Oh, my heart!

When I picked up the kids after school this afternoon, Kyle said as we were walking out the door "Mommy, I'm glad you picked me up today. I have something to tell you......I love you!"

More light for my path...

I feel like I'm waking up...after a long winter. The curtain is ever so slowly and gently being pushed aside to let a ray of sunlight enter my room. I have to say, it feels pretty good!

After finishing my last blog, I went and got my bible and my journal...it's a prayer journal, not a "dear diary, today I ate a whole bag of m&ms" kind of journal. I keep it with my bible and although I don't write in it every day, I do write in it when I feel inspired from something God has revealed to me through His word. Other times I just like to write out my prayers. God has spoken so much to me through doing that...many times I have started out writing about stresses and end up writing praises or songs or even thanking Him for the circumstances that had me stressed out! Anyway, I opened it to the last entry that I made....November 13th, 2008. Almost 3 months ago. No wonder why I haven't been able to think of anything to blog about lately. Empty cups don't have much to say.

I've been stumbling around in the dark, bumping into things for the past 3 months. I could look up a bunch of verses about why we need to read the bible, but I think instead I'll just explain why I do...because when I don't I get crabby. I get fearful. I worry. And I gain back all the weight I lost for my wedding (sigh). The other night I sat down at the piano and pulled out a song that I haven't played or even listened to in some time, "Thy Word". I sang & played it several times, and as I did I felt something in my spirit stir. That's what inspired me to start writing Monday, and as I did God reminded me of the words my friend spoke about loving her family out of an empty cup....one that could only be filled by the Word of God. So here I sit, as God takes these seemingly unrelated experiences - a song from 20 years ago and an empty cup - and I begin to see how they fit together. Did God know as I listened to that song 20 years ago that I would need it now? Yes, I believe He did! He planted it in my heart knowing that I will need it in the future, and at the just right time He brought it to the surface. I'm sure He will do it again, if not with this song then with something else. Looking back on my life, I can see where He has done this so many times. In preparation for something I would be going through, He revealed something to me in advance...a scripture, words from a friend, a song, a book...before I needed it so that when the time came that I did need it, it was right there in my hand and in my heart.

You know what I hope? I hope that when we are in Heaven, God will show us all the times in our lives where He acted and moved and we didn't even know it was Him. Maybe He will sit down with me and replay my life like a movie. And when we get to the parts where I didn't see Him working, where I was stumbling around in the dark, He will say "Look here, remember when that happened? That was Me...turning on the light."

A light for my path

Thy Word - Michael W. Smith / Amy Grant

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path....

When I feel afraid,
And think I've lost my way
Still, You're there right beside me.
Nothing will I fear
As long as You are near,
Please be near me to the end.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path....

I will not forget
Your love for me and yet,
My heart forever is wandering.
Jesus by my guide,
And hold me to Your side,
And I will love You to the end.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet
And a light unto my path...
You're the light unto my path."

I love that song...it's one of my favorites, and it is timeless. It brings back memories of my early college days, when I first heard it on one of my favorite cd's "Amy Grant: The Collection".

I listened to it all the time back then...when my faith was new and fresh and seeking. I belonged to a bible study in highschool / college, where I first saw what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. It was then that I began to learn that faith in Christ was not just something you believed to be true, but it was something that was alive and growing. Something you walked out. It was not only something to sing about, but it was real, HE was real, and was interested in me and what was going on in my life. Through the years, while I have grown in my faith, God has time and time again brought me back to this place of realization. This place of beginnings, where even things of old that I learned long ago seem new. And I am in that place again.

A friend of mine spoke at church recently about the challenges of being a mom, and she said that she discovered that she has been serving her family out of an "empty cup". She had not been spending time daily in the Word of God, and therefore her cup was empty. When I heard her say those words, something resonated in my heart and 'bout made me cry! She was speaking out of her heart what I have been feeling in mine for some time now. I have not been in the Word lately like I need to be. I have fallen into the trap of being "busy" with life, and have gone to sleep way too many nights without even opening my bible. With an empty cup, I have not been giving my family Jesus, I have been giving them ME, and that's not enough. Not even close.

Psalm 119 is so awesome! It speaks about the benefits and necessity of reading the Word of God. It makes our hearts righteous, gives strength, hope, truth, freedom, peace, safety, comfort, promise, and delight! And my favorite verse in this Psalm is this:

"You are my portion, O LORD; I have promised to obey your words." Psalm 119:57

I love the idea that Jesus is my portion. He is all that I need. He fills my cup to overflowing, and it is out of that overflow that I want to and am able to love my family...not out of the emptiness of my own heart. I won't find what I need, or what they need there. I need to go to the Source of love Himself if I ever hope to love my family the way God indends for me to love them.

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.......may I never let that light grow dim again.

Busy Bees!

It's Saturday! And a beautiful one at that...it was 45 degrees today! This morning we got up and made pancakes, which has become our Saturday morning ritual - yum! I have the most bestest ultimate pancake recipe of all time, in case you are interested. I will share it. Then Hope and I were off to a baby shower at church this afternoon. It was so much fun - girly stuff! I don't get nearly enough girl time these days, especially grown up girl time. God has been convicting me lately that I really need to make more time for girlfriends. I can't be just mom & wife all the time. More on that later...

