Sunday, February 07, 2010

...and my brief, insignificant identity crisis

My last post has caused me to take a little stroll down memory lane, and take my husband with me.  I needed to 'splain to him exactly why I was trying to pee like a boy, as it was slightly disturbing for him.  There is a simple explanation really...for a period of time during my childhood, from about kindergarten through third grade I wanted to be a boy. 

Really, I did.  Boys, I thought, had so much more fun!  At that age, I would much rather play race cars than Barbies, and kickball won out over hopscotch on the playground anyday.  I was nearly obsessed with my brother's Star Wars collection.  We would set up elaborate scenarios outside or in the basement with all of his ships and figurines (we, meaning he would be playing with them and I would beg and beg him to let me play too).  I could try and redeem myself here and tell you that I played with Princess Leia and made her make out with Han Solo.  Nope.  I wanted to play with his sweet X-Wing Fighter and  Millenium Falcon.  I used to strap Storm Trooper figurines under our dog's collar and pretend she was a Bantha.  And talk like Yoda, I could.  Besides all that, I also wanted a Big Wheel in the worst way, and I had absolutely no desire to wear a skirt.  Ever. 

It's all true, and well, as long as I'm confessing all this I might as well let it all come out.  Not only did I want to be a boy, but for a couple of days in second grade I told everyone at school that I was a boy.  And that my name was Paul.  I even used the boys bathroom once at school when no one was looking, I did. 

And I wanted boy haircut...see?  This is as short as my mom would let me go with my hair.  


Please don't ask about the shirt.  I have no idea where it came from, but it was mine and was the most boyish shirt I could find for "Paul" to wear on picture day.  And it was 1976.  There was a flower on it tho, does that help?  I didn't think so.

There must be a reason for all of this, right?  Well if there is, I have no idea what, and honestly I don't think I want to treck down that psychological road less traveled to find out.  I'd rather just think it a somewhat cute and only slightly bizzarre phase in my personal history and move along.  Whatever the reason was, it didn't stick and I distinctly remember during the summer between third and fourth grade when I made the conscious decision that I would embrace being a girl.  I got all girly that summer.  I began letting my hair grow out, playing barbies with my girlfriends and making little cakes in my friend Judy's Easy Bake Oven, and talking about having crushes on boys.  I started letting my sister curl my hair and secretly played with her Make-Up Barbie whenever she wasn't home. 


By sixth grade, my walls were plastered with pin ups from Teen Beat Magazine of Eric Estrada and Andy Gibb, and I wanted to marry Willie Aames from "Eight Is Enough".   And, I just happened to have the cutest boy in our class as my boyfriend...see :)


He was the first boy I ever kissed!  (Shhh...don't tell Vince).  Were we cute or what???


Just so you know, I have never, ever since third grade wanted to be a boy again.  I'm sure my parents are thankful for that (and incidently, so is my husband).  I'm not sure about Willie, tho...he never called.  Sigh.

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous2/09/2010

    OH SISTA!! TMI, HEHE, THANKS FOR SHARING..BUT DON'T THINK I'LL BE THAT OPEN AND HONEST..WELL AT LEAST WITH THE FACEBOOK FAMILY! :) BY THE WAY DID YOU WRITE THIS AT 4A.M.? REALLY THOUGH THANKS FOR OPENING THE BOOK ON PALISA..DID YOU GET IT..CODE ;) ENJOY THIS DAY! LATER LOVE TO YOU1 DEBBIE

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  2. Oh, thanks Debbie!! I was just thinking that if no one gave me a positive response to this post, that I was going to delete it because it's just way too embarassing! Especially if Dave reads it...uh boy. This could be a mistake. :) But at least I know that you have my back and don't think I'm completely crazy....right? AAAK!

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  3. Anonymous2/09/2010

    No YOUR STORY IS A NICE RAY OF SUNSHINE ON AN OTHER WISE SNOWY DAY :) IF ALL IN THE FAMILY WERE TO REVEAL THEIR LIFE'S STORIES ..SOME WOULD BE GREAT FUN, SOME BRING US TO OUR KNEES, SOME MAYBE COULD HAVE A LEARNING SPIN ON IT. BUT I KNOW AND AM CONFIDENT IN SAYING WHATEVER THE STORY THERE WOULD BE LOVE AT THE END AND WAGGING OF THE HEADS IN AGREEMENT KNOWING JUST WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT. PLUS AND A VERY BIG PLUS..WE AS BELIEVERS HAVE JESUS! THANK YOU THANK YOU! NOT THAT WE DON'T GET HURT FEELINGS AND CAUSE THE HURT FEELINGS FROM TIME TO TIME :( BUT THERE IS JUST THIS KIND OF ACCEPTENCE..THAT THE WORLD JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT! SO I'M VERY HAPPY YOU THREW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND LET IT RIDE! :) LOVE TO YOU! DEBBIE

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  4. SO TRUE, Debbie! I love to hear everyone's stories over the years....really, if we can't be real with eachother, what's the point? You are so awesome :)

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