I need to be committed. Seriously.

I have a plethora of things to be freaking out about right now.  So if you don't mind, I may just let them all come spewing out and clean it up later.  Or not.  Maybe it will help?  Maybe it will push me over the edge?  We'll see...

I know, I'll do a "Top 10 List".  That will help me add some humor to the mix and hopefully lower my blood pressure by pretending to think that the following things are funny instead of terrifying.

So here I go....

"Top 10 7 Reasons Why I Am Freaking Out Right Now"

1.  I crashed my car yesterday.

2.  It's going to cost over $2000 to fix, and even though I was working at the time and driving to a client's home, my employer doesn't pay for it.  Is that how it usually goes?  Maybe I'm naive, but I assumed that if you are required to use your own vehicle for work, that they would pay for any damages that happen.  I wouldn't have been on that stupid, snow covered, unmaintained gravel road in the country, sliding into a pickup truck and very nearly missing a head on collision, ending up in the ditch needing to be towed out by "LeRoy" and his skidloader, if I weren't traveling there for my job.  Hmmph. 

3.  I keep replaying the "what if's" in my mind...what if I had slid just inches more to the left and hit that truck head on?  What if I had been trapped in my vehicle, with crushed legs, waiting to be extracted by the jaws of life, all while having a claustrophobic conniption?  What if the driver of the pickup hadn't ended up in the ditch as well, and just kept driving off - leaving me stranded and completely vulnerable on this country road with no cell service - instead of going to get his neighbor "LeRoy with the skidloader" to help me?  And what if I had actually seen the movie "Deliverance"???

4.  See what I do to myself?  Thank God for Vince.  He is my voice of reason.  He's high atop his white horse, cape flowing in the wind with his sword drawn coming to my rescue as he has done a thousand times before.  Wow, do I need that right now.

5.  Even before all this happened, I was freaking out.  Vince and I have recently made the commitment to start tithing.   (Deep breath)  We have always given to our church regularly, but actually tithing - as in a full 10% of our income - we have not been consistent with that.  And I'm ashamed to admit it.  In our hearts, we believe in the principle of tithing.  The church is the voice of God in this world.  The church needs money to operate, to provide ministries to believers, to reach unbelievers, and the bible clearly says in Malachi 3 that God will bless those who tithe. 

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."  Malachi 3:10

The bible also says that those who don't tithe are robbing God.  Ouch.

So why haven't we?  Fear.  Fear that if we give that much to the church, will we be able to pay our bills and our mortgage?  Will we have no money for extras and become prisoners in our home filled with bored, deprived kids?  Will we have money if the furnace breaks down?   Or if I crash my car..........HELLO!!!!!

6.  We should have expected this.  Whenever we take steps of obedience to God, we can expect opposition from the enemy of our souls, who doesn't want us to commit.  Doesn't want us to have faith, and certainly doesn't want us to step out in it.  So when we do, it makes him mad.  Is God using this situation to test our commitment to Him?  To test our faith that He really will provide for us?  Even when it looks impossible and feels scary?

7.  Probably.  I hate that.  I so much prefer to be coddled.  "Come on, God!  Can't you hold us in your arms, keep bad things far far away, and tell us what good, obedient kids we are???"  But instead, He reminds me that He is the God of the impossible.  That He is faithful.  And that He makes a way where there seems to be none. 

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Matthew 19:26

 Ok, God.  It's time for us to be committed.  Seriously.  To take this big leap of faith and walk with You in this area of obedience.  Even when it looks scary and impossible.  Oh Lord, increase our faith!  And please make people pray for us!!!

"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:31-34