurture them...

there is just no way to keep them

from every hurt

it's hard for a mother's heart to take

to realize that I can't love everything away

that I am flawed

and I fail.

Thank God

who redeems

who loves where I cannot love

who reaches out His hands

and His heart

to the lost

even me...

Thank God

for becoming a Savior

for hearing the prayers of a mother's heart

to heal

to protect

to love on my children

in the places where my love cannot reach.

And thank God

that sometimes

a hug and kiss

or something yummy

a tickle and some giggles

a snuggle and a movie

or even legos...

still work.

"All your sons will be taught by the LORD, and great will be your children's peace." Isaiah 54:13

"For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants." Isaiah 44:3

I'd Need A Savior

I posted a different video of this song yesterday, but this one is live and I LOVE live, acoustic music.

This song is amazing.

Vince and I want to do this song with our worship team sometime. We need to practice it alot tho, because I have yet to be able to sing through the whole song without crying!



I'd Need A Savior - Among The Thirsty

How many names can I use to explain
The love of my Jesus, the life that He gave?
And so many times will I praise you today
I lift up my life ‘cause You’re always the same
And my offering to You I bring...

Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus.
You’re the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend.
You’re what I hold on to;
I know that You brought me through all the days of loss, to the cross,
You knew that I’d need a Savior.

How many songs can I sing to proclaim
Your wondrous love and beauty so great?
What would I say if You brought down the rain?
And everyday I walk through the pain, my heart would still say…

Your name is Jesus. Your name is Jesus.
You’re the Wonderful, Counselor, my Friend.
You’re what I hold on to;
I know that you brought me through all the days of loss, to the cross,
You knew that I’d need a Savior.
Oh, I need a Savior...

You’re what I hold on to;
I know that You brought me through all the days of loss, to the cross,
You knew that I’d need a Savior...
I need a Savior...
I need You, Savior.