Friday, February 26, 2010

Submission is ducking so that God can hit your husband

That's what I got out of the "Focus on Marriage" simulcast that Vince and I attended at our church last year.   Ok, I got alot more out of it that than, but that was definitely my favorite quote of the day!  Don't ya just love Beth Moore?

Since that seminar I have been pondering this whole idea about submission and my call as a wife to submit to my husband. The bible has alot to say about the subject . I thought I'd share some of my thoughts and try not to ramble too much.

I have to admit, if I'm going to be really honest here (and if I'm not going to be really honest, then what's the point, really?), it is not that easy for me to be submissive.  I know, shocker.  Oh sure, it's easy...when he's right, er - I mean when we agree.  The real test comes when he's not doing things my way, not living on my timetable, and when I'm irritated...hypothetically speaking of course.  Mr. Wonderful NEVER irritates me.  Nor do I ever irritate him.  But if it ever were to happen, I can imagine that it may be somewhat difficult for me to lay down my own desires, humble myself, and submit. 

The idea of submitting to a man is not very popular among us women.  Especially for those who do not share a biblical view of marriage (and it's not always easy for those of us who do either.) Our society is very much into man-bashing and belittling and I have to admit, I've done my share of that.

For example, this should not be my favorite t-shirt of all time, and out of respect for my husband I should not find this funny...

My best girlfriends and I used to have a "boys are stupid" club. We were all the presidents, and our meetings convened anytime one of our husbands or boyfriends did something dumb, or more specifically something that irritated or hurt us. That was years ago, and since meeting Vince I have officially resigned from the club (as far as he knows). No really, honestly I have. It is very important to me, and to God, to treat my husband with respect - not only to him, but when I am speaking about him to others. And most importantly, in my own heart.

It's the in my own heart part that can be a challenge. To me, submission is all about respect. I can be respectful on the outside. I can concede what I want to what my husband thinks is best, I can keep my mouth shut when I really want to give him a "what fer" ~ while inside my heart I am seething and rehearsing all kinds of things I'd like to say. Is that true respect? I think not.

It's a heart issue. If my heart is not right, it will show one way or another. Especially with Vince. He is one of the most intuitive and perceptive people I know, and he can read me like a book. With a tilt of his head and a squint of his eye, I know that he's on to me...there's something there that he's detecting and he won't let it go until he finds out what is going on in me. I can't hide anything from that man, and you know what? I'm glad for that. I spent alot of years hiding. Hiding the truth about what I really felt and thought. I don't want to go back to that place, and thankfully with the husband God has blessed me with, I know that I won't.

One night as we were getting ready for bed, I said to Vince, "I started writing a blog about submission. What do you think about that?"

He paused ever so briefly, then replied, "Yes, dear?"

Baaaaa haaaaa haaaaa!

I said, "No really, I want to know what that means to you."

He paused, a little less briefly, then replied, "Is this a trick question?"

Once I assured him that I really did want to know his thoughts, no hidden agenda to worry about, he gave me a very thoughtful, introspective answer...and I wrote down what he said so I wouldn't miss anything.

"The bible says that a wife should submit to her husband in all things. I believe it's the man's responsibility to be in allignment with God. To be the spiritual leader of his family, his wife, and his house. Submission isn't about lording over or controlling, it's about taking responsibility. The idea that a woman submits to her husband in my opinion should be freeing to the woman, not a prison. The man still values & needs his wife's input, but ultimately I think God holds us (husbands) responsible. That's why He's put the ownness on us."

"Ownness? Is that a word? Or do you mean ownership?"

"I said 'ownness' but that's ok. Misquote me if you have to."

Honestly, I don't think I want that responsibility! That is alot to carry and alot to answer to God for. I think I have the far easier role to respect my husband and honor the authority that God has given him in our marriage and in our home is far easier than what he is being called to do. So, rather than getting all bossy and disrespectful on him, I'm more than happy to duck so that God can give my husband a good smack down now and then.

I know I'm not there yet.  I have alot of growing to do, and lucky for me I have a very patient and forgiving husband - and an even more patient and forgiving God.

On the other hand, I might have to rethink this whole submission thing 'cause I still really want that shirt.

1 comment:

  1. The shirt is funny but....
    I struggle with this whole submission thing too - it's not easy. But I think you and Vince have some great insight. Submission should be freeing and not imprisoning; it just doesn't always feel like that. Sometimes the best I can do is submit externally, and pray that (eventually) my heart will catch up.