After Vince and I got home (me from the shower and Vince from bringing Trevor to drop off some job applications and then to his girlfriends for their winter formal tonight) we got to work. Our house is abuzz right now...all the bees are at work! The kids are in various stages of doing their weekly jobs and cleaning their rooms...Kyle Bee is busy vacuuming the entryway and stairs. It's funny, he was the one who was protesting the loudest about doing his job, but now he seems to be having the most fun! Hope Bee is cleaning the upstairs bathroom...she loves to clean and help out so we rarely get a complaint out of her. In fact, she just came and asked if she could do our bathroom too because it's fun (I said no, honey, we'll do our own bathroom!) Vinny Bee just finished the downstairs bathroom...after some protests and attempts at negotiating doing his job at a different time, he willingly got to work and the bathroom is sparkling! Nick Bee has his room done and is waiting until after dinner to do the kitchen with me because I, Queen Bee, am making dinner and doing dishes. King Bee is working on the drywall in Vinny's room. That man really loves his projects...over the past several months he has carved out time to get all of the electrical wiring finished in Nick and Vinny's rooms, and once it is inspected, will be able to finish their walls (finally!) The boys have been so patient. Oh, and Trevor Bee weazled out of doing his room and job today...he's a sneaky one, that boy! Supper is almost ready, then we will be sitting down to eat supper and probably relaxing and watching a movie tonight. So there you go...Saturday at our house!

Sweating the not-so-small stuff

I wonder if God ever gets frustrated with me. When He tries, over and over, to teach me the same lesson...and time and time again I don't get it. How many times does He have to prove Himself to me before I truly surrender and trust Him with every aspect of my life? Even the little things? I think I trust Him with the big things...well, let me think about that for a moment. No, if I am being truly honest I struggle with those too. Big things like will all of our children grow up and follow the Lord? Will they fulfill His purpose for thier lives? Will I??

I can't honestly say that I always spend time in prayer about decisions before I make them.  I think sometimes I base decisions on wanting a change. I get restless, and I think I sometimes interprete my restlessness as God moving me to something new. Maybe that's true, and maybe it's not, but either way I am where I am and God has something to teach me. It's that trust thing again, and something about being content in all circumstances....things He continually works at teaching me. Will I EVER really get it??

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Philippians 4:11

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Colossians 3:23-24

I'm here!!!

I'm here!!! I'm here!!! Can anyone hear me?? It's been so long since I've blogged that I'm afraid that everyone may have left! That's ok, I'll just keep talking anyway and pretend that someone is listening. I do that all the time anyway :)

Well, we survived and even enjoyed Christmas ~ our first Christmas in our new home, our new marriage, and our new family! I really tried to keep my stress level down regarding the holidays this year...I have a tendency to do to much, or try to do too much, and get all stressed out. I know Vince has done the same thing in the past, so we made a concerted effort not to do that this year and for the most part, we succeeded. We really enjoyed decorating our home, shopping together for the kids, and spending many evenings sitting by the fire after the kids went to bed. My favorite part about decorating every year is always my village. I LOVE miniature stuff, and I absolutely love my village! We put half of it on top of the piano, and the rest above the fireplace...




My other favorite thing to put out has become my Willow Tree nativity....Vince got me the original set last year for Christmas, and this year the kids gave me the 3 wise men.

Then there were all those stockings.....including two for the dogs, there were ten stockings lined up along the ledge in the family room!

We really enjoyed the decorations while they were up...it was fun blending our things together such as our snowman collection...it turns out we each had several snowmen that just happened to all look very cute together! But now, we have finally finished taking down all of these decorations that we had so much fun putting up. As of today all of our Christmas stuff is snuggly packed away again until next year and the house is starting to look normal again. As I speak, Vince is stuffing the last of our christmas cards to be mailed out this week (hey...at least we are getting them out, right?)

Besides all the decorating and shopping, we really did have a great time with the kids as well as both of our families. My sister came home from Nevada earlier in December for my family celebration, and then the weekend after Christmas we spent in Iowa with Vince's siblings...good times! So much preparation, and then it seems to be gone by so quickly. I wish I had time to elaborate on specific moments and such, but I think I better just continue on from here. We are marching along in this new year with anticipation and hope for all that 2009 has in store for us. 2008 was quite a ride so I really hope that this year brings some rest!

On a totally different note, I have to share this funny story...

Nick and Vince were goofing around picking on eachother the other day. Nothing too serious, just some friendly banter and hurling of insults which is a common occurrence in our house. It started off with Nick making a sarcastic comment to Vince, to which Vince replied "oh Nick, you need a hug..." and proceded to chase him around the kitchen island. For some reason Vince had a lightbulb in his hand, which Nick grabbed and said "here, I'll turn this on and maybe you'll have an idea!" That was the funniest thing I've heard in a looooong time :)